I was silent with shock for a bit. Millie didn't say anything, much to her credit. "How did you know?" I asked in a quiet voice. Her lips compressed in sympathy. "A lot of little things. Your brows aren't shaped right, your hair is too short for the style you have it in, and the dress, while it is certainly beautiful, is more appropriate for an Advent service than an Easter one." She looked at me sympathetically. "I'm guessing that you've never actually done this before, just read and learned what you could on your own?"   Samantha's Story part 2 By Maid Joy

I was silent with shock for a bit. Millie didn't say anything, much to her credit.

"How did you know?" I asked in a quiet voice.

Her lips compressed in sympathy. "A lot of little things. Your brows aren't shaped right, your hair is too short for the style you have it in, and the dress, while it is certainly beautiful, is more appropriate for an Advent service than an Easter one." She looked at me sympathetically. "I'm guessing that you've never actually done this before, just read and learned what you could on your own?"

I nodded my head. I couldn't speak. She had spotted me the first time out. My worst fear was now realized and I was about to be humiliated.

I found myself sitting on one of the chairs and crying into my hands. I couldn't seem to stop it. All my hopes and fears dashed in one day.

I felt her weight settle near me. Her arms were around me soon after that. "Honey, don't cry. I'm not going to say anything and you don't have to be embarrassed. I've seen transvestites and crossdressers before, so you are no shock to me. It's okay." She held me to her like a mother would while I cried.

It was an odd cry. I wasn't happy or sad. I felt humiliated, but also relieved. I couldn't believe that she would keep my secret, or that she wouldn't care that I was an aberrant freak.

She just rocked me and tried to get me to calm down. She didn't really say much other than the normal motherly sounds that get a hysterical child to calm down. It worked too, because I found myself relaxing and not crying as much. Finally I took some shuddering breaths and stopped.

Millie let me go and said, "There, feel better?" I nodded my head a bit. She continued, "Except now you eyes and nose hurts and you can't breathe and pretty soon you will have a headache. Come on, we'll go 'backstage' to get you cleaned up."

In a Catholic church the area she led me to would be called a "vestry". It was a series of offices, storage and changing areas for the church personnel which allowed them to do their thing without opening up the chapel all the time. There were practice rooms for the choir, changing areas for the pastor and rooms for the Sunday School people.

She led me to her husband's office and grabbed a fat wad of tissues for me. I was beyond caring about my makeup now, I just blew my nose until nothing else came out. I scrubbed at my eyes to get the tears off and then looked for a place to toss the bundle.

She took them from me and tossed them into a trash can. "Now, I think we need to start over. I'm Millie Porter. Pastor Kenneth Porter is my husband and I am also the Choir director here. I've been married to Ken since I can remember, although it's only 30 years instead of the 12 or so weeks that it feels like. We've been here for the last 8 years and I think that Ken's going to retire in this church. I've sent three children off to various schools in my time, seen my two girls married and my boy into the Marines as a Chaplain. I have four grandchildren, and another on the way, and I have more room in my heart for other children that show up. Just about everyone here calls me 'Mom' Porter, and I want you to feel free to do that as well. No obligation, no need to be baptized or anything, no pressure. Just a friend and a person to confide in and who can help you with life, if you want me in that capacity."

I had watched her while she spoke. I couldn't tell if she was lying, but everything inside my heart told me to trust her as I would any of my closest friends. I opened my mouth to respond to her, but the door suddenly opened and Paster Porter walked in.

Have you ever seen two people who were absolutely meant to be together in the same room before? Light seems to bloom out of the very air around them and you can almost see the ties of love and respect between them as if they were a physical thing.

I glanced at Millie and I saw her smile grow even brighter, if that was possible. Her eyes lit up with an inner fire that told me that they were very much in love. Incredibly when I looked back at the Pastor, I saw the exact same things in his eyes.

"Ah, here's my love. I had been looking for you, and now I have you trapped." He absently noticed me at that point. "Oh, I'm sorry. I seem to be interrupting something." He came over and held out his hand. "Pastor Porter. The luckiest man in the world, doing a job he loves with the woman that makes life Heaven on Earth." We shook hands.

"Sam Fraizer." I introduced myself.

"Sam, surely that's short for Samantha?" Pastor Porter questioned.

"Er, yes. Sorry, everyone calls me Sam."

"I think Samantha is a perfectly lovely name and it suits you more than Sam." His attention turned off me and back to his wife. "I stopped in to find out what happened to the choir loft and if you needed me to finish up." He stepped up to his wife and took her in his arms and kissed her soundly on the forehead.

"Oh, thank you Ken. I got involved with Samantha here and didn't manage to finish up. Could you do that for me?" She looked in his eyes and seemed to melt.

"Absolutely no problem Millicent. I'll get it done directly and go to the BBQ and egg hunt out back. Can't have a good old-fashioned service without food, now can we? Feed their souls and their bodies." He kissed her again.

"It was a pleasure meeting you Samantha. I hope you decide to keep coming back here." A few seconds later he was gone and the door was shut firmly behind him.

She sighed happily and turned back to me still looking a bit floaty. "A more wonderful man you may never find, but I truly hope you do hon. Now, you were about to say...?" she prompted.

"My name really is Sam Fraizer. As you guessed I am a student at the college, majoring in video production. I've never really been a joiner in anything, and as you guessed I'm not a real girl. As you also guessed, this is my first time out en femme, as it were, and I wanted to show off here. I had hoped that I could blend in and not be noticed other than as a beautiful woman in her Easter Dress."

"Well, honey, as I said before, the dress you have on is much more appropriate for a Christmas season service instead of an Easter service. What prompted you to choose that dress?"

"It was the most appropriate thing in the Salvation Army store I could find."

Millie nodded. "Ah, I see. All the Easter dresses would have been bought out already and the only things left are what was donated after Christmas season ended. So you had to make do. Thrifty of you, but I think that you might have been better served with buying a new gown directly."

"I would have but I don't have the money, truth to tell. I'm on a student's stipend that barely covers my expenses, and there are days when all I have to eat all day are 50 ¢ biscuits and $1.00 cheese on them which gives me three meals. It's one reason I'm so skinny."

That candid answer didn't seem to sit well with Millie. "Sam, if you had your absolute top choice, what would you be? I mean sex-wise."

"A girl," I said without hesitation. "I've wanted to be one as long as I can remember. That impulse to talk about it got beaten out of me when I was young, but the need never went away." I stopped talking for a little bit while I got my emotions under control. "I tried this once before. I took one of my sister's old gowns and dressed up in it and tried to go out. Mom thought it was funny at first, but as I persisted she got more and more frightened. Finally my father stepped in and that was it. I'm probably going to have a flashback tonight." I thought it would be a small price to pay for today.

She looked angry now. Even the therapist that I went to "cure" me who thought it was just over the top. He had said that while those impulses were unnatural, beating never drove a demon out, only God did that. So I was prayed over for quite some time and I pretended to be cured, just to get it to stop.

But once I was out from under their thumb, I thought it safe to indulge. Silly me.

I looked up. "I guess I will go home now and just try to forget that this ever happened. Thank you for being so nice to me. I won't forget it."

I stood, but not before Millie got one of the church business cards in my hands. "Please, Samantha, call me or Ken if you need any help. We know a lot of people around here. It would be a shame if you gave up your dreams because of today."

I nodded and put the card in my purse. I'd empty it out when I got back to the apartment.