Link: The Road to Hell Title Page and Description

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Before the end of the month, Grace had her driver's license and the two spent their first evening out alone without Judy. It was a simple dinner at a fast food place and then a movie, but she and Josh enjoyed it just the same.

The following Sunday, Grace was driving him to the church on Spring Drive instead of him taking the bus as usual.

"You sure you want to go with me?" he asked, sitting in the passenger seat and looking at her. "I appreciate the ride, but it doesn't mean you have to go."

She glanced at him before turning her eyes back to the road. "Yes, I want to go, Joss! I wanna meet these people that you care about so much that I can't see you every Sunday morning!"

Pulling her mother's car into the church lot, Grace found a spot and parked. Climbing out, Josh explained some things as they walked toward the doors.

"No hand-holding, Grace." he warned her. "And no making eyes at each other or talking about us being a couple. Pastor Roberts has a rule, and it's not just for same-sex couples. 'Church is a house of worship, not a dating club.' He gives that lecture to nearly all the kids in the congregation."

"I understand, Joss." she said with a smile as she looked at him. "You look nice, though!"

Grinning back at her, he answered happily. "You too!"

The two entering the doorway, Daniel was there as usual. "Jocelyn! Your turn to bring a guest?"

Shaking his hand, Josh introduced her. "Pastor Roberts? This is my best friend, Grace! She wanted to know what the fuss was all about!"

Daniel Roberts beamed at her as he shook her hand as well. "Glad you decided to come, Grace! Love the name!" The three laughing together, he gestured inward. "Won't you find a seat, ladies?"

Entering the sanctuary, Josh directed Grace to the pew he normally sat in near the back. Taking their seats, he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around. "Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Mason!" he said warmly.

"Good morning, Jocelyn!" the older woman responded in kind as they all stood up to greet one another.

"This is my best friend Grace, Mrs. Mason!" he said as Grace and the woman shook hands. "She decided to join us this morning!"

"Very nice to meet any friend of Jocelyn's!" she smiled genuinely as Grace turned to shake Mr. Mason's hand. "She's such a thoughtful and considerate young lady! It does my heart glad to know she has good friends!"

Sitting back down, Josh sighed happily as Grace looked at him. "How many people here know you, Joss?" she whispered.

Shrugging, he did a quick mental inventory. "Um... a little less than half of them, really." he whispered back.

Looking around the room, Grace was surprised. "Joss, there are like four hundred people here! You know half of them? And they know you?"

"They know Jocelyn." he clarified quietly. "Not me. Only you, your mom, and the Healys know me... and I'm not sure about your mom. She still calls me Jocelyn."

Nodding in understanding, Grace tried to cover for her mother. "She just doesn't want to slip up in front of someone like your parents, Joss. Believe me, she gets it. She just wants to help and not make things even worse. If she could afford it, she'd buy you guy clothes so you wouldn't have to wear girly stuff all the time!"

"Fat lot of good that would do." he countered quietly. "I look like a tomboy!" When the service started, Josh listened to the pastor's sermon intently. Still agnostic, he nevertheless enjoyed the effort of coming to understand people who believed in something they could neither see nor hear, only feel. He understood that. He looked like a girl and sounded like a girl, but he didn't feel like one. All the empirical evidence said he was a transgendered girl, but he still knew it to be wrong. For him, it was a matter of faith.

After the sermon, the congregation sang and truly enjoyed their time as a community. When people started to leave, Josh and Grace began walking out with the others, stopping to talk to a few families Josh knew on the way. Before they got to the door, he heard Daniel call out to him.

"Jocelyn! Glad I caught you!" Glancing at Grace, he gestured back into the sanctuary. "Could I have a moment of your time before you go?"

Looking over at his girlfriend, Josh shrugged. "Sure, Pastor Roberts!"

Leading the two back in, Daniel looked at them each in turn and lowered his voice so it wouldn't carry beyond the three of them. "Jocelyn, can I assume that this young lady is the girl you came to me to ask about?" Seeing Josh nod seriously after a moment, he continued. "I just wanted to make sure this isn't the start of an effort to force your... situation... on the congregation. I don't for a minute believe that you would, but I have a solemn duty to protect everyone who comes here, including you, so I just need to hear you say it."

"Pastor Roberts," Josh said earnestly, "I have no intention of letting anyone here know anything about my private matters. Coming here is too important to me to try and change people's minds, not that shoving it in their face would do any good, anyway. In fact, it'd probably make it worse. Even if I were a boy, it wouldn't be any different. My private life is not for public debate."

Relieved, he smiled at Josh. "I knew you'd understand, Jocelyn! You're a credit to this congregation!"

"Pastor?" Grace interjected. "I get that you don't want there to be trouble, but would you really prevent Joss from coming if people knew about us?"

"I'd have to, Grace." he said seriously. "For her own good. I may not agree with your... relationship... but I try not to judge. I can't prevent others from judging though, in very un-Christian ways. I can't allow that, for their sakes!"

Driving home after saying their good-byes, the two were quiet. Finally, Grace spoke up. "I can't agree with Pastor Roberts, Joss. You should be free to express who you are anywhere and not worry about getting attacked!"

Josh shook his head disagreeingly. "No, Grace. He's right. Trying to force your opinion of how things should be on others is wrong, no matter how much you think it may be right. Just look at my parents. They're certain I'm a girl. That doesn't make forcing it on me right, does it?"

"I suppose." she said as she drove. "I just think if they're as nice as they're supposed to be, they should be able to handle you being different! I mean, take that Mrs. Mason! She seems like she wouldn't be mean just because you're a boy forced to be a girl, or we love each other! What's the big deal?"

"It's no big deal to you or me, but it is to them." he pointed out. "They're entitled to their opinion on any subject, Grace. Trying to force them to accept something they fervently disagree with not only would be wrong, it would be impossible! You can't force people to change their minds."

"I'm not talking about forcing anyone to change their minds, Joss." she argued. "I'm talking about how they should be anyway!"

"According to who? You? My parents? OK, so you think they should accept apparently same-sex couples. My parents think they shouldn't believe in God at all and should be forced to disband the church. The congregation would disagree with all three of you. Who's right?"

Wanting to answer that she was right, it occurred to her that she was being just as arrogant about her own opinions as Josh's parents were about theirs. Her mouth opening and then closing, she furrowed her brow. "I guess I see your point. Doesn't mean I have to like it!"

Looking out the window, Josh sighed. "The hardest part of being tolerant is actually tolerating people you disagree with and letting them have their opinions without trying to change them."

"But how can we expect to improve if we don't try to change things for the better?" she pointed out. "You can't make society more accepting by hiding!"

"You can't make society more accepting by shoving it down their throats, either." he countered. "Society is just the collective opinions of individuals. It'll only change if the individuals change, which they only ever do of their own free will. Things aren't better today because intolerant people were forced to accept what they found unacceptable. Intolerant people have just become the minority, so their opinion doesn't count for much. Trying to force it on them just made people mad about it. It does more harm than good."

Spending the rest of the day together, they let the subject drop and enjoyed their time alone. By the time Josh turned sixteen two months later, they began to think about their futures.

"I think I'm going to go to art school." Josh told her one Saturday afternoon over a cup of coffee. "I'm getting pretty good, and I like it a lot! The only thing is, I think I should have a fallback career, in case it doesn't turn out."

Grace nodded as she sipped her tea. "Well, you're good at logic and debate. You could become a lawyer... or a politician!"

Laughing at the suggestion, Josh shook his head. "Oh yeah! That'd be a real hoot! Imagine me running for office? With male on my birth certificate?"

"You know the Democrat Party would love to have you!" she pointed out.

"The feeling isn't mutual." he countered. "I hate politics! It's the reason my life sucks so much! My parents and their activism!"

Grace shrugged. "Just a suggestion. I was thinking about one of the military academies. I might try for Annapolis... or maybe the Air Force Academy."

"Hmm..." Josh considered. "Annapolis is only four hundred miles away, but the Air Force Academy is in Colorado, isn't it?" Seeing Grace nod, he sighed resignedly. "Well, I guess I'll start looking at colleges around both places... just in case!"

Giggling, Grace eyed him hungrily. "You could always just be my housewife, Joss! Would you mind being a 'kept woman'?"

Choking on his coffee, he giggled along with her once he managed to get the dark beverage out of his nose. "Oh great! I can see my mother now! Screaming at me for the rest of time for 'lowering myself' to the level of some stepford wife!"

"It wouldn't be like that!" Grace argued. "You don't honestly agree with that idea, do you?"

"No." Josh admitted. "Not at all. In fact, I could think of nothing that would be more gratifying than raising our kids for you!"

"I suppose we can adopt." Grace sighed sadly.

"Why?" he asked. "I have 'stuff' on ice."

Staring at Josh perplexedly, Grace slowly put her cup down. "What? How?"

Realizing he'd never gotten into detail about that day, he fully explained the excuse his mother had used to trick him into his castration. "So, if you're willing, we can have our own kids."

Thinking about it for the first time, Grace smiled. "I think I'd love having your children, Joss!" Her smile melting, she looked at him seriously. "Um... Joss? After you turn eighteen, are you gonna... you know... revert? Go back to being a boy? Or... I guess a man at that point. I'll love you either way!"

Looking off, Josh's voice became distant. "I honestly don't know that I can, Grace. I've tried looking more guyish a few times, but I always come off just looking like a butch girl or a tomboy. If I got on testosterone it might help, but everything I've read says it won't fix me. I look too girlish to be a guy, but I feel too guyish to be a girl. I just don't fit in anywhere!"

Taking his hand, Grace smiled at him. "That's OK, Joss. I love you either way... or neither way!" Changing the subject, she turned to him again. "Joss? Spring Fling is coming up. Will you be my date? For real this time?"

Smiling, Josh nodded. "Of course! I was wondering when you were gonna ask! I already have the perfect dress!"

Giggling at his exuberance, Grace shook her head. "Are you sure you're a guy, Joss? You're awfully excited about what dress you're going to wear!"

Rolling his eyes, Josh glowered at her sarcastically. "Yes, I'm sure! That doesn't mean I don't like looking good! If I can't look good in a tux, at least I can look good tucked under your arm!" he smiled, loving Grace's groan.

Three weeks later he was checking himself in his closet mirror before going downstairs. The dress was one he'd bought for church, but decided that it was too formal for that and it had sat in his closet ever since. He'd thought about just wearing black slacks and a plain white blouse, but he knew he would just look like a girl who didn't dress up, like the stoner girls who hung out in jeans and flannels in the corner with their wasteoid boyfriends.

Seeing how the peach dress hugged his waist and made him look even more curvaceous than he was naturally, he sighed at the too-feminine image that shone back at him. Grabbing the matching clutch, he checked his hair and makeup one last time before heading out of the room and down the stairs.

"Wow!" Grace stared as he descended, making him blush at the compliment. "Joss, you look... wow!"

Josh watched her walk over to him wearing a dark blue strapless dress that made her look much older than sixteen. "Thanks! You look amazing, Grace!"

Her turn to blush and giggle at his little pun, she took his hand. "Thank you!" she said shyly.

"Turn around, girls!" Fred insisted. "Smile!" Holding his smartphone, he took several pictures and fiddled with it for a moment. "There! I sent Judy the best one!" Walking up to them, he hugged Josh warmly. "Have a good time, princess! Come home when you're ready! We'll see you tomorrow!"

Disappointed that his parents were willing to let their sixteen-year-old stay out all night alone with his date, Josh smiled weakly. "Yes, Daddy! We'll be careful!" he added, trying to emphasize that his father hadn't even thought to say it anymore.

Melanie sat on the couch watching them over her phone as the two left without even saying goodbye to her.

Seeing his wife agitated, Fred looked at her. "She knows what you've done for her, Mel. All teenage girls naturally think their mothers don't understand them... that's all! Remember how you felt about your mom at that age?"

"I could understand if I handed down draconian edicts on her like my mother did, Fred!" she spat. "I let her do anything she likes, and she still treats me like every day is some kind of trial to be endured! Like I'm forcing her to do unreasonable things!" Putting down her phone, she sighed. "I just feel I got the worst of both deals! When she was younger, she and I should have been closer, but we treated her like a boy so she was closer to you. Now that she's growing up, she's Daddy's Princess and I'm the ogre that she hates!"

Pulling his wife to her feet, Fred hugged her and tried to comfort her. "It's alright, Mel. She'll come around. You'll see."

Grace parked in the lot south of the school gym where the dance was held. The Spring Fling was only one of two dances of the year, the other being Homecoming, that any student was welcome. All others were segregated by year. Even so, not many juniors or seniors attended Spring Fling, most calling it 'Kiddy Prom' and looking down on the kids who took it seriously.

Turning off the engine, she looked over at her date and smiled sardonically. "You know, my mom is a chaperone this year!"

Nodding, Josh gazed at his lap. "I know. Sorry!"

"It's fine!" she laughed lightly. "Not like I was planning on swabbing your tonsils with my tongue on the dance floor or anything!"

"Eww!" Josh huzzed. "You can be so gross sometimes!"

Giggling a moment, the two slowly turned serious. "Joss? I love you."

Smiling and blushing, he looked down at his hands in the lap of his skirt again. "I love you too, Grace!"

Scooting over, she reached out and turned Josh's face toward hers with a fingertip. Kissing him gently, the two lost themselves in the moment, their passions held in check only through their own will. Slowly ending their kiss, she smiled at him when he leaned his forehead against hers. "Shall we?"

"Let's!" he said with a giggle.

Climbing out of her mother's car after a quick makeup check, the two made their way to the gym door, Josh taking Grace's arm. Passing through the entrance, they nodded to the school councilor who was checking for dress code violations. "Good evening, Mr. Grayson!" they said together with a laugh as they noted his irritation at not being able to stop Josh from entering.

Walking into the dance, they saw a lot of kids were already there, though others were still on their way in behind them even as they entered. Mostly being other sophomores and freshmen, the two were among the oldest there. Spotting Judy, Josh finger-waved at her with a smile before the next song started and the couple went out on the dance floor.

When at last the evening came to an unremarkable end, the three, Josh, Grace, and Judy, all drove to Grace's home together. The plan was to let the two of them spend more time with one another at her house before the girl would drive him home.

Judy sighed happily as she watched her daughter drive. "I'm really very proud of you, Grace." she remarked. "You've become a wonderful young woman!"

"Thanks, Mom!" she said cheerily. "That means a lot!"

"I remember when I was your age when I first got my driver's license. I... um... I took my father's car one night without asking and drove it to my boyfriend's house!"

"Would that be one Greg Long, Judy?" Josh asked from the back seat with a sly grin.

Blushing, the woman nodded. "Yes! I told him I had permission to be out that night. He was skeptical, but took my word for it. When the cops pulled us over for driving a stolen car..."

"Grandpa Dillard called the cops on you?" Grace said in surprise.

"Yes!" she said mortified. "Well, not on me, they had no idea I took the car! They thought I was still up in my room and that it was actually stolen!"

"Oh!" the two teens chorused.

"To make a long story short, we were dragged down to the police station, booked, jailed, and my parents showed up to get me. They tried to blame Greg, but I wouldn't leave until they dropped the charges and let him go!"

"Wow, Mom!" Grace exclaimed. "That was a pretty brave thing to do! They might have just left you there to try and teach you a lesson!"

Shaking her head, Judy disagreed as Grace pulled into the driveway. "No, I knew they would do the right thing once they knew all the facts. Anyway, I'm glad that you aren't as rebellious as I was at your age! I don't think I could handle a second me!"

Going inside, and once Judy had changed out of her nice outfit, Josh and Grace relaxed in the living room with her and continued to talk.

"Speaking of Mr. Long, Mom..." Grace said with an impish smile, "I notice you've been talking to him a lot on the phone! Anything going on there?"

"That's none of your business, young lady!" Judy chided her. "Greg and I are just catching up with one another! We were friends first before he was my boyfriend, you know!"

"You mean like Joss and me?" Grace pointed out.

"A little, yes." Judy admitted. "Just goes to show you that when you're in High School, the people you like may not be who you're meant for."

"Mom!" Grace yelled. "How can you even say..."

Judy interrupted her tirade. "I'm not saying that you and Jocelyn aren't serious Grace, or that you aren't meant for one another! I'm just pointing out that if something were to happen and you two were to break up, that it wouldn't mean your life was over!" When she saw Grace was calmed down some, she continued. "When Greg and I broke up, it was the end of the world to me. I thought I'd never love anyone ever again." Contemplating the picture above the fireplace, she sighed. "Then I met Scott."

Grace looked at her hand as it held Josh's. "I get what you're saying, Mom. I just hope nothing does happen! I can't imagine a future that doesn't have my Joss in it!"

"I'm sure you can't." her mother said understandingly. "Just like I couldn't imagine a future without Greg when I was your age." Seeing Grace fume at the idea of it, Judy dismissed her fears. "I'm sure you two will be just fine!"

Driving Josh the scant six blocks home just after midnight, Grace couldn't help but feel agitated. Seeing her upset, Josh tried to calm her fears.

"Grace? It's fine! We're fine! I know that whatever happens, I am never going to leave you and you're never going to leave me!"

"I know." Grace said as she furrowed her brow. "I just... I don't like the idea that I could get over losing you the way Mom got over losing Greg. It's stupid, I know... but I just can't help it! It... it's terrifying to think I even could live without you!"

Unable to help, Josh just stared out the window until they pulled up along the curb out in front of his house.

When Grace turned off the motor, she quickly slid over next to him and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, Joss! So much!" she nearly cried before kissing him desperately. After several minutes of them making out and holding one another, she slowly started to calm down. "Sorry, Joss!" she giggled. "I guess I just sort of needed you to be close for a bit! The idea of losing you scares me! When I think about what nearly happened on my birthday... how I almost lost you over my stupid fears..."

Taking her hand, Josh looked deep into her eyes. "Me too, Grace. I guess the best we can do is just be there for each other and promise never to let little things get in the way ever again. I'd rather die than see you unhappy!"

Kissing one more time, she walked him up to his door. "Goodnight, Joss!" she smiled at him. "See you tomorrow morning?"

Nodding, Josh smiled back just as happily. "Tomorrow!"

With one last desperate kiss, Grace tore herself away from him and stepped backward down the walkway. Josh stood in front of his door, not wanting to go in until she'd left. Giggling at each other and their silly sentimentality, Grace at last turned toward her mother's car and walked away, waving at him one last time as she started to drive off. Josh quietly made his way in through the front door, not wanting to disturb his parents, and had just turned off the porch light when he was spooked by Melanie's voice.

"Have a good time?" she asked, making him turn and draw in a breath.

"Melanie!" he gasped. "What are you doing up so late? You startled me!"

"Just was waiting up to see if you were coming home is all." she said nonchalantly as she put down her phone. "So, did you have a good time?"

Drifting on the pleasant memories of the evening, he nodded as he started slowly walking toward the stairs. "Yes!"

"Why didn't you invite Grace in?" she asked.

"She had to get home." he retorted, his happiness collapsing into the black hole of his mother's pressuring. "Judy worries when she's driving at night."

"Why didn't you just stay at her place then?"

Rolling his eyes, he looked at her as though she'd asked the dumbest question in history. "Because Judy didn't want me to, that's why! God, Melanie! We're only sixteen! Why the third degree? What's it to you what we do?"

Standing up, she walked over to him and glowered. "I'm just concerned is all! You should be all over each other already, and yet you're refusing to take advantage of the opportunities I provide you! Opportunities I would have done anything to have when I was your age!"

"I'm not you, Melanie!" he shouted. "I'm nothing like you! Thank God!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded as she crossed her arms.

Angry that his mother had ruined what was up to that point a wonderful evening, he glared at her. "Oooo! You just don't get it! You never will! I'm glad I'm nothing like you! If I was, I'd probably kill myself!" Turning, he stormed up the stairs, slammed his door, and locked it before dropping onto his bed to cry himself to sleep.