As we entered the house after Oliver dropped us off, Mom swatted my backside. “Thanks for embarrassing the crap out of me, little girl. Oliver thought you lacked any discipline or respect for adult authority.”

My bottom stung and I fought back a flow of tears. I felt betrayed. I rubbed my seat as I put a bit of distance between me and Mom. “Why did you do that? You’ve already yelled at me once already!”

Her face twisted with anger, Mom shouted, “Now Oliver thinks I can’t control my own child. Are you trying to sabotage my relationship with Oliver?”

Despite my efforts, tears ran down my cheeks. Being more vicious than I probably should have, I shouted, “I’m not your child, remember? It’s not like I leaped from your loins. I’m sorry I reacted the way a kid would. That’s getting harder for me to control. And sabotage? Really? Why would I care who you date?”

Her face still red from anger, Mom snarled, “Like it or not Dear One, you are legally my child. And you should care who I date. If I marry Oliver, he’s going to adopt you. He’s told me as much.”

That struck me to my core. “No way. Oliver would be my dad? I’d get his last name? My last name is the final link with our real parents! I don’t want Oliver as my dad!”

Her face no longer flushed, Mom slowly said, “You’re just a girl, Chrystal. The adults are in charge, not you. You have no veto power over who I love.”

Feeling drained and cold with my butt hurting, I said, “It’s official, then?”

Mom took a few steps towards me. “No. He hasn’t proposed. But we’ve talked about the possibility of marriage and what that would mean for us. I can understand how difficult the adjustment would be. But honey, I know that once you get to know Oliver, you’ll love him just as much as I do.”

I shouted, “He’ll never be my dad!” I started crying, turned and ran to my room. I slammed the door, jumped on my bed and hugged Mr. Bunny while I cried.

When I woke up, I discovered I was wearing my nightgown and snuggled close to Mr. Bunny. Sunlight slanted into my room revealing dust motes dancing in the air. Mom was in my room and saw me stir. She walked around my bed and sat down. She started stroking my hair.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” she softly said. She gently stroked my cheek.

Clutching Mr. Bunny close to me, I mumbled, “Morning.”

Continuing to play with my hair, Mom said, “Oliver came by last night after you had gone to bed. He apologized for his nephew’s behavior. He’s not upset with you. He said he’d probably would have done the same thing in your place.”

Still hugging Mr. Bunny, I said, “I don’t want things to change. I don’t want a new dad. I just want things as they are. Just you and me. We don’t need anyone else.” I felt a tear run down my nose.

Mom swiped the tear and kissed my cheek. “We’re a good team, huh?” I nodded. “But maybe we can build the team up. Sometimes I’ll need someone to open the pickle jar for me.”

I giggled. “We don’t have any pickle jars.”

Mom poked my nose. “That’s because I can’t open them. Just think of all the pickles you’re missing!” She reached under the covers and tickled me. I squealed and squirmed to evade the tickles.

Mom just sat on my bed a few minutes, gently playing with my hair. “Come on, honey. Time to get up. I’m making your favorite. French Toast.”

I peeked over at her. “With sausages?”

Mom smiled. “With sausages.”

I grinned as I wriggled out from under the covers. I gave Mom a hug.

I was sitting on the floor with Mr. Bunny in my lap, in front of the TV crying when Mom walked into the living room. She saw me crying and asked, “Honey, what’s wrong? What are you watching?”

I didn’t answer her. I just kept staring at the TV. She looked from me to the TV screen. “Oh! That’s our vacation trip to Colorado! Oh wow. I’m just a little bit older than you.” She looked back at me. “Why are you crying, honey?”

Wiping my nose on my sleeve, I snuffled and said, “I’m fifteen in this video. And I’m a BOY! I’m a boy. Look. There’s Mom and Dad. They’re alive there.”

Mom knelt beside me and stroked my hair. “Honey, if it’s going to upset you, maybe you should put these videos away.”

“Just look. Dad was alive. And there he is laughing when the tent we were trying to set up collapsed with me inside. And there you are, reading a book and not helping.” More tears ran down my cheeks.

Mom chuckled. “I remember you thought it was funny getting trapped inside the tent.”

I clutched Mr. Bunny tightly to me and exclaimed, “I don’t remember any of it! There I am with Dad! And I don’t remember any of it!”

Mom kissed my forehead and hugged me. “Sweetie, maybe you shouldn’t watch these tapes. It’s just going to upset you.”

I cried into Mom’s shoulder. “I want to remember. Mom, I want to remember.”

Mom hugged me tighter. “I know you do, sweetheart. I know.”

Mom stopped the tape. She then put the box with all the family video tapes in the hall closet too high for me to reach.

I was sitting on my bed playing with my dolls when Mom poked her head in. “Honey, do you think you’ll be okay for an hour while I go to the grocery store?”

“Can I go with you?” I asked as I set my dolls down.

“It’s just a quick trip to get some things I need to make dinner tonight,” she said. “You always like to put things in the cart when I’m not looking so I wind up buying stuff I didn’t want. Besides. You’re still in your underwear.”

“I’m a big girl, Mom”, I said sitting straighter. “I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone.”

Mom giggled. “Well, that’s a relief. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She checked inside her purse, turned and walked away. A moment later I heard the front door close.

I continued playing for several minutes until I decided I was thirsty. I jumped off my bed and padded into the kitchen. I couldn’t reach the cupboard, so I pulled a cup from the dishwasher. I hoped everything inside the washer was clean.

I poured some milk from the fridge into my cup and wandered into the living room to turn on the TV. Mom had left the TV on some shopping channel. They were currently selling a collection of unattractive earrings. I idly flipped through the channels while I sipped my milk. Amazing how we had all these channels and nothing worth watching. Bored, I turned, leaving the TV on and headed back to my room.

I started to pass Mom’s bedroom. She always kept the door closed and locked as if she didn’t trust me. Today, she’d left the door open so I decided to go have a look around.

It felt weird standing in Mom’s room with her not around. Her bed was messed up despite that she always gets on me to make my bed. Maybe she’s just been busy and hasn’t had a chance to pick up. One of her bras was laying on the floor. I picked it up and looked at it. I rolled it in my hands. Jeez. I’ll be wearing one of these one day. These cups were huge. It smelled slightly of her scented body wash. For grins, I connected the hooks in the back and slid it on over my own training bra. It was too big for me of course.

I stood in front of Mom’s full length mirror and struck a few poses looking like I had big boobs. Since Mom has big boobs, will he same be true for me? I’m not her offspring, but we both share the same ancestry, right? Maybe we should check that out?

I set a chair up next to her dresser and then I climbed up on the chair. I normally don’t get to see the top of it. I found her opened jewelry box. She has lots of bangles and stuff. I picked up a very pretty necklace. I’ve never seen her wear it. I wondered why. I picked up one of her earrings and wondered if it was a real diamond. I thought briefly about taking out my earrings and trying on her diamond ones. I put her earrings back since I was afraid of losing them.

I picked up one of Mom’s perfume bottles. I popped the lid of and took a bigger whiff than you’re probably supposed to. As I started to put the perfume bottle back down, I rocked the chair I was on and momentarily lost my balance. I dropped the bottle and it spilled. I frantically grabbed the bottle and closed it back up. I ran my finger through the perfume puddle and then ran my finger behind my ears. I giggled that I was wearing Mom’s perfume. I climbed off the chair and ran to the bathroom and got a wad of toilet paper. I climbed back up and wiped the spill. I threw the paper in the toilet and flushed.

The next thing that caught my eye was Mom’s vanity. A lot of times she’d explain to me what she was doing when applying her make-up. She would always say I wasn’t old enough to wear any yet saying fifth grade was too young to start. But then, I never suggested I was particularly interested. I knew what most of the bottles were. One contraption laying on her vanity amused me. It looked like a medieval torture device. Mom said it was an eyelash curler, but it looked scary to me.

I picked up one of her make-up brushes. I brushed it a few times across my face. I liked the soft feel. I remembered April using a couple of them for my make-over. I opened a few lipsticks to look at the color. I didn’t like the smell.

I looked at the clock on the wall. It’s an analog clock and unlike my fellow fifth graders, I know how to read it, though it took me a moment. I don’t remember when Mom left, so I was sure I had oodles of time left.

Still wearing the bra, I picked up a blouse Mom had on a chair and put it on. It was way too big. I put Mom’s high heels in front of the mirror. It made no sense for me to be doing this stuff, but I thought it was fun. I stepped into the oversized shoes and looked at myself in the mirror. I put a hand on my hip and in an exaggerated manner, I said, “Oh Oliver! Kiss me!” I then giggled. And that’s when I turned and saw Mom standing just inside the door.

She didn’t look mad. She looked… amused. She bent down towards me smiling said, “Whatcha doing, sweetheart? Trying to be like Mommy?” I was mortified. I must look like an idiot. She continued, “I’m not mad at you, honey. When I was your age, I loved to play dress up.”

She sniffed as she approached me and I knew she caught a whiff of the perfume I had spilled on myself. She picked up the perfume bottle and noticed its contents were a little less. Shaking her head, she said, “Go easy on the perfume, kiddo. This stuff’s expensive. Next time at that store, I’ll try to get you your own scent.”

I shrugged as I stepped out of Mom’s shoes. “You don’t have to. I was just goofing around.” Well, I was.

Mom grinned. “It’s okay, honey. I think every little girl tries to dress up like Mommy. I’m about to start dinner. I could use some help in the kitchen. Come along.” Giggling, Mom said, “That’s not the first time I’ve caught you wearing my heels. I really don’t think you’re old enough for heels yet.”

Mom misread my sigh. I really don’t understand the temporary insanity that came over me.

Dinner came out pretty well, if I say so myself. Okay, it’s not like I did a lot. But I felt good about being able to help. Mom said she was going to start teaching me how to cook.

“I think one day this week, we’ll invite Oliver over for dinner,” Mom said getting that annoying twinkle in her eye. “We need to start planning it. That’s something you can help with too. What a fine, young woman you’re becoming.” She ruffled my hair.

Terrific.

To be continued…