Cuz I got a peaceful...
Easy Feeling....
And I know you won't let me down...

I had this song playing in my head over and over. The Eagles and more than that, Glenn Fry, really put into words what I had deep in my soul at this point.

Two years. The first was spent doing all the back and forth with various agencies and people, coming out to my family, talking to them about my "issues". I got so tired of talking that first year, everyone required an explanation.

Then the day came when I tossed all the old clothes into the donation bin at Goodwill. It fit since I got most of my new wardrobe from the same racks. I had problems when I would buy one skirt, but to have to assemble collection of like 20+ outfits (skirts, slacks, pants, jeans, blouses, shells, t-shirts, jackets, scarves, hats, shoes, boots, sandals and more) had me nearly sweating blood.

But I got through it and a couple ladies I was shopping around (not with, they hadn't come with me) even lent some advice and a hand. Then new bras and panties and so on, the intimate stuff (only new, recycled top clothes I can stand, not underthings).

I don't know, I didn't think the hormones were working at all. Yeah, I grew breasts, but it was like nothing else was going on.

But now, I only hear "ma'am" when I go out, even when I'm slumming in nothing but PJ bottoms and a sleep shirt. All the equipment is still there, but I looked back over the journals I had been keeping.

I never realized how angry and resentful and hateful I was. Entries from more than three years ago practically radiated anger and malcontent. I talked about people around me that were keeping me down, who were going out of their way to make my life harder.

And I look at the recent entries. Peace. Contentment. Tranquility. I wasn't angry anymore. There were times when I spiked with an angry statement, someone snatched my purse or cut me off in traffic, but those were the odd spikes in the sine wave of calm.

Hormones? Skirts? Makeup? What was responsible? I only ever felt like this when looking at the stars while lying on my car hood late at night miles from nowhere. But those were times when I would have some of my most starting epiphanies.

Now, I felt like that all the time.

When I was in an introspective mood, there was this incredible lightness of spirit. I couldn't help but to smile all the time. No one needed to tell me to, it wasn't forced, it was just THERE, like the sun.

I don't know why.

But I LOVE it. And now I wouldn't change a line.