CHAPTER 63
I was more than a little nervous as we waited for the arrival of Kitzy’s father. We were sitting on the sofa and armchairs in a way that felt profoundly artificial, and all I could imagine was that it was all too obvious. I couldn’t see anyone in possession of any working braincells missing how Alys and I moved in each other’s presence, even if Tref and his boy didn’t slip up.

We sat awkwardly, in my case trying to read the latest edition of ‘Climber’, Alys working through the Simpson and Day (I saw the cover) guide to Australian birds, and both of us still came close to dropping our literature when the doorbell rang.

Kitzy gave us as sly a grin as her own nerves allowed, whispering “Me that’s supposed to be worried here” as she went to answer the door.

She was back a few seconds later, a stocky man hand in hand with her, followed by an equally short woman.

“Mam, Dad: Tref, Jordan, Enfys, Alys. This is their place, or at least it was, sort of, if I move in properly, oh, you know what I mean”

Mr Salter held a hand out to Jordan first, the sexist sod.

“Hello son. Dave Salter, and she who must be obeyed is Linda. Could we have a look round, and then a cuppa, he hinted heavily?”

Jordan looked across to Tref, then turned his gaze to my own girl.

“Do the honours, love?”

He was at least doing his best, but that meant I would have to play girlfriend to Trefor. I rose with Alys so that our own role as handmaidens to the patriarchal overlord could be maintained, and the two of us went into the kitchen to fill the kettle and fulfil our wifely function. Alys shut the door behind us, so I was more than a little surprised when Linda Salter opened it again, closing it after herself.

“He takes two sugars, milk in first. No sugar for me; don’t care when the milk goes in”

She paused for a couple of breaths before asking her next question.

“What’s going on here?”

I looked at Alys for reassurance before replying, and Mrs Salter waved a hand at us.

“None of you is good at acting, so I will put my cards on the table”

She reached over as the kettle boiled, checked the pot for tea bags and then filled it with boiling water, settling the lid and the cosy.

“Done. Important stuff cleared away, okay? Now, you two lezzers?”

I simply knew my jaw was swinging loose, so she gave another wave of her hand.

“Me? Do I care? Him? Bit traditional, he is. Now, shall we start again, and don’t worry, all I am concerned about is my girl out there, so please just answer one question: is she happy?”

Alys reached across to take my hand, as Mrs Salter gave a sharp nod of confirmation.

“I think, I believe, that she is, Mrs Salter”

“Linda, please. Those two boys?”

I shrugged, and Linda chuckled.

“He’d have a bloody fit, would my Dave. Who is Lee?”

How the hell did she know… once again she waved a hand.

“While Dave was doing the man of the house thing, I had a quick look at the mail by the front door. More than one letter for him, so not a misdelivery, and so I am adding numbers up and arriving at three times two. Am I on the money?”

Alys rescued me from an answer.

“I can’t say anything about Kitzy’s private life, Linda”

“Please pour the tea, love. He’ll be back soon, and we’ll have to go back to playing games. One question. No, two: is she happy, and is he a good man?”

Once again, Alys took the lead, and I was impressed once more by her confidence, sideswiped yet again by a wave of love for her.

“Lee is a diamond, Linda. One day, we will sit together and we will explain how they…”

Suddenly, she started laughing, and after a moment of struggle, she got out “Lee was sleeping with Enfys at the time”, before losing things completely.

I turned to Linda, holding my arms wide in an attempt at explanation, or damage limitation or something.

“Ignore my lover here. Lee and I were in a snow hole, which collapsed. Kitzy was one of those who saved our lives. We owe her that, for starters, and then she is herself a diamond of a woman, and so, well, this little pretence”

Linda stared at us both for another few seconds, then smiled.

“Thank you both. I don’t think I will be able to engineer a quiet meeting with Lee, but I will have a word with my girl before we go. They’re back downstairs now; I can hear them. Bring the tea, and remember you aren’t a couple for now”

She paused, yet again.

“Just a thought… Lee? Male or female?”

Alys laughed.

“Very much male, Linda”

“Thank god for that. It’ll make it easier for Dave”

Another shrug from her.

“So I know my little girl, and she has always been as bad an actor as you two. You on the same course as her?”

Alys answered for both of us, after a quick check on me.

“All except myself, Linda. I’m doing ecology stuff”

“Hmmm… and who has the bunkhouse?”

Ye gods, she was well-informed. As my eyes widened, she grinned, and I could suddenly see her daughter in her smile.

“She sent us some group pictures. Got one on my phone. Hang on… Lee in this shot?”

I moved next to her, confirming that the bunkhouse was sort of mine, and pointed at the lad, where he sat a couple of places away from Kitzy in a shot from our night out at the Cow.

“That’s him there. Night out at our local pub, folk club”

“Folk? Oh dear--- don’t mention that to Dave. He’s into Mud and Showaddywaddy”

Alys’ turn to shudder. I raised the obvious eyebrows of enquiry, and Linda shrugged once more.

“Me? Michael Bolton, Three Tenors, that sort of thing. Oh: and Show of Hands. Bring the cups, girls, and let’s get this game played. Last thing: he’s a nice looking lad. You guarantee he’s sound?”

We both nodded, Alys gathering the tray as I pulled the door open, ‘Dave’ in full flow to the other two men about drainpipes and gutters. My girl set the tray down on the coffee table, and we settled into armchairs and sofa, Alys making sure she sat well away from me, as I am sure she understood how automatic my reflex was in setting a hand to her knee or thigh. Ut was hard work, and I was relieved beyond words when, after The Men had finished carrying in Kitzy’s belongings, Mr and Mrs salter finally closed the doors of their car, clicked in their seatbelts and set off for the Expressway. Tref made the first comment, echoed by all of us in one way or another.

“Thank fuck they’re gone! Sorry, Kitz, not meant like that, but, well!”

I saw him reach out for Jordan’s hand, so I followed suit with my own beloved, and the world was immediately so much better a place. Jordan shook his head, then looked at his watch.

“Seven o’clock, people. Shall we eat at the pub?”

There were no objections, and while we started the night in one of the traditional student places with a two-course meal of nachos and burgers, we ended up, on Jordan’s insistence, in the Marquis of Granby, probably the pinkest, queerest pub in Bangor.

As he dragged Tref up to dance to some shit disco thing, and Kitzy went to the bar to buy her round, I snuggled up to Alys and asked an obvious question.

“What on Earth happened to that shy gay boy stuck in the closet?”

As a first reply, I received a kiss that I had been longing for throughout the parental visit, and then a whispered comment.

“I think we sort of kicked the door in, love. Now, I have just had a text. Let’s not warn the others”

She showed me her phone, and the text messages between her and Lee.

Nearly in Bangor. K’s parents gone?

All clear. All of us in Granby

OK. See you there

Lee’s timing was utter perfection. As the last drink of Kitzy’s order was delivered, Lee put an arm around her waist, and I could guess the conversation. She said something to the barman, who reached for another pint glass, before she turned and wrapped herself around her own man for a very, very public and unrestrained display of affection.

Lee helped her carry over the glasses, settling himself next to her after a round of hugs and a wave of his pint to two sweaty men busily shaking their bits. Those two joined us a few moments later, almost draining their pints in one, and then it was six of us, slumped together, happily divided, as Linda had put it, into three times two.

Life was good!