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This is a sequel to ‘A Walk to a New life’ and "See things through a woman’s eyes’, it may help to relate to the characters if you read them first. But it can be enjoyed as a stand-alone if you prefer.
Jamie MacDougall was injured whilst walking the hills near Taynuilt in Argyll, Scotland. He was found and nursed back to health by Susan, who he later discovered to be a distant relative, He was welcomed into the local community by their neighbour Maggie as female because he had been wearing loose women’s clothes to help in the healing of his leg injuries, she introduced him to some of the other local women. Jamie gradually became accepted, finally deciding to transition and live as a woman. They had become close friends with neighbours Rory and Kirsty Sinclair. Rory was a novelist, writing modern romantic fiction as Samantha Sinclair and often appeared dressed as his female nom-de-plume, alongside his sister Kirsty who acted as his business manager.
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Three years on from my accident coming down the slopes from Ben Cruachan and being nursed back to health by Susan McDougall, who turned out to be a distant relation, I was now completely et ease with my life as a woman. I had stumbled, literally, into a friendly welcoming community. I had turned around my life, not just personally, but also career-wise as a computer consultant developing websites for the region’s hospitality industry, and also assisting Susan in research for her series of books describing fictionalised accounts of the lead families and clans on the various western Isles.
The relationship between Susan and I gradually developed over the next two years into love, and we decided to commit to each other and get married. We could have gone to Oban or one of the bigger towns and had a discreet private ceremony, but Inverawe and Taynuilt are small villages and word would soon have got to everyone, so we approached the Minister of our local parish church to see whether there would be any problems with a wedding between two women, one of whom was transexual. The Western Highlands is a very socially conservative area, particularly in the more remote areas where the Free Churches are very traditionally minded, but we were pleasantly surprised with the warm welcome we received.
“We are are a very open and friendly church, and there is no reason why you cannot have your ceremony here. Although I am not currently allowed by the policy of the church to conduct the official marriage for you, I am quite happy to conduct a service of blessing, which apart from the legal technicalities is very much the same. Things are beginning to change and hopefully it will be allowed in a year or so.”
“That’s very much the answer we expected. As long as you think it will not cause problems with your congregation we would like to go ahead when you have a suitable time, in about 3 months to give us all time to make the arrangements.”
“I look forward to it, maybe we will see you in church on Sundays before then”, he said with a grin.
Four months later, we both walked down the aisle together to the altar arm in arm with our friend and neighbour Maggie behind us as Matron-of-Honour. As Susan had been married before in a lavish ceremony she didn’t want the fairy-tale big-dress wedding so we wore similar, but not identical, silk knee-length dresses, hers in cream with lace appliqué trimming, mine in white with lace net sleeves. The minister had arranged for the registrar to come out from Oban to carry out the legal marriage ceremony and she then handed over to the minister for the blessing.
We were surprised at the turn out, neither of us had families, but the women from the computer classes I ran, a lot of the villagers, and some of the clients from Susan’s and my businesses attended, and for us all the people we needed were there for us. It was a delightful ceremony and we couldn’t have been happier.The festivities continued into the evening and night at the big hotel in Taynuilt and everyone went home happy and relaxed, it was a day we will always remember. There had been one or two whispered comments from some of the older villagers about “ is it right to have two lassies at the altar” but they were the exception and not particularly offensive or vindictive.
We were glad to be accepted as a couple by the community and continued with our lives, Susan with her writing, and me with my website design and a growing and constantly changing set of students in my computer classes.
A few weeks later after things had calmed down again, Susan took a call from Katriona MacLean, one of our friends and one of the women that had been in my first computer class.
“Hi Susan, it’s Katriona, have you and Jamie got any time to spare, there is something that I would like to talk through with you, and I’d rather have the discussion face to face, not over the phone.”
“I’m intrigued, do you want us to come over to you or would you prefer to come here, or meet in the pub, café or somewhere else.”
“I’ll come over, if that’s ok with you, I’ll see you in about an hour.”
We quickly tidied the cottage, took some cake and scones out of the freezer to defrost and warm up and were soon sitting down with Katriona for tea and snacks.
“OK Katriona, what’s your problem, we’ll help if we can.”
“Thanks Jamie, This is a bit unusual and you might think it is a bit personal but please hear me out. My life revolves around my children. Obviously because of your special situation and, no disrespect, because of Susan’s age, you can’t have any of your own, have you ever considered adoption or fostering.”
“ Is this leading somewhere Katriona, it’s a strange question to come up with out of the blue?”
“ Please tell me what you think, then I’ll explain.”
“As you say, we obviously can’t have any of our own, but we do like children and often look after Maggie’s two, Meg and Alec. Usually the thought of children in the house does not come up, but occasionally when we see you all out with yours it does raise a bit of ‘what-if’. Now will you please tell us what this is all about.”
“As you know, thanks to you teaching me how to use a computer, I have got very adept with it all, and have been working in the Social Services office in Oban, as a secretary and clerk. Whilst I am not a social worker and don’t deal with cases, I type up a lot of the reports and have a good idea of what is going on. Obviously it is all confidential, but there is a case on the books at the moment that you might be the ideal people to help with. It’s a 9 year-old child with particular emotional problems, but other than that they are pleasant and well behaved. Because of their particular social issues, it is proving very hard to find a placement for them, but you could probably deal with the issues better than most. If you are interested I can arrange for their social worker to talk through the details with you.”
“Excuse us for a few minutes Katriona, we’ll go next door to have a quick chat, help yourself to more tea and cake.”
Susan and I had our private talk and decided that we were intrigued enough to follow up, and that having a child around the house could add something to our lives.
“Ok Katriona, we still don’t know the full details and can’t make a full commitment yet, but we are happy to talk to the social worker. When you say that we could probably deal with the issues better than most, I take it that you mean the fact that we are a married female couple and I am transexual. If this is relevant does that mean that the social worker will need to know.”
“Yes, it is very relevant , and the social worker will have to know, but I haven’t said anything yet and won’t if that bothers you.”
Arrange for them to come over to see us, and we’ll take it from there, but we need them to respect our privacy and keep it all confidential.”
For the next two weeks, waiting for the social worker to visit, Susan and I talked in great detail of the effect having a child in the house would have on our lifestyle and our business activities, as well as the personal issues for us both and what we wanted in our lives. By the time of the visit, we were both clear that, unless major issues came up, that we would be prepared to be involved.
“Good afternoon, I’m Morag MacLeod, I’m pleased to meet you at last. Katriona has told me a lot about you, and has told you a bit about our problem. Initially I’ll treat this as an off-the-record informal discussion, so please feel free to talk openly about any concerns. Let me tell you about the child we are looking to place, and then, if you are still interested, we can discuss what you can offer in support. When placing children in care we have a strict protocol, and the interests of the child are the most important factor, so just for the moment we will not give any names or other information to identify the child, but for the purpose of the conversation we will use the name Heather.”
“That’’s all fine Morag, we understand your need for confidentiality and hope that you understand our need too. This is all very intriguing and we have been trying to work out what it is that you want from us.”
“Heather is a nine-year-old boy, who believes he should be a girl, and from an early age he has been playing with his older sister and dressing in her clothes when their parents were not about. Recently his mother found out about this and told him it was all wrong, and that God made people either boys or girls for a reason and that God’s will should be accepted. His parents are very devout Free Presbyterians, living in one of the outlying villages on Mull, and have very strict opinions on the bible’s condemnation of homosexuality and other sexual aberrations. When Heather told them he believed God had intended him to be a girl, that someone had made a mistake, and that he wanted to be a girl, they disowned him, told him he was an abhorrence and unnatural, unfit to live amongst god-fearing folk. When he insisted that he wanted to be a girl, they couldn’t accept it, called us and handed him over to our care.”
“That is appalling, he is still a child, he needs love and guidance not being cast out, it’s like something from centuries ago.” Anger was bubbling up inside me, comparing his parents attitudes to the welcome and understanding I had received.
“As a professional I’m supposed to be non-judgemental, but I couldn’t agree more.” Morag quickly replied “However, none of our regular panel of foster carers or potential adopters are keen to take on Heather, some because of their own religious beliefs, and others because of the social factors involved. Katriona has told me that you Jamie are transexual and that you and Susan are a married couple, effectively in a same-sex relationship, neither of those cause us any great concern, we are more interested in whether you can provide a stable and safe home for a child. Are you still interested?”
“ That presents no problem to us,” said Susan “but I don’t want you to think that you have passed one confused person onto other confused people, as I’m sure Katriona will tell you, we are living a normal everyday life, like any other married couple.”
“I assure you that I do not think that at all, but it does seem that you will have a special understanding of Heather’s situation and be able to deal with the problems with a lot more sensitivity than most people. Now we have got all the skeletons out of the cupboard would you like to go ahead and I’ll take you through a formal interview and assessment.”
“Go ahead, but I want to make it clear first that if Heather comes into our care, that her, and I say her deliberately, birth gender remains a secret from everybody except our local GP who will obviously need to be in the picture. In particular I don’t want anyone at the school to know, the head teacher is an awful gossip, and it would be around Taynuilt and Inverawe within 5 minutes, despite any promises of confidentiality she may give you. My situation is fairly common knowledge and I have no problems from the other villagers, but if the local children got to know about Heather her life would be very difficult, children can be very cruel. Secondly, whilst we accept that Social Services must keep an overview, we would like the freedom to let Heather develop as we see fit, if she wants to become a girl you have to accept that, and if she decides that it was just a phase and wants to live as a boy, we will accept that and not try to influence any decision.”
Morag then took us through a formal interview and assessment, taking note of our personal details and attitudes to social issues, and the stability of our relationships, and had a good look around the house to make sure that we had all the necessary facilities and kept the place clean tidy and safe.
“Everything seem fine, I will have to submit my report and recommendation to my line manager, but I cannot see any problems.I will let you know in a couple of weeks, and if there are no problems, I will arrange for you to meet Heather to see how you get on with each other. I must admit that you seem to be a well balanced couple that would make an ideal foster or adoptive home for her.”
True to her word, two weeks later we were introduced to Callum McKinnon who wished to be known as Ailsa, who appeared to be a typical nine-year-old girl, with short flaming red hair, a pale skin and freckles, all typical of highland descent, and who spoke in a soft island accent that made her voice sound quite feminine. Ailsa was dressed in a tartan skirt, white broderie-anglais blouse with puffed sleeves, white ankle socks and black sandals.
“Hello Ailsa, I’m Jamie and this is Susan, I’m told that Mrs MacLeod has said to you that you might be coming to stay with us for a while, let’s go for a bit of a walk and we will tell you a bit about us and you can tell us about yourself. Don’t worry about anything you say to us or hear from us, Mrs MacLeod will not be coming, it will just be the three of us. We are told that your parents do not like you being a girl, do you know why?”
“They keep telling me that I am a boy, shouting at me and calling me names, but I know that I should be a girl like my sister Iona, I have always felt that she and I like the same things and have the same feelings, and it just feels right when I wear these clothes that I borrowed from her when I was taken away. My parents were always good to me before this, but do not like me anymore, they say that I am a disgrace to God’s will, and that the Elder of the church says I need to cast out the sin before I can live with decent people again.”
“That is awful, if you come to live with us, you will be amongst decent people, and our Minister will not treat you like your parents’ Elder. We will be quite happy for you to live with us as Ailsa, but it must be all the time, Callum will not show himself anymore, everybody must know you and treat you as Ailsa. I know it may be difficult for you to understand but many people do not like boys living as girls, so you will have to try really hard to make sure nobody finds out.” I tried to reassure her.
“Jamie and I live here, just the two of us, so you will have two mothers and no father, and some of your school friends might ask you why you don’t have a Daddy, you will have to learn how to answer that, but we will help you.” added Susan. “ Do you think that you would like to live with us?”
“You seem kind people and it looks a nice place, it will be an awful lot better than it has been with my mother and father recently, and the care home I am in is not like a real home. I would love to be here with you.”
Susan went back to the cottage to have a talk with Morag MacLeod and I continued to walk and talk with Ailsa.
“ Morag, Ailsa seems happy to be with Jamie and me, and we like her, so do whatever you have to do, and make the arrangements.” Susan advised her of our decision. “Because of Ailsa’s confusion over her gender, it may be that this is a reaction to the relationship between her and her parents and may change in time. Initially can you set it up as fostering. If she decides that Callum is coming back and wants to start again with someone else, it will be easier to find her another home in another area than if she was adopted straight away, However, if she wants to stay here as Ailsa, or even as Callum, and if things work out, we’ll be more than happy to adopt her.”
“I’m glad to hear that Susan, it has been difficult to find somewhere for Ca……Ailsa. I agree with you that it will be best to start with fostering, and I will get it all arranged, it will probably be the end of the week before it is all official, if you get yourselves organised meantime I will be back with her on Saturday.
As expected, on Saturday morning, Ailsa come to live with us, with all her few belongings in a small suitcase.
“Welcome to your new home Ailsa, let's get you settled in and unpacked and we can sit down for a chat to get to know each other better.”
“Thank you so much for letting me come to live with you Mrs MacDougall, i’m really glad to be here.”
“Two things Ailsa, no need to call me Mrs MacDougall, call us Jamie or Susan or Mam, secondly we are glad you have chosen to live with us so stop thanking us all the time, it works both ways, you will enrich our lives, OK.”
We got Ailsa settled in and her stuff unpacked and put away, not that there was very much, she had been thrown out of her home with just the clothes she had on, which had been her sister’s, and the social services had added another skirt and a couple of tops, pyjamas, and some underwear.
Susan sat down with her. “ As far as we are concerned you are a girl called Ailsa, and we will treat you as such and expect you to act as such all the time. Nobody around here knows anything about your life on Mull except a very good friend, Katriona, who put social services in touch with us about you. All anyone else knows is that you are a young girl being fostered by us. If anyone asks tell them that your parents have died in a boating accident and that you are from Dunvegan on Skye. As long as we all keep to the story there should be no problems around here, it is a very friendly village. That’s the last of our talk on the subject and we won’t bring it up again, but if you want to talk about anything you can tell us anything, at anytime.”
“ Right Ailsa, in this house we all help out and do things together, we need to get something ready for dinner tonight, come with me to the kitchen and let’s get started while Susan gets on with some work. Have you done any cooking before?”
“No, my sister, Iona, used to cook with my mother, but I was told that it was women’s work and that I didn’t need to know. Iona said that she enjoyed it and that it made her happy when what she had helped to cook came out so tasty.”
“If you don’t mind me saying so, Iona seems a lot more sensible than your mother. Cooking can be very satisfying, and besides many men cook nowadays. I know that life in the islands can be a bit traditional but times move on and people need to move on with them.”
Ailsa helped me prepare a beef stew, peeling and chopping the onions carrots and turnips, and dicing the braising steak. We added a few herbs and spices and some stock then put it on a slow cook in the stove to simmer away for a few hours. We made a couple of loaves of soda bread, one to go with the stew and one for tomorrow’s breakfast. Ailsa enjoyed mixing the dough, but wasn’t strong enough do the kneading so I finished it off for her, and we left it to rise on top of the stove.
“ Susan, I’ve made a beef stew and some bread for our dinner, with Jamie, she says it should be delicious because we used a special ingredient, love, which always makes things taste better. I really enjoyed doing it and Jamie says that you and her will teach me a lot more.” Ailsa enthused.
“That’s really good Ailsa, but you are all dusty with flour from the bread-making, go outside the kitchen door and brush yourself down. You really need to get changed but you haven’t got anything else much, we’ll have to go shopping tomorrow to get you some more clothes.”
The bowl of stew, with big chunks of bread to dip into it was really delicious, warming and filling, and Ailsa was excited that it had all been so good and proud that she had helped to make it.”
“Right Ailsa,” Susan said after we had cleared up and relaxed with tv for a couple of hours, “it’s time for bed. Go and get changed, washed, put on your pyjamas, and brush your teeth and come back out to say goodnight.”
She soon came back out, gave us both a hug and kiss, “ I really like being here, thank so so much, goodnight Mam Susan and Mam Jamie.” , it almost brought tears to my eyes, she seemed so happy.
The next morning we set off early to go shopping in Fort William, about an hour away up the coast. We could perhaps have got the more basic needs in nearby Oban, but we wanted to lessen the risk of anyone seeing and recognising Ailsa, and besides, there was a better selection of shops in Fort William.
Ailsa was pleased as punch going round the shops, picking and trying on clothes and showing them off to us. We ended up with a big selection of skirts, tops, dresses, trousers, shoes, and underwear which would keep her going for some time, as well as a few items for ourselves. As I intended to keep up with my hill-walking we also got her some decent boots, an anorak, and some waterproof leggings. The cost was an awful lot more than the payment we were getting from the council as a fostering allowance, but we were comfortably off and didn’t mind topping it up.
“That was a lot of fun today,” said Ailsa in the car on the way home, “ shopping for my clothes before was always boring, it was a case of anything will do as long as it fits. When I went shopping with Mother for things for Iona, I was told to sit quietly in a corner, while they went through all the racks and picked stuff out to try on. Iona always seemed excited with the things she had got and wanted to tell me all about them, but nobody ever seemed interested in what had been bought for me.”
I felt really sorry for Ailsa, as Callum she had not been physically abused or anything, but had been brought up in a home with very little love and affection, and I had noticed as we drove home that she often withdrew into herself and had very quiet moments. We would have to try to get her to be more outgoing and bubbly, as a 9 year old should be.
We soon got back to the cottage, and helped her put all her new clothes in her wardrobe and drawers, She changed into one of her new tops and skirts, and then went into the kitchen to help Susan prepare our meal, which tonight was a quick fix of smoked haddock, boiled potatoes and peas.
I took the opportunity to phone Maggie to see if she was free the following day. I told her that I wanted Ailsa to socialise more and wondered if her and her two children Margaret and Alexander, who were about the same age as Ailsa, fancied going for a walk with us to introduce the kids to each other. She said she was busy but was quite happy for us to borrow Meg and Alec for the day, in fact it suited her not to have to worry about what they were up to.
We drove over to Falls of Cruachan train station, parked up, and the five of us set off up the hill through the woods and past the falls towards the reservoir dam. It was a pleasant walk up to the dam and around the shore of the reservoir, it was a calm bright day and there were some wonderful views back down to Loch Awe and the Pass of Brander. I had booked a visit to the power station beneath the dam, which is a hydro-electric station using the reservoir water to drive electric turbines. It is mostly underground and does not spoil the wild country views in the area. The kids were amazed when we went through the tunnels into the turbine hall which is a big noisy cavern with lots of rotating machines and electrical equipment with flashing lights which fascinated them all, particularly Alec, but Meg and Ailsa enjoyed it too. We walked back down to the visitor centre by the station and had tea with some delicious homemade gingerbread cake.
“ I’m glad you are now living near us,” said Meg to Ailsa “we might get to go on more trips like this again, Mam and Dad have never brought us up here, we’ll have to get together more often. Do you want you come back with me and I’ll show you my things.”
“I’d love to Meg, is that ok Mam,” Ailsa asked us both, and we smiled and nodded back, happy that she seemed to have made a friend.
We had to get things sorted out for Ailsa so I went down to see the head teacher at the local primary school to get her registered. Social services had already advised the school and so it was all just a formality and Ailsa was to start the following day. Meg and Alec also attended the school and so there would be no difficulties with her meeting her new classmates. Next was a visit to Dr Scott, our local GP, she had already had Ailsa’s medical records forwarded to her and had been made aware of her gender confusion.
“ Hello Janet I understand that social services have already given you the background to Ailsa’s problems. You were very sympathetic when I went through transition, and ask for the same for Ailsa. I am not trying to tell you your job, but she will soon be getting to the stage when hormones will start to flow, and at this stage I would like to keep her future options open. Is it possible to get her formally assessed for gender dysphoria, and if the specialists agree get her on puberty blockers to delay her developing as a teenage boy.”
“You’re right to bring this up, if something is not started soon she will start to grow and bulk out, which will make life as a female in the future more difficult. I cannot follow this up personally but I will refer you to a specialist, were you comfortable with the people you dealt with in Glasgow?”
“They were fine, please let me know appointment details, we can fit in virtually any time, even short-notice cancellations.” Having made all the arrangements I set of home to update Susan on what had been agreed with the school and doctor.
“Ailsa, you are off to your new school in the village tomorrow with Meg and Alec. You know that you are different from the other girls, so take things slowly and be careful about what you say and do until you get to know everyone better. You still have a lot to learn about being a girl, so watch and listen to the others and just follow what the others do, OK’”
“ I think I know what you mean, I’ll stick close to Meg and just follow her.”
The next morning I went over to Maggie’s with Ailsa, collected Meg and Alec and took them down to the school. I left Meg to introduce Ailsa to all her friends and classmates, while Alec went off to kick a ball around with the boys.
Slightly nervous I called down late afternoon to pick them up, but was delighted to see Meg and Ailsa skipping towards me hand-in-hand and laughing, with Alec trailing along behind.
“Have you had a good day then Ailsa?”
“ Och aye, everybody was really nice, I think I’ll like it here.” That was another hurdle cleared, Ailsa seemed to have been accepted and fitted in as just another new girl at the school.
The next hurdle was a bit more difficult. The interviews with the gender specialists in Glasgow were a bit more extensive than mine had been. The doctors had acknowledged that I knew what the difficulties would be for me when I transitioned and had been able to clearly express my thoughts , but Ailsa, as a 9 year old, needed a much different approach to determine that she knew why she felt she should be a girl and that she was clear about what it would all mean. However after meeting the specialists it was agreed to that she was suffering from gender dysphoria, and as a start to her treatment she was given a puberty blocker injection which would last several months before needing to be renewed.
Over the next few months we quickly settled into a routine and Ailsa was now becoming much more natural as a girl, and was probably more ‘girly’ than many of her friends, preferring skirts and dresses and only really wearing trousers when we went walking on the hills. Her hair was growing out and she and Meg spent many afternoons brushing styling and plaiting each others hair, usually in matching styles. She was progressing well at school, her grades improved dramatically as she became more comfortable and convincing as a girl and she was showing a particular talent for music, playing both the guitar and the violin.
After fostering Ailsa for a year we decided to go ahead and formally adopt her, arranged for Morag MacLeod to visit to talk us through the procedure. Other than going through the paperwork there were no problems, Ailsa’s parents still could not accept her did not want anything further to do with her, we were happy with Ailsa, she was happy with us, and Morag was pleased at how well Ailsa had settled in with us and adapted to life as a girl. We were asked by Morag to let her and Ailsa have a private chat, which she discussed with us afterwards.
“I’ll get the paperwork sorted quite quickly, but Ailsa made a very good point .She has asked if we could formally and officially change her name, not just to Ailsa, but to Ailsa MacDougall, so that you could be a proper family, her words not mine. Unless you have a problem with that, I think it is a really good idea. Soon she will be transferring to school in Oban, and her older sister Iona will also be there. Most of the children on the islands go to Oban High, and board there during the week rather than travelling back and fro across the water. If she attended as Ailsa McKinnon it will not be a secret for very long, but as MacDougall, she might not be recognised, she looks nothing like she did when she left home.”
Whilst at Taynuilt school PE lessons were fairly basic and didn’t involve changing into sports gear, at High School things would be a bit more structured and Ailsa needed to conceal her boys bits. I phoned our specialist in Glasgow and he advised that nothing permanent could be done until she was much older, but that there were techniques that could be used which didn’t need to involve him, and which he could explain to Dr Scott, who rang us two days later.
“Jamie, I have discussed Ailsa’s problems with Glasgow who have advised me you and she have several options:
#1 I can give you a note for the school excusing Ailsa from PE on medical grounds without giving any further information.
#2 Ailsa can just wear a gaff, effectively very tight underwear under her normal knickers
#3 I can show you how to tuck her penis out of the way and use medical tape to hold everything in place, which it would be best to replace every day
#4 I can use medical glue to create a realistic looking feminine pubic area which would last for several weeks before being renewed, and could be washed or showered with, which might be best for communal changing rooms at the school.”
“Although I am transgender, other than simple tucking, I never had the need for anything more realistic, but if the last option is safe and will not cause long-term effects, I think that might be the safest option.”
I had a long talk at home with Ailsa, explained the problem, and asked if she knew what girls’ private areas looked like so she could understand the problem, and ended up showing her my vaginal area, so she would know what we had to achieve. She agreed that, as she wanted to take part in sports activities like all the other girls, she needed to be as realistic as possible, and a week later Dr Scott did an excellent job and to any casual inspection Ailsa looked just like any other girl. As she was only 11, there was no need to do anything yet about breasts or hips for the immediate future.
It soon was time for her to leave the village school and transfer to High School in Oban. Fortunately there was a school bus service from Taynuilt to Oban, and if she had to stay on for after-school activities, there were both regular bus and train services. Alec had transferred the previous year, and was able to help his sister and Ailsa with all the details of the school. She settled in quite well both socially and educationally and was soon just another popular girl pupil at the school.
She wanted to develop her musical interests, as well as joining classes for the guitar and violin, where she became more interested in playing it as a fiddle rather than the more classical style, she joined the school pipe band and became very keen on traditional Celtic music and songs. Practice time at home became very regular and noisy, and it was just as well that we had no immediate neighbours.
One day as she was walking between classes she felt a touch on the shoulder and on turning round saw what looked like an older version of herself.
“I had to see for myself, people have been telling me that I have a younger twin, what’s your name.” the girl asked.
“ It’s Ailsa Mack……Dougall.”
“ Come off it Ailsa, it’s Iona, you know who I am don’t you. you and I need to have a talk after classes, but don’t worry, this is just between you and me, OK.”
After school Ailsa told Meg that she was staying to practise the pipes and would see her on the bus in the morning, and went to meet Iona in her room at the hostel where she boarded during the week.
“I’m so glad to see you again Ca…….Ailsa, I’ve always wondered where you now were, Mam and Dad just won’t talk to me what happened to you, it’s been as if you ever existed. Tell me all about what you have been doing.”
Ailsa told her about her time in care and how we had fostered and then adopted her and changed her name, but did not tell her where she was living or details about Susan and I.
“You won’t tell Mother and Father about me will you, you know how horrible they were to me before they threw me out, I don’t want any trouble from my old parents, I’m happy where I am now.”
“Have no worries about that, I got a lot of blame for encouraging you to dress as a girl, and I am glad to be boarding here rather than living at home, in fact if I get any excuse I spend the weekends in Oban rather than going back to Mull. It is not a happy house there. and to be honest sometimes I think that they prefer it when I stay over here.”
“Let me have a word with my Mam, if it is ok with her why don’t you spend the weekend with us and we can really get to know each other again.”
“That sounds like a great idea, I would also love to met your new family. If you don’t mind me asking are you really a girl yet, or still a boy dressing up?”
“I have been living totally as a girl since I was fostered about 2 years ago, everyone in our village only knows me as Ailsa, and unless you take my knickers down and have a really good look I am virtually completely a girl. I would love to get to know you as my sister, but nobody else must know.”
The following weekend, having cleared it with Susan and me, Iona came home with Ailsa and we made her really welcome, she seemed to be a delightful girl and we were glad that Ailsa had found some of her family again. We all went for a walk on the hills up to the reservoir above the dam, but left the climb up Ben Cruachan and Stob Daimh for another day, As well as Iona and Ailsa getting to know each other, it gave us a good opportunity to decide how much we could trust her.
When Susan and I went downstairs in the morning, the girls were already up, flicking through one of Susan’s books ‘The Adventures of the MacDougalls of Taynuilt’.
“I love this book Auntie Susan I’d love to read it properly. Did you write it, your name’s on the cover and your photo is on the back?” Iona eagerly asked. “Apart from the scriptures and our school books we were discouraged from reading, Mother says that ‘The words of the Lord in the bible should tell you everything you need to know’.” I was shocked that her parents religious beliefs were so ingrained and intolerant that it meant that their children were unaware of the realities of modern life outside their own community. But what struck me most was the use of the title of ‘Auntie Susan’, just as I had been when Ailsa first called us ‘Mam Jamie’ and ‘Mam Susan’, the girls were obviously desperate for love, affection and enjoyment which was sadly lacking in their lives.
“Yes Iona, I have written quite a few like that, If you like it take it back with you, and there’s another one you might like, “The MacLeans of Mull’. You should recognise some of the places in it and maybe have previously heard some of the tales handed down through the generations. When you are finished bring them back here or leave them in your room at school. Please don’t take them back home to Mull, we don’t want to give your parents any clues as to where Ailsa is now living.”
“Thank you so much Auntie Susan, I’ll look after them.”
Ailsa introduced Iona to Meg and Alec, although she did already know of Alec as they shared some classes at school, and the four of them spent most of the Sunday together and really all got on together, even Alec was made to feel part of the gang with the girls.
“Thank you so much for a lovely weekend, it was great to have a relaxing pleasant weekend enjoying myself rather than than the miserable time I would have had at home, can I come again please Auntie Susan and Auntie Jamie?” Iona eagerly asked as she was ready to leave.
“Of course you can, you are welcome anytime, but don’t treat this as an excuse not to go home, in their own way, I’m sure that your parents love you and look forward to you going back to Mull.”
Iona became a regular visitor over the next few months, and soon caught up on her reading, borrowing some of the modern romance novels written by our neighbour Rory Sinclair using his pen-name Samantha Sinclair.”I really liked ‘Santorini Sunset’ and its heroine Katherine Gordon, I can really relate to how she dealt with the situations she found herself in. The author, Samantha Sinclair obviously has a wide experience of life, something I’ve been sheltered from, I would love to meet her and ask where she gets her inspiration from.”
Actually Samantha is a neighbour of ours, although she is actually a man, Rory. He used to be very successful writing detective novels, but decided that when penning romances that it would be better to have a female name. Now that I have shattered your illusions would you still like to meet him?”
I gave Rory a call to see whether he was at home.
Hi Jamie, it’s a lovely afternoon, why not pop round, we can have a drink and snacks down by the loch shore, there are a lot of seals around at the moment and even a few porpoises.”
“Actually that would be wonderful., but I have a favour to ask, Ailsa’s older sister Iona is staying with us for a few days, she’s read Santorini Sunset and would love to meet the author, can I bring them with me.”
“I’m always happy to meet a fan. Does she want to meet Rory or do you think that she would prefer Samantha.”
“If it’s not a problem for you I’m sure that she would prefer to meet Samantha.”
“Give me an hour to get myself ready then bring them over.”
When we arrived we were welcomed by an impeccably dressed and groomed Samantha and ushered down to the shore where Kirsty was waiting with pots of tea, jugs of lemonade for the girls, wine for us, and a selection of cakes and biscuits.
“Where’s Rory?’ Asked Iona, not realising that she had met him already as Samantha.
“I’m afraid that’s me Iona, when I go on book-signing promotions my readers expect to meet Samantha not Rory, so I have had to get accustomed to switching between the two, my friends call me Sammie. Jamie tells me that you are a big fan of my books.”
Ailsa giggled at her sister’s confused look. “Don’t mind her Auntie Sammie, we didn’t tell her that you often wear a dress, I think you are looking lovely today.”
“Thank you Ailsa. It helps that when I am writing a story for women Iona that I find a way to relate to them and understand how they feel and would react, it helps my thoughts and writing if I dress as a woman when I am doing it.”
Kirsty, Ailsa and I walked along the water’s edge to watch the seals basking in the sun and the porpoises skimming through the water, leaving Iona and Sammie to talk about the books.When we returned Iona was really excited, like a cat that had got the cream.
“Look, Auntie Jamie, Sammie has given me a collection of her books about Katherine, and has signed them all ‘to my favourite fan, Iona’.” I can’t wait to start reading them.”
Not to be outdone, Alissa told Iona all-out the dolphins and seals that she had seen as we had walked along the shore.
“Never mind Iona,” Sammie quickly told her, “next time you are here we can all go out on my boat and get a closer look, when there are dolphins around they often come up really close. But I am always Rory when I am sailing, not Sammie, if you are happy with that.”
Over the next few years Iona visited more and more often only occasionally going back to Mull to see her parents, telling them that she was very busy at school getting ready for exams and that she could get more done if she stayed at the school, as an excuse to stay with us and Ailsa. She and Sammie became very close friends, she even chipped in with some ideas about future adventures for Katherine.
Ailsa was developing socially and emotionally as a teenage girl, but it soon became noticeable that she was not developing physically to match other girls her age. Until she was sixteen the doctors were not allowed to give her feminising drugs to give her girlish curves and were unwilling to do breast augmentation surgery. Drugs were easily available on the internet, but we all felt that was risky and had concerns about quality control as well as unknown medical effects. We opted for silicone breast forms initially and for a bit of body sculpting to remove fat from her waist, nothing too drastic, just enough to give her a bit of a figure. She also needed a bit more shape to her hips and bottom, but we decided not to do anything surgical, and just opted for padded panties, as a lot of young girls did until they started to develop wider hips.
It was soon time for Ailsa to make a big decision. We arranged to go to the Gender clinic in Glasgow for a final discussion and interview before a transition process was started. After a physical examination and lots of questioning, it was decided that there was no doubt that Ailsa had gender dysphoria, and she was eagerly looking forward to fully becoming a girl and woman. This was repeated a few weeks later with another doctor who was totally surprised when we walked through the door at how natural and convincing Ailsa already was. Before we left she had been given another injection of concentrated male hormone blockers and a supply of pills to take regularly, and we drove back to Taynuilt with a huge peaceful and contented smile on her face.
Her mindset had now totally changed, she was much more relaxed and was developing a proper sisterly relationship with Iona, the pair of them were virtually inseparable. As Iona was now spending more time with us at Taynuilt than she was with her parents in Mull, she was becoming a much more bubbly outgoing character, free from the restrictions of her parents, and really helped Ailsa develop mentally as a teenage girl schooled by her big sister.
Two years later, just after her sixteenth birthday, we revisited the gender clinic where Ailsa was again subjected to lots of questioning before the doctors reached their final decision and she was finally given the drugs that would feminise her. Over the next few months the drugs began to have their effect, her general body shape and breasts were developing, her skin was becoming softer and smoother, and she was becoming much more emotional and excitable, many of the changes brought back memories to me of my time going through exactly the same situation.
As she had inherited the same musical talents as Ailsa, along with Meg and Alec who also had excellent singing voices, they all started singing and playing at the regular ceilidhs in Taynuilt and at concerts in the school, mainly traditional music and songs but with a bit of more modern popular folk songs mixed in, and soon gained quite a reputation.
The ceilidh band, Ailsa, Iona, Meg and Alec, were becoming very successful and popular, most weekends we were driving them to their performances throughout the Western Highlands and Islands. They all took their turns singing, and between them played most folksy instruments, guitar, fiddle, pipes, accordion, concertina, penny whistle and flute. They were good enough to play full-time professionally, but all wanted to complete their studies first, so they always had something solid to fall back on.
On what turned out to be her last visit to her parents, Iona came back in tears. Her parents had heard from one of their neighbours that Iona was playing in a band at folk clubs and pubs on Sundays and gave her a long lecture on respecting the Sabbath, which in their eyes should be a time for chapel, piety and reflection, not for drinking and having fun. As they had done many years before with their son Callum, they gave her a choice of changing her ways or never visiting them again, once more they chose the love of their god over any love for their child. Iona, as Ailsa had done, chose to be adopted by us and also changed her name to MacDougall to be officially become part of our family.
When Iona went off to university in Inverness a year later, Ailsa threw herself into her studies so that she could follow her sister. After her exams were over she went in for her SRS treatment and was fully recovered by the time she headed off to join Iona again, her life at university would start as a complete girl.
Both of the girls had really benefited from their time with us, but they, in return, had enriched the lives of Susan and me, giving us a family life that we hadn’t dreamed possible. We had seen them both grow from reserved gawky schoolgirls into beautiful young vibrant women and we liked nothing better than the sound of them calling us Mam Susan and Mam Jamie.
The end.
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Comments
Acceptance Of The Impossible
Guilty of parsing the Holy Scripture, the McKinnons choose not only which book but which part they wish to believe. Seems to be a lot of that going on in the world. Ailsa and Iona were fortunate to find shelter in their young lives from parental abuse of the mental kind. "When one door closes, God will open another." Callum at age nine became an orphan due to his mother and father banning him from their home. In time he-she was welcomed into the loving family of Susan and Jamie.
Hugs Ms. Chambers, it's a beautiful story of the current social construct of our insane world.
Barb
"The poor will be with you always" He didn't need to tell them evil will be with you always. It was a given.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Stimulating as always.
I agree Barb. Religious fundamentalism, of whichever variety and creed, is, and always has been, the root of most conflicts and wars over the centuries. Most religions have peace and understanding as a basic tenet, but principles and practices are often totally contradictory. This applies on a personal level as Ailsa and Iona suffered, their parents observance of the religious beliefs overwhelmed their responsibilities, duty towards, and love for their children. Susan and Jamie, although living secular lives showed more 'love thy neighbour' tolerance and understanding than many religious communities.
Thank you for your comment Barb, stimulating as always. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story.
Gill xx
A Nice Continuation
Of your previous stories set in the Highlands and Jamie's transition. Scotland was in the forefront of legal recognition of gender dysphoria until that stupid author J.K. Rowling and her band of miserable TERFs upset the apple cart. They should be exiled to Mull to expiate their cruelty.
It would be gratifying to find that couples like Susan and Jamie, who gave unconditional love to beautiful children, really existed in that area.
Thanks for the ride, Gill.
Softly Softly catchee monkey
Joanne,
Whilst not offering any defence for Rowling, she was not totally responsible for upsetting the applecart of recognition of gender dysphoria. The basic fact is that the Scottish Nationalist (Do anything to upset or annoy the UK government) Party was racing ahead of general public opinion in Scotland, allowing high-profile rapists and murderers to use gender dysphoria as a way to be treated more favourably by the courts and serve their sentences in what they considered softer women's prisons, Whilst much of the criticism directed at Rowling is deserved, the vicious venom directed at her by trans activists only served to whip up uncommitted public opinion against the tolerance of transgender folk. I'm sure I speak for many, if not most, transgender women that just want to get on with their lives and live in their local communities alongside their Cis sisters, like Jamie and Ailsa. Living a quiet normal life is arguably a better way to gain general acceptance.
I understand that this opinion may not sit well with many of the readers and authors on this site, but people should not be victimised for having opinions with which you do not necessarily agree.
Gill xx