In this chapter, Zee says a tearful goodbye, is introduced to a cabin mate, and learns a little bit about gender identity.
Janegirl Camp
Chapter 3
Copyright 2021 by Heather Rose Brown
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The trees on either side of the path my dad and I were following were just tall enough to keep the late morning sun from shining directly on us. Birds were twittering in the distance, and crickets chirped from under the bushes and ferns spread across the forest floor. A cool breeze whispered through the trees, bringing the scent of pine needles, and other green things.
Dad switched from carrying my suitcase between us to his other side, then held his hand out to me. I looked up and smiled at him as I slid my hand into his. Loose sand crunched under my sneakers when I started skipping beside my dad. It was so nice to be able to hold hands with him in public, without worrying about other kids giving me grief.
I skidded to a stop when someone yelled something. Even though the voice sounded friendly, cold fear still curled up in my stomach. I let go of Dad's hand as I turned to the voice, and saw an older teen with long, black hair. She smiled at me as she closed the door of an honest-to-goodness log cabin, then bounced down a few wooden steps.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, then asked, "Whatcha say?"
"I'd said, 'Hey there, happy camper!' " she answered as she walked towards me. "I'm Jessica," she said when she stopped in front of me and held out her hand. Her smile grew as she asked, "What's your name?"
Some of the fear in my stomach melted when I saw how nice Jessica was being. "I'm ... umm ... Ezekiel," I said as I shook hands with her, "but while I'm here at camp, ya can call me Zee."
"So nice to meet you," Jessica said when she let go of my hand. "Oh wait," she added while pulling a phone from the hip pocket of her shorts. After flipping through a few screens, she asked, "Is your last name McGlyph?"
"Uhhhh ... yeah."
She grinned and said, "Awesome! I'll be your cabin counselor." She pointed to the building behind her, and said, "Welcome to Dandelion Cabin, your home away from home."
My shoulders drooped when I realized what was going to happen next. "Ah," I said as my stomach tightened, "thanks."
Jessica rested a hand on my shoulder, then bent down a little and whispered, "I promise ... it's gonna be okay." She shoved her phone into a pocket after standing back up, then turned to my dad and asked, "Is that Zee's suitcase?"
A corner of Dad's mouth curled up as he said, "Oh yeah. I know clothes are made available for all campers, but I thought it might be nice if he had a couple of special things from home."
She nodded and said, "Having something from home can definitely help with feeling homesick, especially during the first few days of camp." She held a hand out towards the suitcase as she asked, "Would you like me to hold that, while you give Zee a hug?"
Dad gave her a wide smile as he said, "I'd appreciate that." After passing the bag over to Jessica, he got down on one knee, opened his arms to me, and said, "C'mere, butterfly."
Tears wer trickling down my cheeks even before he pulled me close. I buried my face in his shoulder, and thought back to the first day I got to wear something girlish. I'd been fluttering around the house all day with excitement. That's when he first called me his pretty butterfly.
I lifted my head and said, "I love ya so much," while hugging my dad around the neck.
"I love you too," he said while hugging back. Even though he wasn't exactly crying when he let go of me, his eyes were shinier than usual when he said, "Now I want you to be a good boy, but I also want you to have fun, and ... most important ... be yourself."
I nodded and said, "I'll do my best."
As I reached up to wipe my runny nose with the back of my hand, Jessica whipped out a small packet of tissues and said, "Here you go."
"Thanks," I said as I pulled out a tissue.
"Could I get one of those too?" my dad asked.
"You bet," my cabin counselor said while holding the pack out to him.
I grinned through my tears when I realized why he'd asked for a tissue, then held mine over his nose while asking, "All ready, Papa Elephant?"
"All ready, Baby Elephant," he said while covering my nose with the tissue he was holding.
We both made loud, trumpeting noises while blowing each other's noses. I giggled a little, and my dad chuckled. After wiping at my eyes with his tissue, he stood and said, "Guess it's about that time."
I let out a deep sigh, then said, "I'm gonna miss ya."
Dad pulled me into another hug. "I'm gonna miss you too. But, I promise, I'll be here on Family Day."
I leaned back in his arms and looked up while asking, "With bells on?"
He grinned and said, "You betcha." After letting go, my dad kissed the top of my head, then strolled down the forest path. I waved when he turned and looked at me. He smiled and waved back, then disappeared around a bend in the path.
I could feel a good crying jag coming on when Jessica patted my shoulder and asked, "Wanna head inside and meet one of your cabin mates?"
Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded in answer, then followed my camp counselor into the place that, for the next couple of weeks, was going to be my home away from home.
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The cabin door made a solid clunking noise when I closed it. After taking a deep breath of cool, lemon-scented air, I stepped around from behind Jessica. A girl who looked close to my age smiled at us while brushing wavy brown hair over her shoulder, then slid a drawer into a dresser with a hip bump.
"Hey Jess!" she said while walking towards us. Her summery green dress swayed around her knees when she stopped in front of us and said, "I'm all done unpackin' now."
Jessica set my suitcase down on the floor, then held out a thumb to the girl and said, "Way to go, Raine!"
Raine gave our counselor a huge smile. Her smile fell when she looked at me and asked, "You okay?"
I shrugged and said, "I guess so."
Jessica rubbed my back as she said, "Zee just got through saying goodbye."
Raine looked from her to me, then asked, "Ya use neopronouns?"
I frowned and asked, "Whuh?"
She looked back at our counselor and asked, "Didn't ya say ze just got through sayin' goodbye?"
"Ah," Jessica said as she let her hand drop from my back. "I see where the confusion is. Zee, with two e's, is the name of your new cabin mate. I wasn't using ze, with one e, as a pronoun." She turned to me, and asked, "Speaking of pronouns, do you have any preferences?"
After a couple of seconds thinking, I remembered what pronouns were, then said, "I guess ... the boy kind."
Jessica crouched down beside me, then asked, "Are you sure you want people calling you he and him?"
I crossed my arms tight across my chest and said, "Of course!"
She scanned me from head to toe and back, then said, "So long as you're happy with it, that's all that matters." She rested her hand on my wrist as she added, "But ... if you ever change your mind, that'll be okay too."
My brows slid up to my bangs as I asked, "How can I change somethin' like that?"
Raine grinned and said, "It's easy. Ya just open the camp app on your phone, hit the personal info tab, and pick whatever gender ya like."
I looked at my cabin mate for a second, then asked, "How can an app change whatcha are?"
There was a deep warmth in her sky blue eyes as she said, "It don't change anything 'bout ya." She tapped the middle of my chest as she said, "It just lets others know what's in here."
Something fluttered where my cabin mate had tapped, but I couldn't tell if it was fear or excitement. Maybe it was a bit of both. "Is it okay if I use boy pronouns ... at least for now?"
Jessica nodded and said, "Absolutely. How you identify, and when you want to let others know how you want to identify, is totally up to you."
I grinned and said, "So, if I wanted to go from sayin' I'm a boy to like ... a butterfly ... I could?"
"You'd need to select 'Other' in the app, then write in 'butterfly'," my cabin counselor said when she let go of my wrist, "but you wouldn't be the first to add a new option to the gender list."
"Wow," I said when I realized my joke was being taken seriously. "I really could say I was a butterfly, and nobody'd get mad?"
Raine shook her head and said, "Course not. If they did, I woulda heard about it when I wrote in my gender as delicate1."
"Huh ... I never heard of somebody sayin' they was a delicate."
"It's kinda new to me too, but when my school therapist told me 'bout it, things kinda clicked, and I realized it fit how I felt."
"Ah," I said as I let my arms drop. "Is that anything like bein' a janegirl?"
My cabin mate chewed on her bottom lip, then said, "Well ... sorta . Delicates kinda tend to be girlish, like janegirls, but we don't usually identify as boys or girls."
My mouth hung open for a moment. "I ... I don't think I ever met somebody who didn't see 'emself as a boy or a girl."
Raine blushed and said, "I know it's kinda weird, but --"
"No! It ain't weird at all." I gave her a big smile, and said, "I think it's kinda neat. It's just somethin' new I'm gettin' to learn about."
Our cabin counselor stood up and said, "If you'd like to learn more about gender stuff, you might wanna try signing up for Mrs Shepherd's class."
"They got classes 'bout gender here at camp?" I asked.
"Oh yeah!" Raine said. The polished floorboards under her feet squeaked when she bounced on her toes. "I took her class last year. She's really nice!"
"Cool! How do I sign up?"
"I can show you how to do that on the camp app," Jessica said as she picked up my suitcase. "But first, why don't we get you unpacked?"
I smiled and nodded before following the older girl to the dresser Raine had been using. Even though I was missing my dad an awful lot, I couldn't help but feel excited about all the things I could do and learn at Janegirl Camp.
1 Click here if you'd like to learn a little bit more about identifying as a delicate.
Comments
Identifying as "butterfly"
way cool!
I dunno...
...what kinda gender butterfly would be, but I think it'd be pretty. :)
Room for everyone
One of the nifty things about language is that it easily stretches far enough to encompass everyone. One of the problem with people as that we like categories. First impressions are hard to overcome and we slide easily into mental habits. It's fun to expand the idea of courtesy and etiquette to include more than just the twenty eleven defined words we use as pronouns.
When we realize that even the phrase "social construct" is just another social construct then we gain way more than we loose. Is it fair to look down on someone who identifies as a dump truck? Do we have to always file them away as some kind of biased bigot? Or can we just let them identify as a dump truck?
In the end it is all just a game that we play with and between ourselves. I do not identify as a dump truck. Still I am pretty habituated to a small set of pronouns and find myself softly bigoted when I encounter polarity challenges that make so little sense.
Peace
Your friend
Crash
Social constructs...
...can be interesting things to explore. Over the past few years, I've been learning about some of the many social constructs related to gender, and the unique ways people are expressing and defining them. Some of them have found their way into a few of my stories, and have added nuances to characters that have been fun to explore. I'm hoping others will find such exploration as fun as I have! :)
Some fears alleviated
Talking to the two girls, and listening to their answers, Zee isn't as nervous as he first was when he and dad arrived at camp.
This chapter also shows that Zee has a thirsty mind, one that enjoys learning. It may also be that by taking the class he'll finally understand himself enough to know how it's possible to be she even while physically being a he.
Others have feelings too.