I stared into my half eaten cup of Oreo Blizzard as my sister and I sat at a table in Dairy Queen.

Without looking over at her, I asked, “What the hell are we doing, Dede?”

Licking what was left of the chocolate of her dipped cone, Dede said, “We’re eating ice cream.”

I kept looking at my cup as I frowned. “No. What are we doing about this situation? Are you seriously calling yourself my mom? Am I a small adult or am I to be a child? All seriousness aside, Dede, what will become of me? The last go-round with this horse shit, you eventually became who you switched with. Straight guys who switched with a gay person, eventually found themselves attracted to men and it seemed normal to them. Am I going to eventually slide into being a child?”

Dede lowered her cone and gave me a questioning look. “Sorry. I wasn’t listening.”

I looked over my cup and scowled at my sister.

She tried to smile. “I’m kidding. Look. Like they said in the meeting, they really don’t know what’s going to happen. The consensus is that you will slide into being an immature child. A little girl. And go through typical young girl development.”

I took a bite of my Blizzard. “That’s just it. I don’t want to be a typical young girl. I don’t want to wear make-up. I don’t want to talk to boys. I just want to mind my own business.”

Dede chuckled. “Listen, sport. When I was ten, I had no interest in make-up. Or boys for that matter. But by the time I turned thirteen, I think I was keeping Maybelline in business all by myself. Everyone matures at a different rate. I’m sure, just like me, in a few years, boys will start to get interesting.”

I took a couple of bites of my Blizzard, still not looking at Dede. “I just don’t want that stuff.”

Grinning, Dede said, “Yeah, you say that now. We’ll see.”

We continued to eat our ice cream in silence for a minute or so. “Are you really going to be my parent? Tell me what to do and shit?”

Dede shook her head. “That’s really sticking in your craw, isn’t it? Look, Dear One, I wasn’t given much of a choice. I really thought you’d want to stay at the house with all your stuff. My only other option was to tell the authorities to just go ahead and foster you and let someone else raise you. Doing that, you’d have to abandon all your figurines, anime and manga. I can still do that if you’d like.”

I dug around in the bottom of my cup. I looked over at Dede and said, “No. No. Thanks. I appreciate you doing that. I was worried about you bossing me around.”

Dede’s face took on a serious look. She leaned towards me. “Let’s get one thing clear Chrystal. I have legal parental authority over you just the same as if you were my actual daughter. I can ground you or deny you privileges the same as any parent. I hope I don’t have to.”

I gave her a mock salute and said, “Aye, aye, sir.”

Dede folded her arms and frowned at me. “You’re going to be a pest, aren’t you?”

“Of course!”

“I thought we were going home.” I said as Dede drove the car into the parking lot of a strip mall. I don’t think I’d ever been to it before.

Dede glanced over at me. “We have to get you some clothes, Dear One. You can’t wear those old man clothes anymore.”

I raised my arms in protest and exclaimed, “I can wear the t-shirts. And maybe some of the underwear. What does it matter? I’ll just be hanging around the house.”

After stopping in a parking space, Dede pointed a finger at me and laughed. “Oh no. You’re not going to just sit around the house and play your stupid video games. Come Monday, you’re starting fifth grade.”

Horrified, I looked at Dede. “No fucking way in hell am I going back to school!”

Dede jabbed her finger at my nose. “Watch that mouth of yours, young lady! I’m not having it! And yes, you are going to school. It’s actually mandated. I got you registered at your old elementary school: Crockett.”

I frowned. “Davey or Sonny? I’m not going.”

Dede shook her head. “Yes you are. I’ll get arrested if you don’t. Now hop out.”

Laughing, I said, “I’m definitely not going now!”

Frowning deeply, Dede said, “Look, Dear One. Don’t make me regret not fostering you. Now get out.”

I started to open the passenger door. “But I’m wearing a skirt!”

Rolling her eyes at me, she growled, “You’re a girl. Get out!”

I sighed and climbed out of the car. Dede took my hand and led me to a small jewelry boutique. “Why are we going here? I thought we were getting clothes.”

Dede pushed open the door and pulled me inside. “We’re getting your ears pierced.”

I tugged back on her grip. “I don’t want my ears pierced!”

Dede frowned at me. “Hush. You’re getting your ears pierced. Trust me. You’ll thank me later.”

As we walked through the store, Dede would look at the earrings hanging on the display racks. She pulled one from the rack and held it against my head. “These are so cute. I’m definitely getting these for you.”

The woman who worked in the store walked up to us. She gave me a smile and said, “Is there anything I can help you ladies with?”

Dede pointed at me and said, “Yes. She needs her ears pierced and I also want to get these earrings.” She held up three pairs of earrings she’d pulled from the racks.

The salesgirl said, “Yes, ma’am. Are you ready now?” She picked up a gun looking contraption.

In a whiny voice I said, “No.”

The sales girl just smiled, “It’s okay, sweetie. Nothing to worry about. It’s over before you know it.” She started rubbing my earlobe.

I looked up at Dede. “Is this really necessary?”

She tousled my hair. “Don’t be a baby. And you’re going to love it. Besides, it’s very rare for the piercing to get infected with gangrene and rot your brain.”

While I was distracted, I felt a sudden pain in my ear along with a pop sound. I jumped when the stud penetrated my earlobe.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it sweetie?” asked the salesgirl with a smile. She put the gun against my other earlobe. “See? That wasn’t so bad.”

I frowned as I felt the stud in my ear. “Now my brain is going to rot.”

Dede pulled my hand down. “It will if you don’t stop touching it.”

I was led by my hand out of the store. Dede paused a moment to get her bearings. She knocked my hand away from touching my new earrings.

She tugged on my hand and said, “Ah. That children’s store is down this way. They had the cutest dresses.”

I pulled back on my hand and stood my ground. With a scowl, I said, “No. I’m not going. I don’t want dresses. I don’t want earrings. I honestly don’t want any of this girly shit. I just want to go home.”

Looking furious, Dede glared at me for a moment and tightened her grip on my hand. “You little brat!” She tugged hard on my hand. I resisted. She suddenly relaxed and her expression softened. She pointed at a bench. “Let’s sit down for a second.” She let go of my hand and sat down.

I stood there for a moment and stared at her. I wanted to go home. I sighed and walked to the bench and sat down beside her. She started to cry.

“Chrystal, why are you making everything so hard for me?” said Dede as she stared at her feet. “I know it’s not your fault that you’re a girl. I get it that you’re not happy about it. It’s probably a bigger shock than when you suddenly became an old man. But dammit! I didn’t ask to take on being Mom to you. I could just have easily had you fostered to another family. But I didn’t.”

She paused for a few moments as she cried. Not looking at me, she continued, “In the final weeks of your coma, the government was trying to get everyone into a family to avoid the fiasco they had last time. I talked to a nice family who really wanted to take on a little girl because they’d always wanted a daughter. I came real close remembering how rotten you were when you became an old man. Top it off that I have no idea how to raise a child. But I couldn’t do it. We’re family.” She fell silent.

I touched her arm. “Thank you for that.”

She sniffled and looked over at me. “I know you don’t want to be a girl. But honey, that’s what you are, like it or not. You can’t run around naked and we gave away all my old girl clothes, which would be way out of style anyway. I was given an allowance to get you clothes. I was warned that if I failed to put you into school, they would take you away from me and place you with another family. Neither of us likes this, but I need you to stop fighting me.”

Dede has always been good at sticking in the guilt knife and giving it twist. I couldn’t tell if it was heartfelt or just another song and dance. But, she could have sent me packing and she didn’t.

I took her hand in mine. “I’m sorry. I appreciate you not shuffling me off to God knows where. But give me a break! I just wake up from a four month coma as a ten year old girl! And instead of giving me a day or two to let that sink in, you drag me to get my ears pierced and shopping for new outfits.”

Dede squeezed my hand. “You’re right. Dammit, you’re right. Let’s go home; catch our breath and start again after lunch tomorrow.” She stood up.

I stood up with her and let her lead me back to her car. Before we reached her car, I asked, “Why do I have to go back to school, anyway? I have a comp sci degree!”

Dede unlocked her car as she shook her heard. “You lost your degree when you became Mr. Grumpypants.” She hit the button to unlock my door.

As I climbed into the car, I said, “But I’ve still been there, done that. I think I actually have the t-shirt.”

She started the engine and looked over at me. She smiled and ruffled my hair. “I just can’t get over how cute you are. Boys are going to like you a lot. But as far as school goes, the why you need to go isn’t in a book. I was told it was for socialization. It’s where you’ll learn how to be a girl. I can help you some in that as I do have some firsthand knowledge on the subject. But you’ll learn more chatting with your girlfriends at school. I think they called it assimilation.”

I folded my arms and pouted. I don’t want to be assimilated into being a girl!”

Dede laughed. “Resistance is futile, Dear One. It’s going to happen, no matter what.”

“And just who is this ‘they’ you keep mentioning?” I demanded.

My sister / mom shrugged. “Some folks from the DHS. They got with those of us they identified as guardians in a meeting a few weeks ago and they gave us pointers and suggestions. And they expect you to slide more into girlhood over the next few weeks. The experts fully expect all of you to become more like pre-teen girls and less like who you used to be. Just like everyone eventually took on the attributes of the persons whose bodies they swapped into.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen to me,” I said confidently as Dede drove the car onto the driveway and parked. I opened the passenger door and said, “After all, I didn’t really change much after swapping with the old man.”

Dede laughed as she shut her car door and began walking towards the house. “That’s because even at twenty-five, you already were a grouchy old man.”

“Oh bullshit. I was not,” I said as we walked into the house. “But I’m just not buying it. I know who I am. I know what I think. The only thing that will happen if I’m forced to hang around a gaggle of goofy girls is that I’ll probably become terminally annoyed.”

Dede just grinned as we walked into the kitchen where she poured me a glass of milk. “Chrystal, I’d be willing to bet money that when your friends start to wear make-up and attracting boys, you’ll be asking me when I’m going to finally allow you to wear make-up.” She set the glass on the table.

I sat on one of the stools at the kitchen table and reached for the glass with both my hands. Frowning, I said, “That ain’t gonna happen.”

After a few sips of my milk, I noticed Dede just smiling at me as she held her head and rested her elbow on the table. I wrinkled my brow. “What?”

Dede sat up straight and grinned. “Oh nothing,” she said wistfully. “I was just thinking of what Mom might have thought about you becoming her new daughter. I think she would have loved it. Getting to fuss over her beautiful little girl. Things like brushing your hair every night, like she did with me until I stupidly told her I was too old for that. Buying you clothes and painting your toenails. Putting ribbons in your hair. Just by existing, I think you would have made her very happy. No. I’m serious.”

I shook my head. “That’s all girly stuff. I don’t think I’d do it.”

“It would have made Mom happy,” Dede said as I finished off my glass of milk. Suddenly grinning broadly, Dede exclaimed, “Hey, let’s paint your toenails right now?”

I set the glass down and said, “No way.”

Dede said, “Oh come on! No one will know. Besides, little girls are supposed to paint their toenails.”

“Not this little girl!”

“That is a pretty shade of red,” I said staring at my feet as they dangled off my bed.

Dede smiled at me. “It is. Pick a color you like and we’ll do your fingers in the morning. You have such beautiful hair!” Dede gushed as she brushed my hair to a silky shine. “Then we’ll go clothes shopping.”

It hasn’t been a full twenty four hours and I’m already starting to slide. How am I going to keep my sanity?

To be continued…