At choir practice the next day Clare was missing, but her two friends came over to me before we started and apologised for helping her to try to humiliate me. They told me that she was transferring to another school to get away from all the nasty comments she had received after I confronted her in the canteen. It was not something that I had wished for, but I was not sorry to see her go.
“You are doing so well and working together beautifully, I have entered you all into a competition for schools across the whole county.” Miss Rutherford told us before we started singing . We have been allocated a new piece that you have never sung before, so let’s get practising.”
That caused lot of excited chatter which Miss Rutherford let us all get out of our system before she rapped on the desk to get our attention.
“Calm. Down girls, we have a lot of work to do before the competition. One other thing before we start, I don’t want you performing at the competition in the school uniform, you will probably be the youngest choir taking part, and I want you to look more mature and experienced.I’ve chosen an outfit for you all, cyan satin blouses and royal-blue full length skirts. You are all in one of my home economics classes so over the next week that will be your project, making the skirts unless you already have one. I’ll provide the material for you to work with, give me your sizes and the school will provide the blouses.”
When I got home I excitedly told Mum all about the competition and what I would have to do to prepare for it.
“A straight skirt doesn’t sound too challenging, just a couple of seams, a bit of hemming, a gather for the waist and a zip.” Mum encouraged me.
“That is a foreign language to me, I have no idea what you are talking about or how to do it.” I had become accustomed to wearing skirts but making one was totally another level.
“Well you have a week to learn my girl, I’ll get out my old machine that I haven’t used for ages and I’ll show you how to use it, but before all that you need a lesson in the basic stitches, what they look like and what they are used for. I’ll get out my sewing box after dinner and show you how to do them by hand.” I had never really thought about how my clothes were made and held together, but after a couple of hours, having been taught about the different needle sizes and thread grades, and with lots of practice , I was able to do the basic stitches reasonably well, at least on material offcuts, leaving the easier option of her sewing machine for another time.
Life as Livvy was becoming second-nature to me, I didn’t consciously think about getting dressed and doing my make up and hair or mixing with the others at school joining in with the girls in the games period and in the HE classes. I was no longer the centre of attention and gossip at school, I was just one of the many girls there and generally went unnoticed.
Over the next week, after more tuition from Mum using a machine and a couple of sessions in the HE craft room, I had made myself a quite passable skirt which fitted my well-padded shape quite snugly. I felt quite proud of my first outings with a sewing machine.
“You’ve done a good job Livvy, not professional standard, but as good as I would have done, you are a quick learner.” Mum told me when I took the skirt home to show her “It has actually got me back in the mood to start sewing again, it’s a long time since I’ve done anything serious, but I have a bit more time to spare now that you are helping me around the house. I know that quilt cover and pillow sets are not too expensive, but it’s not the same as knowing you have made them yourself and we need some new ones, will you give me a hand with them?”
Of course, once I got over the basics of how to use the machine, it was quite easy, and in some ways relaxing and satisfying. knowing that I was looking at something that I have made myself. It was something that Mum and I could do together as a practical hobby.
Meanwhile rehearsals had started for The Sound of Music and I had been given the role of Liesl, the von Trapp’s eldest daughter which meant that as well as singing the choruses with the rest of the family children, I also had some solos, so along with those rehearsals, school choir practice, helping Mum with her sewing and general school work I was leading a very full busy life.
On he day of the concert competition, with my skirt and blouse over my arm in a wardrobe hanging bag, I joined a gaggle of over excited girls as we boarded the coach taking us to the venue, having a last run through our chosen piece as we travelled.
“Young ladies, and that’s what you are today I’m not calling you girls, you all have your costumes to change into at the venue. You are the youngest choir competing today so I want you to ooze maturity and experience for the judges. Although at school you are only allowed basic makeup, today I want you in full evening glamour style. Most of you already know all about that or think you do, but please go easy on the eyeliner and mascara, I don’t want to see ‘panda eyes’, ok? Those of you that need a bit of help just ask me or one of the other girls.” Miss Rutherford gave us a final pep talk.
I had never been in full makeup so Marie and Lynne worked on me with all sorts foundations, blushers, eye shadows and mascara, lip liner and powder brushes, I didn’t know half of what they were doing, but when I saw the end result I was amazed, I looked so glamorous and grown-up, even more so when I changed into my skirt and blouse, which was cut quite low showing off my cleavage.
We soon arrived and got changed into our performance outfits and Miss Rutherford took lots of group and individual photos of us all before we went out onto the stage.We nervously lined up and took deep breaths as the introductory music started up, before bursting into our song.In front of a large audience, of other choirs, teachers, some parents, and some interested supporters we gave our performance including some solo sections from me. It all went off without a hitch, but we were relieved and glad when it was all over and intensely listened to the other contenders and eagerly awaited the result. As the judges announced the winners in reverse order we were disappointed that we were not placed third or second, but were ecstatic when we were named as the winners, After group hugs all round we trooped up onto the stage, along with Miss Rutherford, to collect our award and give a reprise of our performance. There was a party atmosphere on the coach home, with us all still dressed in our performance outfits and full makeup even though we were not allowed anything alcoholic we were all excited on an adrenaline high.
Mum was flabbergasted when she saw me all dressed up and insisted on taking a lot of photos of me on my own and her and me together, she was so proud and almost as excited as I was.
“You are looking so grown up with that makeup, go and put on a decent dress, I’ll get changed and put on evening makeup and we will go out for a celebration meal together.”
“Can we invite Marie and Lynne and their mums to join us, I’m sure that they will feel like celebrating too?”
I chose a lovely calf length silk-effect cerise dress that Lynne had given me, and quickly redid my nails and eyelids in matching colours, and was soon downstairs when Mum joined me.
“Oh mum, you look gorgeous, I can’t remember you dressing so attractively for ages, you should do it more often, being yourself rather than my mum.”
“It’s not often that I get the opportunity to make the effort, but you’re right, I should try more often. I couldn’t be outshone by my gorgeous daughter could I?”
The girls and their mums had really made an effort too, and a lot of heads turned when we were shown to our seats in the restaurant. We had a truly wonderful meal getting a lot of attention from the waiters and our mums even let us girls have a small glass of wine to join them, making the three of us, me included, feel like young women rather than girls.
Later when I was getting cleaned up ready for bed, Mum came in with a gift bag for me.
“You looked so adorable today and so grown up, I bought you a proper nightdress rather than those sleep sets and light cotton shifts you have been wearing, do you want to try it on?”
I eagerly opened the bag and pulled out a full length ivory silk spaghetti strapped nightdress and held it up against me.
“Go on then, put it on, let’s see how it fits.”
I quickly took off my dress and bra, slipping the nightdress over my head and smoothing it down, giving a twirl before giving mum a big hug.
“Thank you so much Mum, it’s gorgeous, can I keep it on?’
“That’s what it for Livvy dear, although I never thought that I would be buying something like that for you, it really suits you. Finish cleaning off your face and get to your bed, it’s been a full and exciting day for you, I hope that you can sleep.”
We repeated the competition performance in front of the whole school the next morning wearing our performance outfits but, much to the disappointment of a lot of the girls, restricted to basic makeup that we were normally allowed at school. We kept on the outfits for the rest of the day, and everywhere I went people were coming up to me telling me how wonderful my voice was, and how amazing it was that I could hit the really high notes.
Over the next few weeks life at school settled into a routine. I was now totally accepted and even popular after helping to win the contest and taking Clare down a peg or two. I soon settled in with the girls at hockey and home economics, actually enjoying them a lot more than the equivalent boys’ activities I had previously followed.
It was almost time for The Sound of Music to open and we were in the final stages of rehearsals including a full dress rehearsal. Although I was now looking and acting unmistakably as a girl it was felt that my hair was still too short for the part of Liesl and it was arranged for me to visit a salon to have extensions woven in to make it a more appropriate shoulder length. It took some getting used to, particularly the more intensive hair care routine, fixing it up each night so that it did not get too tangled and untidy and learning the delights, or otherwise, of overnight rollers and curling wands, but between my mum, Lynne and Marie, I soon learned the tricks to follow.
The first night performance went well despite a few nerves and hiccups which generally went unnoticed by the audience.The show was enthusiastically received and I got wonderful personal reviews by the critics from the local papers, describing my singing as like the voice of an angel which with a bit of formal coaching could even lead to a successful career as an operatic soprano. As the days went on the performance became more relaxed and polished, but there was a disaster at the end. Going home the night before the final show ‘Maria’ was injured in a car accident and I was asked to take over the role, with Lynne taking my place as Liesl. I spent the whole of the day going over again and again a video that had been recorded earlier in the week learning the lines, the songs and the dance movements. I was not really ready to perform, but as they say, ‘The show must go on’ and I didn’t have much choice.
I waited nervously in the wings while ‘The Nuns’ opened the show with ‘Preludium’, the backdrop was changed from the nunnery to the mountain scene and I walked confidently onto the stage bursting into the title song to thunderous applause as it had been announced that I had taken over the part for the final night at very short notice. My general performance was as good as could be expected in the circumstances but I was told that my singing was perfect, and that really was what the show was all about. As tradition I was presented with an enormous bouquet accompanied by a kiss on the cheek by ‘Captain von Trapp’ after the reprise and final curtain call, which delighted Mum when I gave it to her later at home.
‘Well that all that over now Livvy, does this mean that I will be losing my new daughter and getting my son Ollie back, I’ve got used to having you around and spending more time with me.”
“Let’s not make any rush decisions Mum, it will be a shame to waste all the money time and effort that has been spent on transforming me into Livvy. Besides, I still have a lot of clothes that I haven’t even worn yet, and I am really enjoying my life much more than before, Marie and Lynne have become really close dear friends who care for me. All in all I think Livvy will be around for some time yet.”
For the rest of the summer and back at school in the Autumn, Livvy was still around, becoming more feminine in looks and appearance as I spent more and more time and experiences with my friends Lynne and Marie. I was now totally accepted as a girl and nobody thought of me as Oliver anymore, then disaster struck.
I woke one morning with a sore throat and a hoarse voice, thinking that I had caught an early season cold or flu bug. With cough linctus and tablets the sore throat soon disappeared, but the hoarse voice still remained and would not go away. A visit to the doctor’s confirmed what my mother had suspected, nature had finally caught up with me and my voice had finally broken.
When my voice had stabilised it lay somewhere around the tenor/baritone range, but the purity and quality of the singing voice was no longer there and I reluctantly dropped out of the choir and the stage musicals theatre group. Even more significant was that my natural speech voice had dropped to a more husky boyish tone, which no matter how hard I tried I could not make vaguely feminine-sounding, with my appearance as a girl with the voice of a boy often leading to confusion and strange looks.
“Livvy, are you now going to stay as a girl as you appear to be, or do you want to go back to being a boy to match your voice?” Lynne asked me one day.
“I don’t know what I want to do, to be honest. I have really enjoyed my life recently and feel very comfortable living as a girl, alongside you and Marie, but I have been embarrassed a few times with peoples’ reactions to me and the mismatch between my looks and my voice. I need to talk it through with my mum, we have been getting on so well lately, much better with me as Livvy rather than Oliver, and I don’t want to upset that closer relationship.”
“Whatever you decide, Marie and I will always be your best friends and you will be welcome to spend as much time as you wish with us, as Ollie or Livvy. It doesn’t change anything, you are the same person no matter what clothes you wear.”
After discussions with mum it was decided that life might be easier if I went back to being Oliver. It was clear that I couldn’t continue in the half-way house and I was sure that I didn’t desperately want to go through the medical and surgical transition process to be completely female. After a lot of reading online of the life stories of people that had transitioned, some very successfully and happily, but others with regrets and uncertainty as to whether they had made the right decision, we decided that Oliver would return.
It caused a bit of confusion and embarrassment when I returned to school as Oliver. Most people were unsure as to how to treat me, but most of my friends and classmates, particularly Lynne, Marie, and other girls were happy to accept me as Oliver again. The main problem was with the boys in my classes. Some were openly hostile and sarcastic and sneering calling me all sorts of names, most were just wary and didn’t want to be thought of as too friendly with me in case they would suffer suggestions that they were gay like everyone assumed that I was. Even I had struggles and confusion with the change, I had in a short time gone from being one of the heroines of the competition-winning choir to being someone to be avoided or treated with wariness, particularly in the boys’ sports changing rooms.
The rest of my time at school was not the happiest, everyone knew that I had been living as Livvy and soon other than Lynne and Marie and a few others I was a social outcast, neither the girls or the boys really accepted me as on of them. After taking my exams at 16, I transferred from the school to a sixth-form college on the other side of town where nobody knew me and my life became a lot more comfortable again. I was so disappointed that after my voice settled down all the richness and quality had gone, and even as a baritone it was not good enough to perform in a choir or on stage.
During the next few years at the college and later at university, I had to accept that my time as Livvy was over and put it all behind me, except for a few fancy-dress or costume parties where everyone knew that I was a man in a dress, over the top camping it up, totally different to my time as Livvy living as a normal schoolgirl.
Some years later after we had been to university and settled into our careers, Lynne and I started dating as boyfriend/girlfriend, even going out sometimes as girlfriend/girlfriend, she was happy to accept me as Livvy again occasionally. I started singing again and she and I often performed at the local folk club and open-mic nights where the songs and the involvement of the audience were more important than the purity of the voice. It felt so good to enjoy singing again but in a much more relaxed atmosphere.
Eventually Lynne and I were married, with Marie acting as chief bridesmaid, and we started a family with twins, a boy, Lee, and a girl, Cameron. My time as Livvy had helped me understand the joys and problems that girls and women experience, and getting a different view of the world around me, making me a more rounded and understanding person. We were hoping that maybe Lee and Cammie could share some of each others experiences as they grew up and developed their own life skills, and that they would also benefit from seeing life from a different viewpoint, just like I had done with Lynne and Marie.
The end.
Comments
Inspiration
This story was inspired by an article I recently read about the flamboyant Argentinian male soprano Samuel Mariño who featured at the Glyndebourne festival 2023. He has an amazing operatic soprano voice, and even if his music is not to your taste the quality of his performance will astound you.
https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tVP1zc0zEpJyTFJMS0...
Gill xx
I Still Remember
When my voice broke, I would speak like a girl for ten seconds and then like a frog for five. That went on for a couple of months, and then it was all male (sigh). I already knew I did not want it to be that way but nature decreed otherwise.
Livvy at least got through the competitions.
Lovely story, Gill.
Nature can be cruel
I can't really remember my voice breaking, it was so long ago. It was just a small change iin lifestyle,. But back then gender change or fluidity was not as much of an option or as available as it is now, and wasn't something to really consider.
Im glad you enjoyed the story Joanne, many thanks for commenting.
Gill xx
Voice is Trainable
First off it was a cute story and I must say it, another one of your soft stories. As I spit the feathers out of my mouth. Oliver enjoyed a unique experience as one of the softer sex and then decided to accept what life dealt him. Naturally most never want to be a female even if they experimented once or more times with female attire. That makes most here a special class of people if any polling was done.
Several actresses had a deeper voice, Paula Prentiss, Lauren Bacall, Suzanne Pleshette, to name a few. If one took a good look at what many are actually able to do other than their normal voice, it comes as no surprise many MtF transgender are able to shift into female vocal range as their normal voice. No different than what opera singers do to achieve that range. Some never develop naturally into a deeper range as they mature.
Hugs Ms Chambers, cute story.
Barb
I was one of the more fortunate ones. My doctor asked me to speak in my normal male voice. "Doc, this is my normal voice." Why I get ma'am as a response on the phone so much of the time.
Put this in your Google search engine and don't be surprised what comes up. Transgender training female voice.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Shift into female vocal range.
As youu say Barbie it is possible to learn to shift your voice into the female vocal range but usually at the bottom end of the scale. There are many obvious characteritics that immediately are associated with and visually define a person as male or female, heght, weight body shape, hand and feet size, facial features, dress style, and of course voice.There are many females that have short mannish hair styles, or are exceptionally tall or stocky, or dress androgynously, or have husky voices but they are still obviously female and very feminine overall. Having one or two characteristics of the opposite sex does not cause problems, but when there are other signs the voice can be a giveaway of being transgender. You were lucky that your natural male voice could be rreceiived as female requiring onlly minor canges in tone, inflection or choices of expression.
Gill xx
Lovely Story
This was a lovely story Gill, and thank you for bringing it to us.
I was expecting that Livvie would follow the "usual" route in stories like this, and stay as a girl, so it was a refreshing change that he went back to being Ollie, even though I personally could not imagine going back to the male world, with all of the machismo and posturing. I guess going to a new sixth form college gave him the chance to be whoever he really wanted to be.
Thanks Gill, for a lovely story.
Lucy xx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."
A refreshing change
As you know, Lucy, most of my stories follow the traditional route for this site and the primary chacters end up becoming physically female or at least adopting a female appearance and lifestyle. However in real life social or family responsibilities do not allow that to happen or even be a realistic choice. Many thanks fo#/r commenting and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Gill xx
It was a big change for me when my voice broke.
I wasn’t that good, but I did enjoy singing in a church children’s choir and missed the range I had lost. I eventually wound up singing sort of baritone in choirs. I’m starting to pick up some of that range, but that would be a very difficult process to go through in high school.
I really liked this story!
Gillian Cairns
Singing in a choir
One of the resons that my voice breaking was not such a notable event in my life is that I an not, never have been, and never will be a good singer, in fact I am almost tone deaf and 'sing' almost in a monotone, but I imagine that it would be a more traumatic event for someone with a choral talent.
Thank you Gillian for your support and taking time to comment.
Gill xx
Very satisfying ending.
Sounds like Oliver is fairly content with how his life turned out despite the low point after his voice change.
Very satisfying ending.
Your comment is appreciated SCLar. Most of the stories on this site end up with a gender change to some degree, I was unsure how Oliver reverting to his male self would go down with the readership, but it seems to have gone down well. A lot of people dabble with cross-dressing experimentation , but very few go all the way to surgically and legally changing their persona, occasionally we need to be reminded that it is all not just a one-way street.
Many thanks.
Gill xx
I got the impression that Oliver was not really transgender...
but enjoyed the crossdressing mostly because it helped deepen his friendships with his close friends and enabled better relations with the other female students. Plus it allowed him to participate in activities he enjoyed that are usually considered female activities. It helped him bond with his mother. It also helped him see things from a female viewpoint and appreciate that as well. I enjoy these sorts of stories as much as the ones dealing with actual transgender people.
Excellent!
I, for one, really liked the end. It may not be the one that you or I or other readers on this site would choose in similar circumstances, but like I said in in a comment on the prior chapter, people should make their own choices on such a personal matter, and we should support them regardless of the decision they make. Hopefully Ollie’s mum was able to adjust, and their relationship did not revert to being distant.
Thank you for the lovely novella!
Emma
We all choose our own direction.
Thanks you so much Emma for all your comments on the four chapters they have been truly appreciated, particularly as they come from such an excellent author as yourself.
In relation to readers expectations and the choices available as to how to live our lives, I agree that this is very much down to the circumstances and feelings of each of us as individuals. I have nothing to back up my thoughts, but I would be very surprised if there is even a significant minority of the readers and authors on this site who are truly totally transgender, ie have fully transitioned or even live their lives as crossdressers, and that by far the majority are casual occasional dressers or even just interested parties, but that does not make them any the less welcome to join in and enjoy our community. Obviously we will never know the answer, because even if there were to be some sort of poll, I do not believe that there would be 100% genuine replies. Aplogies if this is a bit deep, I will now get off my soapbox.
Gill xx
The Voice
Like many others commenting, I enjoyed this gentle story. I also enjoyed the male soprano recording. I remember being in the female chorus of my boy's school's production of The Mikado. I had to mime the final performance as my voice broke. I dropped from treble to bass in a couple of weeks. Having said that I would have liked to develop my head voice, as I can manage a bit of countertenor. Pity there was no one at the school who offered to help with that, but it was more than 60 years ago! I have met lots of male altos, and female tenors and even one female bass ... and one basso profundo. It takes all sorts!
Head voice
I'm no expert but it seems that changing from a bass to a countertenor is an amazing leap, suggesting that you have found your head voice. Unfortunately this does not usually translate into the chest voice which is where speech usually falls at a much lower range, but I hope it works for you.
Thank you very much for your comment Columbine (love the name by the way), I'm pleased that you enjoyed Livvy's story.
Gill xx