Kyle has purged and is trying to be "normal" - only to find it impossible. After two years of misery, his sister Christine dares him to put on their sister Taryn's dress. Can he resist? What happens to Kyle - and what does his mischievous sister have in store for him?

This time: How will Mom react? What will happen to Lilli?

BUDDING LILLI - PART 4

Chapter 16: Saturday, May 15, 2010

I had a great time eating in the dining room with Mira and my sisters, bantering and chatting. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, too. I decided to take a break from talking about my gender crisis — or even thinking about it for that matter. I was one of the girls, and that was enough. I wasn’t giving it a second thought.

After we finished dinner, cleaning up while we were at it, we watched a movie in the basement. It was a romantic comedy. For the first time, I didn’t find it hard to watch such a movie. I had always enjoyed them, but I had found it hard to watch them because they reminded me of the love I thought I would never have. Fortunately, for me, I had a girlfriend now. My loneliness was over; I enjoyed the movie more for it.

After the movie, we decided to set things up for a slumber party in the basement. Mira had a sleeping bag and an overnight bag in the trunk of her car, perhaps at Taryn’s suggestion. Once we got ready for bed, we spent the remainder of the night in the basement together. When it got late, we turned the lights out, ending the night by just talking in our sleeping bags — and occasionally giggling — in the dark. Mira and I cuddled while we chatted. Soon, we were asleep — or at least the others were.

I couldn’t sleep because I began thinking about my gender identity. I went over things in my mind, trying to come up with something I might have overlooked or some new way of looking at things.

About an hour after everyone else had dropped off to sleep, a new thought struck me. If I were in the middle of the gender continuum then some things should have felt right about being a boy.

Yes! If I were some kind of mixture of male and female, then I should have identified with things from the masculine world and the feminine world in something resembling equal measure. Yet, that was not the case. There were plenty of things from the feminine world that I identified with but nothing from the masculine world.

I decided to try a brief thought experiment. I asked myself how I would feel if I were living on a planet where all individuals were thoroughly androgynous and the concept of gender was nonexistent. I knew the answer right away. I would feel like a musician on a planet where there was no such thing as music. I would feel surrounded by people who were not like me.

Suddenly, I could no longer believe that I was in the middle of the gender continuum. I knew that I was a girl. It was so clear! I realized that the only times when I felt surrounded by people like me were the times when I was surrounded with girls. I had felt that way, not only at the ice cream parlor, but also at the dinner table. I had also felt authentic and socially functional. With that understood, I could see how phony I had felt as a boy.

I felt tears begin to run down my face. Before long, I needed tissues. I was unzipping my sleeping bag when I felt Mira’s hand on mine.

“Honey, are you crying? What’s the matter?” she whispered.

I moved close to her and whispered into her ear.

“I’m a girl, Mira. There’s no way I’m a boy and it’s not possible that I’m in the middle of the gender continuum. I really am a girl.”

“Wow. That is heavy-duty. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked as she took my hands.

“Oh, God, I don’t know where to start. I’m feeling about a thousand things. I’m very happy to know that I’m a girl — and to be a girl - but I’m very afraid of what that means for me. I mean, if I were in the middle of the gender spectrum, then I might well be able to continue dressing as a guy and keep my gender identity under the radar, but I’m not in the middle. I’m a girl and I need to dress like one. At the same time, if I go to school as a girl, I might get beaten up or something. Then, of course, I have to tell my mother . . . and my sisters,” I quietly sobbed.

“Awww, sweetie, I can’t imagine what you must be going through . . . come here.”

She sat up and hugged me tightly. My tears dampened her nightie before I finished venting my emotions. When the flow of tears ceased, I pulled back far enough to talk.

“I would like to tell my sisters about all of this while we have breakfast tomorrow, if . . . I mean, if breakfast is an appropriate time to talk about it.”

Mira squeezed me before reaching into her nearby purse. She held out a packet of tissues to me, which I gratefully accepted.

“Of course it is. We are here to support you,” she insisted.

I smiled at the girl I loved, wordlessly taking her into my arms and hugging her.

“Let’s try to get some sleep. We’ll need it,” she encouraged.

“Yeah. Come on.”

Mira lay down, playfully motioning for me to lie down next to her. I lay down where she indicated, soon falling asleep in her arms.

Chapter 17: Sunday, May 16, 2010

When I awoke the next morning, she still had one arm around me. For a moment, I lay still, savoring the closeness to Mira, the warmth of her body, the sensation of her arm around me. I looked at her pretty face as she slept, profoundly grateful that I had her in my life.

As I lay there, smiling at Mira, she awakened, her smile mirroring mine. The others were still asleep and our conversation was hushed.

“Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep okay?”

I nodded.

“Yeah, I managed to drop off to sleep pretty soon after we talked.”

“Good. I’m so glad!”

“Me, too. Did you sleep all right?”

“Yeah, I did,” she nodded.

We looked into each other’s eyes, expressing and absorbing love just by looking at each other. We spent a few minutes basking in the moment.

Our bliss was interrupted by the sound of my stomach gurgling. We stifled a giggle.

“Mira, let’s make breakfast for everyone.”

“That’s a wonderful idea.”

“Let’s go.”

We climbed out of our sleeping bags, put on our robes and headed for the kitchen.

“Lilli, did Christine already know about your gender struggle?”

“That could be. A while back, I told her that I needed to dress as a girl at least sometimes or my well-being could be at stake, but I didn’t know what that meant at the time.”

“Okay. I’m with you,” she nodded.

At that, we heard someone shuffling into the kitchen.

“Mmmm! What’s cooking?” Christine asked sleepily.

“Omelet-style scrambled eggs,” I replied smugly.

“Wow, you two are making us breakfast?”

“Yeah. There are a few things that I want to get out into the open and I want your full attention on me,” I half-joked.

“Works for me!” Christine quipped.

Taryn didn’t take long to join us and we were soon eating at the table. Mira reminded me that I had some things to share.

Christine gave me a knowing look, which Taryn picked up on.

“Okay, what do you two know that Mira and I don’t? Come on, spill it!”

We giggled as I looked back and forth between Mira and Taryn.

“Okay, okay. You know how I used to always find an excuse to be around whenever Christine had a slumber party?”

“Yeah, of course,” Taryn acknowledged. “I also remember that Mom started making you leave the house after a while.”

“Yeah, she did — but not because she knew what we were doing — at least, that I’m aware. Anyway, those slumber parties were more like ‘Dress Up Kyle’ parties.”

We chuckled at the thought.

“And I loved dressed up as a girl, I really did,” I admitted.

“Now we know why.” Mira briefly rubbed my shoulder as Christine and Taryn raised their eyebrows.

“Er, I’ll explain that later,” I stalled. “Anyway, at first, Christine and her friends just threw a dress on over my jeans. I hated that, but only because I looked silly.”

That got a laugh.

“Even then, I liked being with a group of girls and sort of being one of them. So, it eventually progressed from that to wearing the dress without my jeans, to wearing girls’ underwear beneath the dress, to adding makeup and jewelry and finally, adding tights. So, Christine and her friends were completely dressing me up starting about two years ago.

“Anyway, there’s one time in particular that I want to talk about, because it was the time when I admitted to Christine that I liked dressing as a girl. This was, again, about two years ago.”

The only sounds in the room were forks clinking on plates.

“Two years ago, at one of Christine’s slumber parties they dressed me up again, of course.”

I told them about the time Christine and her friends caught me after I had slipped my first pair of tights on while they were on the phone.

“Oh, Lilli, that must have been hard.”

Mira wrapped her arms snugly around me.

“Well, it turned out okay. Jill got over it.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Mira rubbed my shoulder.

“Yeah, I was too. She got to see me dressed fully as a girl at a few more parties, but then, like Taryn said, Mom starting making sure I would be out of the house when Christine had her slumber parties. That started about eighteen months ago.”

“Yeah, and it just wasn’t the same without Lilli around,” Christine insisted. “She was always the highlight of the night!”

I blushed when I heard that.

“Well, then why did your mom start kicking you out, honey?” Mira inquired.

“I don’t know, sweetie, I really don’t.”

Christine hesitated a moment.

“I do,” she confessed.

All eyes were on Christine, just like that.

“She told me that sometimes girls need girls-only time without boys around — which is true - and that we couldn’t really have that with Kyle in the room.”

“Wow. She must be really clueless then,” I joked, winning a round of laughs.

“What do you mean, Lilli?” Taryn queried.

I talked about everything that I had noticed about myself as well as what I had been thinking about to figure myself out. I described what I had pondered in the tub. I could hardly leave out my brainstorming while I lay awake in my sleeping bag the previous night. I revealed what I felt at Christine’s slumber parties and what I felt now.

“Anyway, you all know by now where this is going. Christine and Taryn,” I sighed deeply, “I’m a girl. I told Mira last night after you two fell asleep.”

“Oh my God! It must have been hard to look that one in the face,” Taryn observed.

“Yeah, it was, but it was also good to finally know.”

All three girls hugged me, Mira making sure she had the best position.

“Of course, Mom’s coming home today,” I murmured, “and I should probably tell her.”

“Oh, God, that’s right. Christine, what time did Mom say she’s getting home?”

“About dinner time. Why?”

Taryn looked at me.

“Lilli, do you want to come out to Mom today or no?”

I wasn’t relishing the idea, but I would have to do that sometime. Why not now, while I had both of my supportive sisters and my supportive new girlfriend present?

“Yeah, I guess I do. I might as well get it over with.”

Otherwise, I'll stew over it until I do.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Taryn thought for a moment. “All right. Do you want to be dressed as a boy or as a girl when you tell her?”

I considered the question carefully, weighing the advantages and the problems.

“Well, it didn’t work out very well when I surprised Christine and Jill and Sara by slipping on a pair of Christine’s pantyhose under my dress while they were out of the room. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea to be dressed as a girl when I tell Mom. But . . .” I paused. “Then again, maybe it would help her to see the real me. Besides, all three of you have been supportive, so Mom probably will be as well. I guess I’d rather be dressed as a girl.”

“Okay,” Taryn smiled.

Mira hesitated before contributing, “So then you want to look your best, right?”

“Yeah, I do want to look my best.”

“All right. What do you think about getting your hair done-”

I gasped as Mira explained.

“Not like getting a perm or anything, just a shampoo, a conditioning treatment and a trim so it looks good as a girl or a boy,” she assured me.

I relaxed. That sounded pretty good and didn’t seem to carry any threat of me getting beaten up for it.

“I think I would like that - but isn't that expensive?”

“Well,” Mira smirked, “yes, but I know a way around that.”

“Well, okay, if you're sure,” I accepted.

“Trust me, I'm sure!” Her smirk intensified. “But one more question first.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Would you like to have your ears pierced?”

Suddenly, I experienced an acute sense of longing mixed with nerve.

“Yes, I would, but . . .”

“You can get earrings that look masculine. Actually, they have ones that are small silver circles with little beads at the bottom of the circle and you can change the beads. You can get dull gray metal beads that look masculine and when you’re home you can swap in colorful beads that match your outfit and they’ll look feminine.”

That sounded like it could really work!

“Also, Lilli, you can take out your earrings and let the holes close up if you want to or need to. It’s not permanent unless you want it that way,” Mira pointed out. She thought for a moment and added, “If you’re worried about what I will think, well, I can tell you right now that I love you with or without pierced ears. Oh, and if anyone gives you a bad time about your earrings at school then you can just tell them that your girlfriend loves them.”

That made me relax. I smiled at Mira as I deliberated. I decided that Mira and I both loved the idea of piercing my ears.

“Well . . . if you don’t think it would be too much for Mom to absorb the first time she sees me dressed as a girl . . . then I would love to have my ears pierced.”

“That settles it then. Let’s get dressed!” Mira gave me a quick hug before we headed upstairs.

My outfit for the day consisted of a knee-length, black, denim skirt, a black, long-sleeve, cotton top, vivid, teal cardigan, black, nylon tights and casual, black, leather flats. I loved my outfit!

A few minutes later, the girls were dressed and Mira did my makeup for me.

“There you go, beautiful.”

“Thank you, beautiful!”

I kissed her until we needed to fix up our lipstick. Fortunately, my sisters dragged us down the stairs before we could kiss again.

Chapter 18: Sunday, May 16, 2010

As we got into Mira’s car, we began to make plans. Mira drove away, ostensibly with a destination in mind.

“In case you’re wondering where we’re going, I know a good salon that can probably get you in. One of my cousins is a hairdresser there and she’s terrific at it. She has also worked with a few transsexuals as well. You’ll be safe with her, Lilli.”

“I like that idea — if she can fit me in.”

“Let’s give her a call. Could you please dial for me and put it on speakerphone?”

Mira handed me her phone. I liked that Mira didn’t want to use her phone while driving.

“Yeah, no problem. That’s probably a good call so you can drive without crashing us into a tree.”

A few seconds later . . .

“Belle Hair Salon. How can I help you?”

“Hey, cuz! How are ya?”

“Miranda! Hey, it’s great to hear from you. I’m doing pretty well, thanks, how about you?”

“I’m doing great. I just found myself a girlfriend!”

Mira glanced at me with a smile on her face.

“Girlfriend as in a romantic partner?”

“Yes!”

Mira smiled at me again.

“Wow, really? That’s awesome! I’d love to meet her.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that — because we’re on our way over,” Mira giggled.

“Oh, wow, you sure don’t waste any time, girl, do ya?”

“No, I guess not. Anyway, I’m hoping you can do her hair today. Is that possible?”

“Yeah, of course. You know that my Sundays aren’t very busy, so bring her right in!”

“Cool! We’ll see you in a few!”

“Great! I’ll see you soon. Bye, cuz!”

“Bye, cuz!”

Mira smiled at me in the mirror.

“She’s going to like you, Lilli. Don’t worry.”

“Worry? Me?” I smiled back. “Whatever for?”

I scored a round of giggles as Mira turned a hard corner.

Five minutes later, we pulled up in front of the salon. Cousin Belle was blow-drying a client’s hair, but the two of them were the only ones in there.

We walked in the door and Mira greeted her cousin.

“Hi, Belle!”

“Hey, Miranda! Please make yourselves comfortable and I’ll be with you in just a few minutes, okay?”

“No problem!”

We sat down in a waiting area with red lounge chairs on a black and white checkered floor, chatting over some girly magazines. Mira pointed out a few hairdos she wanted to see me sporting in the near future.

After her client paid and left, Belle came to greet us. Since we were the only ones in the salon, she slipped out of professional mode, settling comfortably into cousin-and-friend mode.

“Hey, everyone!”

“Hey! It’s great to see you, Belle!” Mira embraced her cousin. “Anyway, you know Taryn.”

“Hey, Taryn.”

“Hey, Belle!”

“This is Christine, Taryn’s sister–“

“Hey, Christine.”

Christine smiled and waved.

“–and this lovely girl right here,” Mira put her arms around me and leaned her head against mine, “is Lilli, my new girlfriend.”

“Hi, Lilli. Damn, Mira, you really scored!” Belle. marveled.

"Yeah, I did!" Mira smirked.

I blushed and smiled at their antics, my head tilting my head to one side.

"So did I." I murmured, making Mira beam. But it was time to get things started.

“Okay, Belle, I need you to be really nice to Lilli because,” Mira glanced at me and I nodded my approval of her next move, “Lilli is a special girl. She’s one of those girls who got stuck with the wrong body. My poor Lilli.”

Mira embraced me warmly and I decided she couldn't get any better!

Before I could worry about Belle’s reaction to me, she smiled broadly. I actually saw approval in her smile!

“Well, hey, I don’t have any problem with that! In fact, the transgender ones are the most fun!”

“You rock, cuz!”

Miranda hugged her cousin again. I wanted to give her a great big hug as well, but I was feeling very shy.

“Oh, it’s no problem at all!” Belle looked back at me. “So, Lilli, what would you like to have done today?”

I looked at Mira and back at Belle.

“W-well, I might be kind of a challenge because I don’t really know, except I have to go to school as a boy, at least for a while, so my hair has to work that way for now. Well, it has to work as well as it can at this length because I ain’t cuttin’ it. No way, no how.”

We all giggled at that.

“Anyway, I’m also getting my ears pierced today and I don’t want my earrings and my hairdo to look feminine at school — well, actually I do — a lot,” I chuckled nervously, “but it wouldn’t be a good idea for now. I haven’t even come out to my mother yet — oh, speaking of which, I would like to look pretty since I am coming out to her later today!” I glanced at Mira. “I think I’ve covered everything.”

Belle nodded with understanding and Mira stepped in to help me out.

“Yeah, I was just thinking we’d stick to a shampoo, a conditioning treatment and maybe trimming it to one length with a non-permanent inward bob at the bottom.”

“All right. We can definitely do that. Come on over and we’ll get started.”

Belle “prepped” me with proper salon garb, complete with a towel tucked around my neck. She had me sit down at a shampooing station and began my treatment. I found it very relaxing to have my scalp massaged. I immensely enjoyed having wonderful-smelling things worked through my hair. It crossed my mind to hope that I wouldn’t smell that way in the morning — no matter now much I wanted to — since I had to go to school.

Ten minutes later, the shampoo and conditioning treatment were done. Belle used the towel around my neck to absorb some of the water from my hair before seating me out in the main room at her styling station, where she gave my hair the trim it needed.

After an hour of very pleasant massaging, fragrances and styling, my hair looked wonderful.

“Do you like it?”

I beamed like a halogen lamp.

“Yes! I love it! It looks so shiny and fresh and pretty! Thank you so much! Ooh, I can’t wait to see the whole look when I get my ears pierced!”

Belle smirked at me as I looked around at my sisters, my girlfriend and Belle.

“You know, I have to tell you; I feel really pretty and I love how that feels!” I continued gushing.

“Yeah, you’re a girl all right!” Belle quipped.

We giggled at my enthusiasm and her remark.

“Well, I’m glad you’re happy with your new look. There’s a great tattoo parlor a few doors down where you should get your ears pierced. Unfortunately, I’m not equipped to do that here, or I’d be happy to do it.”

“Yeah, I wish we could have that done here, too. But hey, you’ve been great as it is. Thanks so much!”

I embraced Belle, followed immediately by Mira.

“Yeah, Belle, thank you very much!”

“Oh, it was my pleasure!” Belle glanced at me. “You can see why I was telling you that the transgender girls are always the most fun!”

We laughed at Belle's little admission, but I kept wondering about who was paying for my hair.

“Mira, how are we paying for this?”

Mira merely smiled and turned to Belle.

“Did you hear that, Cuz? Lilli wants to know how she's paying for her hair.”

“Well, honey, there's a little-known policy here that transgender girls get their first appointments free of charge.”

“Really?? That's awesome!!”

“Well, it just so happens that I own the place, so . . . I get to do whatever what I want!” Belle flashed a smirk just like Mira's.

I just hugged her. What else could I do?

“Belle, you are awesome!” I gushed, stepping back to put my arm around Mira.

“Why, thank you!”

“Well, good to see you, Cuz, but we've got to get this one home!” Mira explained, embracing me and planting a wonderful kiss on my cheek.

How could I help turning to her and planting one on her mouth?

Mira and Belle waved goodbye one more time. Mira led the way out the door, closing it behind us, and pointing us toward the tattoo parlor.

I had pictured getting my ears pierced at a beauty salon or something. The thought of a tattoo parlor filled my head with images of big, surly, tattoo-covered guys who rode loud motorcycles — the kind who might not be too keen on people like me!

Mira must have picked up on my nerves.

“Are you okay, beautiful?”

I smiled at her compliment. I put my arm around her as I whispered into her ear.

“Are there going to be a bunch of tough guys in there, like motorcycle gangsters or something?”

Mira smirked at me.

“Nah. There’s usually a guy and a girl in there. The guy is maybe five feet eight inches tall and skinny. He’s more funny looking than scary looking.”

We giggled before she continued.

“The girl looks kind of the same. She’s got lots of tattoos and earrings and she looks like she belongs in a tattoo parlor.”

Our laughter attracted the attention of my sisters.

“What are you two laughing about?”

“Oh, Mira was just describing the people who run the tattoo parlor.”

“Yeah, they’re just a little funny looking is all. Don’t worry about it. They’re really nice.”

“I trust you, beautiful,” I smiled at Mira.

She smiled right back.

A few seconds later, we reached the tattoo parlor. It wasn’t how I imagined it. It was nothing remarkable. There was a glass counter with a zillion stud-style earrings in the display area across from another tall display on the opposite wall. The piercing room was in back and that was about it. The man and woman that Mira described were present. I found that Mira had described them accurately.

Ten minutes after I arrived, we walked out of the tattoo parlor with new earrings in my ears and seven pairs of beads — which I insisted on paying for. Fortunately, I had enough in my savings account to cover it without bankrupting myself.

I loved the new beads. Each pair was a different color. They were all translucent except for the solid metal ones. The beads I wore on my earrings were a bold teal to match my sweater. They really did look feminine. I hoped that the gray metal beads would look boyish enough.

“What do you think, sweetie?”

I looked at Mira.

“I love them! They look a lot prettier than I thought they would! I thought the ring parts would look like, well, you know what a pinball looks like. It’s silver colored, but it doesn’t look like silver, right?”

“Right.”

“But these are actually made of silver and they look really pretty!”

Mira smirked at me.

“I thought you’d like them.”

“I do! I love them! Did you get your ears pieced there?”

“Yeah, I sure did!”

“Well, thanks for sharing that part of your history with me.”

“Of course!”

We arrived at Mira’s car and piled in. We chatted merrily along the way about anything but my gender identity. A few minutes later, we were back in Taryn’s room.

“Lilli, do you have any thoughts about what you want to wear when you come out to Mom?”

Christine seemed so genuinely concerned that it touched my heart. I smiled warmly at her.

“Well . . .”

I stood before the mirror, studying my reflection.

“I like what I have on. This outfit is very comfortable, feminine and respectable. It’s casual without being jeans and a t-shirt casual. It’s not that I have a problem with jeans and a t-shirt; it’s just that it’s a very unisex look and I feel that would be a bad idea. I don’t see how I can tell my mother that I am a girl if I seem hesitant to wear a skirt. I don’t think I would be very believable that way and I need her to believe me. I want to look like I’m just another girl. I mean,” I looked at my sisters and my girlfriend, “this is a special occasion — of sorts — and I want to do what a lot of girls would do on a special occasion. I want to look pretty!”

Mira smiled at me.

“Then we won’t change a thing. You’re right. You look comfortable and pretty.”

I smiled back at Mira and kissed her.

“Thanks, sweetie!”

“You’re welcome. Always.”

My smile intensified as I paused for a moment.

“You know what? We’ve got some time until Mom gets home and I would love it if you would show me how to change the beads in my earrings. I should probably know how to do that tomorrow morning.”

“That’s a good thought! I’d be happy to teach you!”

Mira and I continued to exchange smiles as she led me up to my room to show me how my earrings worked, stealing plenty of kisses along the way. The earrings looked like two tiny silver tubes that were bent into circles. One end of each circular tube fit into the other end. The ends were positioned at the bottom of the circles, where the beads would cover them perfectly.

Thus, all I had to do to swap beads was carefully remove one end from the other, slide the old bead off, slide the new bead on, fit one end into the other, and adjust so the ends were at the bottom and the beads covered them. I knew that I would need to practice it, but the procedure was simple and I felt confident that I could master it soon enough.

A glance at my clock told me that it was four o’clock in the afternoon. We left my room to find my sisters so that we could confer about what we would do until Mom arrived home.

After talking it over, we went down to the basement and sat in front of a movie, but nobody was really watching it. I was nervous about coming out to my mother. I had a feeling that the other three girls were vicariously on edge.

My mind kept flipping back and forth. One moment I was convinced that I was right to be dressed as a normal girl. Yet, the next moment, I thought sure that I should change back to boy mode.

Mira knew that I was nervous and she held me close to her. I rested my head on her shoulder; she cuddled her head against mine. I was so grateful to have her in my life in so many ways!

The movie ended just after 6:30pm. Mom called and told us that she would be home in a few minutes. We turned the TV to a sitcom to try to relax. The show got a few good laughs out of us, but I doubt that any one was really watching.

Seven minutes later, we heard my mother call our names.

“Taryn? Kyle? Christine? I’m ho-ome!”

“Hi, Mom!” Taryn responded just to give us a few seconds to breathe.

“Lilli, why don’t you and Mira and Christine stay down here? I will head upstairs and bring Mom down, okay?” Taryn offered.

Mira and I exchanged glances.

“Yeah, that sounds okay.”

“Okay, good.”

“Where is everyone?”

“Down here, Mom!”

Taryn headed up the basement stairs before Mom came down.

I looked at Mira with a nervous expression on my face.

“Well, here goes everything. Wish me luck.”

Mira smiled at me lovingly.

“I wish you all the luck in the world - but I think it’ll be okay.”

I took a deep breath.

“God, I hope so.”

We waited, but Mom and Taryn didn’t come down the stairs for a while. Then Taryn came down and explained that Mom was taking a call on her cell. Taryn went back upstairs and the insufferable wait resumed.

Chapter 19: Sunday, May 16, 2010

Mom’s phone call had taken fifteen excruciating minutes. Taryn came down the stairs first.

“Taryn, what’s going on up there? This is killing me!” I wailed.

“Hang in there, little sis! Mom is on her way down now but, so far, she’s in a good mood.”

“Good! Let’s hope it stays that way!” I remarked. “Did you tell her anything?”

“No. I only said that we wanted to talk with her because something has come up. I mentioned that Christine and Mira and I think it’s something wonderful and we hope she’ll think so, too.”

“Wow. Nice set up, there, Taryn!” Mira joked.

I had just enough time to warmly embrace Mira before I heard footsteps descending the basement stairs. Still nervous about facing my mother, I kept my back to the stairs as long as I could.

“Hello, Miranda. Who’s your friend?” She glanced around the room. “And where’s Kyle?”

“I’m here, Mom.”

I turned around to face my mother. I managed a smile but it was a timid one.

“Kyle? Baby?” Mom began to giggle as she smirked. “I see you’ve been dressed up as a girl again!”

“Well, yes, b-”

“Wait a minute! Are your ears pierced?”

“Well, let m-”

“They are pierced! Will someone please explain what’s going on around here?” Mom demanded, her smile beginning to fade.

Uh oh! Not good! Really not good!

“I’m trying to tell you, Mom.”

I wished she would shut up for ten seconds so I could get a word in!

“I-I’m sorry. Well, let’s be comfortable. Everyone please have a seat,” Mom invited, before noticing that she was the only one standing.

“Oh. Good,” she chuckled.

With a sheepish look on her face, she squeezed onto the overstuffed couch. I found myself sitting between her and Mira.

“Kyle, honey, tell me everything. Please,” Mom requested as she put one arm around me.

“Okay. Here goes!” I cast a cautious glance at Mira, squeezing her hard and receiving a like reply. “On Friday night . . .”

I told my mother the whole story of our weekend. I spoke of Christine’s dares, my newfound romance with Mira, my discovery about my gender identity and how I made that discovery.

“I’m a girl, Mom. I really am. That’s why I always found an excuse to be around when Christine had her slumber parties — at least until you started making me leave the house.”

For a few moments, the room was so silent that I could hear Mira breathing. Waiting for my mother to speak was intolerable!

“Oh, honey . . . come here, baby.”

My mother hugged me for several moments.

“First, I love you no matter what, okay?”

I smiled at my Mom, feeling somewhat relaxed.

“Okay.”

“All right. Second, I have suspected as much for a while now.”

I looked at my mother in total surprise.

“Wha-? You knew? B-but how?”

“I knew that Christine and her friends were dressing you up, honey. Mothers always peek in on their children’s slumber parties — at least, the good ones do.”

“So you saw me dressed as a girl all of those times?”

Mom briefly rolled her eyes.

“Well, probably not all of them.”

We shared a giggle.

“Anyway, whenever Christine and her friends dressed you up, I could see that you were trying your best to hide how much you were enjoying it. After a while, I began to suspect that something more was going on than met the eye and that you might even be a girl.”

Suddenly, I made a connection in my head.

“And you made me leave the house during Christine’s parties because you thought that Christine or one of her friends might figure that out. Then Christine must have asked why you were making me leave and you told her that she and her friends needed girls-only time.”

“Yes, exactly,” Mom nodded, glancing at Christine.

“And Christine couldn’t tell you that I had already admitted to loving and even needing to be dressed as a girl because, well, that’s for me to tell you.”

“That’s right,” Christine confirmed.

“You had already admitted that?” Mom asked in surprise.

“Yes. Six months before you started making me leave the house, I kind of came out to Christine, Jill and Sara. They had already dressed me up when they went to talk to Jen on the phone and I was alone in Christine’s room, so while they were gone, I slipped on a pair of Christine’s tights and some different shoes and, well, they caught me. It didn’t go over so well.”

“Oh no. What happened? Wait, did you already know that you’re a girl?”

“No, I only knew that I needed to dress as a girl — and I really had no idea what that meant. I just thought I had a feminine side that I needed to express because my well-being is at stake – wait a minute!”

Suddenly, I remembered having the funny feeling that I had said something vital while comparing dressing as a boy to walking around in cold temperatures with freezing feet - and when mentioning that I had some relief because I was dressing as a girl from time to time. I now understood where that feeling had come from. Deep down, I did know that I was a girl!

“Okay, um, actually I did know, but not consciously. I had a funny feeling that I was missing something but I didn’t understand what until now. Anyway, what happened was that Jill had some trouble with the idea at first, and on the night I told those three girls, Jill felt that she should go home. But, she did get over it and before long, we were back to . . . well back to the status quo.”

We shared a giggle.

“But then you started making me leave the house,” I shrugged.

“Oooh, I feel kind of guilty now.”

“Eh, don’t. I mean, hell, even I didn’t know what was truly going on until now, so I don’t expect you to have known.”

Mom smiled at me.

“I suppose that’s a good point.”

We fell silent, but I had something on my mind. I glanced at Mira, somehow knowing that her face would give me strength, and spoke my mind.

“Mom, um . . . I-I would really like to be a girl all of the time now. I mean, I know that I can’t be a girl at school, at least for a while, but . . . whenever I’m not in school, I want to be a girl all of the time. Okay? I really need to.”

Mom thought for a moment, probably wondering how the hell she should rule on that one.

“Mom, you have to let her! She needs to be a girl! You must have noticed the way she’s been all moody for a while,” Christine pointed out. “It’s been driving me crazy and I didn’t know what to do about it until I saw Taryn’s lavender dress while we were cleaning out her closet on Friday. That was when the idea of daring Lilli to dress up as a girl again popped into my head,” she smiled smugly. “I had to do something!”

“Is that true? Is that why you pushed so hard for me to dress up again?” I asked, touched that she’d reached out.

“Yes! You were being a little-”

“Careful, young lady!” Mom warned.

Christine glanced at her before shooting me a good-natured “hairy eyeball”.

“Well, I’m glad you did that. I needed it more than you’ll ever know,” I acknowledged. I hugged Christine before looking at Mom. “She’s right, Mom. I really do need to be a girl. Please let me. Please?” I begged her, giving her my best puppy look.

“Hey! That’s my puppy look!” Christine blurted.

“Don’t you mean my puppy look?” Taryn interjected, giving Christine her best Spock eyebrow.

“See? You stole it from Taryn and now I’m stealing it from you!” I zinged Christine. She gave me a playful dirty look before dropping it.

“All right, you three, that’s enough!” Mom sighed. “I have noticed your behavior of late, Lilli. I just didn’t put it together that it was coming from being miserable trying to be a guy.” The room was silent as she deliberated. “That said, I think we’d better . . .”

My heart sank as she trailed off.

“I think we’d better give this a try,” she finished, making me gasp with joy.

“Thank you so much, Mom! Thank you!”

I gave her a big hug that lasted several seconds. When I released her, Mira grabbed me and embraced me.

“See?” she whispered in my ear. “I knew it would be okay.”

“Yeah, you sure did,” I whispered back.

I kissed her hard, right there in front of everyone — and that was it.

Epilogue

For the remainder of the year, every moment outside of school was spent happily as a girl. School itself was something to be tolerated. I got some razzing about my earrings, but the worst I received was being half-heartedly shoved against the lockers a few times. That kept life bearable, but I still couldn’t be happy or comfortable trying to be a guy.

During the summer of 2010, I talked with a therapist regularly. She decided that, since school hours were the only times I wasn’t full-time already, I should begin living as a girl full-time. Fortunately for me, I was happier than I was scared.

That fall, I returned to school as a girl. People looked at me funny all year — and I still got shoved against the lockers a few times — but that was still as bad as it got.

My school had less than four hundred students. This meant that everyone knew I was transitioning. At first, I had felt this would preclude any chance of anonymity, but ultimately, it proved advantageous. I had many friends who stuck up for me. At a smaller school, such friends have a broader influence.

Ultimately, my life was turning out for the better, and I felt lucky for it.

* * * * *

College provided all the anonymity I could want. I was not living in stealth mode, as I informed close friends about me for the sake of openness and honesty, but neither did I advertise my true nature. I had a great deal of unwanted male attention, but I found a way to handle that. I purchased a silver necklace with a lesbian symbol for a pendant. It worked like a magic amulet.

College went smoothly and when we graduated from the same school the same year, Mira and I got married. We had to remain in Massachusetts, where our college was located, to make that happen, but it was well worth it. We had fallen in love with Massachusetts anyway.

We eventually adopted two kids, one of whom is a special girl like me, and . . . well . . . we lived happily ever after.

THE END!

[ Other Stories By Mona Lisa ]