Previously: Janelle’s journey started out as Ronnie, a boy caught trying to steal from a woman’s clothing store. …Consequences touched latent feelings that Ronnie didn’t want to acknowledge. …The journey deepens at each turn of Janelle’s life.

The next few days, flag practice was in the afternoon and I was surprised how strenuous it is. Tiara took me aside and worked with me twenty more minutes after each practice. “You need to loosen your hips girl,” she would say time and again. She was happy with the progress I made over the weekend. Monday, I was the only one who needed to wear my uniform, costume as some called it. The skirt was short but added a bit of flash our routines. The good news was that Flags usually practiced two days per week and practiced one day with the marching band another unless more were needed.

I was enjoying my classes; learning was now something I enjoyed, a big contrast to Ronnie who was still in my head. When teachers asked about me being Joyce’s sister, I reminded them I was adopted and I was afraid of their expectations. Mrs. Riggs laughed, knowing I was worried; she’d give me encouragement to be myself as had Joyce and Mom. Mrs. Riggs had become a person I would confide in.

The second week of school I got disturbing news; my parents' trials were coming up and I would need to give testimony at their trials. Depositions had been bad enough as my parents and their lawyers all gave me a hard time about my now being a girl. Their taunting me backfired at Mom’s trial. One lawyer was putting me down for becoming a girl, suggesting I was unstable; I angrily responded, “What has that to do with my Mom being a thief or dealing with drugs and doping me?”

The lawyer turned to the judge, “Judge direct her to please answer my question?”

I said, “That was my answer and I don’t plan to change.”

He asked the judge again and the Judge said, “I will accept that as her answer unless you want to push your luck?” I smiled and said, “Thank you, your honor.”

During my Dad’s trial, their lawyer asked me how I could be sure that my father and Aunt beat me as they were charged. I said, “I woke during the beating.”

The lawyer complained, “You didn’t say that in your deposition.”

“You asked me what I remembered when I woke up in the hospital. You didn’t ask if I remembered it later. My counselor has helped me address my fear of remembering.”

The lawyer said, “You said you were beaten at your Aunts home, but there is no evidence you were in there that day. How can you explain that? Isn’t it true you don’t remember where you were at?”

“My Aunt lived next door to where I was being held and beaten. My Aunt was with my father there.” I was guessing but by my father’s expression, I knew I guessed right. The lawyer was surprised and shaken that I knew more. He finished questioning me, but the prosecutor was happy to let me answer as I wanted to answer his questions. The prosecuting attorney later told me that Dad’s lawyer had actually hurt their case in questioning me on the stand.

I had to later return to the stand because my biological and adoptive parents had agreed to let the Grants adopt me if I wouldn’t testify against them. I simply stated, “That was Mom Grants agreement. You are the ones who put me on the stand; the law required I answer things truthfully.” The state attorney had, in fact, told me, the Fifth Amendment was not applicable here.

I worried for the following week that my original parents’ attorneys would find a way to challenge my adoption. That Tuesday, I woke in Mom Grant’s arms. She was holding me saying, “You’re safe, you’re safe.” I felt bad as Mom had me sleep with her, and Dad slept on the couch. Neither of them felt bad about it and it was really bad only that night.

The second time when I was with the Flags performing at half time I inadvertently twirled by flag into the air and caught it as it came down at the end of the final routine. It was not unheard of as it was at the end of our performance but I forgot we were not doing it tonight. I had thrown my flag at least twice as high as I had ever done it before. Tiara who was very good followed suit as did three of the other flags. Somehow the crowd saw it as special and gave us a standing ovation. None of the girls who had thrown up their flag had dropped their flag that night.

Tiara and Margi were overjoyed and asked Johnny and me to go out with them and their boyfriends after the game. I could only think back to being Ronnie and thinking of guys I looked up to. Now, Margi and Tiara were like that for me. Tiara laughed at me when they asked me to go to the women’s room with them and I was so excited that I giggled.

Tiara said, “Janelle, I felt like that in junior high. A girl told me it was alright to be excited, but I needed to keep my composure. Don’t lose your joy, tonight you reminded me why I love doing flags.”

The coming weeks Tiara pushed my buns getting me to learn all the new twists, kicks and moves. It was like learning to be an aerobic dancer. I had stopped worrying about impressing boys and enjoying being a girl. I was seeing more and more as being exciting. Joy remarked now and then, “I see you acquired the delight of being Janelle.”

Quietly I hoped my parents would be found guilty, but I am not one of those who feels better for it. Mom Grant and Joyce have helped me to embrace a different spirit from Ronnie. There is a pleasure that I have a new way of thinking and doing things as Janelle.

Lace pointed out a boy who was following us to school. I recognized him, his name is Patrick. “Pat,” I called out, waving him to catch-up. He was embarrassed so I walked back meeting him as he slowed his pace. “Lace thought you might want to walk with us and I think it would be neat to have a guy friend being with us. Would you mind doing things with us?” I knew he had two sisters so he should be used to being around girls.

Laced asked me when we were alone, “What did you do that for?”

I said, “My Mom has said no a few times when we wanted to do things. I’m sure she sometimes thinks it would be safer with a guy around. I’ve been thinking it might be nice to have a guy of our choosing and could possibly be a friend like that.” I could see Lace thinking it through and a light came to her face.

“What do you think Cadence and Johnny are going to think of it,” Lace asked?

“I think Cadence will be okay with it and if it makes Johnny a little uncomfortable that would be okay too. My biggest concern is if Pat can just relax, be a friend and one of us. I am not expecting him to be like Bobby and become another Steph.”

It was Lace who called Pat to our table for lunch. It became fun as Pat was comfortable sitting among us and not off to my side like Johnny with guys on the other side. Pat would be teased a little but as he told us, he also told others, “I’m liking to be around attractive girls and not having to worry about losing one to other boys. I’m sometimes tempted to be a little possessive or protective, but I know I can’t be either a little brother tagging along or a big brother stepping in.”

Our group could vary from three to six girls plus Patty. On weekends Steph was sometimes part of the group and fit in more and more as just another girl. Come Homecoming we went as a group as I wanted the freedom to dance with Cadence as well as Johnny. I felt attracted to Cadence but I’m the one with stronger romantic feelings. With Johnny, the feelings were more evenly matched. It was Pat who made sure I had a corsage. I danced twice with Pat and the other four girls including Steph danced at least once with him.

Come Halloween it was nice to see Steph free to dress as she wanted. I wasn’t sure how Steph hid her male parts as she came as Beyoncé. Pat dressed as a bullfighter, with the emphasis on how he dressed in a silk shirt and tight pants. He joked, “The only bulls I get to kill are those guys dying of jealousy.”

I dressed as a ballerina; it was a dream I had when I was eight or nine. I was lucky as the night wasn’t that cold. Johnny’s warm hugs helped to keep the chill away. Having Pat around during Halloween was nice. I felt in some ways more comfortable with him being a friend.

It was surprising when we saw Snake and a few other veterans in town and in their old uniforms. Snake, had talked to Johnny encouraging him to get his education before thinking about being in the military. I was happy to learn that Johnny and two other vets communicated with one another.

Snake was now like an uncle and he complimented me while putting his coat around me. “I’m glad you’re doing more in a group. I wished I had learned to be a friend to girls. I had two macho brothers and lived in a tough city. I can’t say, I’m proud about what I learned or how I handled girls in my life.” I was hearing what he was saying like a confession. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to qualify if I was perceiving him correctly.

Dad later stood next to me and said, “Snake has talked to me and was wondering if you and Mom could help him shop for clothes for his daughter and granddaughter in Thailand. He is going back soon and would like to take some American clothes.”

“If he wants us to go with him, he should ask us directly. I am willing and I think Mom will too, but I’m surprised he felt the need to ask you.” I looked to Dad and saw he understood.

“I’m sorry, he was planning on asking the two of you. He was just sensitive that I would be fearful for you. Because of his background and being a homeless Vet, I think he was considerate in talking to me.”

Snake could almost be my grandfather. He has strength and agility that belies his age and appearance. He has an outer demeanor that could scare many, but since I’ve come to know him, I see him differently.

Mom and I were together when David ‘Snake’ came back over to us. I could see him relax as we smiled. “My husband said you wanted to ask us something but were a bit scared of us. We were amused that we could scare a combat veteran.” Mom actually stepped forward to give him a hug and I followed behind her.

“I have a daughter and granddaughter; my daughter’s American name is Sarai and my granddaughter Lurai, are so precious to me. I would appreciate your help in being able to select some nice clothes for them.”

I asked, “Have you ever brought them to America?”

“I can’t,” he said, “as their dad and grandfather, I’m not even free to be here. As long as I don’t go across the state line to my home state, I feel half safe that authorities won’t waste their time on me. I hope after I die, they will be free to come here and want to do so. But our home, for now, is in Thailand.” He pulled out a picture telling us they were both a size one. We learned that his wife had died just three years ago.

We would for now be calling him Dave as his nickname could bring unwanted attention. We would shop at three places: Mom’s shop, at a collegiate shop near the university and an upscale lingerie store. It was Thursday of the following week we shopped with him.

Three of the outfits Dave bought for Lurai, he asked me to try on in my size. I actually tried on five such outfits, but he decided against two of them.

Dave bought enough to fill a good size suitcase. Mom agreed to help pack it properly. We were worried that the women would appreciate what we helped to select. Dave assured us, we had helped him to choose well. Friends would help him to take it back to Thailand and get everything legally through customs. Mom thought it would cost Snake too much.

He stated money was not his biggest concern. There was an uneasy understanding that Dave and others still did things to serve their country. No one would even hint about possibilities. I also learned that he was part of a biker group there who were big into charities there in Thailand as well as for Viet Nam.

I asked before we said good-bye to Snake, “Would your granddaughter be open to communicate with me if it is safe?” A broad smile went across Dave’s face, “I think she would love to, but I will give her your information and let her decide. I would ask that you not identify me if and when you visit.”

I gave Dave a big hug and kiss on his cheek as I said, “Good-bye Uncle Dave.” He took a necklace from around his neck and made a double loop as he placed it over my head and around my neck. I could tell the stones were jade.

It was only later that I learned how precious Thai jade is. It was precious and beautiful enough before I learned it was as special of him to give it. “Why would he give something like that to a strange American girl,” I asked?

Mom said, “His face lit up when you called him Uncle Dave. Since they helped you at the state park, you had returned the kindness. I think he's seeing you as a niece as well. Things he has, people who are dear to him seem few in number, especially women and people not related to war or the military.”

Our last regular season football game came on a cold damp night against Talon who was vying for the same playoff spot. We were already losing 10-14 at half-time. Our flags coach sensitive to us being cold said, “You know how cold you are, our fans are cold, down and we need them to get excited to help lift our team. Don’t do anything of poor taste but I’m asking you to strut your stuff and give us your best performance of the season.”

Tiara took the lead but she asked me as a freshmyn to complete the circle. “Janelle’s the newest of us but she has high standards. I don’t want anyone below her high mark. Compete with her not only in performance but in spirit. The cry tonight is ‘Enjoy, Perform!” All of us broke our circle with the yell, “Enjoy! Perform!” We did a strut march to join the band. Things became electric.

The coach was right, the choreography of our performance was great enough to excite and provoke pride in the fans. The football team was back on the field early and they applauded our performance with hoots as well, clapping or pumping their hands and helmets into the air. The football coach told us after the game we got the players' blood pumping. They would win the game 24-20.

After the game, Johnny sought me out to lift me up and give me a hug. Tiara, I and Molly would be the first to be raised on a player’s shoulders. Soon all the flags and cheerleaders were being lifted up.

The team would play two playoff games losing to the eventual state champs 13-14. The spirit and effort of our football team and the school received recognition from the Philadelphia newspaper. There was much chatter and over a hundred thousand hits on various postings of us. Our flag team was now known which would be very helpful when our competition took place in January and February.

I guess things were too good to last, through the Thanksgiving weekend. We, Cadence, her Mom, Lace, and I were coming back early in the evening from shopping. The police had given chase to a man who didn’t pull over for a routine traffic violation. It would have been his third OWI and he would lose his license.

He reached speeds up to 95 and was traveling 70 mph when he lost control of his vehicle. Mrs. Rawlings had pulled over to avoid things, but that’s where his car veered to. It was Cadence’s compartment that received the brunt of the impact. The airbags deployed and deflated as they were made to, but they’re designed more for men than women. One of her legs was hurt, probably broke, she had the most cuts and nicks from shattered glass. The bleeding of her face made things look much worse than they were but a concussion was possible. Her Mom got out to come around the car to get her out; I had climbed over the seat to be next to her. Lace was one of a few people who called for help.

Ironically the man suffered only minimal injury. The police were there but everyone waited for the paramedics to help get Cadence out. Mr. Rawlings was soon there though not on duty. My parents, as well as Lace’s, met us at the hospital. It was emotionally hard on Mrs. Rawlings and me to allow others to check us out and give us medical attention. Mrs. Rawlings’ wrists were sprained and other joints were strained or bruised. Their concern for me was shock and injury possibilities that weren’t showing.

We were at the hospital two hours before I got to see Cadence, while she didn’t look pretty, she looked better than when I saw her last. I leaned over to give her a kiss and she grabbed me with a hug that pulled me upon her and my kiss gave way to one that could not be mistaken for its meaning.

“Janelle, I am so thankful you came to see how Cadence is? I am glad she has a special friend like you?” Mrs. Rawlings hugged me from behind. “I would like it if you called me Ma Rawlings if you’d like.”

I turned and got off the bed for a moment. I gave Mrs. Rawlings a hug, “Thanks, Ma Rawlings.” I think I have a very special friend in Cadence, but you already know she’s special.”

A nurse came in, asking me, “Would you please stay off her bed and refrain from hugging each other. Your germs could cause the other one to get an infection.”

Cadence and I both turned at the recognition of the nurse’s voice. “Nurse Paula, it’s you,” Cadence replied. “Do you mean that or are you just trying to give us a hard time because of Camp?” It was Nurse Paula from Camp. We knew she was from Central City, but we're surprised that she was actually here with us. It was true that she wanted us careful, especially around open sores or scabbed areas.

Grandma Grant was able to look in on Cadence as a doctor. It was a rare time that I got to see her work as a doctor. Mrs. Christine Rawlings was very happy with Grandma as she was very good explaining Cadence’s injuries and sensitive to the anguish she was in as a mom.

Grandma even told them, “If you think Cadence and Janelle would be better together, we could make this a semi-private room for tonight. Janelle will be released tomorrow if there are no complications. …Cadence could possibly go home, but since the other driver will be paying I would like her to stay at least an extra day maybe two.”

The next morning my doctor was releasing me as Cadence received a large stuffed dog. It was from Adin a boy from Camp. Adin was from Hanover only ten minutes away. Having Johnny whom I also dated, I knew it was only fair that Cadence had a boyfriend too.

Adin was soon there leaning over the bed giving her a kiss. Now I knew how it hurt… I wasn’t ready to give undying love to her, but I was no longer in denial about how important she is to me or that I could be a lesbian.

That afternoon at home, I was in a funk and stayed to myself. Joy sought me out, though I knew Adrienne was there. “Hey Sis, Mom told me a boyfriend showed up for Cadence. I guess you’re experiencing that those sensitive girl feelings have a downside to them as well? Coming at the same time as you’re feeling puffy must really stink.”

To be continued…