I have recently been educated. After all these years of simply wearing frilly clothes and thinking them feminine, I have finally found out the secret of how to be a real woman. And all because my car is a clunker that just passed 100,000 miles...

It happened this way. As soon as the odometer turned over, every time I got in the car something else major broke down. Within three weeks I replaced the rear main seal, the fuel injectors, water pump, catalytic converter and both front brakes. As a result, I have spent many hours whiling my time away in the waiting room, and after my third or fourth visit had read every copy of Automotive News, Sports Illustrated and Time on the coffee table and was forced to start reading the (gasp) Women's Magazines.

In between the ads for makeup, Wonder Bras and scented personal hygiene products, articles appeared advising the proper and feminine way to do almost anything, from being a perfect working mother to spicing up your love life. But the best part were the quizzes. With only a few strokes of a pencil I was able to rate every aspect of my femininity from my efficiency in housework (not too bad), taste in lingerie (exceptional) to how good I make my man feel in bed (I plead the 5th).

I realized that I had never seen a quiz that helps a crossdresser asses their femininity, so I am determined to rectify this oversight. After all, this could lead to insights every bit as vital to your feminine persona as those gleaned from any real Woman's Magazine.

For each question check the box that best applies.

1) The best way of removing your beard is
A[ ] Electrolysis, if you can afford it
B[ ] A good sharp razor after a long hot shower.
C[ ] Epilady. Some people have to prove they are men in order to be a lady!

2) The success of your makeup job is measured by:
A[ ] Your smooth, flawless blushing skin.
B[ ] Percentage of blue shadow showing.
C[ ] The pound.

3) The beauty of your wig is measured by:
A[ ] Realistic look and feel, matching your facial shape.
B[ ] Percentage of teased hair.
C[ ] The yard.

4) The femininity of your bustline is measured by:
A[ ] The quality of breast forms and bra, conforming to the rest of your body's shape.
B[ ] The percentage of hair in the cleavage.
C[ ] The inch.

5) Your undergarments are chosen for:
A[ ] Quality of construction and delicate femininity.
B[ ] The percentage of lace adornments.
C[ ] Tensile strength in pounds per square inch.

6) The stylishness if your hemline is measured by:
A[ ] Current fashion in light of your body and age.
B[ ] The percentage of leather in the skirt.
C[ ] Inches above the knee.

7) The best stockings to wear are determined by:
A[ ] Your clothing, leg shape and color.
B[ ] The percentage of leg hair you shave.
C[ ] Fishnet openings measured in millimeters.

8) The proper shoes for your outfit are dictated by:
A[ ] Color, the occasion and your overall height.
B[ ] Percentage of gold accent.
C[ ] Heel height in centimeters.

9)The appropriateness of your purse is ascertained by:
A[ ] Its demure size and ease of transport.
B[ ] Percentage of your worldly goods it will hold.
C[ ] Capacity in cubic yards.

10) Your femme name is chosen for:
A[ ] Simplicity, charm and femininity (Angela)
B[ ] Resemblance to your home name (Georgia)
C[ ] Number of syllables. (Angela Mary Felicia Louise)

11) Your favorite fashions are determined by:
A[ ] Current fashion, body size, age and good taste.
B[ ] Percentage of spandex in the construction.
C[ ] What's on sale for under $20.00.

12) Your favorite reading while attired en femme is:
A[ ] Great classics of literature.
B[ ] Bodice rippers. (As long as it's not your bodice being ripped.)
C[ ] Penthouse Letters.

13) Your favorite household activity when en femme is:
A[ ] Eating bon-bons and watching the soaps.
B[ ] Cooking, sewing and writing letters on pink scented paper.
C[ ] Cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes.

14)When traveling en femme you always carry ___ for use if stopped by an authority figure.
A[ ] A smile and your correct identification.
B[ ] An involved and outrageous story.
C[ ] Suicide pills.

15) When in the mall en femme and you need to speak, your voice is:
A[ ] Low, cultured and sexy.
B[ ] High, squeaky and terrified.
C[ ] You wave your hands and hope it looks like American Sign Language.

16) If read in public you:
A[ ] Smile and act as a gracious lady would.
B[ ] Panic and run away, leaving a high heel behind like Cinderella.
C[ ] Strip then and there, throwing your femme clothes in the nearest goodwill basket, pausing only to purchase a pair of masculine shorts.

17) When invited to a formal dinner party you:
A[ ] Choose a high necked, satin gown with some lace.
B[ ] Choose a low cut satin gown with tons of lace.
C[ ] Choose a leather mini with purple spandex top.

18) When invited to a casual lunch you:
A[ ] Choose a high necked, satin gown with some lace.
B[ ] Choose a low cut satin gown with tons of lace.
C[ ] Choose a leather mini with purple spandex top.

19) You are discovered en femme by a previously unknowing wife/friend/sibling. Your reaction is:
A[ ] Calmly educate them in the causes and merits of transvestism.
B[ ] Frantically explain your were trying on your Halloween costume. (In May?)
C[ ] Leave immediately and start a new life as a lingerie salesman in Fairbanks, Alaska.

20) If you purchase a specialized "transvestite clothing catalog" you can expect:
A[ ] The same stuff you could buy in any women's wear catalog, but at three times the going price.
B[ ] A full mailbox from all the trash pandered by those that bought your name from the mailing list you are now stuck on forever.
C[ ] They still don't have anything big enough to fit you anyway.

Scoring: You really don’t want to know, do you?