As I turned down the hall, I saw Rachel standing there waiting for me. She didn't seem surprised at all about seeing me dressed like I was. She commented that it was about time I quit hiding under boys clothes. I just stood there and said "Huh? Once again my family had not been the only ones to see something I hadn't. I am so clueless! Anyway, she asked me if I could help her with the project. She said I knew about what it was like to be a boy and she could teach me what I needed to be a girl. I thought it was a great idea. She had always been one of the few people that had treated me like a human being. I wondered if I would be a reliable source of intelligence since I had so obviously failed to convince people that I was much of a male specimen. She told me that she felt more comfortable working with me than some of the others in the class. They always seemed to think that she was not worthy of their time and treated her with indifference much the same way they had done to me. We agreed to get together and talk more about it at lunch.

I went to my homeroom and was further surprised by the lack of a negative reaction by my classmates. I thought it was really strange when the girls gathered around me and asked me where I got such a cute outfit and "What took you so long? I was stunned! I just had to ask why no one had ever said anything to me before now? I was told that they didn't really know what to make of me and were afraid of saying something to offend me. There it was again. The same reason my parents had given for not telling me all these years. I was seething inside that I was so blind for so long. In those first few moments of class, barriers had been broken and I was no longer in the shadows. I believe it will take me a while to fully trust anything anyone tells me. I felt like I had been betrayed and so many had allowed me to suffer needlessly for far too many years. I took my books and sulked off to an isolated corner of the room. In my heart, I knew I was being childish, but I had to work through this hurt. I realized that I needed to talk to someone so I went to Mrs. Avery's office. She was not one of the counselors that had been in on the meetings with my parents. She had just returned from Maternity leave so I felt I could talk to her without her having any preconceived ideas.

Mrs. Avery came into the room and saw me sitting there waiting, my facial features telling her that I really needed to talk to someone. She came over and sat down next to me and asked me what was on my mind. I told her how upset I was about my parents electing not to tell me what others had been saying about me behind my back. I told her how alone I had been all these years when so many classmates had totally ignored me and even bullied me so many times. I told her about being tripped in the hallway the previous day. I did express my relief that the incidents hadn't gone unnoticed and the perpetrators were being dealt with. She admitted that she had been given basic details about my situation when she arrived this morning and was prepared if I had needed to chat. I told her that my sister Joanie and my mother had purchased shoes and clothes for me even before I knew about the assignment for Creative Writing. I thought I had let my initial anger subside, but when I showed up dressed like this, not one of my classmates had expressed any surprise at all. On the contrary, they asked me why it took me so long to show my real self.

I told her that I was mad at myself for not recognizing what everyone else had claimed to know all along. I related what had happened last night when I saw myself in the mirror and admitted that I had often wondered what it would have been like if I had been born a girl. Once Joanie had completed my makeover, a sense of peace had settled over me and it felt like a missing piece of the puzzle had been put in place. I told her that I was in the process of finding a therapist I could trust to guide me through this. She told me she knew a very good one and would give me her name and number if I wanted.I told her that I would rather make that decision instead of my parents. She said it was important for me to feel comfortable with who I would be working with. I agreed and told her that I wanted the reference. She gave me the information and told me to come see her if I needed to talk further. She gave me a pass and a written excuse. I thanked her and left for my next class.

The day continued much the same way with little surprise expressed over my appearance. I met Rachel in the lunchroom and we agreed to meet together to exchange ideas about our approach to the assignment. I suggested that we could get together after school and she could pick my brain. She told me that we could look in her closet and see what would fit me and then she would teach me some more makeup techniques. It blows my mind about how normal it feels to relate to Rachel as another girlfriend. I told her what had been happening in all my classes so far and how amazed I was at her reaction to me. I told her about the anger I felt toward my parents and to a lesser degree Joanie for keeping me in the dark for so long. I told her about feeling so clueless about what had been going on around me. She admitted that I looked like I was really at peace as Alyce. We got up and headed off to our class together marveling at how close we felt and looking forward to the further adventures ahead.

When school finally ended, I let out a huge sigh of relief and started walking to my car. People passed me and actually said "Hi" for the first time ever. I was still nursing my anger at my family, but this did make me feel better. I had hope that things would be better from now on. I had a growing friendship with Rachel and the prospect of more from others in the school. I drove home and got there about the same time as Joanie. The tears began to fall as I ran past her into the house and she was left stunned and wondering what she did to upset me. I ran to my room and locked the door. I realized that I was probably being unfair, but my hurt had festered all day and I had allowed it to overwhelm me. Joanie was pleading for me to open the door and I finally gave in. She had tears in her eyes and said she was sorry for whatever had upset me. She came over and sat on my bed. I turned to her with tears rolling down my cheeks and everything came spilling out. All my anger, frustrations and self doubt, my feeling of betrayal toward Mom and Dad and how my mind had begun to assign blame to my parents for allowing me to go through all the crap I had endured for so long. I was still trying to get my mind around their reasons for doing what they did. Joanie apologized for her part in making me feel this way. I told her that I had thought I had put this behind me last night, but when I had gotten to school and saw how my classmates reacted, it all came flooding back.

She asked me to wait while she made a phone call and notify Mom and Dad about the need for a family meeting. Thankfully, she didn't go into the reasons for it over the phone and she waited by me on the couch as my parents each pulled into the driveway around the same time. Joanie squeezed my hand and gave me a hug. It was time to clear the air and get past the hurt and move on. They came in and sat down across from me and immediately knew that it was me that had called for the meeting.

I tearfully began to talk about my day and how my anger had returned when confronted by my classmates. I admitted that I felt resentment toward them for keeping all this from me and that I had begun to blame them for all the bullying and general apathy that people had shown toward me. They felt they were doing what they felt was right for me at the time. I was still not completely satisfied with their reasons. They then dropped a bomb I never saw coming. They told me that I had been born intersexed and they had been ashamed that they had not had a perfect son or daughter. They decided they wanted a son and would fight hard to keep me that way. They finally began to realize that I was a girl as puberty set in, but they were still trying to deny it. They allowed my uncertainty to continue out of their own selfish desires.

Things came to a head after they were called into the conference at school. They saw the tapes and they could no longer allow me to be stuck in their version of reality. The class assignment was seen as their way out of the corner they painted for themselves. Mom went home and told my sister about what was really going on with me and they went and bought the clothes and shoes for me. Since Joanie knew about the assignment, she was ready when I mentioned it. She suggested all the things I could do to experience life as a girl as a means to finally begin getting me out in the open. Dad finally admitted that a large part of the story they told me last night was pure fabrication. He insisted that Dr. Wegman's medical judgment played a big part in their thinking at the time. He came from the old school of medical practice which believed that outside visual cues were the only factor in determining gender. The State had not totally supported this idea. The topic turned out to be an interesting topic for the class, but had not actually been a part of a social experiment as he first said.

I told them that I was still very angry at them and wanted to choose my own therapist. They would have to work for a long time to restore my trust in them. I also told them that if they dared to keep anything from me again, I was moving out for college and they would never see me again. Mom had tears in her eyes and told me she was sorry and vowed to never lie or keep things from me again. They approved of me choosing my therapist and said they would support me. Dad admitted that he took the cowards way out for so many years with me and promised things would be different from now on. Now I had to choose to move forward and concentrate on doing this paper the best I could. I did make up my mind that I would get some straight answers out of Doc Wegman sooner rather than later. I put that out of my mind for the moment and Tomorrow wold be an interesting day for the old fart. I picked up the phone and called Rachel and got the ball rolling on everything. Somehow, I knew I had begun to turn the corner. This project would be very interesting and I was looking forward to getting to know more about my new friend along the way. I gathered up my materials and headed over to Rachel's house with a much lighter heart.

To be continued....