Born Twice
By Alyssa Plant

'There was a knock at the door and as she turned she came face to face with her mother.

Rebecca’s heart skipped a beat and her mouth began to work but no sound came out.

“Oh sorry, wrong room” Christine muttered and turned to go.

“Wait mum!” Rebecca cried, more upset now by the lack of recognition by her own mother.'

Chapter 15

It was later that day. Rebecca had been returned to her room after seeing Paul’s mother.

She felt strange.

Almost as if she had experienced this painful day so many times, so many ways.

Any way this happened, it was still her fault. That was clear. Her tired brain ran through possible scenarios again, nothing seemed different.

It was her fault.

That much was clear in her head. Whilst so many things swam around. She knew that much.

Meeting Paul’s mother had been unexpected, but not an unpleasant experience. She was a lovely woman Rebecca thought. Would her parents be able to see things the same way?

Surely people who were meant to love her unconditionally could accept something easier than the parent of a lover; a person without the blood debt of family bonding them together, making them face issues like this.

They would be ok with it?

Right?

Rebecca shook the thought from her head. Her stomach was twisting and churning enough without constantly wondering. That knot of fear gripped her belly so tightly she felt light headed with nausea.

Sliding out of her bed she gripped the IV stand tight for support, walked over to the window.

The sun was strong and bright this morning. It all seemed so pleasant, such a beautiful day.

There was a knock at the door and as she turned she came face to face with her mother.

Rebecca’s heart skipped a beat and her mouth began to work but no sound came out.

“Oh sorry, wrong room” Christine muttered and turned to go.

“Wait mum!” Rebecca cried, more upset now by the lack of recognition by her own mother.

“Charlie?” Her mother turned with a look of confusion written on her face.

“Oh dear, I didn’t recognise you, you really need a haircut.”

Her parents seemed to be ignoring the issue again.

“What happened to you son?” her father asked, standing by the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets, holding his suit jacket open.

“I was beaten dad” She said quietly.

“Why didn’t you fight them boy? What have I told you about how a man should act?” He sighed.

“I bet they thought he was Gay” David muttered to his wife.

“DAD!” Rebecca Screeched, immediately covering her mouth with her hands. “I uh, um, sorry.

“What was that?” Her mother turned looking shocked.

”Talk more like a young man should, not screaming like a teenage girl dear.”

Rebecca looked away at that comment. She felt like she had been slapped in the face by her mother.

“Mum, Dad…” She looked at each of them in turn before staring off into space to compose herself.

“I am”.

“You are what dear?” Christine asked.

“I’m a girl mum”.

Christine Anderson stood looking slightly confused for a moment.

”You are a boy dear, I gave birth to you. If anyone knows, I do.”

Feeling emboldened by saying the words, Rebecca pressed on.

“Mum, I’m not a boy; I might be one, there…” She gestured towards her crotch. “But I’m not one here.” she said, placing her hand to her heart.

Her Mother sat down rather abruptly in the chair beside her bed.

Through her teary eyes, Rebecca looked up at her father, who had remained silent throughout.

He simply stood there with a stern expression on his face. Rebecca longed for him to shout and be angry. At least then she would know how he felt.

”Daddy?” she whimpered.

“You got a real bang on the head didn’t you son?” he said matter of factly.

“They sent you to a doctor about these delusions you are having?”

“Dad…” Was all she could say... Her heart was broken.

“Don’t dad me…. Do you know what you are saying Charlie?” he continued.

“You are telling me and your mother, the two people who raised you, that you aren’t who we raised, and you don’t think you are mentally unstable? You are a not a woman…. You won’t ever be a woman, and I won’t let you be a woman. So you had better get used to being a man, and act like one.”

There was a fire in her father’s eyes she had never seen before. She was scared.

“But Dad, this isn’t because of the attack…” I’ve felt this way for a long time, please, just try and understand what I’m saying…” she pleaded

“Don’t tell me you were dressed up as a woman when you got beaten up?” her mother sighed.

“Is this why you are in hospital? Some boys didn’t like seeing a man in a dress and attacked you? Oh god, you can’t prosecute now… what will they think?”

Rebecca’s mouth fell open.

”MUM!?” she gasped.

“Well dear you don’t look like a girl, what did you expect? Really?”

“Uh mum, have you looked at me recently?” Rebecca said feeling rather hurt by her mother’s comments.

Christine cocked her head slightly and looked at Rebecca.

“You look like a boy with breasts dear.” She said simply. “Hang on, you have breasts?!” she exclaimed.

Reaching out, she touched Rebecca’s chest. What are you wearing under that gown? Stuffing a bra with tissue doesn’t make you have breasts dea…..” her voice trailed off as her hand contacted Rebecca’s chest.

“Oh my gosh.” She said simply.

“When were you going to tell us about this?” She asked.

Rebecca felt tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I don’t know” she whispered. “I was working out how to tell you before this happened…” She sighed.

Looking across at her father, he just looked angry still.

”I can’t deal with this.” He announced. “My son is a fucking fairy…” He yelled as he walked out the door.

Looking back at her mother. She was sobbing uncontrollably now. “Mum…?” she half begged.

“I don’t know Charlie, I don’t know if we can deal with this. I’m sorry.” She said solemnly.

“But Mum” Rebecca sobbed.

“Mum nothing Charlie, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with what you are doing to yourself….

All these years I’ve never seen you act remotely feminine, you were our good handsome boy.”

”MUM I'M YOUR CHILD” Rebecca hissed through clenched teeth. “How can you leave me like this?”

“Now you pull yourself together you hear?” her mother shouted. “I have to go find your father and we have things to do, I’m sorry, I cannot, no, I will not deal with this. You are our son, not our daughter. You will always be our son.” She announced with an air of finality.

She was about to speak again, when a nurse appeared at the door.

”Excuse me Mrs Anderson, But Rebecca needs to rest now.”

Christine looked scandalised. “REBECCA? Cant you see he’s a boy?” she gasped.

“Mrs Anderson, you’re child needs to rest, she’s still unwell.” The nurse repeated flatly ignoring Christine’s tirade.

“Gathering her bag and glaring at the nurse, Christine Anderson marched out of the room without a backward glance at Rebecca.

“MUM!” Rebecca shouted through her tears.

The nurse came into the room and sat down on the bed next to Rebecca.

“I’m sorry dear” She whispered. “I thought it was best I ask her to leave, you were getting very upset.”

Rebecca nodded through her sobs.

”Aw love it will work out in the end” the nurse cooed hugging Rebecca to her and letting her cry.

Her parents, the ones who were meant to love her forever were acting like she was some deviant freak.

Maybe she shouldn’t have called for them? What if she hadn’t been attacked?
What if she had been a boy for her parents? Could she be a boy for them? Would they forgive this as past?

The last thought Rebecca had before she drifted off to sleep was that there was no way she could go back now. This was her life that she was beginning to live. She would die before she went back to being that shroud of sadness they called their son.

She could, no, she would live.

From the Author: Really sorry this has taken so long guys! I’m snowed under with coursework, not sure when the next chapters will come, but ill try to get something out once a week if I can. Damn degrees, Damn Tonsillitis, and Damn Dams!