The Girl in Me
CHAPTERS 1-3
 
by Erin Amelia Fletcher
 
Please keep in mind most names, and some specific details, have been altered, to limit the amount of Strife within those associated within whom may come in contact with this.

This is the parody story to my poem I am a Girl, please enjoy...

 
 

Chapter 1
 
 
It all started when I was born, fate dealt me an unruly hand. I was quiet when I was born, so quiet my mum feared I was a still-born. I was wrapped in blue, and handed to my mum with the words "It's a boy". Mum was happy that her first born was alive, and a boy. She always kept me close even to this day, when I was born she kept me in her room, because she feared baby snatchers (it was the late 80's). That was until she started working, but that'll be later in the story.

My Grandma was very upset that I was born a boy, though I can't say as I blame her. My dad was proud that his first child had been a Son and named me after some sports guy (Derek Fletcher) isn't that a macho thing to do.

I lived a very happy life up until I was about 3 or 4 my newly sister was about 1 or 2 at the time but we were fair in size. We were going to go to Canada's Wonderland theme park, and mum had packed for an overnight stay, for all of us. Nature I think started to kick in to me that night before everyone was awake in the house. It's like I was called to it like a magnetic force. I remember getting out a yellow(ish) sun-dress from the bag and putting it on. Somehow I must have been making a noise doing so and ended up waking my Mum. Mum came down and caught me wearing Mary's sun-dress. The last thing I remember is Mum taking the dress off of me and saying "Boy's don't do that", and "I hope your not going weird on me". I of course was held back by this, leading me to be very confused because I enjoyed it, and would have it on my mind every now and then at that age.

Maybe a month or so after this incident I started having dreams that made me even more confused. One day my Mum was doing the laundry and she was folding a pink party dress of my sister's, and I told her of my dream. "I was wearing the pink dress mommy, and I went outside and everyone was laughing and pointing at me, then everyone treated me like a girl it was real nice" I said. "Well stop having weird dreams, boys don't dream about stuff like that, your not a girl, your a boy and I don't want you going weird on me" she said to me with a disgusted questioning look in her eyes. Somehow this caused a mental block of what nature was trying to tell me, I stopped having the dreams and the thoughts and was my old self as my mum would say.

My dad, whom its hard to say from at that time what I saw and was told, wasn't exactly man of the year. He worked a lot, slept a lot, and if he was awake it was doing negative things to my Mum that I'd rather not mention. I used to try and get his attention, usually by waking during the night and I'd watch a hockey game with him (even though I absolutely hate sports) which ended up with him actually taking me to a game. After awhile I stopped that and pretended to sleep- walk, till he would find me and set me asleep on the couch.

In 1993, I was 4 and my mum and dad got separated (Mum says it was because of abuse, dad says mum was infidelic) I chose the abuse excuse. Be in mind though that Mum got married when she was 19 to my dad who was nearly 32 after only dating for 5 weeks, so she could get away from her parents. Mum got us and the rental house, though the mothers allowance etc... didn't allow much to live on so she rented out the basement to a neighbor, Richard. He was nice though he was to bossy and bigoted for his own good, heck he'd make Archy Bunker look like a ballerina, seriously. Though it was a few months after Richard started living with us and Mum and Richard started a courting relationship. The following summer we moved out of Waterloo and into Kitchener, which Richard came with us and Mum and him started up a common-law relationship.
 
 

Chapter 2
 
 
We were living in Kitchener in a house next-door to my great-aunt Cathy. Richard was working as a construction worker and Mum was working in a plastics factory (dad wasn't paying any child support). I was in the first grade at J. F. Carmichael Public School, and Mary was in Pre-Kindergarten at the same school.

After about a year or 2 living in Kitchener, we needed a babysitter. So Mum and Richard agreed to let my cousin Lisa's friend Ginny babysit us.

Mum was at work and Richard had to go to work but waited for Ginny to show up and introduce us and get her settled in the emergency procedures, phone numbers, and where everything was etc.

Richard then left us alone with the babysitter, Mary was very open to her though I didn't trust her (First babysitter that wasn't family or elderly). We didn't know what to do and Mary suggested we play Barbie's. I was used to it since Mary got her first Barbie stuff we've played together with them. Well this started up a conversation while we played, Mary left to go to the bathroom and the babysitter asked me if I liked playing with dolls.

"Yea, I've been playing dolls with Mary for since she first got them, mum said uncle Mike played dolls with her when she was younger so there wasn't anything wrong with me playing with them" I answered.

"Have you ever played dress-up?" asked Ginny.

"You mean like Halloween" I replied, and Ginny nodded.

"Not unless mum is cleaning out the Halloween stuff, nearer to Halloween". I answered.

"Would you like to play dress-up its really fun for kids your age?" asked Ginny.

"Sure but it's in the ceiling attack, and we can't go up there" I replied.

Mary came back in from the bathroom and wondered what we were talking about.

"Mary would you like to play dress-up, little girls love to play dress-up?" asked Ginny, Mary didn't even take a second to answer "Yes".

"Well seems how were playing Barbie's, why don't you two dress like sisters" suggested Ginny.

"Oh yes that will be fun, but Derek is a boy and a little bigger than me" replied Mary.

"I don't think so, boys don't dress like girls, Mum will think I've gone weird" I said very nervously.

"Well I think we can find something, and it's just for fun and well get you changed before your parents find out" Replied Ginny rather encouraging.

"Please Derek it'll be fun, I always wanted a sister and pretending will make me happy. Mommy and Daddy says its your job as the big brother to make me happy right" stated Mary.

"Well if you all promise me I'll be out of the clothes before Mum and Richard get home, and that you'll keep it a secret, I'll do it" I replied.

"I Promise" Ginny and Mary said in almost unison.

Mary and Ginny started rummaging around in Mary's closet and handed me a pokadot styled sailor dress.

"Go to your room, take off your clothes except for your underwear, and slip this on" encouragly ordered Ginny as she pointed the front from the back (like I was an idiot, Mary wore it a hundred times) I reluctantly left, walking down the hall as if it was the green mile. I kept telling myself this is just for fun, doing my job by Mary by making her happy.

I put on the dress, and had to go to the washroom (nerves go figure) I was washing up after relieving myself, and caught a glimpse of myself. Except for the very short haircut I looked like a girl. My brain (I think) was telling me that I was doing wrong, but everything else like my heart and butterflies in my tummy was saying I was doing right. I braced myself and somehow managed to bring myself to meet back up with Mary and Ginny who were waiting back in Mary's bedroom.

I opened the door and went inside, they gasped Ginny said "You look pretty".

"My big sister lets play Barbie's now" said Mary with excitement pulling me towards the dolls. We played for another hour or so, and I loosened up. Mary had the gall to tell a secret to Ginny

"Derek taught me how to curtsey a year ago when mummy started work" Ginny giggled over that like there was no tomorrow making feel real uneasy.

"Can you show me?" Ginny asked rather curiously. I showed her and explained why I taught her. See Mary was very forgetful and Mum was working so I'd watch Mum when she taught Mary almost anything so if like usual Mary wanted a reminder on something I could show her, and that's how the curtsy teaching came to be. After all, when dad left he said it was my job to be there when Mary or Mum needed me, because I was "the Man of the House".

That night I got my first taste of speed changing, because we lost track of time. Though I luckily got changed and handed the dress back to Ginny only minutes before Richard returned with my Mum. Ginny left saying "see you's tomorrow" and we waved goodbye.

I said hi to Mum and Richard and went to the bathroom. When I came downstairs the worst had happened. I faintly heard what was going on, "So what did you and Derek do with the babysitter today" asked Richard. "We had lots of fun, me and Derek..." said Mary before her Grammar was corrected "Well Derek and I were playing Barbie's, and Derek dressed up in one of my dresses and pretended to be my big sister" continued Mary pointing at me when I was walking into the kitchen to them. Mum nearly had a stroke, and Richard glared at me like you'd expect if I had blown up the world.

I swear it was a minute of total silence that felt like an hour. "So you were dressing like a girl, did you like it, did it make you feel pretty" said Richard with a mocking effeminate loose wrist. "No, she's making it up cause I wouldn't" I replied fairly upset with Mary looking right at her. It was dropped and I went upstairs to my bedroom after super. I promised that one day I'd get even with her for breaking her promise. That night I fell asleep crying, but didn't know why, though I wouldn't get a glimpse of understanding for another year.
 
 

Chapter 3
 
 
Over the next few months I had got callings to the feminine clothing almost like an addiction, I would sneak in the hampers, take from my sisters closet and eventually her drawers. One day I even read and looked through a catalogue for sears in the bathroom. I enjoyed looking through the girls section, and found the cutest Christmas outfit. It had was a plaid skirt (green, red, and black), a pretty light pink blouse, with a velvet style vest of red and green, black Mary-Janes, and white tights. That I think was my first enviousness over girls, which wouldn't go away and only escalated.

One day while Ginny was babysitting Mary and I while Lisa was over, they went out for a little while to do something and Mary had one of her Jean skirts with a belt through the loops laying neatly on her bed. When they left it was like the skirt was a magnet and I was its metal. I stripped my pants off in a rush and attached the skirt in place and put the belt on with some difficulty, observing myself in the mirror. Suddenly I heard the girls coming back and I hurried to change, the belt stuck in place and I swear I must have been hyperventilating. The next thing I knew the door opened while I heard voices "I thought we left the door open" luckily Ginny walked in first, and saw me first sight, pushing Mary and Lisa out into the hall before they saw anything while trying to enter. Ginny closed the door and helped me out of the skirt, trying to undo the belt having almost equal difficulty as I did. Eventually she got it off of me, handing me back my pants.

She sat me down on Mary's bed and asked me why I had on Mary's skirt, I hesitated for a couple of minutes in shame before I answered her.

"They call to me, I can't help it when its on me its like it's my skin, I feel so normal and right with it on" I said kinda without really thinking. "Well that's ok, lots of boys go through a stage like this" replied Ginny.

"But it doesn't feel like a stage it feels natural like a calling, like they were made for me" I said.

"Well obviously that belt wasn't met for you, it was like a finger trap attached to you" said Ginny with a little humorous giggle.

"That was an accident, I felt like was going to die when that happened" I said out of defense (My sense of humor wasn't in good condition at the moment). Suddenly I felt embarrassment and shame again, and I continued by pleading "please don't tell them, please".

"I promise, just don't be so sad over this and put on a smile, ok" answered Ginny as I meekly replied "ok". Ginny then got up patting my head and opening the door letting the others back in.

Ginny told them ask no questions, unknown to me she whimpered to Lisa "I'll tell you later, ok" with Lisa nodding in agreement. The night then passed peaceful with me a little quiet while I was putting up a front for one of the first times in my life.

A couple of nights later my parents asked Ginny to babysit us while we were already asleep. Ginny was left alone and invited Lisa over with her. Then it all started in the middle of the night Ginny awoke Mary and I telling us we could stay up as she was babysitting.

"I still don't believe that he does it, Gin" said Lisa. "He does trust me I've seen it and he says he enjoys it like they were made for him" replied Ginny in a almost loud whisper, that I over heard and got a cringe in my stomach.

"Hey Derek, do you want to play dress-up I know you really enjoy it" said Ginny in a giggle. I think I went beat red and almost fainted.

"No your crazy Ginny, I've never played dress-up in my life" I said in a white-lie defense.

"Yes you have Derek, a few months ago remember" said Mary yawning as she spoke wearing her long white nighty with a little ribbon on the front holding a multi-colored clown (I hated clowns and gave it to her).

"Oh come on silly if you don't we'll make you" said Ginny kinda demanding and ticked off. I then ran away to get rid of them hiding in Mary's closet sitting in a fetal position. Lisa then found me and asked why I'm afraid as it's only a game, and I told her that "she promised me she wouldn't tell, just like Mary".

"So it is true then, well it'll be our little secret and I won't go blabbing. Wait here ok and I'll tell her to back off, you look like you've seen a ghost" said Lisa empathically.

I cannot recall much of what happened that night after that scenario, except when I was put in bed Ginny came right to me and tucked me in she said point blank, "if you get me fired, I'll tell everyone your secret". I of course didn't want that at least not then.

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To Be Continued...