Janegirl Camp
Chapter 7
Copyright 2022 by Heather Rose Brown

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I hung up my dress with numb fingers while thinking about what I'd called my dad. When I shuffled back to my suitcase, questions started bouncing around my skull.

Why had I called him Daddy? Had it been as much of an accident as it had felt? Did girls my age really called their dads that? Did that make me a girl, or a janegirl, or something else?

I was too distracted by those questions to pay any attention to the clothes Daddy ... I mean Dad had packed for me when I moved them into an empty drawer. I caught a whiff of something light and sweet while shifting clothes around into roughly even piles. I looked to my left, and saw Phil standing a few inches from me.

They glanced back and smiled, then turned to the dresser mirror. After unpinning the ring of flowers from their head, they set the flowers and hairpins on the dresser next to my suitcase. I was in the middle of wondering why my face felt so warm when Phil let out a soft gasp.

After shoving closed the drawer I'd filled with clothes, I turned to my friend and asked, "What's wrong?"

They grinned and pointed to the last item in my suitcase, then said, "You got Hello Kitty!"

All my worries flitted away when I saw what Phil was pointing to. I pulled her out of the suitcase and held her close. Even though I was probably only imagining it, I could almost smell my mom's perfume on her. In a quiet voice, I said, "I call her Kitty McGlyph."

Casey smiled and said, "She's pretty lucky to have someone as nice as you adopt her."

I smiled back, then said, "I feel lucky to have her. She's been with me through ... just ... a lot."

From somewhere close behind, Jessica asked, "Would you like to bring her with you?"

I froze, barely breathing, when I realized a teenager had seen me hugging a stuffie. I waited for my lungs to start working again, then said, "I ... uhhh ... prolly aughta leave her here."

While I was searching for a safe place to hide Kitty, Jess walked from behind me, then rested a hand on my shoulder. "If you'd like to leave Kitty in our cabin, that's perfectly fine. But there's also nothing wrong with bringing her with you, if you'd like."

I chewed on a thumbnail while thinking, then said, "I dunno. Wouldn't the other kids laugh?"

Casey shook his head and said, "I don't think so." He played with the bottom of his camp t-shirt for a moment, then said, "Well ... not without gettin' in trouble with the staff here."

"They def wouldn't laugh at Doll Drama Improv," Phil said.

My forehead wrinkled when I asked, "What's that?"

Jess pulled out her phone, tapped its face a few times, then scanned down the screen as she said, "Doll Drama Improv is an opportunity for campers to work through experiences they've had, or might have, and find positive solutions to difficult issues."

"Wow," I said, "that sounds like it could be ... kinda ... scary."

Casey twirled a strand of his pretty blonde hair around a finger. "I guess ..." he said, then paused. He had a faraway look in his eyes when he started speaking again. "Depending on the experience you're workin' through, it could be a bit ... rough." His voice broke on the last word, and his face crumpled.

Phil looked at their brother for a moment, then pulled him close and hugged tight. Jessica lowered her phone, then stroked the back of Casey's head. Even though he hadn't made a sound, Casey's shoulders shuddered a few times.

I rested my chin on Kitty's fuzzy head while guilt washed over me. Eventually, I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize askin' 'bout that activity woulda brought up bad memories."

Casey's eyes were damp when he lifted his head from his sib's shoulder. He gave me a brittle smile, then said, "It's okay. Ya couldn't have known."

Our cabin counselor tugged at my hand when I started gnawing on my thumbnail again. She smiled when I looked up at her, then said, "You'll ruin your pretty nails if you keep doing that."

I looked down and spread out my fingers while still managing to hold onto Kitty. Had Jess seen the clear polish on my nails? And what if she did? Boys wear nail polish. At least, some boys do. Sometimes. Don't they?

With all those thoughts and questions buzzing around my head, I looked up again and asked, "Is it really okay to be pretty?"

Jessica gave me a sharp nod and said, "Of course it is."

"Even though I'm a boy?"

Before Jess could answer, Casey rested a hand on my arm and said, "I'm a boy."

I looked at my longer-haired friend and said, "But ... I thought ya said you're a janegirl."

My friend grinned through his tears and said, "I am. Bein' a boy is part of bein' a janegirl."

"Ah," I said while mulling that idea over. "Well, I ain't 'zactly sure what I am, 'cept for a boy who's ... different."

Phill let go of their brother, then rested a hand with shiny pink nails on my other arm. "I think I kinda see where you're comin' from. I'm tryin' to figure stuff out too. It's why I switched pronouns."

"Huh," I said. "Maybe I aughta switch to they/them too."

Our counselor held up her phone again and said, "If you'd like, I could update your profile."

"Oh ... umm ... I guess so."

Jess looked over her phone at me, then said, "Why don't we put a pin in that, and take a look at what's coming up on today's schedule?"

Casey let go of my arm, then wiped at his cheeks while asking, "What's up next?"

Phil let go of my other arm, then stood on their tiptoes, and looked at our cabin counselor's phone. "It looks like Ms Dutch has a creative writin' class comin' up, and Madam Chen's teachin' ballet basics. Oh! Miss Stetson's hostin' a crafting activity in a few minutes!"

Some of the pain left Casey's eyes, and his smiled warmed when he stood on his toes and looked at Jessica's phone. "Oh yeah! It looks like she's teachin' how to make friendship barrettes today."

"Don't think I ever heard of friendship barrettes," I said.

Our cabin counselor gave me a lopsided smile. "I'm guessing it's like friendship bracelets, but ... barrettes." She looked from me to my friends, then said, "Would any of you like to give it a try?"

Casey smiled and nodded while his sib said, "Oh yeah! Sounds like fun."

When I nodded as well, Jess grinned and said, "It looks like the vote for friendship barrettes is unanimous!"

While our cabin counselor headed for the door, I laid Kitty down on the nearest bunkbed, checked to make sure nobody was looking, then kissed her forehead before running to catch up with everyone.

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The chatter of what sounded like hundreds of kids filled the hall of the activity center when our counselor opened the door to room number four. I peeked through the doorway, and counted maybe a dozen heads. While it could have been worse, that was still a dozen new kids who'd see me looking like ... well ... me.

Even though my t-shirt was plain, it was also my favorite color ... pink. My sneakers were pink too, and the glittery laces on them were probably not what most boys would use. Although my blue denim shorts didn't look especially girly, they *had* been bought at my aunt's store, which specialized in girl clothes.

I was starting to wonder if I should have worn something to camp that was more definitely boyish, when Jess, Casey, and Phil walked into the noisy room. I took a deep breath, then followed behind them.

A familiar woman with reddish brown hair waved at us and said, "Hello!" when we entered.

While fighting a bout of shyness, I gave her friendly wave, then looked at all the unfamiliar faces surrounding me. My stomach flip-flopped when I realized there may have been a lot more than a dozen kids sitting at the round wooden tables spread around the room.

Jessica ran up to the woman hosting today's crafting activity, then gave her a big hug and said, "It's so good to see you again, Miss Stetson."

"It's good to see you too," the woman said while hugging back. When she let go, she turned to the twins and said, "Welcome back, Phil and Casey."

Phil grinned, then said, "Thank you!"

Casey frowned while looking around the room, then asked, "Will ya be able to fit us in?"

The activity host nodded and said, "Of course!" She looked from my friends to me, and said, "There's room for you too, Zee."

I raised an eyebrow and asked, "How'd ya know my name?"

Her eyes sparkled when she said, "That's the name you gave me when you signed in earlier this morning."

I smiled when I realized why she looked familiar, then said, "Oh! It's so nice seein' ya again."

Miss Stetson smiled back and said, "The feeling's mutual." She nodded towards an empty table, then said, "The four of you could sit there, if you'd like."

Jessica's shoulders slumped when she said, "I wish I could, but I got a counselor meeting I gotta go to." She looked from me to my friends and said, "Sorry ..."

"Don't worry," Phil said.

Casey nodded and said, "We'll be fine."

Even though it felt like the ground had dropped out from under me when I realized Jess was leaving, I said, "Yeah, we'll be okay."

Our cabin director gave me a questioning look, then turned to the twins and said, "Could you two watch out for Zee while I'm gone?"

Phil draped an arm across my shoulders and said, "Of course!"

Casey patted Jessica's arm and said, "Don't worry. He's in good hands."

While I still felt nervous about Jess leaving, knowing Phil and Casey were there helped me feel a little less anxious. When our cabin counselor looked at me again, it didn't feel as much of a lie when I said, "Don't worry. I'll be okay."