This is based on Maryanne Peter's vignette Finding Poise.

Josey wanted the date but was upfront that she might not like what he was planning. Trez was sure he would get what he wanted. Saturday Megan said, “I’ll warn you one last time not to trust her date. His brother Dan has a bad reputation.” Megan was true to her word and let that be her last warning.

Many in Josey’s group took time to practice for their big performance. Many, like Josey, talked about who would be there from their families. Josey said my Mom and cousin Michelle were Aunt Karen’s daughters who helped dress Joey as a girl when they were young. Josey said that at first, her Mom told Michelle what she was doing, but one phone call to Michelle changed her mind, and she was now excited that she was coming.

They would be here on Tuesday and stay at Aunt Beth’s lodge.

Josey had done very well in her practice with Michael. Michael wanted to take Josey out that night. He was disappointed, she was going out with a local guy named Trez. Despite that he snuck a kiss with Josey; surprisingly they both enjoyed the kiss.

“Michael that was a surprise, but I need to focus on when we dance,” said Josey. She quickly ran back to her cabin. She told Megan what happened, saying, I might have a date with the wrong boy.”

After her shower, she changed from the dress she planned to wear to a smarter-looking dress. Megan commented, “Are you trying to assure yourself that you made the right choice?”

“Let’s just go to dinner, what will be, will be.”

They were a little late to dinner, which caused more campers to look at them. Some ‘Oohs’ were heard; one girl, as she left told her, “Josey, watch out, don’t get hurt.” Josey checked with Megan, that she hadn’t asked the girl to say that.

Josey and Trez went to a movie, and shortly after it began Trez began to move his hands down; soon he rubbed her leg and then leaned to kiss her. “No, Trez.”

“Shush, be quiet,” Trez said. He brought his hand up and around her shoulders. He whispered, “I’d like more to remember you by.”

Josey asked, “Do you want a trophy to remember me by?” She looked at him, he was looking but wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Something like that,” he snickered kind of to himself.

“Well, there would have to have been something more.”

He said, “I’ll tell you whatever you want.”

“Sorry, not enough, I had feelings for you,” she said, “But I’m not feeling anything back.”

He said, “We should get out of here and be someplace alone. I’ll show you love.” He got up, tugging her hand, he pulled her up; they were leaving.

Josey said, “I’m not going anywhere with you alone. I want to go back to the camp.”

Trez was emphatic, “I got the car, we’ll go now and you'll get back to camp when I’m ready.”

Josey took out her phone and made a call. “Megan, it’s Josey and I’m at the theatre, and I need a ride.”

Megan said, “Josey, it’s not a good time.” Before Megan could say anything else Josey said, “I’m sorry,” and hung up. She called Aunt Beth, despite that it would be embarrassing.

Aunt Beth answered and Josey started to explain. Trez commented, “You are inconvenient for them. Let me give you a ride.”

“She’ll come and give me a ride,” Josey said. Trez left. It was twenty minutes, but first Megan came through the door, and then Aunt Beth was soon behind her. Megan saw a smirk come on Josey’s face and she looked to someone behind her.

Megan said, “You ended our call before I told you I was coming. I’d never leave you out to hang.” Aunt Beth said, “She doesn’t understand yet…”

Josey asked, “What don’t I understand?”

“Neither of us would leave you vulnerable to a prick,” Beth said. “Megan’s too good of a friend. We’re all sisters.”

Beth turned to Megan, “Megan would you and Kristin please follow us to my cabin? “I’ll give Josey a ride.”

Josey told her Aunt Beth that Megan said it wasn’t a good time. “How was I to know she’d come?”

Aunt Beth asked her to wait until the four of them were together. Once all were at the cabin; Kristin hugged Josey, “It’s okay.” She said more but Josey didn’t understand what she said.

They talked, Beth was family, but Megan and now Kristin were sisters too. Josey cried and came in the middle of a hug.

Josey was trembling, shaken, and embarrassed by the night’s events. Aunt Beth suggested Josey stay the night with her, and that Kristin have Josey’s bed and stay with Megan. Josey was going to say if she did Kristin and Megan would make out, but realized her Aunt knew that.

Monday night, her Mom and with her Joey’s friend Sandra arrived. Her Mom had told her of the possibility but she was surprised that Sandra had come. Josey was turning red when Sandra said. “Your Mom thought if you were coming home or going to school as Josey, you’d need a girlfriend to be there for her. Sandy stepped up to Josey and gave her a big hug. “Josey, I’m excited to know this side of you better.
Have you got into shopping? You must have worked hard learning ballet and getting in shape.”

Josey asked, “You’re not put off by my wanting to dance ballet or being a girl?”

Sandy said, “Many of us thought as Joey you were working against something inside you.”

Mom spoke up, “I need to get us checked into Aunt Beth’s bungalow. Can Sandra stay with you for a while?”

“Sandy, I could show you where we’ll be dancing if you want.”

Sandy was excited, “Could you possibly do a few steps for me?” Coach Anna was there and Anna loved putting Josey on exhibition. She was sure Josey wanted to, but at the request of her coach Anna could coax Sandy’s responses.

“You should have seen Joey when he came here. She thought there was a secret to a ballerina looking so good. Her friend Megan and I hit a responsive chord. Once she began improving, she blossomed and Josey became her own person.”

Sandra watched Josey’s performing the various moves and was awestruck.

Two days later were the first performances. The first performance at one was for the beginners by all rights Josey should have been part of it. Josey and others had seen how most of those dancers had progressed. Their performances on the whole were beyond early expectations except for Aunt Beth and the other instructors.

Louise had stepped in to share Josey’s performance in Swan Lake; she was an advanced ballerina, who had a smaller part in their performance later. One could see Louise’s talent, but not having practiced as much with the group benefitted Josey. While Josey’s performance was fairly good, it was the life and spirit she brought to the performance that captured the hearts and applause of the audience.

There was a short reception after they presented Swan Lake. A Critique from the Ballet Review listed Josey Anders as an up-and-coming ballerina to watch for. She acknowledged “Josey brings spirit and life to her performance in Swan Lake. It has been contagious and the performance takes on a new life. She becomes a maturing swan as she emerges in her role.”

The Nutcracker Suite’s second performance stayed on Friday, but the second performance of Swan Lake was brought up on Thursday and had its own performance.

Their troupe was excited they were having their night. Being Princess Odette, the White Swan; Josey was getting more anxious. The other night they were more like the warm-up ballet with the focus going to the older, more experienced, and well-polished performing ballet dancers.

Josey was blessed to come this far, but she was worried that she wasn’t ready to be the focus of so many. She was comforted by her Mother and Sandy’s excitement for her.

Her mother took her aside, “Josey what you need to do is to keep your joy and spirit flowing. You’ve learned and improved a lot. Don’t get distracted by trying to be someone else.”

Sandy stepped toward her, “Once you told me you were jealous of the grace girls show, and said it was unfair… I thought boys got too much attention. More people focused on what boys did… You set your eyes on dancing on your toes; I’m so happy that you have developed so much. I kid you not, I’m so proud of you,” Her kiss came out of nowhere. She was hugging Josey though she had not planned it.

The warmth radiated between them was heartfelt. The longer Sandy hugged Josey both felt the warmth of it. Josey’s fears we melting away.

Sandy tried to apologize as she let go. Josey could only whisper, “Don’t that was so good. Between my Mom and you, I’m ready.”

Having her stomach and muscles tied in knots, Josey had not eaten breakfast. “Mom, I’m hungry and need to eat. Could the three of us, go in town and have a late breakfast?”

Mom said, “Shouldn’t we invite Megan Sharp to go along with us.” Sandra chimed in, “I would to talk with Megan. From what you said she deserves credit for you to get solidly grounded.”

The breakfast went fine, and once back to their cabin; Megan encouraged Josey to get into her stretch and warmup regiments for the evening. Josey without thought changed into her full-body tights, Megan stepped very close to Josey. “That is the second time you started to change in Sandy’s presence. She’s not one of the regulars here and this is not a public locker room.” Josey blushed into a crimson red.

“Except for changing into a white panty, I didn’t see much,” Sandy said as she giggled.

The staff set out, nuts, fruit, and energy snacks for those performing tonight. One building was set aside for makeup and helping with hair. A well-starched doily was placed as Josey’s hair decoration.

Aunt Beth made an unexpected appearance, walking straight to Josey. “Josey, Louise pulled a muscle in her leg and is questionable for doing the first part of Princess Odette’s performance. Instead of someone trying to step into the role at this late time; I am giving the full performance to you. No one will know of the change until Swan Lake begins.” She said, “Anna Roche believes you know the full ballet well enough to handle it.”

Louise soon appeared in the area limping the aid of a crutch. Josey asked what happened; she slipped walking the creek and pulled or bruised something as she landed in the creek. Josey hugged her and felt she missing an opportunity to be seen by others. Louise had tears that Josey tried to soothe. Josey knew she wouldn’t have cared just two months ago.

“Mom, I don’t deserve this; Louise has put in so much time, years. I was a selfish boy wanting something I thought was easy.”

“Yes Josey, you’ve changed; there’s only traces of who you used to be. You’ve worked and learned to be a ballerina. There’s a new spirit in you and she needs to embrace herself. Let your joy come forward, and be in sync with your dance.”

Megan found Josey and took her to stretch and get her mind in sync with Odette. With fifteen minutes to go, Josey was there. Anna Roche had Josey get into position and in sync with the music. “You have this Josey. We believe in you.”

Josey was like a little girl getting to dance as Princess Odette, the White Swan. With the first few steps began an out-of-body performance. There were the other swans; Michel was the Prince, yet also a swan that came alongside her. Being on her toes brought some joy others wouldn’t understand. Being lifted by Michael gave her the feeling of soaring. The ballet was like the transformation taking in place of her.

Oh so soon, she found herself in the fourth act. Her joy almost interfered with her dance, but Michael had caught her, and she was now in sync for her landing. She twirled as the other swans surrounded her and as they bowed she rose in a pirouette. At the end, the audience rose in applause.

Josey bowed and broke into tears of joy. ‘I can’t cry!’ Cynthia helped her to stand and reminded her to curtsey to the crowd. Megan, Anna, and Aunt Beth waited for her off-stage. Josey joined the ensemble as they took one last bow before the audience.

Friday, Josey was happy they danced the night before now she could focus on the experienced troupe of dancers and they performed the March of the Wooden Soldiers. She was in awe of the lead dancers; she was beyond happy for Megan.

Saturday was goodbye and the beginning of a slow trip home. She had loved the reception for her performance, tonight's reception was grand.

Mom, Sandra and take their time going home; spending part of the day shopping and dining near Boston. They stop the next night in New York City and enjoy watching a ballet at the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts. Where they saw Coppélia performed. Meeting three of the ballerinas after the performance was exciting for Josey.

When Josey mentioned Hanna of the New York City Dancer. Tasha, one of the three, texts Hanna to come out and meet Josey from the Walker Ballet Camp up in New Hampshire.

Hanna Sharon came out to visit Josey and took her up on stage, “Josey, please take off your shoes. She asked Josey, “Now follow my lead.” She did as they danced steps from one part of Coppélia. Hanna asked, “Do you know what you just did?”

Josey said, “I’m guessing, it is from your ballet.”

Hanna giggled, “You’ve just danced at Lincoln Center. Do you know what it usually takes to dance here?” Josey knew the answer; every one that grew up near NYC knew the answer. ‘Practice, practice, practice.’

“So after dance camp, do you see the possibility of being in a ballet here? She asked.

“No, but I have a better understanding of what it took to perform that beautiful ballet. Were you able to enjoy being in it? …It looked like poetry come to life. I never thought ballet could be funny like this one was.”

Once back in White Plains, Josey continued as herself except for one weekend a month or whenever a three-day weekend happened. She found it interesting to keep being Joey. The school agreed to allow Josey Anders to be a student at the school for a semester. That became a year and two years led to graduation. Time led to boyfriends and girlfriends. Upon graduation and with the approval of her doctors Josey began formal transitioning. Her hormone regimen allowed for surgeries to come sooner. Josey wasn’t all sugar and spice as real girls aren’t either. And then came college.

She’s in college at Fordham University and planning a wedding for late May.

The End