‘Annabell, you look quite pale, what is wrong my dear?’

I took off my hat and cape and sat down heavily.

‘A maintenance man has just entered the cabin I was using before. If I had still been in there…’
...

A New Life

By Susan Brown

---

 
 

We opened the door into Sally’s and now my cabin and Mummy was still at her desk writing.

She looked up and smiled.

‘There you are dears; did you have a nice walk?’

‘Yes Mummy,’ said Sally.

‘Annabell, you look quite pale, what is wrong my dear?’

I took off my hat and cape and sat down heavily.

‘A maintenance man has just entered the cabin I was using before. If I had still been in there…’

I stopped, quite upset. Soon, I turned to tears. As a girl, I could cry quite easily now without fear of comment, something that a boy of my age would never think of doing unless in pain.

Sally came over and hugged me as did Mummy. It still seemed strange to call her that, but it was nice and comforting to do so.

‘Now Annabel, stop your tears. You are safe now,’ said my new, perhaps temporary, mother, ‘you are safe with us. I think that now you feel able to cry, you have some catching up to do. It is like the floodgates have opened. You are a girl now and girls do cry sometimes.’

This made me feel a bit better and I soon recovered but at the expense of one of Mummy’s delicate lace handkerchiefs!

Whilst Mummy was still busy with her writing, I helped Sally to complete a puzzle of a pretty cottage in the country that she had started earlier. It was a difficult puzzle to complete as there was lots of blue sky and grass.

It was surprising how the time went by as we tried to find what pieces fit where.

We tried to stay quiet and not giggle too much. We held whispered conversations but sometimes we heard shush noises and we had to stay quiet.

Eventually, after a while, it grew dark outside and Mummy called a halt to her writing.

‘Right girls,’ she said putting her pen down and stretching, ‘it is time to dress for dinner. Sally, can you get yourself ready?’

‘Yes Mummy.’

‘Annabel my dear, let us find something suitable for you to wear.’

I followed her over to the wardrobe that held the clothes that I had brought with me.

After sorting through things, she frowned.

‘Hmm, nothing really suitable to wear for dinner, although, I must say that you chose quite well for normal day wear. Let us look at some of Sally’s dresses. You are of a similar size and she has many more choices.’

Sally was over in the corner changing her dress and I made a point of not looking at her as I was quite shy about such things. She was soon ready and sat on her bed reading a book whilst we were sorting out what to wear.

Mummy pulled out several dresses. They all looked pretty to me and I would have loved to try some of them on, but she wasn’t happy with any of them until she pulled out a white satin dress with a pale blue sash and lace ribbon trim. It was so pretty. She also gave me a stiff petticoat, a loose-fitting chemise and also white drawers and long stockings to wear under the beautiful dress.

‘Let me help you to dress Annabel as we need to hurry. Come over to the side here. Do not worry, I was a nurse for my husband and at a hospital some time ago so I have seen more people undressed than I care to mention.’

I looked over at Sally who was engrossed in her book and facing the opposite way. I was shy of my body and the unwanted boy parts and did not want her to see me in a state of undress.

Mummy could see that I was somewhat embarrassed but smiled.

‘Do not worry child,’ she whispered, ‘ Sally will not look this way. I think that she knows that you are shy and uncertain about how you feel about yourself. Now, please take all of your clothes off. You must get used to girls and women changing several times a day. You will soon learn that we girls do suffer for our beauty!’

We both giggled at that and her words put me at ease as I did as I was asked and, with her help, I removed my clothes.

Soon I was standing there with not a stitch on me.

‘Hmm, you are very thin, I can see your ribs quite clearly and…’

She looked down at my boy parts and frowned.

‘Annabel, may I look more closely at this area?’

I turned red and just nodded. I looked at Sally, she was still reading.

‘May I touch you down there?’

I just nodded.

This was all deeply embarrassing for me. I was only happy that she had been a nurse and used to this sort of thing.

‘It all looks a bit swollen,’ she said as she gently felt my sack, for lack of a better word.

‘Ouch!’

‘Hmm, how long have you been in pain down there?’

‘For some time, ever since a boy kicked me there.’

‘Does it hurt all the time?’

‘No, often it is just a dull ache. Occasionally though I get a sharp pain.’

‘All right, put this gown on.’

She passed me a dressing gown and I thankfully put it on as she went over to Sally.

‘Sally, please go to the doctor's office, I believe that it is on F-Deck, and ask for some pills for erm, a headache. Off you go now and be quick, we do not want to be late for dinner.’

‘Is Annabel all right,’ she asked as she glanced over at me sitting in a chair with just a robe gathered around me.

‘Yes, but she has a few aches and pains and such pains that might be helped by some aspirins or morphine. The doctor or nurse will choose what he or she feels is necessary. Now hurry along Sally.’

Sally put on a pretty jacket and with a slightly concerned smile at me, she left the cabin.

Mummy returned to me.

‘Annabel my dear, would you take off your robe and lie on the bed? I want to look more closely at the area that is bothering you. I wish John was here, but he is not and due to the circumstances, I do not believe that you would like the ship’s doctor to examine you unless completely necessary. Am I correct?’

‘Yes Ma’am.’

‘I did say call me Mummy as Sally does, if you wish, but only if you want to, that is.’

‘Sorry Mummy.’

She smiled.

‘That’s better, now would you lie on the bed?’

I did as she asked and laid down on my back. With her, I felt safe and I would trust her with my life. I had always liked her and I suppose, I had been jealous of Sally that she had a wonderful and kind mother and I had tragically lost mine.

She was very gentle with me, but as she was examining me down there, it did hurt somewhat and I did cry out in pain when she gently squeezed a few things.

‘I do not know how much you know about boy parts Annabel…’

‘Very little in the medical way. I do not speak of such things normally.’

‘Did your father know that you were having pains?’

‘I… I never told him. He had enough to worry about.’

‘You should have said something. I am concerned that your testicles are damaged beyond any chance of repair and it seems likely that they will have to be removed soon…’

‘Testicles?’

She pointed at my sack.

‘Oh.’

‘When we arrive in New York, she continued, ‘I will consult with my husband and he will know what to do. In the meantime, we will have to rely on medication to ease your symptoms. Unless you are willing to return to being a boy and then we can see the doctor and…’

‘No, please Mummy, I do not want that. We will be in New York soon, won’t we?’

‘Yes, four or five days from now, depending on the crossing and weather conditions. It is quite calm at the moment so I have hopes of a quick passage. I wish it were sooner because of your problem. However, if your condition worsens, we may have to call in the doctor, but let us not worry about that for the moment. We need to get you dressed; time is pressing.’

My mind was in a whirl as my new temporary mother helped to dress me. I was under no illusion, even at that young age, that my position was in any way permanent and things might change for me when we finally arrived in New York. I now had the additional worry about my health. I had lived with that nagging pain for a long time and had learned to live with it. I never told my father about the attack on me and the damage that I had down below. Dad had enough problems and, in any case, we could not afford a doctor, especially when work for him became all the scarcer.

Now, things were beginning to come to a head and my future seemed somewhat doubtful, despite the reassurances I had received from Mummy.

I longed for everything to be right and dreamed that I would be able to live as a girl and have these kind and loving people as my permanent family.

Whilst I was daydreaming, Mummy had dressed me and I returned to the present as she brushed and put some lovely blue ribbons in my hair.

‘There we are Annabel, as pretty as a picture. Go and look at yourself in the mirror my dear.’

Brushing off my worries, I did as she asked and there, before me, was the reflection of a young girl. I looked even prettier than the last time I looked in the mirror. I was not a vain person, but even I could see that I was indeed very pretty and I could see no sign of the boy I had been born as. The satin dress with the wide blue-ribbon sash around my middle was so pretty and the dress appeared to shimmer and sparkle in the reflection of the cabin lights. Completing the picture, my hair, although slightly shorter than I would have liked, looked lovely with its pretty bows and I truly loved the look.

Mummy came up and hugged me from behind.

‘So pretty, you could never be mistaken for a boy dressed as you are. Now stand up straight.’

I did as she asked.

Gently lifting my hair, she attached a thin gold chain that held a delicate small cross around my neck.

‘Oh, that is so pretty.’ I said, enthusiastically feeling the cross.

‘Yes, my Mama gave it to me when I was your age. You can have it, I have a few others from her and I think that will appreciate your first necklace.’

I turned around and hugged her.

‘Thank you so much!’

‘That is my pleasure Annabel.’

Just then, Sally came in, rather breathlessly.

‘Here you are Mummy,’ she said, handing over a brown paper bag.

She turned to me.

‘Gosh, that dress is so pretty on you. I must try it on soon, I’m quite jealous. Lovely necklace too, just like mine.’

She touched her cross, which looked almost identical to mine but in silver.

I had dragged my eyes away from the mirror when she came in and giggled at her comment. She was grinning and not showing any signs of disapproval at my wearing one of her dresses.

‘Annabel, please come over here,’ said Mummy.

I went over to her. She was holding a bottle and spoon and she poured some of the liquid from the bottle onto the spoon and then I was asked to take it.

It was quite sweet but with a slightly bitter aftertaste that made me grimace. I was given another spoonful and then she went over to the sink and washed the spoon.

‘That should help you Annabel, the medicine is morphine in a sugar solution and is good for removing pain, but you should not rely on it, as can be addictive. Luckily, we will be seeing John soon and he will advise us as to what treatment will be necessary to help you. Now girls, it is time to go. Sally, one of your ribbons needs to be attended to.’

Sally took off her hat, went over to the mirror and fixed her wayward ribbon headband. Whilst she was doing that, I put on my straw boater, affixing it to my hair with pins and then I was ready to go, as were the others after just a few moments. It was interesting to me, that I now felt that dressing this way was the normal thing for me and the fact that most of my life I had dressed as a boy seemed to disappear into the background of my memory after such a short time.

Strange, I thought.

Before leaving the cabin, Mummy handed us girls colourful silk shawls, as the corridors could be a little chilly sometimes. She picked up one for herself and we were finally ready to go for dinner.

As we walked down the corridors and stairs, we passed many people going about their business and some of the crew too, although, luckily, we did not meet anyone who knew me.

Eventually, we found ourselves at the door of the dining room and then we were led to a table in the centre of the room that could seat four.

I removed my hat and then as I went to sit down Mummy spoke.

‘Be careful to sweep your skirt under you Annabel, otherwise, it will be uncomfortable and might crease the fine fabric; just follow what Sally does’

Sally sat down without a problem and looked at me in a superior manner.

I just did the ladylike thing and poked my tongue out at her, as I did as Mummy asked and carefully swept my skirt under me using my hand, as I sat down.

Sally and I both giggled behind our hands.

‘Girls, behave, remember where you are.’

Mummy said this with a slight smile playing on her lips. I do not think that she was too angry at our antics.

The table had a pristine white tablecloth, gleaming silver cutlery placed just so, sparkling clean glasses and a flower decoration as a centrepiece.

The room was crowded and the chatter was rather loud. Over to the corner was a four-piece band playing music and it was all very genteel.

Soon we were being served by a waiter and I ordered Cream of Barley Soup followed by Roast Beef with Brown Gravy and Horseradish followed by Plum Pudding with Sauce. To drink, I asked for lemonade.

I was rather hungry!

As we ate our meal, I was very careful to follow the others in how I ate. It seems strange to say that, but I had not been taught such things whereas Sally and her mother had.

I was lucky that I had not stuck out like a sore thumb on my previous trips to the dining room!

Anyway, I am a quick learner and I do not think that I disgraced myself.

We stuck to speaking about things that would not draw attention to ourselves, as there were tables nearby and they could have heard us talk, despite the noise in the dining room. The last thing I wanted to talk about was the fact that physically anyway, I was considered to be a boy and it could be argued that I was on board under false pretences.

I was, despite getting used to being dressed as a girl and liking it, very new to all of this. I wondered whether I would be found out and exposed as a charlatan. There were people on board who knew me from before. I did not know if my being a girl would be enough to protect me from discovery…

‘Annabel?’

I jumped slightly.

‘Y…yes Ma’am, I mean Mummy?’

‘You did not answer my question.’

‘Sorry.’

‘I asked if you are enjoying your meal.’

‘Yes, it is very nice thank you.’

‘Well, be careful, you do not want to get anything on your pretty dress, now do you?’

‘My pretty dress, I think, Mummy,’ remarked Sally smiling.

‘Do not quibble Sally. If Anabell is wearing the dress, for the moment, it is hers.’

‘Does that mean I can get some more dresses when we arrive in America?’ asked Sally with an innocent look on her face.

‘You have plenty of dresses and many other clothes, already, young lady. I remember us doing an astonishing amount of shopping in London before arriving in Southampton and boarding this ship.’

I smiled, loving the interaction between mother and daughter and hoping against hope that I might be a permanent part of their wonderful family. I knew that I called them Mummy and Sister, as if I was their real sibling, whilst on board the ship. However, when we finally arrive in New York, I new that things might change dramatically. I still had no idea whether Sally’s father would accept me or whether I might just be turned over to the authorities.

I had been given assurances that I would be cared for but I lacked the confidence to fully believe that that was so.

I tried to put such worries to the back of my mind and just enjoyed the moment as I ate my meal, which was lovely.

Sitting there with Mummy and Sally, looking every bit of the girl that I now thought I was and surrounded by people who took all this finery for granted, I could not believe my luck. A few short days before I was at my lowest point and had nothing to look forward to. Now I had some hope that I would finally have some luck and my future might not be as bleak as I thought it was as I mourned the loss of my dear father.

Yes, dear patient reader of this journal, I did believe in my heart that I was indeed a girl, despite my wayward body. It did not make any sense to me that I felt this way, but I accepted it. Whether my dreams of continuing as a girl would be fulfilled, I had no idea, but I would enjoy every moment of it until something happened to change things.

After the lovely meal, we returned to the cabin and put on our coats. We were to have some fresh air on the promenade before retiring for the night.

Soon, wrapped up warm we went up to The Promenade Deck. It wasn’t too windy, although we had to fasten our boater hats under our chins with the ribbons, otherwise we were in danger of losing them overboard!

I was surprised that the sea was so calm. I fully expected the great ship to be going up and down a bit more. I had heard that the Atlantic Ocean could be rough at even that time of year – April. I did not like the idea of getting seasick!

It was an almost cloudless sky with so many stars twinkling above and a luminescent waxing moon casting shadows on the water. It was such a pretty sight.

Like others with a similar idea, we walked a little way along the deck until it grew somewhat colder and then we made our way inside and eventually found ourselves back at our cabin.

Both Sally and I were a little tired and so we were soon in our long white nightdresses and being tucked up in bed.

After kissing Sally goodnight, she turned to me.

‘Any pains Annabel?’

‘No Mummy, the medicine really helps but I do feel very sleepy.’

‘Well, my dear, I do so hope that John will be able to help cure your problem very soon. He is a fine doctor and surgeon and if anyone can put things right, he will.’

‘Will he accept me as I am?’

‘A girl?’

‘Yes.’

‘I have absolutely no doubt that he will love you as much as I and Sally do. Now, I see that you can hardly stay awake, so settle down now and remember, every minute, we are getting nearer to New York and a new life for all of us.’

She kissed me gently on the cheek and then left me to my sleep.

 
 

The next few days were interesting and exciting for me.

The passage was fairly smooth and the weather was fine. Whilst Mummy was busy with her writing, we were relatively free to walk the ship and explore where we were allowed.

On the 13th of April, before lunch, Sally and I were walking along the promenade, it was a little chilly so we had on overcoats, scarves and hats. The only downside to wearing skirts that only went down to mid-calf was that it could be somewhat drafty. Women with longer skirts that reached their ankles were better covered for outdoor excursions. Sally and I had on woollen stockings held up with garters when we ventured forth into the increasingly cold weather outside.

As we walked around the ship, we stopped sometimes to admire the view or to talk to other children who were as excited as us about being on that great ship.

At one point, we were at the rear of the promenade looking behind the ship and the long wake disappearing into the distance. A man came over and stood beside us.

‘Are you enjoying your trip, young ladies?’

He was an elderly man in the uniform of an officer. He had a striking appearance with a grey beard. He had four stripes on his sleeves.

‘Yes thank you Sir,’ I replied, rather shyly.

For once, Sally was struck dumb.

‘We are making good passage and should arrive on time. I’ll leave you to enjoy the view. Good day.’

He touched his hat and moved on.

Sally looked at me.

‘Do you know who that was? She asked.

‘No, an officer, I think.’

‘That was Captain Smith. I’ve seen pictures of him.’

‘He seems nice,’ I replied as I watched him speak to other passengers nearby, I wonder who’s steering the ship?’

‘He has other people to do that silly.’

We both giggled and after a few more minutes, we went inside where it was much warmer.

A few other occasions of note were that I saw several people on the ship who knew me when I was with my dear Father, including that officer that I had been trying to avoid. I had walked to the library and I saw him coming toward me in the corridor and I could not avoid him.

I looked down as he passed and he just said, ‘Good morning Miss,’

It was then that I started to feel a bit easier in myself and relaxed in my persona. As Mummy said when I broached the subject.

‘Annabel, you look nothing like a boy and I believe that you are safe in the knowledge that you will not be seen as anything other than the sweet young girl that you are.’

Sally giggled at the observation that I was ‘a sweet young girl’.

‘Sally,’ said Mummy sternly, ‘I do wish sometimes that you were as sweet as young Annabel here. You would learn a lot from her sometimes.’

Sally scowled at that and behind her mother’s back, she poked her tongue out at me. I did the same to her and that set us off giggling – again!

Mummy sighed and shook her head for some reason!

We spent our time on the voyage, when not braving the weather outside, playing card games like Snap and Happy Families, reading – Sally had several books, and trying on clothes and playing with our hairstyles and looks.

You must remember that I was very new to my feminine life and I had much to learn. It is easy to consider yourself to be a girl, but girls do things somewhat differently than boys. Every day, I learned something new about the mysteries of womanhood, from deportment to how to behave in public or at the table.

It was a wonder to me how I had survived not being found out before that fateful time that Sally came over to me in the dining room and, effectively changed my life forever.

The medicine worked wonders at reducing the various pains that I had. I know that Mummy was worried about me, but I believed that things would be sorted out once I arrived in America, that is if Sally’s father would help me.

As we crossed the Atlantic, it gradually became colder and we, that is Sally and I, were less inclined to go outside. In fact, one of the children, Marie was her name and about the same age as us, said that her mother had told her that one of the sailors had said that he had actually seen a small iceberg the previous evening just before sunset.

That did not worry us as the Titanic was the safest ship afloat and could not sink if hit by anything including icebergs. Although I did not want to dwell on even the possibility of that happening!

We went down to the various meals and I soon got used to the dining room and the correct way to eat the various courses on offer to us. From starters to the main course and then something from the sweet menu.

I had never had such food, that was always cooked to perfection and very fresh. Before, with my father food was something that was needed to keep you alive and active and it was, overall, very plain. The chefs on that great ship seemed to take pride in what they cooked and for that, I was truly grateful. I understood from Mummy that the first-class passengers had even better meals on offer, in even more opulent dining rooms, but I could not imagine that it could have been any better than what we had.

I had the chance to wear quite a lot of Sally’s clothes. The ones I had chosen from that chest in the hold were not, in the main, very good choices, according to Sally. However, it was strange that she wore some of my borrowed ones too!

It was so nice to wear such pretty and sometimes rather delicate clothes. It was all far away from the rough, functional clothes that I was forced to wear when trying to be a normal boy.

Time dragged a little whilst on board and Mummy insisted that we did some learning. Sally had been enrolled in a private day school just outside of New York and she was looking forward to finding new friends there. What was to happen to me was still somewhat up in the air but I would just have to be patient about that. In the meantime, we had to go to the library and borrow various books considered to be helpful and scholarly, such as history, geography and literature and at least attempt to study.

My father did his best to help me regarding my schooling, as he wanted the best for me, even though we were not very well off. I went to elementary school and was taught reading, writing, arithmetic, and religious instruction. I was quite bright and picked things up quickly, although I would not say the same for many of the others in my large class.

If my father was still alive, I would have had to leave school as I was twelve years old and that was the age when most of my contemporaries started to work. To be honest, we needed the money and it was supposed and expected that I would gain an apprenticeship somewhere or go into service.

My father and I both believed that there would be more opportunities for both of us in America, and that was why we intended to leave England.

All this changed when my dear father died.

 
 

On the 14th of April, we were still three days away from our scheduled arrival in New York.

Both Sally and I were increasingly looking forward to arriving, but for me, there was a little apprehension as I have previously mentioned.

In some ways, I did not want our voyage to end. I was getting increasingly comfortable as a sort of daughter and sister to two of the nicest people I had ever known. Sally treated me as a sister and Mummy was just that, a loving mother to me.

We were getting ever closer to New York. We were told in the morning at breakfast that there would be a lifeboat drill later that day, and strangely, I was looking forward to it, as it was something a little bit different. Other than that prospect, it was very much a normal day for us, like the ones before.

Mummy told Sally to go and get some more medicine for me but asked me to stay with her in the cabin. As soon as Sally left, Mummy wanted to see my groin area again.

I took off my knickers petticoat and skirt and laid down on the bed, lifting my blouse as I did so.

Mummy came over and had a look at me, gently feeling the area.

‘Does this hurt?’ she asked as she pressed certain parts.

I winced.

‘A bit,’ I replied.

‘Is the medicine helping?’

‘Yes, it dulls the pain and just after taking the medicine, I am pain-free for a while.’

‘I am not happy with this. Perhaps we should call in the ship's doctor?’

‘Oh please Mummy do not do that. He will discover my secret and all will be lost. We are arriving in New York very soon and Da…I mean your husband will see me and perhaps cure me?’

I must admit that I was very upset at the thought of the ship's doctor examining me and what the ramifications of that would be.

She sighed and shook her head slightly.

‘Get dressed my dear.’

I did as I was asked. I could see that Mummy was thinking about what to do.

Once I had dressed myself, I went over to the desk where she was writing something down. She then turned to me and held my hand.

‘Well Annabel, as you have said, we are getting quite close to our destination and therefore, unless you take a turn for the worse, we will wait until John can see you, but I want you to promise me one thing.’

‘What Mummy?’

‘That if your condition worsens or you feel that you are in any way unwell, you will tell me and I would then take the appropriate action that may include seeing the ship's doctor. Do you agree?’

I just nodded.

‘Say it, please.’

‘I will tell you, on my honour Mummy.’

‘Very well dear. All will be well for you given time. Now go and sit quietly, I have to deal with some correspondence that I should have dealt with some time ago.’

I did as she asked and sat and read a book by Mr Dickens called A Christmas Carol. I knew that it was not Christmas, but it was a favourite story of mine and had read it with my father just a few short months before. I was so pleased that it was in the library.

A few minutes later, Sally returned from her errand with a brown paper bag.

‘Here you are Mummy. The nurse says that Annabel will have to see the doctor if the condition doesn’t improve soon.’

‘Well, I have already discussed this with Annabel and we certainly will see the doctor if need be. Annabel, let me give you your dose.’

I did not like the taste of the medicine but took it like a good girl!

‘Mummy,’ said Sally, ‘there is going to be a children’s tea party down in the second-class lounge, may we go?’

‘Yes, my dear, it will get you out of my hair and perhaps I might get some work done without interruption; when is it to be held?'

'Three o'clock.'

'Well, you both will have to dress nicely as I am sure that others will be in their party frocks.’

‘Even the boys?’ asked Sally, cheekily.

I giggled behind my hand.

‘Silly girl!’

We had dressed nicely and I had on a white dress with a pink ribbon around my waist in my hair and Sally had chosen a sky blue one with white ribbons similarly attired. We both wore shiny black shoes and white long cotton socks.

Before leaving the cabin, we had an inspection from Mummy.

‘Very nice girls. You do look like sisters and very pretty ones too. Now go and enjoy yourselves. I will see you later.’

She kissed us both on our cheeks and we left the cabin to go to the party.

At just before three o’clock we arrived at the second-class lounge.

Others had arrived before us and there were, I suppose, about twenty-five children there, some older and some younger than us, ten boys and fifteen girls, including Sally and I.

I was pleased that we had put on our nice dresses as all the others had made an effort too, even the boys, who were dressed smarty, some with stiff white Eton collars, shirts, jackets and knickerbockers and others in sailor suits, befitting the fact that we were sailing on a ship!

Marie, the girl that we had met previously on the promenade was there in a lovely pale green silk dress and we said hello and sort of stuck together as we were let into the lounge.

We sat at one of the tables with some other children and we had a very jolly time. I had, by now, forgotten any concerns about being discovered as a boy. Dressed as I was, I did not think that there would be any danger of being found out. I had learned a lot from Sally and Mummy about behaving as a well-brought-up girl should and it was all becoming quite natural to me, despite the short space of time that I had been able to dress and be a girl.

I wondered what the other children at my elementary school, now hundreds of miles behind me, would think of this demure young girl sitting in the opulent surroundings of the Titanic Lounge enjoying lemon squash, finger sandwiches and little cakes!

We girls looked upon the boys in a sort of superior way as some of them were less than well behaved and sometimes slightly boisterous and loud.

I was so glad that I did not consider myself to be anything like them!

All too soon, the party was over and we said goodbye to our table companions and made our way back to our cabin. Through the windows, I could see that it was getting dark, but the passage was smooth and there was no sign of any rough weather. We had been so lucky with the weather as the Atlantic had a reputation for rough seas and uncomfortable passages.

We arrived back in the cabin.

‘Did you have a nice time girls?’

‘Yes Mummy,’ said Sally.

‘That is good. I am just going to have a quick bite to eat in the dining room, would you like to come with me?’

‘I’m a bit full up.’ said Sally.

‘Oh, so you would not like to have a cream cake?’

‘I might find room for a little one, how about you, Annabel?’

‘That sounds truly scrumptious,’ I said smiling and rubbing my tummy.

We all laughed at that and then we were soon on our way to the dining room.

When we arrived at the dining room, for once it was rather crowded and we had to join others at a table rather than having one just for us.

As I sat down, I blushed deeply when I saw someone I recognised.

She was the severe lady who said that I was sitting at her table when I went down to dinner, that first time I ventured out to use the dining room.

She peered at me through pince-nez glasses with a slightly disapproving look.

Mummy, nodded to her and to who I thought was probably her husband, a small man who, dare I say it, looked a bit timid compared to his rather formidable looking wife.

We sat down and then, shortly after, a waiter came over and Mummy ordered our drinks; cakes for Sally and me and something a little more substantial for herself.

The lady looked at me through her glasses, frowning slightly.

‘You are the girl who was at my table the other day?’

‘Yes Ma’am,’ I replied, my voice quavering slightly.

‘I am glad that your mother has come down with you.’

She turned to Mummy.

‘You are quite well now?’

‘Pardon?’ she replied.

‘I met your daughter at dinner the other day, she was alone; something that I would not normally approve of, but I understood from her that you were somewhat discomposed, seasick I Think she said?’

‘Erm, yes, I am better now. Thank you for enquiring.’

Mummy looked at me and raised her eyebrows.

I just blushed and closely concentrated on one of the small bows on my dress as Sally giggled behind her hand. I think that she was enjoying my discomfort.

Luckily our drinks and cakes then arrived and the lady turned to her husband and talked quietly to him. He didn’t say much, just nodded and shook his head occasionally.

At one point the lady, I never did find out her name, turned to Mummy.

‘I heard that they cancelled the boat drill, do you know why that is?’

‘No, I have no idea why. Perhaps they will arrange another tomorrow?’

‘Hmm.’

And that was the end of that conversation.

Mummy looked at me and raised her eyebrows.

I just blushed and focused on my cake as Sally giggled behind her hand. I think that she was enjoying my discomfort.

Eventually, we left the dining room and the withering gaze of the severe woman and made our way back to the cabin.

After reading and playing a game of cards, we were told to get ready for bed.

Sally and I made our way to the bathroom, used the toilet, washed our faces and cleaned our teeth.

Soon we were back in the cabin and getting ready for bed. I was tired, possibly caused by my medication but I find that doing very little during the day causes tiredness, don’t you?

Soon we were tucked up in bed and Mummy gave us both a kiss goodnight. This was something that I loved, a mother's sign of affection that I had had little experience of when growing up.

Mummy carried on writing for a while by the light of a small desk lamp, but I was, as I say, quite tired and soon dropped off to sleep.

 
 

I awoke suddenly from a light sleep.

It was very dark, but I had heard a strange noise, a sort of scraping and tearing sound and I could feel a sort of vibration.

I yawned, wondering what the strange sound was.

I was soon to find out.

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