Janegirl Camp
Chapter 4
Copyright 2021 by Heather Rose Brown

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Jessica plunked my suitcase on top of the wooden dresser I was going to be sharing with Raine. I clicked open the latches, then lifted the top half of my suitcase. I'm pretty sure my blush was at least as pink as the dress neatly folded on top of the rest of my clothes.

Raine gasped when she came up beside me, then said, "That's sooo cute!"

"You should probably hang your dress up in the wardrobe," Jess said from my other side.

The latches on my suitcase rattled when I slammed it shut. I glanced at the mirror over the dresser, then looked away when I saw how red my face had gotten. Once my racing heart slowed, then slid out of my throat, I said, "Maybe I aughta unpack later."

Raine blinked a few times, then said, "Sorry. I ... I didn't mean to embarrass ya."

I wanted to say she was wrong, but I didn't think I could get away with that, especially with how warm my cheeks felt. Instead, I said, "It's okay. I just ... I ain't used to people, 'cept my dad, seein' me dressed ... like that. I mean, I know everybody here wears dresses, but ..."

Our cabin counselor smiled and said, "Actually, not everybody here wears dresses." She waved a hand from her yellow t-shirt with a dark green logo over her heart, down to the matching green shorts she was wearing, and said, "Just take a look at me."

Even though Jessica looked a lot girlier than I ever could, especially with how ... curvy she was, I couldn't argue about her not wearing a dress. "So," I said, "it's okay for me to be dressed like a boy?"

Jess took a long look at what I was wearing. Her mouth slid to the side, and her forehead wrinkled while she looked, then she smiled again and said, "Absolutely. There's no rush to dress in any particular way. How you want to dress, and when you want to do it, is up to you."

Raine looked down at her dress. Or maybe ... it was *his* dress? I wasn't sure which pronouns delicates used. Anyway, when he -- okay, I'm gonna go with she -- looked at me, her face sorta scrunched up as she asked, "Would ya feel better if I was wearin' somethin' more boyish?"

I tried to think of what my cabin mate could do to look like a boy. Even in a suit and tie, I couldn't imagine her looking like anything except a girl. "Oh no," I said, "you ain't gotta change. If there's anybody who needs to change, it's me."

Our cabin counselor brushed my bangs out of my eyes as she said, "If you'd like to change, that's perfectly fine." She rested her hand on my shoulder when she asked, "Is that something you *want* to do?"

I thought about the dress hiding in my suitcase. Of all the birthday presents Dad had given me last year, it was my favorite. I could hardly wait to put it on when I first saw it. But ... that was around my dad. I shrugged and said, "I ain't sure. I mean, I do, but ..."

Raine's eyes seemed to twinkle when she smiled. "I totally get where you're comin' from. Wanna skip unpackin' for now, and try somethin' else?"

The ache between my shoulder blades faded as I asked, "Like what?"

Jessica let go of my shoulder and said, "Lemme take a look." She dug a phone out of her shorts pocket, tapped the phone's face a few times, then said, "Right now, it looks like the tai chi session by the lake is almost over. Mrs Shepherd's Gender Chat starts in a few minutes, and something called Howdy Doodle is starting then too."

"Oooo," Raine said as she leaned between me and the dresser, then looked at Jess's phone, "Ms Chase hosted Howdy Doodle last year too. It was lotsa fun!"

The back of her head was an inch -- okay, maybe a few inches -- away from my face. Her hair had a clean, flowery scent. My heart nearly stopped when I realized her bare shoulder might touch my chest if I breathed too deep. I took a small step back, waited for my heart to start beating again, then asked, "What was Howdy Doodle like?"

Raine stood back up and said, "Everyone was handed a sketchbook, then we sat across from each other at one of the dining tables in the mess hall. We were given five minutes to sketch the person across from us. After the five minutes was over, everybody signed what they drew, passed the drawing to the person across the table, then took turns scooting over one space."

I sighed and said, "Don't think that's for me."

"Why's that?"

"I just ... ain't so good at drawin'," I answered while trying to not cringe at the half-truth. I wasn't actually all that bad. I'd just gotten teased too much by other kids about the things I liked to draw. Eventually, the only person I ever showed any of my drawing to, had been my dad.

Raine grinned and said, "Me too! But Howdy Doodle ain't so much about how good ya draw, as it is about meetin' other campers."

The muscles between my shoulder blades tightened again when I thought about handing my drawing over to a total stranger. Then I remembered, this was a place Dad had said was supposed to be safe, so I pulled on a brave smile, and said, "I guess I could give that a try."

Jessica frowned and asked, "Is that something you *want* to do?"

My bravery started slipping as I asked, "Won't I hafta do it later, if I skip it today?"

"Of course not," she said as she shook her head. "Everything that happens here at Janegirl Camp is completely optional. Nobody is required to do anything they don't want to do."

My fake smile turned into a sheepish grin. "So ... If I wanna turn my bed into a blanket fort, and hide in there while reading manga all day, they'd lemme do that?"

Our cabin counselor nodded as she said, "If that's what you needed to feel safe and comfortable while at camp, I'd do whatever it took to help you make the most amazing blanket fort ever!"

"Wow ... really?"

Raine grinned and said, "You betcha. Jess is the awesomest cabin counselor ever!"

"I ... I mean," I paused to gather my thoughts, then said, "I never been someplace where ya could do ... anything."

Jessica frowned again, but she also had an impish smirk when she said, "Well ... Chef Ruiz kinda gets grumpy if somebody blows up her kitchen, you might get in trouble if you turn the *whole* lake into a bubble bath, and they don't take kindly to beds being set on fire."

"Speaking of beds," Raine said as she walked over to the bunks nearest us, "wanna get started on that fort?"

I giggled at the thought of really building a blanket fort. Yeah, I giggled. Boys are allowed to giggle. There's no rule against it. At least, I'm pretty sure there ain't. Anyway, when my cabin mate peeled the blanket off the lower bed, I held up a hand and said, "Y'ain't gotta do that."

"Ya sure?" she asked. "I ain't built a fort in a long time, but I used to be pretty good at it."

"I might wanna give it a try later," I said as I took a step closer to our cabin counselor, "but right now, I'm kinda curious about that Gender Chat thing." I leaned down to look at her phone, then asked, "What's it like?"

Jessica held out her phone to me as she said, "You can take a look, if you'd like."

"Thanks!" I said, then started reading what was listed on her phone. She tapped one of the items, and a new window popped up, which said, "Got questions about gender? Not sure which pronouns to use? Do you like chocolate chip cookies? Then join us for Gender Chat, hosted today at 10:00 am by Mrs Simone Shepherd."

I grinned at the question about cookies, then said, "That class sounds kinda fun!"

"Actually, while Mrs Shepherd does teach a few classes about gender, and stuff related to it, Gender Chat is more of a group discussion."

"Ahhh ... well, it still sounds fun."

Raine folded up the blanket she was holding while she said, "Sounds fun to me too!"

"Oh! Ya wanna go again?"

"I ... umm ... kinda fibbed when I said I went to her class last year." Her cheeks turned a dark pink as she said, "I did start going to her class, but I kinda chickened out before I got all the way there. I just ... didn't have the nerve to talk about my gender around other kids."

"Ah ... so ya never got to meet Mrs Shepherd?"

"Actually, I did meet her in private, and talked to her a bit, which really helped me to start figuring myself out." She placed the folded blanket on the lower bunk bed, then said, "But, this year, I think I'm ready talk about gender stuff around other kids."

Our cabin counselor walked over to the younger girl, and gave her a one-armed hug as she said, "I'm really proud of you. I remember how rough things were for you last year." Jessica lowered her head, then asked in a soft voice, "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

My cabin mate nodded and said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am."

Jess gave Raine another squeeze before letting go, then turned to me and asked, "Do you feel ready to talk about gender stuff?"

While the idea scared me a little ... okay ... a lot, I was also really curious, so I squared my shoulders, and said, "Yeah, I think I am."

Jessica gave me a huge smile, then looked between me and my cabin mate as she said, "I'm so glad to hear that. Mrs Shepherd is super nice, and very chill." Her smile turned into a cheesy grin as she said, "Plus, she makes the best chocolate chip cookies ever!"