Chapter 12

Mom dropped me off in the usual place, right in front of school. She waved as she drove off. Today I wore a girl’s T, another mini skirt and the cutest flat sandals that showed the polish Mom and I did the night before. Kurt was waiting for me by the front door. I didn’t know anyone could smile so brightly.

“Wow, you look gorgeous,” he said.

I blushed and said, “Thank you.”

“I’ll walk you to class,” he said, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers.

I looked at our hands and I was right, the polish looked so much better. I then wondered where this was going? I was a thirteen-year-old girl and to have the hottest boy in school holding my hand was something I hadn’t counted on, and what was worse I really, really liked it. It made me feel so mature and so much like the girl I wasn’t. Why I wondered did Kurt find me so attractive? He could have any other girl in the school, so why had he chosen me? At the moment though, I didn’t care, I was with him, and he was with me.

We arrived at my first class and Kurt turned to face me taking my other hand in his. I was a bundle of nerves when he did. I had no idea a person could feel this way about another and the effect it was having on me as a person. The longer he held my hands the farther away Mark seemed. Was Cindy right, I really was a girl and I had met my soul mate? Kurt just looked at me with those gorgeous eyes. I felt myself melting under his intense gaze.

“Will you meet me for lunch?” he asked.

“Yes,” I sighed.

“I’ll meet you after your fourth period class, I can hardly wait, Amanda.”

I wanted to cry when he let go of my hands and walked away. I felt like I was walking on a cloud when I went into the classroom.

Tiffany was at her desk and looked like she was sitting on an anthill, she was so twitchy.

“Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, I saw you with Kurt Granger and he was holding your hands, God, you’re so lucky. I could tell he’s in love with you, God I’m so jealous,” she babbled.

Tiffany’s irritating voice brought me back to reality.

“Tiffany, he just met me and I doubt he’s in love. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah right,” she sneered.

Ginny entered the room at the right time. I didn’t know how much more of Tiffany I could take.

“Hi Ginny,” I said, with a smile.

“Hi Amanda,” she answered, with a sadness in her voice.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Ginny, I want to be your friend and if I can help, I will.”

“You want to help that loser, give me a break, you should think of who you really want for your friends,” Tiffany spat.

I was taken back by Tiffany’s swift reaction to what I had said to Ginny. Ginny seemed like a nice girl and didn’t need that kind of abuse, but what could I do? I was the new kid in school and before I made a comment to Tiffany I’d have to know more about Ginny.

Ginny’s expression barely changed with Tiffany’s outburst. It was almost as though she was expecting Tiffany to say something nasty about her.

Several girls introduced themselves to me today. Kate Morales was a beautiful Latin girl who already had curves I envied and mentioned she was excited to meet a real model and seemed nice. Sherri Kramer was a blonde girl who seemed to have too much energy and couldn’t keep still long enough to state she wanted my autograph and the third girl was also blonde and her name was Mindy Raines, go figure and she was impressed meeting Amanda Flowers. I tried to explain Amanda Flowers was the model part of me, but the rest of me was Amanda James. The rest of the students seemed intimidated by the fact that I had my picture in several magazines. I was just like anyone else as far as I was concerned.

Kurt was waiting for me when I exited my fourth period class.

“I missed you,” he said, taking my hand in his.

I melted with his touch. If we didn’t stop what we were doing, I was going to be in so much trouble, but I knew I couldn’t stop the way I was feeling about Kurt.

“Me too,” I answered.

Kurt led me to lunch and we spent the hour talking and making eyes at each other, it was disgustingly romantic.

“May I have your phone number?” he asked.

“My Mom wouldn’t approve.”

“What about your cell?”

“I don’t have a cell phone, my mom says it’s not necessary.”

“How can I call you?”

“You can’t. If my mother knew I was eating lunch with you, she’d have a fit.”

“Why? I’m a nice person.”

“Kurt, I just turned thirteen and that should be reason enough.”

“But you seem so much older.”

“But I’m not.”

“Amanda, I have feelings for you and I know you’re only thirteen, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.”

Oh God, Kurt’s falling big time and now I didn’t know what to do? I’m not old enough to even think of being in a relationship with a boy, or a girl for that matter and even if I was, no one is supposed to know I’m not what I seem to be and if I was to continue with my obvious feelings about Kurt, that secret could be revealed.

“Kurt, I like you too, maybe too much and the feelings I’m having now have nothing to do with age. I wish I could be your girlfriend, you make me all gooey inside every time you touch me, but it wouldn’t be fair to you because we can’t date. The best I can do is be your friend and if something happens when I get older then I’d love to be with you, heart and soul,” I said, tears running down my cheeks.

Kurt rose from his chair and came to me, gathering me in his arms and held me tight. I never felt so protected in my life and knew what love was, my feelings for Kurt.

After that Kurt and I remained friends, but the touching and closeness had gone from our relationship. As much as I missed the contact, I felt relieved because nothing good would have come if we were to continue down the forbidden path we had chosen.

The newest issue of Teen arrived, and the pictures from my latest shoot were highlighted. Amanda Flowers was becoming a star. As expected Tiffany gushed her admiration to me, and so did the other new friends I had met during the first few weeks of school. The only person not to be impressed was Ginny, not that I minded, it was nice to know someone who only wanted to be a friend of Amanda James.

Lush call Gloria and said they wanted to extend to the end of the contract, which of course meant a considerable increase in the amount of money I was to be paid. They gladly went along with it as their sales had increased four fold. Before I was signed as their model they were around number ten in cosmetic sales, lagging behind some brand I had never heard of. As of the first of the month they had climbed to number eight and there were signs they could move to number four by the end of the year. Needless to say, they wanted to tie me up for another year and a half, no matter what the cost. My new fees were in the millions of dollars, well three million, but who’s counting? All I knew was that I would be Amanda for at least two more years and I loved the thought. With the added money, I knew my father could have the best of treatment for his injury so Mom was kind of happy too. The only thing missing in her life was her son.

Three weeks after Teen came out Gloria called for me to have another clothing shoot, only it was to take place in Los Angeles. She was able to schedule it for Monday so I would only miss one possibly two days of school at the most. I was to receive ten thousand dollars per day plus expenses. That meant I would make a minimum of ten thousand dollars. I hoped it would drag out to two days.

Sunday night Mom, Gloria, and I flew from Sacramento to Los Angeles landing a little after eight in the evening. The flight lasted all of an hour, but at least I got a window seat and watched the ground go by and tried to figure out where we were. I guess the boy was still alive and well.

Hollywood Models put us up at the Ritz-Carlton and seeing as how the fanciest motel I had ever stayed at, you know the one with a six in the name, I was awe struck. Everyone that spoke to me knew my name and called me Miss Flowers, WOW. I could learn to like being a highly paid model. I won’t bore you with the accommodations nor the service we received, but I’m definitely coming back.

The photo shoot went off with out a hitch. I modeled more tween fashions and finished around four in the afternoon. A representative from the clothing company was all smiles when I finished.

“I’m Daisy Mae Stewart,” she drawled, “and I can’t begin to tell you how pleased we are with you, Amanda. Our product line was limping along until we featured you from your first shoot with us. Our sales increased to the point that we’re going to continue the line. Now, we have something else we’d like to try. One of our factories made a mistake and shipped our newest line of juniors clothing in a petite size rather that a size that will fit one of our taller models and we would like you to fill in for us. There won’t be enough time to remanufacture the line in the proper size and still make the publishing deadline, and of course you’ll be paid your usual fees. The shoot will take an additional two days and your agent has agreed to the shoot as long as your mother agrees?”

Mom listened closely as Daisy Mae had rambled on, barely taking a breath as she talked.

“Amanda, you’ll miss three days of school. Do you think you’ll be able to make up the work?”

“No problem Mom,” I said, as dollar signs danced in my head.

“I guess it should be okay.”

“Good, be back here at eight in the morning for makeup and then we’ll get started.”

We were back at a quarter to eight the next day.

“I’m glad to see you’re not a prima-donna,” Daisy Mae stated as she guided me to makeup. “So many of the young models think their shi…opps, stuff doesn’t stink that nothing gets done until noon.”

Showing me into the make up room, she introduced me to Rita, the cosmetology expert.

“Rita, this is Amanda Flowers, our newest and greatest find. We need her in two hours, can you get it done?”

“Daisy Mae, if you drop that phony accent, I’ll have her finished in an hour,” Rita laughed.

“Done.” Daisy said, and left the room.

“God that girl will be the death of me, and don’t for a second think she’s from the south. The girl moved here from Detroit after getting a law degree from Michigan and thought she would come across softer with the accent. Her name’s really Janice Malloy and she can be a hard bitch when she wants, but enough about her, tell me about yourself sweetheart?” Rita asked, patting on a chair indicating for me to sit down.

“There’s nothing to tell. I live in Colfax and I just started modeling and only by mistake. My best friend’s mother saw my lashes and the rest is history, so here I am.”

Rita took my chin in her hands and turned my head back and forth and then let go.

“Do you know how pretty you are?” she asked in admiration.

“No.”

“Well never find out or it will ruin you. I see beauty every day and girl, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever worked on, just don’t let it go to your head. Listen to your Aunt Rita, study hard in school and don’t fall in love with some boy that will make your life miserable, and most of all cross your legs if some boy gets too frisky.”

I couldn’t help myself from laughing, I liked Rita.

“What are your plans after your modeling career ends?” Rita asked, as she worked on my face.

“You mean when I can’t like model anymore?”

“Yes sweetheart, age lines aren’t particular, so do you have any plans?”

“If I tell you, do you promise not to laugh?”

“Honey, I’d never laugh at you.”

“I want to go to Stanford and be a doctor.”

Rita stopped working on my face and I could see the surprise on her face. I don’t know what any of the other girls had said to her question, but I don’t think she was expecting what I gad said.

“Are you serious? Oh Amanda, you’re such a dream, beautiful with a brain in your head. When you graduate, will you send me an invitation? I would be so honored to say I worked on your face and watched you become a real woman and not some phony woman who has lost her beauty. Amanda Flowers, It’s my pleasure to have met you young woman.”

Rita worked for the full hour, but when she was finished Amanda Flowers looked like she was seventeen years old. I thought I was pretty before, but this was so over the top even I had a hard time believing the image in the mirror was me.

“Honey, you go and knock them dead.”

“Thank you Rita, may I hug you?”

“You’d better or your Aunt Rita won’t love you anymore,” she laughed, as she gathered me into her arms.

The photo shoot went without a hitch, but I modeled twice as much clothing as the first day, but I like the styles better and I wore high heels for all the pictures. The clothes were more for my age group. The best thing was that they let me have my choice of five outfits to take home. My girlfriends are going to be so jealous.

We returned home Wednesday evening so I could go to school Thursday morning. The photographer promised to send us the photos for my portfolio. No only was the trip paid for, but I made thirty thousand dollars less the agent fees. My life as Amanda Flowers was looking up.

Returning to school after missing three days wasn’t any big thing. Tiffany and her friends were just as star struck as the day I left, but the thing that did bother me was Ginny’s attitude when I entered our first period class. She practically shunned me.

“Ginny, what’s wrong?”

“I had to decide what to do for our lab experiment, you should have been here to help me decide.”

“I’m sorry, but I had to fly to Los Angeles for a photo shoot and beside you would know much better than me what we should do.”

“I don’t know Amanda and I really needed your help. I felt like you were being like the rest of the kids in this class and couldn't care less about what I do.”

“Ginny, I don’t feel that way at all, and you’re not being fair. I had to work and I’m sorry I was away when you had to pick our assignment, but that’s the way it is,” I said, as I felt my anger rising from my stomach. Ginny wasn’t being fair. It’s not like I left just to spite her and beside I had the permission of the school as long as made up my classes.

“Can’t you schedule your stuff for when you’re not in school? I need you here Amanda.”

This was a different Ginny then the one I had seen since school started. She was demanding and just plain self-centered. I don’t know if I like this person very much?

“Ginny, I have nothing to do with when they schedule shoots. I’m just the model they use and I do what they ask. I can’t just quit because my father is in the hospital and the money I make is used to pay for his hospital bills. If I’m such a burden maybe you should find someone else.”

“Wait,” she said, as I turned to walk away, her hand grabbing my arm. “I’m sorry Amanda, it’s just I thought you would be like everyone else.”

“Ginny, you keep saying that, and I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not everyone else; I’m new here and have no idea of what you’re talking about. I think you should at least tell me why everyone treats you the way they do?”

“Will you eat lunch with me, I’ll tell you then.”

“If you promise to tell me, we’ll talk later.”

I found Ginny sitting at her usual spot, a table in the rear corner of the cafeteria away from other students. I wondered if she was being shunned, or if it was her wish to be alone?

“Hi,” I said as I approached the table.

“Hi,” she replied.

Her demeanor seemed to have changed from this morning, in fact, she seemed downright meek.

“So, I’m here, now it’s your turn to tell me what’ made you so pissed off at me this morning.”

“Well, I was angry at you, but I didn’t know about your modeling assignment and then when I had to pick a project for us, I wanted us to pick it, not just me. I thought you were going to treat me just like everyone else in this school.”

“Treat you like what?”

“Like I’m some kind of freak or something. Why do you think I dress like this? So I won’t be noticed.”

“There must be a reason for you thinking this way?”

“There is, and it started when I came to this school six years ago.”

“What happened?”

“Tiffany happened that’s what. Tiffany has gone to this school ever since preschool. I started here in second grade when my father was transferred from the East coast to become vice president and plant manager for the same company Tiffany’s father works for. He thought he would get the promotion but it went to my father instead. Tiffany’s father is the sales manager and makes a ton of money from his commissions but that didn’t matter to him, he wanted the vice president title after his name. Well, he bitched and moaned about not getting the promotion and he cursed my father and his family from the day he found out about my father getting the job. Tiffany in turn took her father’s frustration out on me. Tiffany’s a bully, but I guess you’ve seen that. She pretty much runs the eighth grade in this school and her friends suck up to her and do whatever she asks, which is to make my life miserable. You have no idea of what it’s like to have someone not do what they said they would do and I would end up doing all the work and they would get half the credit. Amanda, I carry straight A’s and I can’t afford for partners to not do what is their fair share of the work, and you not being here to help made me think Tiffany had gotten to you too. I’m sorry if I overreacted.”

Wow, that was the most words I had from Ginny since I started school here. She’s always been quiet as a mouse and didn’t think she had it in her.

“I’m sorry too. I should have told you I would be away, but I had no choice in the matter. It’s my job and I don’t go away very often, but when they schedule a shoot I have to be there. Now, can we be friends?”

“Only if you want to incur Tiffany’s wrath,” she giggled.

“I could care less about Tiffany, and it’s nice to see you smile.”

Ginny has a wonderful smile if she would only allow herself that luxury every once in a while.

“Thank you, now tell me about your trip before I bore you with the details of our project.”

“We flew to Los Angeles Sunday because I had a shot for some tweens clothing line on Monday. I was finished by Monday night and my mom and I thought we would fly back here that night. There was a mistake with a new line of clothes and they shipped petites instead of a size to fit their regular models and they asked me if I could model the line for them. Of course, we said yes because it was a lot of money for me and to be honest I was excited to wear the line. It was for juniors so they made me look older and I wore heels and everything. I felt like I was twenty years old, it was so much fun.”

“You’re a lucky girl Amanda. I wish I had your confidence.”

“You could if you’d like. I could help you.”

“And how do you propose to do that?”

“By being your friend.”

Ginny and I were good after that. We spent the period working on the research for our lab experiment.

The next day the same old Ginny was back, sullen and dull. I felt I had to do something to help her fit in better.

“Ginny,” I said, as we walked from first to second period, “Have you ever thought about maybe wearing something other than what you always wear?”

What Ginny wore was like a cross between boy’s clothes and the darkest nightmare you could think of. To be honest, if I didn’t know the sweet girl under those clothes, she would creep me out.

“I wear them so I won’t be noticed.”

“But people notice you more and see how unhappy you are.”

“I like what I wear.”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“I think you’re doing this just so Tiffany will leave you alone. If you wore nicer clothes and maybe changed your hairstyle you’d look nice for a change, that and smile.”

“Am I that bad?”

“Ginny, please, you look like you’re going to a funeral.”

“I’ve dressed like this ever since second grade. I don’t know what I can do to change?”

“Ask your mother to take you shopping and to have your hair done, believe me, it will make all the difference in the world.”

“But I’m afraid that I’ll draw attention to myself.”

“You already do. Don’t you wonder why people stare at you and turn away when you look at them?”

“Yes.”

“It’s because of the way you dress. If we hadn’t become lab partners, I would probably be like everyone else and ignore you. Instead of a serial killer under those clothes, I found a very nice friend, only she doesn’t know how to dress,” I laughed.

After our conversation Ginny changed her look. It took time but by the end of a month a very pretty girl had replaced the dirge that had crept around the halls at school.

Teen came out with their, must dress like this, issue and I was now spotlighted as an up-and-coming clothing model. I was prominently displayed in several clothing ads and was surprised at how much older I looked. That with the usual Lush makeup ads, grew my popularity. I was becoming very much in demand. I didn’t realize how much until I received a box from Lush Cosmetics addressed to me. Opening it, I found it filled to the top with letters, yahoo, I finally had a fan base. My Yahoo changed to boohoo when Mom said I had to answer all the letters. Thank God Cindy was there to help or I’d still be answering letters.

Ginny and I had become friends as the year progressed, much to the chagrin of Tiffany. Tiffany was a bully, not like Makie, but in her own way. She had created a caste system in school and as far as she was concerned Ginny was untouchable and because of my popularity as a model she wanted me for a best friend. I new what she was doing and I pretty much blew her off, which didn’t endear me to her.

“I don’t know why you hang with that loser?” she asked one day.

“I like Ginny.”

“Why, she’s such a loser. You could be doing so much better,” She said, with the phoniest smile I had ever seen.

“Listen, Tiffany, to be perfectly honest, I’d rather be her friend than yours. She’s real and you're just a phony bitch trying to make people's lives miserable.”

That’s when Tiffany’s face turned beet red, or maybe purple and I have to say it looked nice with her blonde hair.

“You bitch. No one talks to me like that, you wait, I can make your life miserable too, just ask Ginny.”

“I did and you know what, we’ll be miserable together,” I said, turned on my heel and walked away.

Like I really wanted to hang with Tiffany. Her grades sucked and the only reason she was still in school was that her father donated large sums of money to the school each year with the understanding that they would overlook her bad behavior. I still want to attend Stanford and the only way was to get good grades because even money won’t buy your way into Stanford.

As the year continued I became more at ease being Amanda. Things I used to think about became second nature and I had truly become Amanda James. Ginny had gained some new friends and Tiffany was her usual bitch self, but who said the world was perfect?

I had four more shoots between Halloween and Christmas. Dad was still in the assisted living home so he could have therapy every day. The hardest part was the home was in Palo Alto and that made the trip a half of an hour longer each time we visited. Mom was still visiting Dad on Wednesdays when I saw my shrink and we went together on the weekends. When my sessions with Dr. Adams were finished I spent time shopping in Union Square while Mom was with Dad. I loved all the clothes I saw but didn’t dare buy anything without Mom’s approval, but it made the two hours I had to wait fly by.

Christmas was sad and we celebrated it at the home with Dad. He was the happiest I had seen him when I entered the room. I had truly become his little girl.

My popularity grew from Christmas until summer. There didn’t seem to be enough days in the week for my career, let alone school. My agency hired a tutor so my grades wouldn’t suffer at school. I was maintaining a straight A average and I didn’t want it to drop. Ginny wasn’t happy that I was spending so much time away from school, but it couldn’t be helped. Tiffany hadn’t changed and decided to try to ruin my life. When school started again in the Fall I found out how she would try to do it.

School started and I was now officially in high school, even though this school went from Kindergarten to grade twelve. The difference was that high school was held in a different building than the lower grades, to make the distinction between grades.

My circle of friends had grown during the year and Ginny was my favorite, at school. Cindy was still my best girlfriend and we talked every night. Kurt Granger still had a crush on me, which infuriated Tiffany to no end. The first week of school ended with no problems. I guess I’m one of the natives now.

“Have you heard? Sherri told me you’re having an affair with Kurt Granger,” Ginny stated, before our Algebra class started, the second week of school.

“What!”

“She said you went all the way.”

My face was turning every color of red under the sun. How could anyone start something like that? I hadn’t even dated Kurt and for the obvious reason I hadn’t ‘gone all the way’.

“Who told her that?” I asked, my voice almost screaming.

“I don’t know, Sherri knows we’re friends and wanted to know if it was true?”

“God no, I haven’t even dated Kurt. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, but I think I know who would start such a rumor.”

The rumor had Tiffany’s prints all over it, but I was going to ask Kurt if he was behind what was being said. I knew boys sometimes exaggerated their conquests and if he had started the rumor he was dead meat.

I approached Kurt at lunch. He was sitting with some friends near the front of the school, doing what guys usually did, watch girls. As I approached all eyes were on me, and they weren’t eyes of fear, they were just the opposite. Boys never seemed to amaze me when a pretty girl walks in their direction, what they were thinking was so obvious.

I approached Kurt, smiled and said, “I’d like a word.”

Kurt’s smile faded. It wasn’t very often Amanda Flowers approached a boy, smiled and then says, ‘I want a word’. The force of those words would take the wind out of any guy’s sails, smile or not.

“What’s wrong?”

“Not here,” I said, taking his hand in mine and pulled him to where we could have some privacy.

“Woo, way to go Kurt,” one guy teased.

I just turned and glared at him.

I pulled Kurt far enough away that our conversation would be private. I realized I had missed the feeling of Kurt’s hand in mine and didn’t let go when we stopped walking. In fact, I took his other hand in mine before I spoke. His hands were making my stomach do things I didn’t want it to do but I didn’t let go. I think I was getting a crush on Kurt, again. I knew he had one on me, but because of my age nothing had become of it, but that hadn’t kept him from flirting mercilessly during my first year in school.

“What’s wrong Amanda?” he asked, with a very concerned tone of voice.

I looked into his eyes and so help me God, I wanted kiss him, me, Amanda James, had a crush.

“Have you heard the rumors?”

“What rumors?”

“God Kurt, the one where we went to bed?” I said, as tears filled my eyes.

“Shit, who would say such a thing?”

“I thought maybe you might have, you know said something to your friends or something,” I said, lowering my head as a tear dropped onto his hand.

The tear was perfect, it diffused what I had accused him of and he now wanted to make things right with me.

“Amanda, you know I would never say anything like that, especially about you. You know I really like you a lot and I’m going to find out who started this rumor and so help me God, I’ll kick their ass.”

“Please don’t get into a fight because of me,” I whimpered.

“We’ll see.”

Kurt’s face blushed as we continued to hold hands, and I have to admit mine did too. I liked having this boy show me attention even though I knew I shouldn’t let him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“Since you’re fourteen now, do you think your mother would let me take you to the Homecoming dance?”

Well. I certainly didn’t expect that as I felt like I was turning into putty. I thought I was blushing before, but this really put me over the edge.

“I don’t know. I’ll ask my mother, but I might have a photo shoot and I can’t miss those. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” I said, as I let go of his right hand and turned to allow him to walk me back to his friends.

As we approached his friends, I could see the look of admiration in their eyes. Kurt had scored with Amanda Flowers and our intertwined fingers confirmed that thought.

Kurt let go of my hand and said, “I’ll call you later.” Then he did something I didn’t expect, he raised his hand and grazed my cheek with the back of his hand. I can’t even begin to tell you what that did to my naive little brain, God; I was so crushing on Kurt.

The rest of the afternoon all I could think of was Kurt. Thankfully my last subjects were ones I found easy to the point of boredom or I would have seen Stanford going down the drain. I could hardly wait to tell Cindy about my new love.