Janegirl Camp
Chapter 5
Copyright 2022 by Heather Rose Brown

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Jessica led us to a mossy clearing under a huge, gnarly oak tree. Pillows and cushions were arranged in a circle under the dappled shade of the tree. A woman with short, cinnamon hair and wrinkles in the corners of her eyes sat on a cushion at the far end of the circle. Several kids sat on either side of her, and a huge plate of cookies rested on a flat stone in front of her.

Raine tucked her skirt under her butt before sitting on a nearby pillow. The girl next to my cabin mate gave her a hug, then whispered in her ear. When Jess sat on the other side of my cabin mate, the girl stopped whispering, then reached behind Raine and fist-bumped our counselor.

I sat down on the cushion on the other side of Jess, then wiggled my fingers at the lady across the circle from me and said, "Umm ... hi."

The boy sitting on the other side of me held a finger to his lips and said, "Shhh." At least, I thought he was a boy. The top he was wearing was sorta floofy, his fingernails were a bright pink, and there was a ring of pale blue flowers around the top of his -- or maybe her -- head.

I drooped and whispered, "Sorry."

The woman picked up the cookie plate, then smiled at me and said, "That's quite all right." She looked at everyone circled around her, then said, "Since we have a few new faces today, I'll take a moment to explain how Gender Chat works."

She held out the plate and said, "We'll start off passing this plate of cookies around, and whomever is holding it usually gives their name, gender, preferred pronouns, and something they'd like to share about themself, then take a cookie. If you'd rather not say anything, you can still take a cookie before passing the plate onto the next person."

She switched the plate to her other hand and said, "For example, I'm Mrs Simone Shepherd, I identify as female, my preferred pronouns are she and her, and I've been a senior counselor here at Janegirl Camp for a few years."

Everyone clapped after Mrs Shepherd's intro. Figuring this didn't break the no talking rule, I joined in. Once the clapping died down, the plate was passed on to a girl with long blonde hair. Except for the hair length, she was a mirror image of the boy beside me.

The girl grinned and said, "Hi! I'm Casey Hartford, and I identify as a janegirl. I *usually* go by he and him, although I'm okay with she and her too." She -- or he -- poked the kid next to me in the arm and said, "This is the second year me and my sib have been at Janegirl Camp."

I did my best to not stare as I joined in clapping for Casey. I was having a bit of difficulty trying to think of him as anything but a girl. Even the way he nibbled on his cookie before passing the plate seemed girlish.

"I'm Phil Hartford," Casey's sib said while taking the plate, "and I'm a boy, but lately, I've been ... experimenting. While I'm doin' that, I'd like to be called they and them." Phil stared at the plate, then blushed as they said, "And ... ummm ... I like Hello Kitty. Like ... a lot."

Phil's face turned a deeper pink when everyone started clapping, and they shoved a cookie in their mouth before passing the plate to me. I leaned closer to Phil and whispered, "I like her too." A few crumbs fell from the corner of their mouth when they gave me a shy grin.

I looked up at everyone else, and said, "Hi! I'm Ezekiel McGlyph, but while at camp, I'm goin' by Zee. I've always thought of myself as a boy, but I think I might be a janegirl, or somethin' else. He and him work for me. And ... erm ... I like drawin', but I'm a bit shy 'bout sharin' stuff."

My cheeks warmed when people started clapping. I grabbed a cookie to distract myself, and took a bite. It tasted even better than it smelled. The cookie was crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside, and oozing with chocolatey goodness. I completely forgot to pass the plate until Jess nudged my arm.

My cabin counselor winked at me when I passed the cookies to her, then smiled at the rest of the group while saying, "I'm Jessica Reese, and I'm okay with Jess, but not Jessi. I'm a transgirl, and my pronouns are she and her. I've been going to Janegirl Camp for a while, but this is my first time being a counselor."

I was very careful about not letting my mouth hang open when I heard Jessica's gender, and clapped along with everyone else. As the clapping died, our cabin counselor whispered in Raine's ear while handing over the cookie plate.

When Jess stopped whispering, Raine sat up straighter, then said, "My name's Raine Garrison, and my gender is delicate. While I prefer de and der, I know not a lot of people know delicate pronouns, so I'm also okay with she and her. When school starts this fall, I'll be registered as a delicate at St Milton's Middle School."

Raine smiled from ear to when everyone started clapping, and Jessical gave her -- or der(?) -- a quick hug. The camper on the other side of Raine grinned and patted my cabin mate's arm before accepting the plate of cookies being passed over to her.

The last camper in our circle picked up a cookie from the plate, then waved it to everyone while saying, "Hi! I'm Luz Gutiérrez, and I'm genderfae, or just fae. I go by she and her when I'm feeling more like a girl, or they and them when I'm not. Either is okay for me. And ... umm ... I know how to whistle with an acorn cap!"

Luz grinned when everyone clapped, then started munching on -- I'm guessing her -- cookie, before passing the plate to the senior counselor sitting beside her.

Mrs Shepherd smiled as she accepted the plate, then looked around the circle and said, "Now that we know each other a little better, we'll start passing the plate around again. This time, we'll take turns asking questions. Anyone who wants to answer, can raise their hand, and the person holding the plate gets to pick who answers."

She held out the plate to Casey and asked, "Would you like to start us off?"

The janegirl nodded as he accepted the plate, then asked, "Can I ask a specific person a question?" When the senior counselor nodded, Casey gave Jessica a nervous look while asking, "Would ya be okay explain' what a transgirl is?"

Our cabin counselor smiled and nodded as she said, "Sure! Basically, it means I'm a girl who's transgender."

Casey's eyes widened. "Oh! Ummm ... I know I'm only supposed to get one question, so would it be okay if I asked ya more questions later?" When Jess nodded again, the jangirl grinned while passing the cookie plate to her -- I mean his -- sibling.

After accepting the plate, Phil glared at the cookies, then looked up and asked, "Why do people freak out when a boy wears a dress, but not when a girl wears pants?"

Several hands went up, including mine. I was a little surprised when they smiled and pointed at me with the cookie plate.

My heart started thumping like it usually did when I was called on in school. I took a moment to gather my thoughts, then said, "I dunno *lots* about gender, but I've picked up some stuff while doin' searches online with my dad--"

The lump in my throat kept any other words from coming out. Someone patted shoulder. Jess smiled at me when I turned to see who it was. Even though the lump didn't completely go away, the warmth in her eyes helped loosen the tightness in my throat.

Feeling a bit braver, I turned back to Phil, and said, "Ummm ... one of the things we found out, is there used to be a time when people *did* think it was weird for girls to wear pants. When girls started wearin' pants, it got to be less a big deal."

I looked down at my crossed legs, and started playing with one of my laces. "I guess ... maybe ... there's just gotta be more boys willin' to wear dresses, so it's less a big deal?"

A soft, warm hand with bright pink nails rested on top of mine. When I looked up at the hand's owner, they smiled at me, then leaned closer and whispered, "You'd look pretty in a dress," before passing the plate of cookies to me.

I was at a loss for words for what seemed like forever. Except for my dad, nobody had ever said anything about me being pretty. My face warmed again when I thought about the dress waiting for me in my suitcase.

Eventually, I noticed Jessica tapping my elbow. She held a hand out to the plate I was holding, and raised her eyebrows, as if to ask, "Do you want to pass?" She smiled and nodded when I shook my head.

I did my best to gather back together what thoughts I could, then said, "I guess my question is, can I act or dress girly, and still be a boy?"

Everybody's hands went up. Raine grinned when I pointed at der, then said, "You betcha! How ya present and identify can be totally different." I was tempted to ask another question, but it seemed like we only got one per turn, so I filed it away for later, and passed the plate of cookies on to Jessica.

My cabin counselor smiled as she accepted the plate, then took a cookie before passing it on. I was tempted to ask why, but I figured I could ask that question later too, so I turned my attention to Raine.

De fidgeted on der cushion while looking around the circle, then said, "This may be a dumb question, but ... which bathroom do I use?"

Most of the faces I saw were blank or confused. When Mrs Shepherd raised her hand, and Raine nodded to her, the senior counselor asked, "Did you mean here, at Janegirl Camp, or someplace else?"

"Well ..." de said while fidgeting again, "I know I'm allowed to use the girl's room at school, and that there's no gendered bathrooms at camp, but I was more wondering about ... anyplace else I might need to go."

Mrs Shepherd tapper her chin a few times, then said, "The answer depends a lot on where you're at. But, as a general rule of thumb, it's usually best to use the restroom that most closely matches however you're presenting while there."

Raine nodded, and seemed to be deep in thought as she passed the plate to the last camper in the circle. Luz's eyes widened when she received the plate, then looked up to the senior counselor, and said, "I do have a question, but I'm nervous about asking it. Would it be okay if I got skipped?"

The corners of Mrs Shepherd's eyes crinkled when she smiled and said, "Absolutely. One of the rules here, is nobody has to do anything they feel uncomfortable doing. But, if you'd like to ask me, or any of the staff some time later, feel free to do so."

Luz smiled back as she said, "Thank you," before passing on the plate of cookies.

Muffled music started playing when the senior counselor accepted the plate. She reached under her cushion, pulled out a phone and glanced at the screen, then said, "It looks like I'll need to leave a little early today." As she stood, she said, "I'll be hosting Gender Chat tomorrow at the same time, so feel free to come back, if you'd like."

The rest of us started standing up to, and I gave her a friendly wave when she trotted out from under the shady tree. Once Mrs Shepherd was out of sight, I turned to Jess and asked, "What should we do next?"

My cabin counselor brushed a strand of hair over my ear, then asked, "What would you like to do?"

I thought about my suitcase again, then said, "I probably aughta unpack."

She bent down until she was eye to eye with me, and asked, "Do you feel ready to do that?"

"I ... I think I am."

There was a searching look in her eyes, then she asked, "Would it help to hold hands?"

I blinked twice, then said, "You mean ... with me?"

When she nodded, I said, "I think ... maybe ... yeah."

Jess smiled as she stood, then held out her hand. I smiled back when I held hands with her. Even though it wasn't the same as holding hands with Dad, my legs didn't feel quite as wobbly as I'd expected when we started heading back to Dandelion Cabin.