You Must Give In Order To Receive
By Maggiethekitten

by Tahiti

Chapter 3
A Tale of Two Hearts

“Tea is served, my lady,” the Doctor announced as he pushed open the doors to the Tardis control room.

Rose came in on the Doctor’s heels with a smile, “You should feel special, Maggie. He never served me tea.”

Maggie had been staring at the burning embers in the fire place, lost in deep thought when the pair made their entrance. She jumped when their voices broke her from the fog.

“Sorry if we startled you,” Rose apologized as she slipped in next to Maggie on the sofa. “You jumped like a cat on a hot tin roof,” she added with a giggle.

“More like a kitten than a cat I’d say,” as the Doctor looked deep into Maggie’s wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Maggie offered as she turned back toward the fire. “I guess I’d sort of drifted off in thought. I’ve got so much on my mind and well …I’m just not sure what to do or for that matter, what I can do.”

“Well … as for what to do now,” the Doctor reached for the tea pot, “I think your only concern should be whether or not you want milk or sugar in your tea.”

Maggie giggled very little girlishly, “Both, please.”

The Doctor played Mum and served both of the ladies. “Now as far as what can you do? Well … that depends upon you, Maggie. It’s really a matter of what you want and what you’re willing to do to get it.”

Maggie smiled wistfully and sighed, “What I want? Well that’s easy. I want what I’ve always wanted: to be a girl.” she paused and contemplated her last words, “No … that’s not quite right. I feel like I’m already a girl, at least in my heart, what I really need is the body.”

She turned and looked into Rose’s eyes, “I’d give anything for it to be a body like yours. You’re so beautiful, Rose, but I’d take any body, any body at all as long as it was female.”

Rose blushed and took Maggie’s hand, “Thanks Maggie, you’re ever so sweet.”

“And what would you do to get it?” the Doctor asked as he took a sip of tea.

“Anything …my God I’d do anything to be the same as Rose or any other woman, but what difference does it make? I can never be the same. It’s madness to believe otherwise. So see, Doctor, it doesn’t matter that I know what I want or the fact I’d be willing to do anything to have it. All of that is irrelevant if what you want is not possible, and me becoming a complete woman just isn’t possible. I might as well wish to be the Queen of England.”

“Well, your highness,” the Doctor gently teased, “I wouldn’t be so quick to give up on your dream, especially when you have four things going for you.”

“Four things?” Maggie nearly choked on her sip of tea.

“The first two things are Rose and I. I think you might be surprised by how much we could help you.”

Maggie looked around the room, the room far too big to be in a blue box so small. She felt the warmth of a fire that couldn’t possibly be there, as she knew there was no chimney atop the box. She glanced at the oddly dressed beautiful young woman at her side, who in many ways was just another young English girl, and yet so different. She then turned her gaze to the Doctor. This gentle and funny man who accepted her as a woman straight away and who claimed to have visited the moon and heavens beyond, sounded more mad than most of the lot she’d left at the asylum. Yet, there was a reassuring honesty in his voice and his face. None of this could possibly be real, and yet when she looked at him, she had to believe it was.

“Surprised?” she said with a smile, “I’ve been nothing but surprised since I met you and Rose. If you say you can help me, I have to believe you can, and I want to believe you can.”

Maggie sat her cup down, waving off the offer a second one from the Doctor. “Look when I first met the two of you on the bridge, I thought you were as mad as I was. Then, when we stepped inside your horseless tea carriage, I was sure you were some sort of illusionist or hypnotist, but now, for reasons I cant explain, I believe you, Doctor, and you too, Rose. I believe in your magic that somehow makes all this possible and I have to ask … When you say you and Rose can help me, does that mean you can use your magic to give me a woman’s body?”

The Doctor took Maggie’s hand in his, “I wish I could, Maggie, with all my hearts I wish I could, but my ‘magic’ as you call it, isn’t powerful enough to do that.”

The colour drained from Maggie’s face along with her hope. Rose’ eyes misted and her heart went out to this tortured soul. Whether she believed Maggie to truly be a woman or a man, she knew Maggie believed she was a woman, and the pain she felt at being in the wrong body was very much real.

“However,” the Doctor started again, “I still feel we can help.”

“How?” Maggie asked almost on the verge of tears.

“Well … I could do something like the hypnosis you spoke of, only far more powerful than any parlour game. Now while I can’t really take away your female spirit, I might be able to silence her.”

“Silence her? I’m not so sure I like the sound of that.”

“It might not really be so bad. If we can take away that voice, and the memory of ever wishing to be a girl, then with just a little power of suggestion, I might be able to convince you that you are a man. If completely successful, you could become quite content as a man.”

Maggie’s answer was as cold and dead as she would have been had the Doctor and the Rose never happened by. “I’d rather be dead, Doctor. I’d go back to the railing and jump before I’d let you do that.” She rose from the sofa, straightening her dress as she did, and prepared to head for what she thought was still the exit.

“Don’t go, Maggie!” Rose reached out and grabbed her hand. “The Doctor won’t do anything to you that you don’t want him to, right Doctor?”

The Time Lord was quickly at Maggie’s side, “Of course not, Mags. I didn’t really think you would take me up on that offer, but I did have to offer it. It’s a matter of free choice, you know.”

Maggie nodded her understanding and returned to the sofa. Rose took her place next to Maggie, and the Doctor, still playing Mum, poured them each a fresh cuppa.

“Doctor?” Maggie asked as she picked up her cup. “You said something about me having four things going for me, two of which are you and Rose. What are the other two?”

The Doctor looked puzzled a moment and then snapped his fingers when it came to him. “Right! … I’d almost forgotten. Aside from Rose and me, the other two things you have going for you are your two hearts.”

The colour drained from both Maggie’s and Rose’s faces. They spoke in unison, “Two hearts?”

“Well not literally, like a Time Lord has,” the Doctor tapped the left and ride side of his chest to emphasize the point, “but spiritually.”

Now it was Maggie who looked puzzled, “I … I don’t think I understand. You’ve got two hearts?”

Rose leaned over, “It’s true. I’ve heard them both.”

Maggie shook her head in disbelief, “And so do I?”

The Doctor rose and then slipped in next to Maggie on the sofa. Looking into her eyes for permission and receiving it, he gently tapped her chest. “As I said, …not physically, but spiritually. You are what one very revered ancient people called a Two Hearts. They believed that someone like you carries the spirits of both man and woman within you. Those who had this gift were considered to be wise and powerful beings. The head of each village grouping often had a Two Hearts as one of his many wives. It was considered powerful magic to do so.”

“What ancient peoples are those Doctor? Have we travelled to their planet?”

The Doctor looked at Maggie as he answered Rose’s question, “We’re on their planet now. Haven’t you ever heard of the Native American Indian?”

“You mean like cowboys and Indians, Indians?” Rose said in disbelief.

“I’ve read stories about the American Indian,” Maggie said equally in awe, “They are considered savages, and quite aggressive. I’ve heard they had to be contained in confined areas for the safety of the American settlers.”

The Doctor stood up, his face and voice full of disgust, “Savages, indeed! I’ve lived with them, and long before the explorers came round to muck everything up. They are a beautiful gentle people, who live in harmony with each other and with nature. They build no coal belching factories that pollute the skies and the waters, and they kill only what they need to survive. And aggressive? Most met the explorers with open arms and were repaid for the kindness with wholesale slaughter, abuse and disease. And yes, as the 20th century is dawning, they are being confined, but hardly for their benefit or the settler’s safety. They are starved, mistreated, divested of their land, their culture and their ability to raise their own children as they have been raising them for hundreds of years. The savages are the prison keepers, not the poor souls entrapped there!”

Maggie timidly raised her cup. “It’s lovely tea, Doctor.”

The Doctor smiled and rejoined her on the sofa, “Sorry Maggie, sorry Rose … I just can’t abide by this sort of prejudice and ignorance any more than I can from those who would put someone like you in an insane asylum.”

“Thank you Doctor … you are ever so kind. I had no idea how noble these people were or how I was related to them. A two hearts you say? Makes me feel almost like an Indian princess or something,” Maggie giggled as she extended the pinky on her tea cup hand.

Rose spooned a little more sugar into her tea, “So did you meet Pocahontas?”

“Yes, and Sacajawea as well, but those are stories for another time. The point of this all, is that the Native American’s realized that those like Maggie had a special two heart magic, and I believe they were right. Although I consider what you have, to be more of a strength and an insight, than magic. You have been part of both worlds and yet belonged to neither. You know things about being a man no woman could comprehend and things about being a woman no man could comprehend. You’ve had to believe in your heart what no mirror could reflect, or human could see with their eyes.”

The Doctor took Maggie’s hand again, “This had made you suffer beyond anything anyone should have to endure, but you have endured.”

Tears filled Maggie’s eyes, “I’m not that strong. I … I almost didn’t endure. You saw me on the bridge.”

“That doesn’t matter now Maggie. You walked away. You chose life. Your two hearts are strong.” The Doctor offered her a comforting hug and Rose quickly joined in.

When the hug broke the Doctor was back in form. “Now, two things. The first is how can we help you?”

The question was obviously rhetorical as he wasted no time in answering. “The answer is I’m not sure what the answer is. However that being said, I think if you’re willing to take another chance, Miss Maggie O’Malley, and come with Rose and I just like you did from the railing of the bridge, you will find what you’re missing. I can’t guarantee exactly in what form it will come, or where we’ll find it, or for that matter when, but I believe in my two hearts you’ll find it.”

The Doctor flashed his confident smile and offered his hand, “So what say you, Mags ol’ girl? Care to go travelling with us in our horseless tea carriage? I promise you you’ll go places Jules Verne never dreamed of, and you’ll meet people stranger than any Frenchmen you could encounter in Paris. It might be amazing. It might be dangerous. It might be unbelievable, but one thing I can guarantee …”

“It will never be boring!” Rose cut in, stealing the Doctor’s punch line.

“Absolutely!” he concurred.

Maggie looked round the unbelievable horseless carriage and then at her two amazing friends. “Boring?” she thought, “Never!”

That only left dangerous, and quite frankly, after being confined to an asylum, nearly being beaten half to death by her father for dressing in her mother’s clothes, skulking about in the dark alleys of Whitehall like some sort of queer, dressed Jack the Ripper looking for the few safe pubs, and finally standing on the icy rail of London Bridge ready to jump, dangerous didn’t scare her much.

“Permission to join the crew Captain,” Maggie quipped as she curtseyed.

“That’s Doctor,” the Time Lord corrected with a laugh.

“Welcome aboard,” Rose greeted the newest companion with a hug.

“And may the Lord have mercy on your soul”, she added tongue in cheek.

The Doctor rolled his eyes while his two companions had a laugh at his expense, although he didn’t really mind being the butt of the joke. It was well worth it to see the girls laughing.

Rose stopped laughing when she suddenly remembered something the Doctor had forgotten.

“Doctor? You said there were two things. One was offering Maggie passage on the Tardis. What was the other one?”

The Doctor scratched his head and then suddenly it came. “Of course, Scones!”

The Doctor turned without another word and headed toward the Tardis doors.

“Scones?” his two companions echoed.

“Scones!” the Doctor confirmed. “I can’t drink another drop of tea without proper biscuits. And being its 1898, that means London’s finest baker is just a few streets away. Good ol’ Shakespeare, he’ll open up for me even if it’s Christmas Eve.”

“William Shakespeare the writer?” Rose said in disbelief.

“No silly girl,” the Doctor laughed, “he’s been dead for years. I’m talking about Tom Shakespeare, the baker. Makes the finest scones and muffins in all of London.”

Maggie shook her head and wondered if every minute with these two would be like the sixty she’d spent so far. Rose, however, quickly crossed the distance to the Doctor and grabbed his arm before he could disappear out the door.

She lowered her voice as to not alarm Maggie. “Doctor … I want to go with you. Remember what you said about the White and Black Guardian? You said whatever they were up to; we were supposed to face it together. You said you needed me. You can’t leave me here with them out and about. You have to take me with you.”

The Doctor took Rose’s hand in his, “I’ve not forgotten Rose, but … we can’t just leave Maggie here, and I don’t want to take her back out again tonight. I think she’s had enough excitement.”

“But the Guardians, Doctor, what about the Guardians?”

The Doctor’s dark eyes twinkled, “Well … they’ll have to get their own scones. Shakespeare’s are too good to share.”

Rose squeezed the Doctor’s hand, “I’m serious, Doctor. You need me.”

Suddenly the Doctor was just as serious, “Yes Rose, I do need you. I need you to stay here with Maggie. Right now, she needs you more. Please Rose, stay here.”

The Doctor placed his hand between his two hearts, “And don’t worry. You have my word as a Time Lord that I promise not to take on the Black Guardian, Davros and his Daleks, or the Loch Ness Monster while I’m gone.”

Rose rolled her eyes and released her love with a smile, “Go on with you then. Catch your death for all I care.”

It was Rose’s way of saying, “I love you”. The Doctor acknowledged it with a wink and that killer smile of his. That was his way of silently communicating those three big words.

When Rose turned round she saw Maggie smiling nervously at her, “Is everything alright Rose?”

Rose gave her best smile as she walked back toward the sofa. “Oh yeah, no worries. He’s just the Doctor being the Doctor.”

Rose slipped down on the sofa next to Maggie, “Sooo …fancy another cup of tea?” She started to reach for the pot.

“Oh no please, I couldn’t take another drop.”

Rose laughed and patted her tummy. “Me neither. I’m not really so much a tea person. Give me a good ice cold Lilt or a Doctor Pepper, and I’m good to go.”

Maggie stared at her blankly, “A Lilt and a Doctor what?”

Rose laughed, “Never mind … I don’t think those are available in your area yet”.

“Oh,” Maggie filed this along with all the other things she didn’t understand, but accepted as truth because her new friends told it was.

“Rose,” Maggie started as she fidgeted with the lace on her collar, “do you mind very much that I’m tagging along with you and this Doctor fellow?”

“What? Well of course not. It’s going to be nice to have someone, I mean another girl around. Why would you say such a thing?”

Rose hoped the new companion hadn’t caught the unintentional gender slight.

Her voice said she hadn’t or at least she hadn’t been hurt by it. “Well … I just don’t wish to intrude on the two of you. I mean it’s rather obvious that the two of you are a couple.”

“What?” Rose blushed and backed up, “A couple? Me and him? No … no chance of that. He’s too busy flying round saving the universe and causing about as much chaos as he tries to cure, to be committed to anyone. The Doctor? No … he’s just not that type of bloke!”

“Forgive me Rose, if I’m being too bold and presumptuous, but I think you’re wrong. I think he could be committed. And I know quite a bit about commitment after my stay at the Queen’s finest asylum.”

Rose and Maggie both let out a laugh each desperately needed. “But honestly Rose, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. That’s love, alright. There’s no mistaking it. It’s the very same look you give him. I’ve only been a here a very short while but already I could tell that.”

Rose slipped a bit closer to Maggie. “Really? You think so. He really loves me?”

“Look, I’ve not had any personal experience in such matters. Being as I am, well … I just never had much interest in that sort of thing, but I’ve been around and I’ve seen it. I’ve seen the look couples pass as they walk hand in hand through Hyde Park, or going shopping at the market, or riding in a carriage. He loves you alright, Rose, I’m as sure of that as I am my own womanhood.”

Rose stared dreamily into space, “ Oh Maggie I do love him. I love everything about him. I love those cute little sideburns of his. I love his hair, especially when it’s messed up a bit. I love that sparkle he gets in his eyes when he’s just about to do something totally bonkers that somehow manages to save the day. I love the feeling of my hand in his. He’s the bees knees alright and I so do fancy him, but.”
“But”, Maggie gently prodded her on.

“But … I’ve never been sure, really sure how he’s felt about me. I mean I know he likes me or he’d never let me tag along, and I think he loves me … but I don’t know if it’s the whole Romeo and Juliet thing.”

Maggie frowned, “I don’t think I’d hope for that Rose. I’m familiar with the story. It ends rather badly for those two you know.” Maggie winked playfully at her new friend.

Rose smiled in return but her mind was still on the serious subject. “I just wished I knew how he really felt. You know … deep down inside those two hearts of his. Of course, he does talk a lot. God, does he talk a lot, but when it comes to things like this he never really seems to say much.”

Maggie chuckled lightly, “Most men don’t … and being I’m well … sort of an unwilling authority on men you might say. I think you should pay heed to what I say, especially since the Doctor can’t say it yet. He loves you, Rose. I can tell. Just give it time, just give him some time. You’ll see.”

Rose’s eyes misted with happy tears and she hugged her friend who was becoming harder to think of as man with every word she spoke, “Time you say? Well considering he’s a Time Lord, I should have all that I need.”

Maggie giggled and held the hug a moment longer before finally releasing it.

Silence reigned for a few moments until Rose broke it, “Maggie could I ask you something?”

“Of course you can. It’s your turn any way. Ask me anything. The doctors surely did.”

Rose squirmed just a bit.

“Go on,” Maggie said reassuringly, “Ask … please … I promise you I won’t be offended”.

Rose nodded and then searched for the words, “How long have you wanted to be or known you were a girl?”

Maggie didn’t hesitate. “As for wanting to be a girl, all my life, Rose. All my life, or at least as far back as I can remember. I was three or four and my cousin Allyson from Coventry was visiting on holiday. She was nearly six, I think and we had the grandest time playing together in the garden.

I had no sisters, only one brother much older, so I’d never got to play with girls much before. Allyson was so beautiful, with her long hair, dresses and petticoats. I wanted to look just like her and wear the very same clothes. Well … being too young to know shame, I told her so. Allyson thought it was wonderful I wanted to wear her clothes, probably because she positively hated them, and would be more than willing to swap hers for mine. Of course you can imagine what happened next. Off we went into the bushes and off went the clothes.”

Rose was hanging on every word, now glad the Doctor had forced her to stay behind. As usual, and as much as she hated to admit it, he’d been right again. She needed to get to know Maggie to draw her own conclusions, and as the story progressed all the gender confusion began to fade away.

“Allyson had little trouble getting out of her clothes, and even less getting into mine. I, on the other hand, fumbled with the buttons and the hooks. I remember her telling me to turn round and quit wiggling, just as if I were a little sister. That thought brought such joy to my heart, and it grew with each button she slipped through the hole. When she was finally done, I spun around and watched as my dress floated out from me. Allyson laughed and told me to be careful, or I’d show my knickers. I didn’t care. I think I wanted the whole world to see them. I loved it. I loved it all, the lace, the petticoats, the boots, even the faint smell of lilac soap from Allyson’s last bath. I didn’t have enough hair for her to put it up in ribbons, so she tied the ribbons to my wrist and off we went.”

Maggie’s eyes were a mist now, “Rose … when I ran through the garden like that, I swear, I had wings! I felt so alive, so free, so beautiful, so happy, so … so …me! I wished I’d never have to take those clothes off.”

“I kind of understand what you mean, Mags. Girl’s clothes, especially little girl’s clothes are so much prettier, and well, girly than boys’ clothes, especially from your era with all the lace and petticoats.”

Maggie nodded, “Yes … they are, but well … I’m not really so sure if it was really all about the lace and the petticoats. I mean I love those things, I really do but … I think it was more about it being girl’s clothes than it was the clothes themselves. I think if Alysson had been wearing trousers and a woolly jumper, and that was what all the girls were wearing, then I’d of wanted to wear that too.”

Maggie looked into Rose’s eyes, hoping for some understanding or at least acceptance of her feelings, “I don’t know if that makes any sense to you.”

Rose quickly gave it to her, “Yes … I think it does. I think I understand. So, I have to ask … Were you able to get back into your own clothes, or did anyone else see you?”

“My Auntie and my Mum saw me first. They thought it was sort of cute, a bit strange I’m sure, but cute none the less. Being so young … I think it gave me certain liberties with them, but I got none from my brother or my father.”

Maggie leaned over and rubbed her bum, massaging a physical pain long since gone, “My father grabbed me by my arm, pulled down those lovely knickers and gave it to me in front of the whole family. That hurt … that really hurt, but it was what he said that was far worse. He said I was a boy, and not a girl, and that I never would be a girl.”

“But … you already knew that, didn’t you? I mean even at that age, you knew you were a boy, right?”

Maggie paused, desperately trying to find words for a small child’s feelings, “I knew I was dressed like a boy, my hair was cut like a boy, and others referred to me as he, and him, but I didn’t really believe I was a boy. I think I really felt or thought I was a girl with short hair, pants and with a family who treated me like a boy.”

Maggie gave a frustrated sigh, “I ... don’t know, Rose, maybe I didn’t know what I was. I only knew I wanted to look like the other girls and play with the other girls and to grow up one day to be like Mummy, and not like Daddy. Maybe I thought it was a matter of choice. I liked girl things, and I didn’t like boy things, so I decided I was a girl. It wasn’t until my father explained the painful facts to me that I realized I didn’t get to choose. I was so hurt, and so sad, and most of all, so very angry. I hated having to be something I didn’t want to be, and I blamed my father, my mother, God, and finally myself for being a boy. It wasn’t until years later that I realized my father was all wrong. I’d had it right way round in the first place. I really was a girl. I’d always been one.”

“What convinced you?”

“The first time I nearly took my life”.

Rose’s eyes went wide, “You’ve been to the bridge before?”

Maggie smiled wistfully through a trickle of tears, “Yes, some twenty years ago. I was 17 the first time, and attending the academy. There was a dance, a masquerade ball and of course everyone was going. Most of my mates had dates. I, of course as usual, did not, and had no plans on going, until I came up, well acutally we came up with a devilishly dangerous idea.”

Rose smiled and nodded, she knew where this was leading.

“I had a friend. Her name was Emma. She was a good girl, but a commoner, not acceptable in the eyes of the gentry, and therefore not suitable marriage material for a young Kensington boy. Nonetheless, my father was happy to see me paying any attention to the ladies, and encouraged me to spend time with her. He said she’d make me a fine mistress, especially after I’d found a proper woman to take as a wife.”

Maggie chuckled, “Little did he know what transpired at Emma’s flat when I came to call. Oh, I was soon enough out my clothes alright, but instead of jumping into her bed, I’d jump into her clothes. It was just like that summer day with Allyson. It all felt so wonderful, so beautiful, so alive and so free, even though I was anything but free in that corset and layers of padding and lace.”

Rose giggled at that one, and suddenly realized just how comfortable she’d got with Maggie. Sure, the subject matter was a bit different, but talking to Maggie was almost the same as talking with one of her other girl friends.

“So did you ever go out and about, you know …dressed like that?”

“Oh no,” Maggie’s eyes went wide as she shook her head, “I wouldn’t have dreamed of it. The embarrassment I would have brought upon myself would have been terrible, but the embarrassment to the family would have been far greater. My father held favour with Victoria. Such a disgrace to someone in his position would have destroyed him. I never planned to go out, but … but then, I never planned to go to a masquerade ball.”

“Cinderella goes to the ball, eh?” Rose said with a giggle.

“In my case a bit more like Cinderfella,” Maggie quipped.

“You know,” Maggie shook her head in disbelief, “I must have been mad to let Emma talk me into going. Of course I can’t really blame it all on her. Truth was, I was literally dying to get out of the house in a frock, and while I’d have been positively over the moon to just go to the market or walk through the park, the chance to wear a beautiful ball gown and a mask to protect my identity, was temptation beyond common sense.”

“I bet you must have looked lovely.”

Maggie blushed. “Well, I did have the very best of everything for that night. I had a lovely white Parisian gown, unknowingly contributed by my mother …” she added with a wink.

“and a far better wig than this one,” Maggie lamented as she grabbed her hair piece by the front and lifted it up to reveal thinning brown hair.

When Maggie lifted her faux crown she was revealing more to Rose than her receding hairline. She was baring baldness and soul. Both deeply touched the young woman, and she was speechless.

Maggie, however was not, and continued to rattle on about her night at the ball. “You should have seen it. It was long and thick and strawberry blonde. It belonged to a wealthy woman Emma had done a bit of seamstress work for. Poor thing, her hair was thinner than mine, and when she died she’d left it to Emma, all because Emma commented once how beautiful it was. Oh Rose, when I put that wig on and it fell to my waist, I felt like Rapunzel.”

“It sounds so beautiful.”

Maggie sighed dreamily, “It was … and for the first time in my life since that summer afternoon in the garden, so was I.”

“Although,” she added with a giggle, “I could barely breathe stuffed in that corset, and I had stage paint so thick on my cheeks, I wouldn’t have felt a kiss had I got one. And … I very nearly did!”

Rose was sitting on the edge of her seat, “From the handsome prince no doubt?”

“Hardly,” Maggie sighed sadly. “It was a near kiss from the evil villain, also known as David Alan Kensington, or more commonly known to me, as my older brother.”

Rose put her hand over her mouth, “Oh … my … God! Your brother? And he didn’t recognize you?”

“Obviously not at first, or I don’t think he would have asked me to dance. Do bear in mind I did have an owl mask helping hide my true identity.”

“I … I don’t understand what your brother was doing there. I thought you said this was a dance for the students of the academy”

Maggie nodded, “Yes, but unbeknown to me, my brother, a member of the alumni, had volunteered his services as a chaperone, to protect the honour and dignity of the young ladies in attendance.” She blew out a breath in disgust. “It was like leaving the wolf in charge of the sheep. No doubt that womanizing letch tried to take liberties with every young woman there.”

“Including you?”

“Including me.”

“And everything had gone so well until he mucked up the works. Emma and I had no problem when we arrived. I was safely hidden behind my mask, and when the doorman asked us who we unescorted ladies were guests of, Emma smiled and said Edward Kensington. They let us in straight away.”

Rose nearly fell off the sofa, “Oh, that’s priceless, Mags. You were your own date to the ball!”

Maggie giggled, “Precisely … and not only did it get us into the ball, but it gave me a rather convenient out should any young lad fancy a dance or a walk in the moonlight.”

Rose picked it up straight away, “You would tell them you were there waiting for Edward, who I take it was obviously running a little late?”

“Extremely so,” Another giggle followed.

“So did it work well? Were you having fun, or were you too nervous, worried that someone would discover your true identity?”

“For the most part it worked quite well. I only had to use my escape clause once. Timothy Joyce, one of the nicer boys at the academy, and not all together bad looking …” Maggie’s blush was not missed by Rose, “asked me to dance. I begged off using my ready made excuse. He looked genuinely disappointed and then gave me the ultimate compliment by saying that Edward was a lucky man. As he walked away, he had no idea just how lucky Edward was. Of course that luck ran out when David entered.”

Maggie stopped, the smile drained from her face as she relieved the darkness that followed. “Emma had sworn she would never leave my side, but there were so many boys, and I couldn’t begrudge her a few dances. I was sitting and watching her, dancing through her you might say and lost in a bit of daydream. I never saw David come up. Suddenly a strong hand had taken my gloved one and was lifting me up. Startled, I turned to find my very own brother smiling at me and pulling me toward the dance floor. I … I was in shock, I think. I wanted to tell him I was with Edward, but I was afraid he would recognize my voice. I looked toward Emma, hoping she would be looking my way, but her eyes were lost in those of the young man she was dancing with. I was trapped.”

“What did you do?”

“I waltzed and made sure I let him lead.”

“Were you scared?”

“Did Henry create the Church of England? Of course I was! I was positively petrified. I was so sure he would discover that the girl he was dancing with was actually his brother.”

“I can’t imagine how it could get any worse,” Rose said as she shook her head.

“You don’t have to imagine Rose, I’m about to tell you.”

The young blonde was all ears as Maggie told her tale. “Here I am, my brother’s hand holding mine as he leads me round the floor. I’m praying for the end of the waltz and hoping I can disguise my voice well enough to thank him for the dance, and then make my departure. Well … my first prayer was answered but my second one fell on deaf ears. When I begged to take my leave from him he didn’t recognize my voice, but unfortunately, he refused my request. I tried appealing to him as a gentleman, by telling him I had promised all other dances to my beau. I should have known that would be a waste of words. He continued to pursue me across the floor. I looked for Emma and could not find her.

When he took my hand and tried to pull me back out on the floor, I told him I was feeling ill. He pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear that he had a remedy. Evidently said remedy was blowing hot alcohol laden breath on me while dropping his hand dangerously close to my bum as we waltzed.”

“How on Earth did you ever get away?”

“Very much like the fairy tale Cinderella. At the end of the second dance, and having no other recourse I told him my beau was none other than Edward Kensington. Surely, I thought he would at least stand aside for his own brother, but again I was proven wrong. He laughed when I mentioned Edward and told me he was nothing but a boy. What I needed was a man and fortunately for me, he was willing to lend his services.

“And that my dear Rose, is when things went from bad to worse. He led me off the floor and backed me into a secluded corner. Through the slits in my owl mask I could see the hungry look in his eyes. Through the many layers of my gown, I could feel his body pushing against mine. I told him to stop. I begged him to stop, but he wasn’t having any of it. I thought about crying out but realized that would only bring loads of unwanted attention to me. I didn’t know what to do?”

Rose had moved in close beside Maggie. “So what did you do?”

“As I said before, it was all very much like Cinderella. Like the fairy tale princess, I too had lost track of time, and as my bad luck would have it, the clock struck midnight just as David had me in his clutches. Now as anyone knows, midnight at any masquerade ball is the unmasking.”

“Oh, no!” Rose gasped.

“Oh yes! before I could stop him, he pulled the owl mask off my face to reveal the true identity of his lady fair.”

Maggie’s eyes begin to well with tears, “Rose despite all the face paint he knew it was me straight away.”

“What did he say?”

“He never spoke a word. He didn’t have to. The look on his face and in his eyes said it all.”

Maggie was trembling now. “Since I’ve been out about in dress, I’ve become too accustomed to seeing shock, embarrassment, disgust and even fear in the eyes of those who have encountered me. All of those things I saw in David’s eyes, but it was the hatred, pure, blind and overwhelming hatred that frightened and sickened me. I … I was sure that if I didn’t leave at that very moment he would kill me. I felt so horrible that I was tempted to stay around and let him do it. Instead, I bolted across the floor and out the door, leaving no glass slipper behind.”

“Where did you go?”

“I wandered for awhile. I knew I could go back to Emma’s. She hadn’t noticed my leaving, but she was sure to realize my absence eventually. I knew she would come home and try to comfort me, but I wasn’t searching for that kind of short term comfort. I was looking for something a little more permanent.”

Rose knew where she was going, both figuratively and actually.

“I ended up at London Bridge. I walked to the very same spot you and the Doctor found me at. I looked out at the dark waters and thought about my hopeless situation. Now that my brother knew, my parents would know. I didn’t want to face them any more than I wanted to face my mirror reflection. I hurt beyond any pain I’d ever known. I had been born a man, but I was not one. Somehow I knew I was a girl, the same as any other at the ball and yet in every way one measures a woman, I was found lacking. I was ashamed, confused, angry, and feeling utterly hopeless. I hated myself for being this way almost as much as my brother did. I was going mad, lost in the darkness. I … saw no reason to live, and prepared to take the way out that London Bridge so kindly offered, but then an angel appeared.”

To be continued …
Edited by Holly Logan