One of the most frequently asked questions about my wild adventures in Genderland has always been, ‘how much did your parents know?’ We have established by now, dear reader, that I was never the smartest when it came to hiding my true self around friends and family. No matter how hard I tried, I really didn’t do fantastically well. You could argue that I was rather bad at it… pretty easily.

Well you’re lucky, because it turns out that I’m not the only writer in the Winters family. When I warned my family that I was writing my memoir, most threatened me with violence if I didn’t make them look fantastic. I thought Fake It was my novel?

My mother, renowned Cardiothoracic surgeon, mother of the year, and all around great lady, however, decided that her contribution would be her own perspective; the side you never saw, but secretly always wanted to know. You know my mother; she’s a smart lady. Not much got past her,as you can imagine.

What follows is a collection of short scenes written by my mother’s fair hand. A series of stories that tell the tale of a couple learning to accept that their child wasn’t who they imagined they might be. A tale about a couple who chose to love them regardless.

If you haven’t read ‘Fake It Till You Make It’, I highly encourage it, it will give you a great deal of context to what happens here… because you’re going to get a good giggle out of this if you have. Enjoy.

Holly Winters.

Wednesday, May 28th, 2004 - 9200, Oak Leaf Way, Sacramento, California.

Veronica Winters shut the front door behind her and finally allowed herself to feel the exhaustion that had dogged her during the drive home from the hospital. Nine hours on a coronary arterial bypass surgery was one hell of a way to spend the work day. Tossing her keys in the bowl by the front door, she rolled her shoulders as she shuffled through to the kitchen to get herself a much-needed glass of wine. Some days, she mused, just called for a little personal anesthesia.

Veronica was a Cardiothoracic Surgeon at Mercy General Hospital in Sacramento, California, and she had held the post for the last twelve years. She enjoyed working in a specialty where she could truly make a tangible difference; whether it was saving a life or giving people back their lifestyle, she felt as though her work had purpose. It certainly didn’t hurt that it paid very well indeed. With three children and three lots of college to pay for, it would take everything she and her husband could manage to put aside.

She had met her husband Michael back when she was in college in New York. It had been a little over twenty-five years ago and she had been a different woman then. She, the idealistic medical student, and he, the gruff aerospace engineer had started an unlikely romance, one that had survived college and placements, the start of careers, and moving across the entire United States. Three years later, Michael had proposed and the first of their three wonderful children had entered stage left. Well, mostly wonderful, most of the time.

“Moooooom, is that you? When are we eating?”

Veronica rolled her eyes as her eldest son Rob jogged down the stairs upon hearing her return. There never seemed to be enough food in the house to fill that boy to a point of satisfaction. Just ending his junior year in high school, he was already a good deal bigger than his father. Standing six feet two inches tall as of his last physical, she was mildly concerned that they’d need a bigger house. Where he got that from she never quite knew, perhaps her husband’s side of the family had come from giants, or the Dutch.

“Call the pizza place,” she sighed, gesturing in the vague direction of the drawer of takeout menus. “I got out of surgery an hour ago and I’m exhausted, Robert.”

“Suits me,” Rob grinned, “You want your usual?”

Veronica nodded and patted her son on the arm as she passed him. “Get your brother a double pepperoni. I’m going to get changed before I fall asleep in these scrubs.”

Hauling her tired legs up the stairs, Veronica paused first to knock on her youngest child’s door.

“Come in?”

Opening the door, she stuck her head inside and smiled at her youngest son, Alexander. The boy was sat at his desk with school books spread out before him.
“Robert is ordering pizza. I asked him to get your usual, is that ok, sweetheart?”

“Thanks, Mom,” the boy smiled. He paused as he seemed to recognize his mother’s exhaustion and his face fell. “Are you ok? You look super tired.”

“I’m fine,” she waved dismissively. “I had a long day in surgery, is all. Just you make sure you get all that homework cleared up and be downstairs in twenty minutes, ok?”

“I will, I promise” he replied, seeming more than satisfied with a chance to stop working.

In the infinite possibilities of genetic variation, her children couldn’t have been more different. The eldest, her daughter Christine, took after her father while Robert seemed to be a mixture of them both. Alex, however, was the complete opposite of his elder brother. Standing only five foot six inches tall, he was roughly the same height and build as his mother. They both also shared the same rich brunette hair and fine features; he reminded her so very much of a younger version of herself.

Veronica sometimes wondered what she might have explored, had she instead pursued a research field instead of a clinical practice; the random chances involved in human reproduction fascinated her. Regardless, she loved all of her children equally. Her work as a surgeon paled in comparison; they were her greatest achievement in life.

She had been paying far greater attention to Alex since the beginning of the year. She and her husband had noticed that he had become quieter and quiet as the years passed and by Christmas, he had seemed almost totally withdrawn. His sadness, the darkness that consumed him, had concerned her greatly. Naturally, she had her suspicions, what mother didn’t? Sadly the truth was that if he didn’t come to them himself, it was almost impossible to approach without breaching his trust.

It was a topic that she had discussed many times with her husband. Their youngest child was so very different from his older brother and yet, far closer to his elder sister. Christine was away at college for her Freshman year and that had made things far worse for Alex. The truth was, she had been the only one who really connected with their youngest child. Her absence had seemed to hasten his downward spiral.

At Christmas, things had gotten so bad that they had seriously considered confronting Alex and offering him a therapist to help him through the pain that seemed to be eating him alive. She couldn’t stand to see her child suffer. It was only a colleague in clinical psychology’s input that prevented her from doing so.

In her eyes, intervening would breach a bond of trust in a formative period for a teenager. The potential for irreparable damage was significant. Following her advice, Veronica and Michael had watched and waited with strict instructions to only intervene if they truly suspected that self harm was a probable outcome.

Something had changed after the holidays, but she couldn’t work out what. Whatever it was, it seemed to have pulled him back from the precipice. Jointly, she and Michael had agreed to press pause on any direct approaches, and instead they would wait to see what would develop. Alex seemed to be more alive again, as though he had found an answer to whatever plagued him. She just wished she knew what it was.

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Veronica stripped out of her scrubs and released her hair from the clip that had restrained it for most of the day. Her desire to curl up in bed was overruled by the growl of her empty stomach. Skipping another meal would not be particularly productive, she knew. Glancing at the mirror, she made a face as she regarded her appearance; she was erring on the side of skinny, thanks to her long hours.

Dressing comfortably in sweatpants and one of her husband’s T-shirts, she washed quickly to remove the smell of the hospital before making her way downstairs to see if either child had followed her instructions.

When she arrived, Robert was answering the door to the delivery driver and Alex was dutifully setting the table. “That was fast,” she opined, as her eldest closed the door behind him.

“Here in fifteen or free pizza.” he grinned, delivering a stack of boxes through to the kitchen. “Pepperoni, veggie, and a huge meat feast for me.”

“You are going to get fat,” Veronica chided, pulling plates out of the cupboard. “No matter how much exercise you do.”

“I run, I have football practice, and I work out at the gym, Mom. I’m good to blow out on a large pizza every now and then.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow, “Yes, and blow out my bank balance.”

Alex snickered quietly at her remark as he sat to join them. Veronica was happy to see something elicit a positive reaction now and then.

“Aren’t you hot?” she queried, raising a brow at her youngest’s bulky sweatshirt.

“I’m good Mom,” he shrugged as he reached over to grab one of the boxes. “Honestly, I’m usually pretty cold.”

The sweatshirts and bulky clothing were new; he had started doing that a month or two back and she wasn’t sure exactly why. Body confidence issues? Puberty embarrassment? It wasn’t unusual for a teen to be body conscious, but it was typically more prominent amongst the girls.

“Glad for term to be over soon?” she asked, pulling a few slices from the box.

“Yeah, but I have football camp in like three weeks, remember?” Rob mumbled past a mountain of sausage and cheese.

“Chew first, answer later.” she chided automatically. “Alex, any summer plans?”

“Read, ride my bike, play games?”

“Any plans to catch up with friends?”

Alex seemed momentarily confused by the question as though he hadn’t even considered it. Realizing that her child hadn’t even considered spending time with friends, stabbed right at Veronica’s heart.

“I don’t know, maybe.” he shrugged, almost as an afterthought.

“What about Gary or his sisters, you get on with them right?”

“Megan and Kara? Sure, they’re nice,” he shrugged.

Veronica let the topic drop as they moved their dinner conversation to lighter topics. It hadn’t escaped her that her youngest child still seemed desperately lonely. Even as he seemed to react more and feel like a part of the family again, she realized just how far away he was from really being a happy normal child.

 

Three children are a lot to juggle for any couple. When both parents worked high-stress jobs, it involved a lot of catching up and debriefing the other party when they had the time. When Alex, Robert, and Christine were much younger they had made time in their days to raise the children properly. They made sure to show them love and attention and to be good role models. As they had grown older, Michael had taken on more responsibility at work, and she had picked up more surgical hours. With teenagers, it had been far more manageable. Sadly it meant that they had still missed things.

“Michael, I’m worried about Alex,” Veronica murmured as she lay beside her husband in bed, later that evening.

Setting down his book and glasses, Michael Winters looked down at his wife and frowned. “No improvement? I thought you wanted to wait on the therapist?”

Veronica pulled herself up until she was snuggled into her husband’s side and idly twirled her fingers in his chest hair. “I did and I do want to wait. I suppose he has gotten better, but it’s different now; before Christmas, he seemed so lost, so sad. I could almost feel the pain and tension in him like the cold radiating off the refrigerator. Now he seems like he’s more alive but like he’s actively concealing something. What exactly, I have no idea yet.”

“Drugs?”

Veronica shook her head firmly. “No. not drugs, Mike; I’d spot that in a heartbeat. He seems to have pulled back from the few friends he has, and he’s always wearing baggy clothes. Perhaps he’s finally going through puberty and it has him all mixed up?”

Michael pondered the thought. His wife was far more astute when it came to their children’s moods, but even he had noticed the boy withdrawing more. He’d tried so often to get him involved in activities that he had used to bond with Robert; fishing, hunting, and camping weekends but none had seemed to engage him. “Bullying at school?”

“I’ll ask Robert, but I don’t think so. Maybe time away from school for the summer will help for now, if that is the case. I’ll do my best to keep a closer eye on him. I just want him to be happy,” she sighed.

Michael Winters looked down at the pleading look in his wife’s eyes and felt powerless to free her from her burden. Why was being a parent so damn difficult?

 

 

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004 - AllMart Superstore, Northern Sacramento, California.

“Are you ever going to get your hair cut?” Veronica asked her youngest son as they pushed the shopping cart through the grocery store. “That lady at the butcher’s counter just told me she thought you might have been a girl for a moment with that hair.”

“I uh, no! I just… like it.” Alex protested awkwardly, stuffing his ponytail into the back of his shirt to make it less noticeable. “Doesn’t make me look like a girl; plenty of guys at school have long hair.”

Veronica held her tongue. It wasn’t the first time someone had confused her child for a girl or used feminine pronouns by mistake, if anything it was becoming increasingly regular. The woman had actually commented on why her pretty daughter was dressed like such a tomboy, but she hadn’t wanted to repeat that remark aloud. She took a good long look at her youngest child and tried to be as analytical as she could.

For a sixteen-year-old, Alex was considerably shorter than his brother. In truth, with his long dark hair, fine features, and slim build, he looked very much like she did at the same age. She knew that the two of them shared a greater familial similarity than she did with her elder children, but was almost like looking in a mirror at her teenage self.

Children would often change so rapidly as puberty arrived, but while Robert had shot up in size relatively young, Alex still seemed to keep an almost prepubescent softness to his appearance. She allowed him to push the trolley ahead while she studied him more closely. The baggy sweatshirt, cargo shorts, and sneakers were certainly a style choice, but it was one that somehow still made him look a little girlish. No, not a little girlish, he actually looked quite feminine in spite of the masculine clothing. Veronica wasn’t sure what was going on with her youngest son, but she was becoming more convinced than ever that something was afoot.

 

 

Thursday 8th June, 2004 - Sacramento International Airport, arrivals lounge.

“Mom!”

Veronica beamed when she spotted her daughter emerging from the sea of humanity that filled the arrivals lounge at the airport. It had only been five months since she had seen Christine at Christmas but it felt like an eternity apart from her eldest child.

“Baby! How was your flight?”

The dark-haired girl squeezed her mother tightly. “Fine really; a little turbulence but all quiet once we got away from the lakes. How is everyone?”

“Great! Missing you and working myself silly. Come, let’s get you home eh?”

“Just you?” The girl asked her mother as they walked towards the exits.

Veronica shook her head. “I knew you’d be parched after your flight, so I sent Alex to get us iced coffees.”

“Ah, you do love me after all,” Christine grinned.

As they cleared the arrivals area, Veronica spotted her son across the concourse leaving the Galaxyglug branch. “Ah, right on time!”

Christine followed her mother’s eyeline and gasped. “That’s Alex?”

Veronica shot her daughter a look. “Yes? Of course it is.”

“He’s changed a lot,” the girl observed. “Wow.”

“He took your going away very hard, be nice to him.”

“I am, Mom,” Christine replied. “He just… I don’t know, It’s been a few months, he looks so different.”

“It’s a time of change for teenagers, that will happen honey.”

“He’s certainly not Rob,” her eldest giggled. “I’m pretty sure he passed six feet before he was fifteen.”

“True, but he got my genes; you and Robert got your father’s.”

“My feet agree,” Chrissie chuckled as Alex dodged the last commuter to reach them.

“Three iced mochas, no injuries, and one dollar fifty in change,” he announced, presenting the tray of beverages. “Great to see you, Chrissy, I really missed you!”
Veronica noticed how much brighter her son seemed now he was reunited with his older sister. A light seemed to return to his eyes and the smile on his face was infectious.

“You too Alex, been way too long, little bro. When were you planning on growing, huh?” Christine grinned, accepting the icy beverage. “I swear you were this tall when I went off to college.”

“Yeah well maybe I’m just meant to be this height,” Alex complained defensively, the smile leaving his face. “At least I can breathe oxygen, unlike Rob.”

“You might have a point there,” she conceded, giving her little brother a one armed hug. “Still keeping the hair, huh?”

“I already had this argument with him last week,” Veronica chimed in as they exited the arrivals terminal. “He’s adamant he’s helping to block the drains in your absence.”

“God, Dad hated that,” she laughed. “You should see the shared bathroom in our dorm with twelve girls,” she laughed. “It’s basically always blocked.”

Veronica smiled at her children. It would be nice to have the house full again for the summer. Perhaps it might even boost Alex’s flagging spirits. She did catch the strange look on his face when Christine spoke of her dorm. What was that? Jealousy?”

 

 

Friday, June 9th, 2004 - The Winters Family Home.

Veronica was reading in her office when she heard a knock at the door. “Mom, you got a second?” Christine asked, peering around the door jam.

“What’s up?”

The girl slipped inside and closed the door behind herself and dropped onto the sofa beside her mother. “It’s about Alex, Mom.”

“What about him, sweetheart?”

Christine looked uncomfortable for a moment. “I think something’s going on with him, and it might be really serious. I don’t even know if I should be theorizing here, but I’m worried.”

She sat on the sofa across from her mother and frowned, “I met a girl at college, and she made me look at Alex differently.”

Veronica replaced her bookmark and set the journal down on the side table before focusing her attention on her daughter. “What specifically?”

Christine hesitated for a moment, “Well, he might, no, I think he actually is, transgender.”

“Why do you think that? Did he say something to you?”

“Christine shook her head, looking increasingly uncomfortable. “This girl I met at college on my course, well, she’s transgender herself. She was telling me a bunch about growing up super close to her sister and not fitting in with other boys her age. She felt depressed and disconnected from life, even close to self-harm a couple of times. Doesn’t that seem almost exactly like Alex, Mom?”

“That’s quite a logical leap, darling,” Veronica replied hesitantly. “Your brother may have problems, but what evidence would support such a diagnosis?”

Christine frowned. “You’ve seen him, right? He doesn’t exactly look much like a boy these days, Mom.”

Veronica was surprised at how little the idea actually surprised her. In truth, what her daughter was saying fit almost too perfectly, but without Alex’s confession it would remain entirely theoretical. She would be lying if she hadn’t suspected something of this ilk was at least reasonably possible.

“It is possible that he’s not the most masculine boy,” she conceded hesitantly, “but that doesn’t mean…”

Christine rolled her eyes. “Mom, just look at him! I’ve been away for five months and you’ve been here every day. He has changed so much since Christmas and it’s not puberty, at least, not a boy’s one. His skin is perfectly clear, his hair is gorgeous and he has such slim soft shoulders. There’s nothing boyish about him, he’s pretty… my baby brother is actually freakin’ pretty.”

“And what makes you think he’s transgender, rather than suffering from some sort of hormonal condition?” She contested.

“Mom, this is Alex; the boy that I used to play dolls with, the boy who I had tea parties with as a kid. His hair is gorgeous, his nails are neat and he is hunching over like I did when I was twelve; he’s got boobs.”

“He does not!” Veronica protested, even as she suddenly understood exactly why her youngest son wore bulky sweaters and shirts through the hot summer months.

“I’ve seen them,” Christine pointed out more earnestly. “He was stretching to get something off a shelf earlier tonight and his shirt pulled tight; they’re small, but they’re absolutely breasts. He’s far too skinny for it to be fat, Mom.”

Her youngest son had breasts? If he was transgender, and that was still only a working theory, then it was perhaps not simply gynecomastia or another hormonal condition. It would have to be deliberate, and that meant hormones. He certainly wasn’t running around seeing therapists or endocrinologists behind their back, o if he was taking anything, it would need to be sourced elsewhere. As a doctor, that made her more nervous than anything.

“What are you thinking about Mom?” Chrissie asked quietly, watching her mother cautiously.

Veronica made a face, “I’m not sure, sweetheart. I suppose it makes more sense than I was willing to admit, but I don’t exactly know what to do about it either.”

“From what Erica said, accepting her identity was something she had to reach by herself. Coming out to her family was an even bigger step, I don’t know if going to Alex about it would actually help.”

“It would probably be met with denials and a retreat,” Veronica sighed. “We had this discussion with a colleague about his depression.”

“So we just leave it?”

Veronica shook her head, “No, I’ll talk to your father and we’ll work something out. Thank you for talking to me darling, leave this with me, ok?”

 

 

Tuesday, June 13th, 2004 - The Winters Family Home.

Michael Winters was relaxing in the backyard by the poolside, with a glass of whiskey and one of his favorite hunting magazines. Under normal circumstances, Veronica typically left him alone for an hour after dinner in the evening to give him time to decompress after work. Tonight, however, was not to be one of those nights.

“Can I join you?” She asked, dropping onto a lounger beside her husband with a tall glass of wine.

“You already did,” Michael observed over his magazine. “What’s up?”

“Alex,” Veronica sighed, taking a significant gulp of her wine. “Michael, we have a problem.”

Her husband put his magazine down, sat up, and faced his wife. “How so?”

Veronica swirled the wine around in her glass while she worked out how to phrase what she had to say to her husband. To her medical mind, it seemed almost straightforward, even if as a mother, it was far more difficult to wrap her head around. How would her husband react to the news, news she herself had been given time to begin to process?

She sighed, “I’m reasonably convinced that Alex is suffering from something called gender dysphoria.”

Michael’s expression didn’t change, but he remained silent for a moment before finally speaking. “What does that mean, exactly?”

Veronica looked at him, “That he might be transsexual.”

“Are you sure? Is it something we did?”

“No,” Veronica shook her head. “That’s not how it works honey, but yes, to answer your question; I am reasonably sure, short of asking him directly.”

“Do I need to take him fishing again? We could send him to a new school, something with some more backbone?”

Veronica moved over to sit beside her husband on his recliner and snuggled in beside him. “I don’t think that would help Mike, not really.”

“How do you know he’s this… transgender?”

“I am reasonably sure that Alex is already taking female hormones.”

Michael sat up and gave her a look, “And where the hell did he get those?”

Veronica shrugged, “I have no idea, but he appears to be going through a female puberty. That explains… a great deal of things.”

“Could it be medical, some sort of…” Michael snapped his fingers, reaching for the answer. “Endological imbalance?”

“Endocrinological imbalance,” Veronica corrected. “No, that is rather unlikely. This coincides with his depression starting to lift and it would explain the bulky sweaters and loose pants. He’s aware of and actively hiding the changes to his body. If you couple that with the social differences; childhood behavior, his closeness to his sister rather than his brother, it all points to it being deliberate.”

“So we stop him, right?”

Veronica sighed. “No, god, we can’t do that. Based on all the literature I can find, that would be the worst thing to do for a child in his position. If we tried to intervene or stop him, it would likely push him into deep repression and make him hate us. As it stands, he’s likely not spoken to us yet because he’s afraid of what we would say. If we go at this all hamfisted, we’ll prove him right.”

“Our own son is scared of us?” Michael blinked. “What the hell did we do wrong?”

“Nothing,” Veronica reassured her husband. “Nothing at all. This isn’t my specialty, but from what I know, this is just who Alex is. Some people believe that it occurs during pregnancy; a hormonal switch doesn’t flip, or does and the child simply is who they are. What matters is that we’re there for them.”

“So, we do… what exactly?”

Veronica sat up and turned to face her husband. “I think, deep down, we might need to face the reality that Alex is most likely our daughter, Mike.”

Michael looked uncertain, “So no fishing trips then?”

Veronica chuckled, “Hey, not to be a stereotype or anything, but girls aren’t usually as into that as boys are. It might explain why none of your bonding activities worked on him.”

“They worked on Robert.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh,” Michael replied, finally getting it. He downed his whiskey and stared thoughtfully at the empty glass. “I think I need another drink.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow and handed him her empty glass. “Make that two.”

 

 

Monday, June 28th, 2004 - Offices of Doctor Carol Ward, Clinical Psychiatrist.

“Thank you so much for fitting us in, Doctor Ward.” Veronica smiled as she shook the woman’s hand before joining her husband on the sofa of the psychiatrist’s office.

They were at the offices of Doctor Carol Ward, a gender specialist who practiced on the other side of Sacramento. Veronica had contacted her through a colleague at work and reached out to set up an appointment for them both to discuss what they had termed ‘the Alex issue.’

The doctor smiled in the professional manner of doctors all over the planet. It was one that Veronica knew very well indeed. It was pleasant, but it implied nothing in particular; this was work, not a social matter.

“You’re most welcome, Doctor and Mister Winters. From your phone call, you explained that the issue was with your child, Alexander, yes?”

Veronica nodded. “Yes. Our youngest, sixteen.”

“Would you like to give me a little background as to how you reached the opinion that your child is transgender?”

With that, Veronica recanted the discussion she had first had with her daughter and latterly with her husband. She recounted what she could from Alex’s earlier childhood, his infant development and more recent turns of events as he entered puberty.

Doctor Ward raised her eyebrows and removed her glasses to clean them. “That’s quite compelling evidence. You’re positive he’s taking hormone replacement therapy without a clinician’s supervision?”

Veronica nodded. “It is my best assessment as a physician that this is taking place. There is the possibility of a comorbid incidence of a gender issue alongside some sort of intersexed or endocrinological issue, but it’s less likely based on my research. Most intersex children don’t express gender difficulties unless there was natal ambiguity, correct?”

“That’s why we are starting to wait before proceeding with corrective procedures,” Ward agreed. “It’s hard to pin down how the child feels as an infant until they express more intent or direction themselves.”

“Remember, a Luddite is in the room please,” Michael interjected with a smile. “I don’t speak doctor.”

“Sorry darling,” Veronica grinned, squeezing his arm. “We’re just saying that it’s less likely this is something genetic raising its head, although it’s not impossible. From what I understand, the chances of Alex actually having some form of hormonal imbalance is not as likely. His birth was entirely normal, but that isn’t conclusive.”

Ward nodded, “the potential for it to be self-administered hormone therapy is indeed rather concerning. How long do you believe this has been happening?”

Veronica shrugged, “I can’t say for sure, but if I’m being objective, I believe it's possible as far back as January if I base my guess on observations of his moods. If I’m physically critical, there were no visible signs of male puberty from then onward.”

“You mentioned a severe depressive episode. Is it possible he’s ever attempted any form of self-harm?”

“I don’t think so,” Michael offered. There were never any signs that we observed. We were watching fairly closely back then. He was in a dark place and it had us both extremely worried.”

Doctor Ward nodded and noted something in her pad. “You mention that he attends a single-sex educational institution? Has he ever expressed concerns about that?”

Veronica hated herself in that moment. She swallowed and nodded. “When he was a Freshman, he complained a great deal that he didn’t want to go. He became quite agitated about it. We assumed it was a normal teenage thing; that he wanted to go elsewhere with friends or to be with girls for normal boy reasons. We thought it would be a better environment for him, he had struggled a lot to make friends with other boys, and he wasn’t involved in sports. After he got there, he seemed to settle in and he stopped protesting. I’m starting to believe we might have made a horrible decision there.”

Doctor Ward nodded and made another note.

“Has he ever expressed any concern or confusion about his gender?”

Veronica looked at Michael before shaking her head. “Not outwardly, at least. Could there have been signs? Yes, I believe there were and are. The problem is, he never said anything directly to us.”

Doctor Ward looked pensive for a moment before fixing both parents with a level gaze. “Is there any reason that they might have chosen to not tell you? Any political or religious belief that might conflict with their feelings?”

Veronica shook her head, “No; we’re barely religious and we’re staunch Democrats. We’ve always promoted equality and human decency in our house. I made it clear that I didn’t care if my children were gay; we would love them regardless.”

Ward pursed her lips. “Did you consider that might have sent a message that you’d prefer them to be gay instead? That it could be hidden easier than being transgender?”

“Oh god,” Veronica murmured, glancing at her husband. “What if he thought…”

 

 

Tuesday, July 7th, 2004 - Three Pines Shopping Mall, Sacramento, California.

Veronica was beginning to find it a struggle to keep her promise to both her husband and her therapist. It should have been a simple concept; treat her child the exact same way she had for the previous sixteen years and nothing would go wrong. It seems as though fate wasn’t particularly familiar with the Winters family.

With the new semester arriving, Alex would be a Junior now and that meant a new uniform at Elsworth Accademy. Rather than the shirt, tie, and sweater worn by lower grades, the Juniors and Seniors wore suits with the school tie. It looked smart and professional on the young men they were becoming, future leaders and businessmen ready to take on the world. On Alex, it looked like a young girl playing dress-up in her brother’s clothes.

They were in the menswear department at Gracies in the Three Pines Shopping Mall. This should have been a normal back to school shopping trip for a mother and child, but now, it felt like a total farce. The assistant currently helping her to outfit Alex with a smart suit certainly seemed to think so, if she was reading the side eye correctly.

“How does it fit?” She asked, knowing full well how stupid her child looked in the getup.

Alex shrugged, his face blank. “It’s fine.”

He might have managed to look neutral, but his posture told Veronica that he hated every moment of what they were doing. She adjusted the lapel of the suit jacket and made a few interested tuts as she examined him. The fit was reasonable, but it did nothing for him in terms of style. Ironically, she mused, he might have benefited from shoulder pads to give the jacket a better hang, not that any menswear came with the things, of course.

“I guess we can get this one,” she mused, nodding. “Do you like it?”

Of course Alex didn’t like it, he probably would have preferred to wear quite literally anything else. She hadn’t missed the fact that her child had barely looked at themselves in the mirror since they had arrived.

“Well, it will do for school, I suppose,” she declared. Turning to the assistant. “We’ll take it, and a second please.”

The Clerk smiled professionally and nodded, “Certainly Ma’am, I’ll have them taken through to the register as soon as… your son, gets changed.”

God, she heard the pause, even as the woman’s expression remained constant. Directing Alex through to the changing room, she ran a hand through her hair and sighed. She felt like she was killing a kitten, making her child go through something so obviously difficult for them.

What choice did she have? As long as Alex kept this secret from them, she had to continue to treat him as she always had. For sixteen years, they had assumed that this was the correct path for them; that in time, Alex would grow up just like Robert and become a man. How funny perspective was, now that she saw past that fragile lie.

She had no idea how her child would face school soon. Why had they insisted on sending Alex to a single-sex private school? While Christine and Robert had flourished in the prestigious environment, clearly it was causing their youngest child a great deal of pain. Pain she was helping to inflict, even now.

Alex returned from the changing room and handed the hangared suit to the waiting assistant. Somehow, being back in baggy cargo pants and a sweatshirt, he looked… she looked freer and happier than she had a moment earlier. She could barely look at Alex these days without seeing a teenage girl, a girl on the cusp of womanhood. How the hell would she survive being around those boys all day long?

The more she thought about it, the more utterly wrong it seemed.

 

 

The First Day of School - Monday, August 22nd, 2004 - The Winters Family Home.

Veronica stuck her head out of her study as she heard the sounds of her youngest child descending the stairs with all the delicacy of a herd of elephants.
“Did you brush your hair dear?”
Alex skidded past her and into the kitchen, “Yep mom, it’s all tidy as usual, I look vaguely presentable.”
”By your standards or mine?” she asked, eying him with suspicion as she buttered toast.

Admittedly, Alex’s hair was clean and tidy, despite being tucked into the back of a sweatshirt he was wearing under his suit jacket. She handed him a plate of toast and tugged the hood of the sweatshirt out of his collar. “I really wish you wouldn’t wear this; it’s ugly.”

“So’s the suit,” Alex countered through a mouth of toast. “Anyway, I’m cold.”
“Mhm,” she murmured, sipping her coffee. “Try to not look homeless, darling; it’s unbecoming.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “yes Mom.”

Michael walked into the kitchen, collecting his travel mug and keys. “Ready to go, sport?”

Veronica watched Alex cringe at the name, but nod regardless. “Just finishing breakfast, Dad.”

“No toast in my car or you get to clean it out,” he ordered. “Come on, I’ll be late otherwise.”

As Veronica watched her husband and youngest child drive away, she worried. What would the school year ahead bring for their family? The first day of Alex’s junior year was already upon them, and still he hadn’t said a word. How long was he planning to avoid the topic? Until he was no longer capable of hiding it? Was it really that scary to talk to her?

Michael was keeping up appearances as he always did; he was playing the father role as though nothing was wrong, but she knew that it was eating him alive inside. He did his best, but he was struggling to conceal his own worries. He could handle being the father of a boy in Robert, he could relate to that. He was an amazing father to their daughter, Christine. Alex however, poor Alex, currently somewhere in limbo; not their son, but as yet, not their daughter. Poor Michael didn’t know where to walk without stepping on a landmine.

 

 

After dinner, Veronica joined her husband in the living room. Handing him a glass of wine, she settled down beside him on the sofa and leaned into his side. “How was work?”

Michael grunted, “still working on getting that new project off the ground. Our guys are working hard, but there’s still an issue with the main gear.”

“Will you make it on time?”

Michael shrugged, “probably, though I’ll need to go down to Edwards in October for testing.”

“Did Alex seem ok to you at dinner tonight?” Veronica asked uncertainty.

“Seemed so,” Michael offered. “He was trading barbs with Rob like usual.”

Veronica snickered as she remembered the exchange. “Perhaps inferring that his brother had the IQ of a gas station corn dog was a little far.”

“It’s more pushback than he’s given to Rob in some time,” Michael pointed out. “I think it shows backbone.”

Veronica sipped her wine. It showed backbone, certainly. Though it reminded her more of the quips that Christine would level toward her brother in years past.

 

 

Wednesday, August 24th, 2004 - Mercy General Hospital - Sacramento, California.

Veronica thanked the barista as she collected her coffee from the store in the hospital lobby. She had spent the morning performing a double bypass and had only now finally managed to get away. It was two in the afternoon and the coffee shop was a far better option than the machines up on the seventh floor, especially as it gave her an excuse to get outside and take in some fresh air for a change. The recycled purity of the surgical suites always messed with her sinuses something terrible.

She was about to sip her much needed beverage when her phone rang, interrupting her brief moment of tranquility. Flipping it open one-handedly she gazed up at the sky and cursed the world for the interruption.

“Hello Mrs Winters?” the voice asked.

Veronica frowned, “yes, Doctor Winters speaking.”

The woman laughed gently, “oh, sorry Doctor, that’s perfect! I’m Judith Carter, I’m the school nurse from Elsworth Accademy, Alex’s school?”

Veronica felt a sudden moment of cold dread, “is he ok?”

“He’s fine,” she reassured her. “It’s not an emergency, but I have Alex here. He’s had an upset stomach; likely a mild case of food poisoning.”

“From the school's food? Or something he ate at home?”

“We think it was lunch,” the nurse admitted. “I have already spoken to the kitchen staff and the office about the matter. Medically speaking, I gave him a low dose of Zofran and he should be fine. There was no intestinal hardness so given that he expelled the meal, he will likely have no issues.”

“That’s good to hear,” Veronica mused. “How is he now?”

“He’s resting next door. I would like to send him home though, is that possible?”

Veronica felt a stab of guilt. “I’m sorry, both my husband and I are tied up. Could you send him home in a cab if he’s well enough? He has his own keys.”

“I can do that. Oh, one last thing, Doctor Winters.” The nurse paused for a moment. “Well, when I examined Alex, I noticed that he’s severely lacking in muscle tone. I might recommend a visit to his primary care physician? For a boy his age he’s a little on the lower end of the spectrum. If I didn’t know better I might think…”

Veronica panicked. “Oh, we’re aware, thank you nurse Carter. It’s already something that we’re managing.”

“Is it anything that the school needs to worry about?”

“No,” Veronica dismissed. “Nothing at all.”

“Well, that’s ok then,” Carter replied, seemingly unaware of Veronica’s hurried cover. “Thank you Doctor Winters, I will let Alex know.”

After the nurse hung up, Veronica stared at her phone for a moment. She felt extremely guilty that she couldn’t call off and go home to care for her sick child, what kind of mother did that make her? Regardless of the fact he was doing well, she still felt the mother’s urge to drop everything and run to his side, no matter his age.

It was a Wednesday, wasn’t it? Her eyes narrowed as she sipped her coffee. They had gym class on Wednesday afternoons according to Alex’s schedule. Her child was smart, but was he smart enough to convincingly fake food poisoning to fool a nurse?

He would have had to induce…. Of course. Her worry for her child’s health turned into fear for his safety as she realised he was in far greater trouble than she had thought. If he was having to go to these lengths to avoid gym class, how long would it be before anyone discovered his changing body?

School children could be cruel, but she shuddered at the prospect of teenage boys discovering… She barely wanted to think about it. She simply had to take steps to guide Alex towards talking, even if it held risks.

Dialing a number she held the phone to her ear. “Hey, Tony? Veronica, how are the kids?”

 

 

Veronica arrived home from the hospital shortly before six that evening. Kicking off her shoes, she ignored the smell of food in the kitchen, despite her growling stomach, and instead headed for her youngest son’s room. Climbing the stairs, she knocked before slowly opening the door.

Alex was lying on the bed reading the closed pile of school books on his desk telling her that he had already finished his work.

“Is everything ok, darling?”

When he saw her, he smiled, “I’m fine really, Mom; it was just something weird for lunch. I feel fine now, it just got me all out of shape for a while.”

Veronica crossed to the bed and sat down beside her child and stroked his hair. “Are you sure? No persistent effects or nausea?”

Alex shook his head, a few strands of hair escaping his ponytail in the process. He had absolutely no idea how pretty he looked. “I feel fine now; maybe a little sore, but that’s it.”

“Hmm,” she murmured. Despite years of medical schooling, on the job training and advanced technology at her fingertips, Veronica Winters reached over and felt her child’s forehead with the back of her hand, like mothers around the world. “Seems normal, no fever, no other reported cases of food poisoning. Now I wonder, and this is just me hypothesising, is this some grand conspiracy to get out of gym class?”

Alex started, but recovered quickly, “no, I actually threw up.”

Veronica pursed her lips for a moment before smiling slightly and brushing the loose hair out of her child’s eyes. “The nurse seems to agree with you, but she did seem a little concerned that you were a little underdeveloped… physically.”

She hesitated for a second before continuing. “I was… well, your father and I, we know you’re not the biggest boy for your age. We were worried that maybe you felt inferior to the others at school?”

Veronica watched Alex’s eyes dart nervously around for a moment before he finally looked up at her cautiously.

“Mom, I promise, I was actually sick, ok?” he insisted. For a moment, Alex’s eyes broke away and he seemed to wrestle with something in his heart. “I know I’m much smaller than most of the guys, and sure, I’m not exactly a super sports enthusiast, but I can promise you I don’t feel inadequate or less than the other boys. I’m kinda fine with being on my own path.”

Veronica eyed her child for a moment and pursed her lips. She knew that Alex had considered saying something in that moment but had chosen not to. She wept for how scared her child must be that they couldn’t even speak to her about their problems.

She sighed and nodded, “I would still like to book you in with Doctor Harris; I want to make sure nothing is wrong with you overall.”

Alex looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment but smiled and nodded. “Sure Mom, I’ll see him, but I’m okay really, I promise.”

Veronica reached over and ruffled her child’s hair. “Ok kiddo, I do worry about you though. You get some rest and I’ll bring you up something light for supper.”

As she trudged down the stairs, Veronica felt tired. It wasn’t just the work hours or the lack of food that dragged her down. Rather, it was the emotional exhaustion of being unable to help her child.

She wanted to run back upstairs and tell her that she loved her, to tell the terrified soul that hid herself away within the shell of their son that she could come out into the light. Perhaps Tony Harris could help to crack the armor. There was no way that Alex could keep the changes to her body from their family practitioner. Alex would feel safe with HIPAA protecting her.

Walking into the kitchen, she sagged down into a stool at the counter and rested her head against her arms.

“How is he?” Michael asked, placing a plate in front of his wife. “I checked on him earlier, but he wasn’t hungry.”

“Better, I think,” she admitted, sniffing at the plate before her and cracking open an eye. “You made chilli tonight?

“I made you chilli, with the extra jalapenos you like,” Michael grinned, sliding over a fork. “Eat; you’re making me tired just looking at you.

“I love you,” Veronica mumbled happily.

 

 

Saturday, August 27th, 2004 - Joe’s Home Improvement - Sacramento, California.

“What do you think of this color?” Veronica held up the paint swatches to her husband for examination.

Michael Winters squinted at the shades as though they were the formula that expressed the drag coefficient of a high tech fighter aircraft. “They look the same to me.”

“I think this is nicer, it’s brighter,” Veronica pointed out, gesturing at the barley white. “It’s going to open up the kitchen.”

“It looks like white to me,” Michael shrugged.

The man might have helped to design supersonic aircraft capable of incredible feats of agility, but he somehow managed to be oblivious to the intricacies of home decoration. Veronica rolled her eyes and selected the shade she preferred, as usual.

“I think I’m going to see if they have any…” Michael frowned, trailing off.

“What’s wrong?” Veronica looked up from the rack of paint and followed her husband’s gaze.

Alex was standing further along the isle, gazing at one of the demonstration bedroom displays. A common feature of superstores like this, they were set up to display their products and materials in a more realistic setting. This particular one was set up to replicate a version of a teenage girl’s room. It had pale birch furniture, soft pastel fabrics and a beautiful carved vanity set beside a closet that would make any teen girl salivate.

In this case, Alex was gazing wistfully at the display, a dreamy look on his face that saddened Veronica’s heart. Whatever her son usually did to maintain his more grungy, downtrodden exterior had faded away and he was standing upright, his weight on his left hip and his arms wrapped around himself as though hugging himself for comfort. His hair had escaped his collar at some point, and was hanging down over his shoulder.

Veronica glanced at her husband and leaned into his side. “You can see it, can’t you?”

Michael nodded and shook his head. “How…”

“You heard Doctor Ward,” Veronica answered softly. “It’s just who they are. Nothing we did, nothing we can do. All we can do is love our child.”

“I understood in theory,” Michael admitted. “I didn’t really want to believe it, not really. I wanted to think it would go away; a phase or something. I don’t see my son over there.”

“Me neither,” Veronica agreed.

“S… he looks just like you,” Michael pointed out quietly. “I never saw it until now.”

“Do you think Alex will ever feel comfortable enough to talk to us?” Veronica asked hesitantly. “I know what Doctor Ward said, but I can’t help but feel like I failed when she won’t talk to us.”

“You haven’t failed,” Michael soothed his wife, his eyes still firmly fixed on his youngest offspring. “You could never fail our children.”

 

 

Wednesday, September 1st, 2004 - The Winters Family Home.

Veronica knocked on Alex’s door when she arrived home the following Wednesday.

“Come in?”

Popping her head inside, she spotted her child at his desk working on a school paper. “Are you busy honey?”

“Just finishing my history paper,” he shrugged, “‘sup?”

Walking in, she sat down on his bed and smiled. “I made you an appointment with Doctor Harris for next Monday. I’ll take you, then I can drop you at school afterward, ok?”

Alex seemed to consider the prospect before shrugging. “Sure, I guess that works.”

Veronica took the opportunity while she had her son’s attention to do a little digging. “So your father was telling me you’ve been out socializing a lot more since the semester started. It sounds like you are having more fun at school?”

“I’m making some friends, I guess.” Alex conceded.

She smiled. “I’m glad, sweetie, you’ve had us a little worried for a while. I was really afraid you were struggling to get on with people…”

Alex made a face and hesitated. Veronica could clearly see that something was troubling the child even if they wouldn’t admit it. Even now as she looked at him, it was obvious that he was far more feminine than a boy ought to be. Hell, he was more feminine than some girls. She wished she could just broach the subject, but she was afraid of what Alex might do if she did.

“I’m fine, mom,” he offered. “I’m doing okay.”

“You can talk to me, about anything,” she insisted fruitlessly. “You know that, right?”

“I know,” Alex mumbled, glancing away.

Veronica looked momentarily pained and cleared her expression before Alex looked back in her direction.

“Are you happy, Alex?”

Alex managed a more convincingly authentic smile, one that showed that somehow, despite whatever he was hiding, that he loved her. “I’m good, mom.”

Veronica felt relieved, but still, Alex’s unwillingness to talk troubled her. She leaned forward and hugged her child tightly before they could protest. Something felt strange, but she couldn’t work out what. “Good night sweetie,” she murmured before detangling herself and standing.

“Night mom.”

Veronica had just closed the bedroom door behind her when it hit her; Alex was wearing a bra. She had felt the band when she hugged him a moment earlier, but her mind hadn’t processed it as out of place. Did her child’s already feminine appearance erase the fact that he shouldn’t be wearing one?

She walked back down the hallway towards her bedroom and pondered the idea. Even now, the idea that her child was wearing a bra didn’t feel wrong, it just felt surprising. She actually felt more upset that she hadn’t been able to buy it with her… him. A mother should always be there for her daugh-…. Veronica shook her head, this was getting confusing.

 

 

Monday, September 6th, 2004 - Twin Creeks Medical Center, Sacramento, California.

“Alexander Winters?”

Veronica looked up from her magazine as the nurse called Alex’s name. She noticed the flinch as the unknowing woman called out her child’s full name.

“I’ll see you soon honey,” she offered, trying to look as casual as possible.

Alex stood and reluctantly followed the nurse as she led him off to see the doctor. While normally any school child would be delighted to miss class to go to the doctor for something as trivial as a checkup, she had noticed that her youngest had been particularly quiet the entire drive over. She knew why; Alex was trying to work out how to get through the appointment without her true nature coming to light.

In that room, Alex was hopefully getting a chance to make an ally, a friend. Someone they could trust with this secret, even if it had to be nudged out of them. She knew she could trust Tony Harris. The two had attended Cornell in New York together. Both California kids, they had managed to make it out east and graduate before returning home to practice.

While she had gone into cardiology, Tony had chosen primary care. A gifted physician, he had wanted to follow his father’s footsteps as a family doctor to generations of his patients. She could see the nobility in that cause, one equal to if not more noble than her own in many ways. She certainly trusted the health of her family to him and now, in this pivotal moment, the life of her youngest child.

Veronica smiled at the memory.

“Hey Vee, what can I do for you?” Tony grinned, clasping his friend into a quick hug. “Been a minute.”

“Sure has,” Veronica agreed with a smile. “Thanks for coming to meet me.”

The two had met at a coffee shop down the street from Mercy’s Main Campus, a favorite amongst the hospital staff. Veronica had wanted to ask her old school friend this favor in person, and somehow, it hadn’t felt like dinner conversation.

“What was so important? You sounded quite unsure of yourself on the phone,” Tony asked, sitting down across from Veronica with his cappuccino.

“I told you it’s about Alex, right?”

Harris nodded, “you booked him in for a checkup with me next week, right? Something you’re worried about?”

Veronica made a face and looked away. “A little more complex than worried, Tony. There’s something going on that I need you to understand and… well, there are few I can trust with this.”

“Vee, you can tell me anything, how long have we known each other?”

Veronica frowned and glanced at her friend. “Alex is our daughter.”

It was Tony Harris’ turn to frown. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen evidence to the contrary on more than one occasion, are you pulling my leg?”

Veronica shook her head, “No, I’m not. It’s a little more complicated than that; based on what we know and what a consulting psychiatrist that specializes in gender issues believes, Alex is transgender.”

“Wow, ok, I’ll just pull my foot out of my mouth,” he chuckled nervously, realizing the off color nature of his prior remark. “What do you need?”

“Alex needs someone to talk to. As far as we know, he’s taking hormones that he’s getting from somewhere. Doctor Ward, Michael, and I are in agreement; Alex has to come to us. If we confront him, it’s likely he’ll repress this and hide. If he’s so scared to tell us that he’s taking this into his own hands, I’m so worried that she’s so alone.” Veronica sighed. “Tony, I’m so lost; my own baby is afraid to talk to me.”

“You want me to try?”

Veronica shook her head. “Not try, but… maybe if we put Alex into a situation where the truth of what she’s doing might slip out and she’s faced with a trustworthy adult without skin in the game, there’s a chance she might confide in you.”

Tony Harris noted Veronica’s shift in pronouns and how quickly she seemed to fall into referring to her youngest child in the feminine. “How long has this been going on?”

Veronica shrugged. “Six or seven months, we think.”

“Any changes will be pretty noticeable during a physical then,” he mused. “Want me to try to put them in a spot and toss ‘em a lifeline?”

Veronica nodded uncertainly. “I guess? I don’t want to force her, but I’m afraid that she’s hurting herself. If we were to confront her over the hormones, God knows what it would do to her trust. With you, she could find someone to confide in; someone to trust that can’t hurt her.”

Tony nodded. “I can do that for you Vee, of course I can. I’ll nudge a little and try to put Alex in a spot. I’ll make sure they’re safe.”

Veronica sighed, the relief visible on her face. “God, thank you. Just make sure my baby is ok.”

Twenty minutes later, Alex reappeared. “According to Doctor Harris, I’m not dead.”

Veronica looked up from an article on winter fashions and raised an eyebrow. “I could have told you that.”

Looking at her youngest child, she realized that Alex seemed a good deal more relaxed than when they had first arrived. She had no idea what had happened in the room, but she was reasonably sure that a weight had been lifted off her child’s shoulders. She hoped they were doing the right thing.

Placing the magazine down, she shouldered her bag and stood, “Well, no wasting time; let’s get you off to school so I can get into work. I have a bypass this afternoon to prep for.”

“Never let it be said that my health came before the needs of the cardiologically infirm.” her youngest child snarked.

Veronica grinned and playfully clipped the back of her child’s head. “School, gobby one.”

 

 

Thursday, September 9th, 2004 - Mercy General Hospital - Sacramento, California.

Veronica sat in her office at the hospital staring at her telephone. It sat there on the desk taunting her, daring her to pick it up and break her child’s trust. She wanted to aleve herself of her worries but she felt incredibly guilty at the prospect of breaching Alex’s trust.

Making a face, she picked up the handset and dialed the doctor’s surgery before she could change her mind.

“Hello Veronica, how are things?”

“Tony, I’m well, How are the kids?”

“Good, but you didn’t call about my kids, did you?”

Her old friend knew her far too well and she felt a flush of guilt that even he knew she was checking up on Alex.

“Look Tony, I don’t want to know any specifics and I don’t want you to breach Hipaa, but I have to know. Well, I have one request, and I think you can answer it without either of us breaking trust.”

“I’m listening.”

Veronica sighed and tapped her pen on her desk for a moment, listening to the static on the other end of the line as she fretted about her question. If Alex truly was in danger or being hurt by what he was doing, she would be duty bound to confront him and break his trust. She doubted that he would ever speak to her again, no matter the outcome.

“Look, please, just tell me that my baby is healthy.”

“Your child is healthy,” Tony replied flatly, giving nothing away. Nothing in this case however spoke volumes.

“You’re positive? Healthy? No details, of course.”

Tony Ward chuckled over the line and clicked his tongue, “your child is healthy, Vee. You know that I won’t give you anything else and I know you wouldn’t ask me either. This much I can give you, does that take the weight off a little?”

“God, it does,” she sighed, feeling relief flood through her body. She was utterly convinced that Alex was taking hormone replacement therapy now. Her child was lost and terrified and she couldn’t do a thing about it without ruining their relationship. She felt trapped in the worst possible way.

“Look, if it’s any consolation, You’re a great Mom, Vee. Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

“How do you know…” she sighed. “Of course you know.”

“I’m a parent myself Vee, I know what it’s like.” Tony offered. “I wouldn’t tell you anything that breaches trust, but as they are a minor, I CAN tell you that they’re healthy. You and Mike have nothing to worry about in the short term.”

“And the long term?” she sighed. “What then?”

“That Vee, is on you, Mike and Alex,” he pointed out. “I’ve faith you’ll all sort it out soon enough.”

Veronica grimaced but said nothing as she stared at the family photograph on her desk. Would it be soon enough?

 

 

Saturday, September 11th, 2004 - Winters Family Home.

“I’m home!”

Veronica looked up from her magazine and smiled at her youngest child. “Did you have a good time?”

Alex nodded happily as he dropped down onto the other end of the sofa. “It was good, I even got to ride a horse.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow. “Did you know which end to sit on?”

Alex rolled his eyes, “Yeah, well… I had a quick lesson first.”

“And what are you wearing?” Veronica queried with a frown. “Those aren’t your clothes.”

The sweater was maroon and sported a churchy looking crest on the breast and the jeans didn’t look like any that she had bought for her son.

“Oh, I ah… fell in a creek?”

“Before or after the horse?” Veronica queried.

“During?” Alex admitted with a nervous grin. “I got my stuff dried, but well… Rick’s Mom lent me these.”

“This Rick, he’s one of your gamer friends, right?”

Alex blushed and looked suddenly a little guilty. Veronica wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but the look seemed unnervingly familiar. “Uh, yeah, he’s on the football team with Rob.”

While she knew that her youngest regularly attended his brother’s games at school, she was reasonably certain that he didn’t socialize with the same crowd as his elder sibling. For one, Alex had never shown the slightest inkling of being particularly sporty himself.

It wasn’t that she expected him to be a clone of his sibling, she knew that her child’s interests lay elsewhere. As long as he was happy or rather, happier, she wasn’t particularly concerned with where he found friendship. The child sitting before her in borrowed clothes talking about riding horses and falling in creeks seemed a far cry from the withdrawn youth of only six months earlier.

Veronica smiled warmly, “I’m glad you had fun darling, you should invite this Rick boy over some time in return.”

Alex suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable, “Uh, he wouldn’t want to come over here Mom; he lives on a ranch and he’s got a huge house. He’d think this place is so tiny.

Not that tiny, Veronica mused, shuddering at the memory of the mortgage. “Our house is hardly small dear, we’re not exactly impoverished.”

“I know… I mean, I suppose.”

Ah teenagers, never change.

“What did you do other than ride horses?” She asked, eying her still reddening child with growing curiosity.

“Uh, video games; stuff.”

“You can play video games here you know, I’m sure he won’t mind our provincial little home.” Veronica smirked.

“I’m gonna go to my room; I’ve got homework to finish.” Alex muttered, hopping up off the sofa and scurrying off.

Veronica watched her child go; The heart design sewn into the back pocket aside, she was beyond convinced that the jeans her youngest child was wearing were intended for a girl. No boy should fit… but then…

Veronica kneaded her temples and sighed. This entire enterprise was going to give her an aneurism if it went on for very much longer.

Alex had looked happier that evening; far happier than he had in a long time. Clearly friendships were helping her youngest child to grow and to come out of his shell. The tricky part was that the shell was beginning to look a lot less like her son and far more like her daughter. How long would they be able to keep up this limbo, this hidden existence? She wasn’t sure.

Did Alex say that this boy’s mother gave him the clothes to wear? What mother would give a boy a girl’s…?

Oh… oh dear.

 

 

Friday, September 25th, 2004 - Winters Family Home.

Veronica heard the sound of a car door closing outside on the driveway. It was a little after nine in the evening and she was relaxing in her study, taking advantage of the quiet provided while the kids were away at the game. She was perusing a new and exciting paper on a pioneering valve replacement technique that used magnetic tools to minimise tissue damage caused by traditional clamps. It was proving to be quite a fascinating read, and in typical fashion, she had lost all track of time.

Peering out of the window, she spotted her son’s car sitting on the driveway. He seemed to be talking to someone, a passenger that had just exited the vehicle that was mostly obscured by his body. Where had the evening gone? She stretched and closed the journal she was reading. Yet to hear the house door, she glanced back out of the window to see what was keeping him.

Rob moved slightly, showing a shorter slimmer figure behind him that was still somewhat obscured by the darkness. Had he brought a girl home with him? It looked that way; she was standing with her weight on one hip and gesturing at Robert while the pair spoke. After a few moments, the two hugged, the girl standing up on her toes to embrace him warmly. It was about time he got a girlfriend, she mused.

Robert handed the girl a jacket that she shrugged on, obscuring her slim but obvious curves in the darkness. However, rather than walking back down towards the street, she followed her son up toward the front door of the house. As they passed within the sphere of the porch light, she caught the girl’s side profile and realized to her horror that it was her youngest child, Alex.

Veronica ducked down, out of sight of the window and tried to rationalize what she had just seen. She knew that Alex looked feminine and that others clearly saw them as female, but it was the first time she had experienced the mental separation to see it too.

The young woman that had conversed with her brother out on the driveway was undeniably that; female. Even when she recognized Alex’s face, it still hadn’t changed her view. Her youngest child was a girl, her daughter… It blew her mind wide open.

By the look of things, at least one member of the family was overtly aware of the truth of the matter. She would have to speak with Robert soon. Whether or not he would betray his sister’s confidence however, was another matter entirely.

Veronica’s eyes grew wider; sister. Where had that come from? Somehow, she knew that it was exactly how Robert saw his sibling. The idea gave her hope and joy. Even if Alex couldn’t speak with her yet, she at least had someone to confide in and that gave Veronica hope. Her daughter, her youngest daughter. Now that she was over the initial shock of the concept, it didn’t seem wrong at all.

The door opened and closed and she heard her children enter the hallway. Taking a breath, she stepped out of her study and smiled pleasantly. “Good game?”

Rob grinned and nodded, Alex seemed a little more reserved than usual. Were her eyes red?

“Yeah, we won,” Rob offered, “tight game but we did it.”

Veronica smiled at his enthusiasm. “Did you go to West’s after? You’re back rather late.”

“No,” Rob answered rather quickly, “We just went to the park with some friends to hang out… nothing so organised.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow. “Ok, well, I hope you two had fun. Don’t let your old mother keep you.”

Her children exchanged a look and a sheepish grin before heading off their separate ways. Veronica watched Alex go; Despite the long oversized hooded sweatshirt, she was positive that she was wearing the same girls jeans she had come home in the week prior. She was choosing to wear them, and to a school game to boot? That had to mean that Alex was out to more than just her brother.

Veronica watched her supposed son ascend the stairs and vanish towards their room. It had to be Julia Byrne’s daughters; Alex was spending so much time with them that it made perfect sense. That, and it blew Michael’s dating hypothesis clean out of the water.

It couldn’t be too long until Alex said something to them. If she was comfortable now confiding in her brother, it would hopefully give her the strength to speak to her and her father. If she didn’t… god knows, it was becoming increasingly obvious to everyone that she was no boy. There was no way she would last much longer at that school.

 

 

Monday, September 28th, 2004 - Winters Family Home.

Veronica was sipping her morning coffee and checking her diary at the counter when Alex staggered into the kitchen the following morning, barely wearing her uniform. With wild hair and a tie that barely counted as being around her neck. She truly was quite a sight to behold.

“You look exhausted,” she opined, sipping her beverage. “Are you sure you’re ok to go to school today?”

“Uhuh,” Alex grumbled, dumping her bag on the table next to them. “I just had a rough night again, that’s all.”

Veronica reached over and felt her child’s forehead. “You’re not running a fever, any other symptoms?”

“Just tired, not sure why.”

“Well if you can’t think of a valid excuse, I’ll be packing you off to school… what’s this?” she asked, pulling the half-exposed form for German class from the dumped school bag.

“Uh field trip for German class.” Alex admitted, her nose already buried in a coffee mug.

“And I’m guessing it’s not to the local Christmas Market, right?”

“Uh, the actual ones in Germany, week, start of December.”

Veronica raised an eyebrow, “When were you going to tell me about this? It’s due to be handed in today?”

Alex grinned sheepishly, “Oh, I forgot.”

Veronica read through the form briefly, noting the important particulars before frowning and giving her a serious look. “Talk about last minute, Alex. I’d normally want to speak to your Father about this first but I’m sure he’d be ok with it. I’ll get the forms for your passport when I’m in town later.”

Alex looked more than a little surprised, as though this hadn’t been the outcome she had expected. “You’re sure Dad will be ok with this?” She asked skeptically. “I know I left it so late, it’s my fault that I can’t go.”

Veronica shrugged, “we spend twice this on Rob’s football needs in a school year. You never ask us for anything and you don’t play any sports so I don’t see why not. You do want to go, don’t you?”

“Well, yes, it would be quite exciting,” Alex admitted. “I’ve never been to Germany and it would make my classes way more relevant.”

“Then you shall go to the ball Cinders,” She declared, sighing the form with a dramatic flourish. She paused, noting a strange look on Alex’s face as she realized what it was she had said.

Making a show of draining her coffee, she stood and shouldered her handbag. “Do you want to drive today? If you feel awake enough, that is?”

Alex practically inhaled the remainder of her coffee and grinned, “sure Mom, I’d love to!”

Veronica raised an eyebrow, “then you might want to put your uniform on properly and look like you’re fit for public consumption first. You have five minutes.”

Ten minutes and an aggressive intervention from a hair brush later, Alex was pulling out of the driveway in Veronica’s Mercedes. Like her husband, Veronica allowed Alex to gain experience on the school run in the mornings, now that they had she had her learner’s permit. Unlike Chrissie and Robert, she was pleased to find her youngest was a lot more reserved than her siblings.

Pronouns were a struggle this morning. After her stark realisation the prior evening, Veronica was struggling to refer to her youngest child as male. She knew what they were born as, and she knew the medical mechanics of the issue, but it was quite clear that she was driving to school with her youngest daughter.

She glanced over and watched as Alex navigated a junction, focusing on the traffic moving around them. While the child beside her was wearing a suit and tie, she looked the spitting image of her teenage self. Veronica felt a strange sense of pride that finally, one of her children had taken after her. It was only ironic at how she had reached that destination.

“You should invite that friend of yours over sometime,” Veronica offered, breaking the companionable silence.

“Hmm? Who?

Veronica waved her hand, trying to seem casual, “The one you went to see last week… Ryan, no.…Rick?”

“I could,” Alex conceded slowly. “I would feel quite inferior though; we don’t have a ranch and horses. I'm sure he’d be bored just playing games.”

“It’s just polite,” Veronica countered. “Anyway, you both play games and watch TV or you can go for a walk; there’s plenty to do. We don’t exactly live in a slum, dear.”

Alex frowned, “I’ll think about it, ok?”

Veronica allowed the conversation to drop. She was reasonably sure that the boy didn’t know, but was almost positive that Alex was afraid that he might find out. What sort of tangled web was her child living within?

As they pulled into the parking lot at the school, Alex shut the engine off and gave her a weak smile. “I’ll see you later, ok, Mom?”

Veronica climbed out and walked around to the drivers side as Alex retrieved her bag. She hugged her youngest child and climbed into the driver’s seat, making absolutely zero adjustment to the seat or mirror. “Get me some passport photographs before you get home this afternoon, do you hear me? Do not dally around with this until it’s too late, Alex.”

Alex rolled her eyes and made a face, “yes, Mother.”

Veronica honked the horn and pulled away before she burst out in laughter at how much like a teenage girl her teenage son was acting.

 

 

Tuesday, September 29th, 2004 - Mercy General Hospital, Sacramento, California.

Doctor Winters was three hours into a bypass surgery when her focus was interrupted by a polite yet insistant knocking on the observation room window.

“What seems to be so urgent as to interrupt me while I’m elbow deep in Mister Jones?” She called, not looking away from the suture she was completing.

“When you’ve got a moment, Doctor Winters, I have a rather urgent message.” Nurse Brown called over the intercom.

“Let me finish with his aorta, and I’m all yours,” Veronica offered, tying off the suture on the arterial wall.

A few moments later, she completed her work and turned to give her attention to the gallery. Above her, she spotted Anita Brown, one of the nurses with a hesitant look on her face.

”What do you need?”

”Doctor Winters, ah… It’s your daughter, Ma’am. She was just brought into the ER a few minutes ago.”

Veronica frowned, her daughter was in Chicago, how was that even possible?

“I’ve paged Marcie to come and scrub in for you.” the nurse continued over the intercom.

“Thank you, Anita, let me know when she gets here.” Veronica returned her attention to the patient whose life was quite literally in her hands. Until Marcie Johnson arrived there was nothing she could do to help her child. What had happened was a mystery, but she would find out as soon as she could. Right now, this man would die if she cut and ran.

Forty minutes later, Doctor Johnson arrived to replace Veronica at the table. After briefing her colleague, she scrubbed out and was finally able to begin worrying about her child. Now her patient was in safe hands, she could be a parent again.

What the hell had happened to her? Why was she even here? Had Christine come home to surprise her? Nothing seemed to make sense to Veronica as she hurriedly set off to find answers.

”Doctor Winters!”

Veronica spotted the young doctor jogging along the corridor and paused as she was preparing to step into the elevator. “Harriet? Tell me you know what happened to Christine?”

The young brunette physician hit the door button for the elevator and escorted Veronica inside before selecting the fourth-floor wards. “She was brought in earlier after an altercation at her school. She suffered blunt-force cranial trauma and a concussion. CAT showed no bleeding and only minor swelling; she’s really lucky Doctor Winters.”

“I still don’t even know how she’s here at all,” Veronica sighed, pushing her hair out of her eyes. “Wait a second… at her school?”

Doctor Jones nodded. “She came in with her brother, Robert. He was very protective of her. He, ah, he warned me that she was a little different from other girls.” Doctor Brown added gently. “I took care to maintain her dignity, Ma’am.”

Veronica’s head spun. None of the ER Doctor’s words made sense. If not Christine… wait a moment, “Alex?”

”Yes Ma’am, she was given a mild sedative so she could get some sleep. Neuro recommended bed rest and observation. Given her results, she should be out of any real danger. We’ll keep her overnight to be safe,” Jones continued. “She’s a very brave girl, if I may say so, Doctor Winters.”

Veronica eyed the younger doctor and nodded. She still wasn’t entirely sure what was happening but she realized playing along might be the safer of the present options. From what her colleague was saying, her child was safe and that was what mattered most of all.

When they arrived on the fourth floor, Veronica found Robert sitting nervously outside of a hospital room. Spotting the intimacy of the moment, Doctor Jones excused herself to the nurses station and vanished. As soon as he spotted his mother coming down the corridor, he was on his feet, a nervous look on his face.

”Ah, Mom, I’m so sorry, I really screwed up!”

Veronica hugged her eldest son and stroked his hair. “Shush, it’s ok. What happened, baby?”

Rob let out a half sob and shook his head. “It was lunch time and this asshole, Brandon; he just started hitting Alex, I don’t know why. I got to him as soon as I could and so did the other guys.” He explained sadly. “He’d lost his mind about something and Alex wasn’t moving… there was so much blood… god, I’m sorry, I really failed her… him.”

Veronica mentally raised an eyebrow at her son’s slip but said nothing. She squeezed her son’s hand and smiled. “This isn’t your fault Robert, don’t blame yourself. From what Doctor Jones said, it looks like they’re gonna be ok, alright? You did good.”

Rob sniffed and nodded. “Look, Mom, there’s some stuff you need to know first…”

Despite her worry, Veronica chuckled, which caught her son by surprise. “Mom?”

”Doctor Jones already told me about my daughter’s condition. It didn’t take long to realize that Chrissie was still safely in Chicago.”

”Hol… Alex was really scared to tell you,” Rob blurted out defensively. “She wanted to tell you and Dad, but she was so scared that you’d hate her for it… I’m sorry for not saying something, but it wasn’t my place.”

Veronica hugged her son again, “I know honey, I don’t blame you at all. To tell the truth, your father and I have known for a while.”

Rob pulled away slightly and eyed his mother. “You do?”

Veronica wiped a tear she hadn’t realized she had shed and nodded. “Yes, we had seen Alex struggle for months and, well, we saw the signs darling. Alex never came out and said anything, but she didn’t exactly need to.”

Rob smiled slightly, “I guess not. You’re not mad at me for not telling you?”

Veronica shook her head. “I would have been more angry with you for betraying her confidence.”

"Her…” Rob asked cautiously. “So you’re… ok with all of this?”

His mother nodded, “I’ve gotten used to the idea, baby. Truth be told, Alex was always more like Chrissie than she was you. As long as all my kids are happy and healthy, then I’m happy.”

”She was so afraid that you guys would reject her,” Rob admitted quietly. “She’s been carrying this all on her own.”

”When did you find out?”

Rob grinned, “like four days ago after the game on Friday night. It kinda came out by accident and she ended up admitting everything.”

”I take it you’re ok with this too?” Veronica asked her son. “You can be honest with me.”

Rob nodded his head with certainty. “At first, she was just my kid brother. Kinda dweeby but she was just Alex… I loved her. From the moment I first saw her as herself… I can’t see her any other way, Mom. I think somehow, deep down inside, I’ve always treated Alex like she was my little sister. It just makes sense, for her to be like this.”

Veronica smiled at her son and stroked his cheek. “You’re a good boy, Robert, I’m proud of you.”

Leaving her son in the corridor, Veronica let herself into the hospital room and closed the door behind her. Only once she was completely out of sight of her son and the other hospital staff, did she finally allow herself to release the quiet sob she had been holding since she was first told that her baby was hurt.

Taking a deep breath, she centered herself and glanced up at the sleeping figure on the bed across from her. The girl, and it was undeniably a girl lying there in a hospital gown, looked serene. Veronica walked over and reached out to her child’s sleeping form. Aside from a bandage around her head and a black eye, she might have been sleeping in her room at home.

Was this how she would have chosen to confront her child’s reality? Of course not. There were far better ways, she knew. The sad reality was that there was a chance it might have been a lot longer before Alex admitted her truth. Leaning forward, she kissed her daughter on the forehead and stroked her hair.

The sleeping child was beautiful, she had to admit. How had she taken so long to see this? In that moment, she vowed to do whatever it took to protect her daughter. She would climb every mountain along the road she now found herself on, and she would do whatever it took to see her happy. She would prove to her that her fear had been unjustified, prove to her that her love was a universal constant. She would be the best mother she was capable of being.

 

 

Veronica had been dozing lightly when movement across the room caught her eye. In the early evening darkness, she caught sight of her child’s eyes as they connected with her own.

“Alex,” she murmured softly, coming out of the chair and crossing over to her child’s side. She reached up and switched on one of the reading lights and angled it away so it didn’t blind her in the dim room. “I didn’t want to wake you, honey, you were sleeping. How are you feeling now?”

Alex grimaced as she touched the dressing on the back of her head. “You didn’t have to come down, I know you were busy, Mom.”

Veronica rolled her eyes, “I found out that you had been brought in when I was three hours into a bypass surgery. As soon as they told me, I scrubbed out and let Marcie take over. There was no way I was missing my child’s time of need.” Veronica’s lip curled. “You know, I was a little surprised to find you here.”

Alex looked apprehensive, “what do you mean?”

“They told me that my daughter had been brought in after a fight at her school. On my way down here, I was wondering how the hell Chrissie managed to get attacked at her college in Chicago and then get admitted here, half a country away.”

Alex grinned nervously, “Really good AirMed?”

Veronica fought the urge to snigger at her child’s remark even as she frowned. “Would you believe my surprise when I came in here and Harriet from the ER briefed me on my youngest daughter’s injuries?”

She watched the look of fear and panic cross her child’s face as she realized what she was saying. Alex swallowed and almost whimpered, “I can explain, Mom, I promise…”

Veronica shook her head and squeezed her daughter’s hand. “You don’t need to, sweetheart. I know, and I have known for quite a long time. It wasn’t quite how I expected you to tell me though.”

Alex frowned, “hou know? How?”

She laced her fingers with her child’s and smiled kindly. “I’ve known for a while now, baby. I didn’t know how to broach it with you so we decided to wait. Your father and I, we saw how sad you were and just how much you were hurting; we didn’t know what to do to help. We saw how you spent time with Chrissie growing up, how very different you were to Robert and we saw all the behavior and the responses; we tried to pretend it wasn’t really happening.”

Veronica looked guilty, realizing what they had done to their child. Suddenly, she felt the urge to explain and apologize. “We sent you to that school to see if it might encourage you to play with other boys, to adjust, but it only seemed to make things worse. I think we realized it was too late when you withdrew yourself from us last year. By that point, it was all we could do to try and communicate somehow.”

She sighed and stroked Alex’s hair. “I saw the signs; I’m not an idiot darling. I know you started taking hormones. You do remember that you are the child of a doctor, right? If anyone had the knowledge and resources to pursue this herself, it was you. I also recognized the signs from Chrissie; a young girl entering puberty isn’t so easy to miss for a mother.”

Alex frowned. “But you kept asking me if I was ok? Why not just tell me that you knew? I thought…” she sighed and glanced away. “I thought you guys were oblivious.”

“I wanted you to open up in your own time,” she admitted, realizing now how foolish it sounded. “It was when I felt your bra the other week that I realized your father and I had to say something sooner rather than later. That I had missed so much that you were already in your first bra, it had gone on long enough.”

“You don’t hate me?” Alex asked quietly, glancing up at her mother. “You don’t want to send me off to military school or conversion therapy or something?”

“Veronica felt the tears rolling down her cheeks as she shook her head. “No darling, I’d never dream of doing that. I would never… could never hate you for who you are.”

“Oh, Mom!” Alex choked.

Veronica carefully hugged her daughter to her chest. For the first time, she felt truly connected to the child. All pretense forgotten, she hugged the sobbing girl close, realizing with some surprise that as with Christine, she felt the sensation of their breasts pressing together. Alex was well on her way to becoming a woman and she hadn’t even seen it.

“So you’re really ok with this? With me? Alex sniffed quietly.

Veronica made a face. “Yes and no,” she started before holding up her hands to pause any response. “I one hundred percent support you Alex, you are my child and I will support you. This is your life and if this is right for… god who am I kidding? Of course, this is right for you. I look at you now and I cannot see anything but my youngest daughter.”

Veronica struggled to keep a serious expression as she saw her child’s heart sing. “What I’m not ok with is that you took such dangerous risks to get here. I’m angry that you didn’t feel you could trust us, and I’m angry that you got hurt by that horrible boy.”

“I was scared, Mom,” Alex admitted sheepishly. “I felt so alone, so isolated. I was convinced you and Dad would reject me and push me off to be like Rob. I couldn’t face it and I was desperate.”

Veronica stroked Alex’s hair and smiled. “I love all of you all the same but you are nothing like your brother,” she admitted with a sardonic chuckle. “That would have been an impossible task.”

“I didn’t think I had a choice, Mom,” Alex admitted. “I couldn’t stand the idea of turning into a boy, it terrified me. I reached a dark point where it was do anything, or…”

Without her child even having to say the words, Veronica felt the sudden ice-cold realization that she had nearly lost her. She had known Alex had been suffering, but somehow, her mind hadn’t managed to quite go there.

“When I saw the signs this summer and realized what you were doing, your father and I spoke. We knew we couldn’t confront you directly, not yet. I came up with the best plan I could; to give you someone else to talk to; a trustworthy person that could keep the secret and at least keep you safe. With who else but my old college friend could I confide in that my youngest child was transgender?”

She saw the look on Alex’s face and chuckled. “Don’t blame him,” she added. “I told Tony my suspicions and he told me that he wouldn’t push, but if you chose to confide in him he would do what he could to be a neutral party. You have to believe I just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Why not just talk to me?” the girl asked, her brow furrowing.

Veronica felt awful then, realizing that her child had been waiting for a sign that she would be loved, that she would be accepted. “You needed to tell me in your own time darling. I didn’t want to force you.”

“But if you knew I was taking hormones, you had to know that I was serious?”

“Do I want you to see a specialist? Absolutely,” she admitted. “Did I want you to tell me first? Absolutely. Did you need to reach the point of acceptance first by yourself? Yes.”

“How long has Robert known?” Veronica asked, nodding back towards the door.

“He found out a couple of days ago,” Alex admitted. “It was really sudden. He didn’t do anything silly, did he?”

Veronica smiled and brushed some stray hair from her daughter’s face. “Your brother was your brother; he tried to run interference and he even tried to prepare me for the news in his own silly way.”

Alex smiles fondly, thinking about her brother, “That sounds like him, trying to be the hero.”

“He’s like his dad,” Veronica smiled.

Alex nods, “I love Dad, but I’m glad that I’m not like him.”

Veronica squeezed her daughter’s hand, “no; you’re a younger version of me.”

Alex’s eyes took on a faraway look and she smiled. “That’s all I ever wanted, Mom.”

Veronica stroked her daughter’s hair and smiled back at her. It had been a long time coming but the truth was finally out. There were no more secrets between them and at long last, she could help her child to be happy. As a mother, it was all she had ever wanted. To realize that she had contributed to her despair had broken her heart. To now embark upon the journey with her to mend it once more? It was all a mother could want.

 

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