Link: The Road to Hell Title Page and Description

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Sitting in Jennifer's bedroom, the door open, and with a promise from her parents not to 'wander by' to check up on them for at least half an hour, the two sat on her bed next to one another. Before the three had returned to the Healy's home, Josh had decided that it was now or never, so he'd asked her parents for a moment of semi-privacy to talk with Jennifer alone first.

"So... um... what was it that you needed to tell me?" Jennifer asked quietly, smiling at what she hoped it might be. As she spoke, she ran her fingers along the back of Josh's hand.

Taking a sharp breath, Josh looked at her, his heart hammering away in his chest at her closeness and her touch. "Um... can... I like that, but I need to say this and I can't think when you do that!"

Giggling, Jennifer ceased driving him to distraction. "OK... for now. So what did you want to talk about?"

"Me." he explained simply. Starting at the beginning, he laid out how his parents had insisted since he was five that he was gay, then how when he'd kept insisting that he wasn't gay his parents essentially forced him to accept being transgendered. They'd done nothing illegal; no law covered his exact situation. Josh had essentially acquiesced.

"Plus, you know... I'm really girly!" he laughed, making her laugh with him.

"Joss... um... Josh... I guess..." she asked, "I don't care! I like you! More than like really, I think I'm falling for you." She ran her fingertips along his hand again. "When I look at you, all I see is someone beautiful. Like I said, I think I fell for you that first day when you were still dressed like... um... like a boy, I guess. Even then, even with everyone calling you Josh and the clothes you wore, you were still pretty. Not handsome or cute, but... pretty. Beautiful, really! Does that make you mad?"

Closing his eyes as he reveled in the feel of her touch and her words, not even caring that being called pretty and beautiful made him feel wonderful, Josh shook his head to clear it. "Jenn? We're still just kids... and I promised your parents we wouldn't... um..."

Running her finger up his arm, raising gooseflesh as it went, she loved seeing how good she could make him feel. "The first rule was that we couldn't be alone someplace with the door closed." Looking over at the open door, she smiled. "It isn't closed! The second rule was no PDAs. We're not in public. The last rule was never anything in front of Luke. He's not here."

Vaguely aware that she was right, they were doing nothing directly against her parents' rules, Josh felt that they were perhaps violating the spirit of them. Looking up at her though, he couldn't think anymore.

"Jocelyn?" Jennifer said as she stopped and withdrew her hand. "I... um... I want my first kiss to be with you. Will you let me kiss you?"

Seeing him nod slightly, their fingers linked, she leaned in close and pressed her lips to his as their eyes closed. It was just a simple kiss, honestly no more than the kisses he used to give his parents. When he felt her soft lips against his though, and felt the emotional connection it brought with it, he found that a 'simple kiss' could mean so much more. The kiss lingered for several moments that stretched into eternity for the two. Slowly, they parted and opened their eyes once more.

As Josh stared into her gaze, he saw within the girl a need; a storming hunger for much more. It was so fierce it scared him. Trembling slightly, his voice wavered as he spoke. "That was... really nice. Can we go slow? Can you?"

Seeing the fear in his eyes and hearing it in his voice, Jennifer scooted back slightly. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean..." At a loss for how to apologize for terrifying him so much, guilt washed over her like a tidal wave. "Jocelyn, I won't ever push you for more than you're ready for, OK? I promise! I know I wanna do more... a lot more... but hurting you to get it would make it terrible, not wonderful. Can you forgive me?"

Nodding as he relaxed, he looked at her kindly. "Anytime, Jenn! I promise I'll let you know when I'm ready for more." Smiling mischievously he added, "For now, can we just do that again?"

Like an animal that had just broken free of the chain that bound it, Jennifer kissed him again, this time letting her free hand touch his face. As the kiss once more ended, she blew out a breath. "Wow! You are so beautiful! I could do that all day!" Kissing him a third and much longer time, they were in the middle of it when they heard the voice behind them.

"Jenny dear, your fath... Oh, God!" Vicky gasped as she instantly regretted not knocking first.

Breaking the kiss and glancing at the clock, Jennifer saw she and Josh had five minutes left of their half-hour. "Mom! You promised! It's not time yet!"

Her eyes cast down at the floor, she very nearly yelled at her daughter before regaining her emotional composure. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she cried. Unsure if she could ever get used to the idea of her daughter kissing another girl, she remembered all that she and John had talked about and the promise she'd made to never risk driving their daughter away. "I'll... I'll come back in a few minutes." she stammered as she blindly turned toward the door, still looking down.

"Mom!" Jennifer sighed exasperatedly. "Come back! We're done talking anyway."

Stopping and slowly looking up, she was relieved to see Jennifer standing behind her and not on the bed with Josh. "Sweetheart, I am sorry. I lost track of the time and I wanted to let you know that your father was going to offer to drive Jocelyn home. I... I'll try to be more careful in the future." Smiling weakly, she hoped Jennifer would understand. "You're just growing up so fast and... it's hard to keep up!"

Walking up to and hugging her mom, Jennifer sighed. "It's fine, Mom. Like I said, we were done talking."

Seeing an opportunity to both grow from the experience and at the same time break the shame threatening the two preteens, Vicky smirked. "That's not what we called it when I was your age!"

"Mother!" Jennifer gasped as she backed away from her, turning beat red.

"Oh, Jennifer!" she countered with a smile. "I was a child of the eighties! You think I never had a boy up in my room when I was in Middle School?" Looking over at Josh, she bit her lower lip embarrassedly. "Not that I was calling you a boy, Jocelyn! Far from it! You're a lovely young girl, and..." Forcing herself to say it out loud, she completed her thought. "Jenny is very blessed to have found you! You're very special!"

"You don't know the half of it." Josh said exasperatedly. "I was wondering if you would ask Mr. Healy in? There's something I need to tell you both and I don't think I can do it more than once."

"Certainly, dear." she answered softly. "I'll get him. Watch the time, though. You need to get home soon." Exiting calmly, she went to fetch her husband.

"Jenn?" Josh asked. "Can... can you sit next to me and hold my hand? This'll probably be the scariest thing I've ever done. I don't think I can do it alone."

Nodding with a smile, she sat next to him and put her hand in his again, giving it a squeeze before giving him a peck on the cheek. "For luck!"

Staring into each other's eyes, they heard Vicky and John coming this time and scooted slightly apart, though still holding hands. As her parents came in, Vicky took a seat at the desk chair while John stood behind her and held her shoulders to comfort her.

"Jocelyn, dear." Vicky said with a blush as she handed him a tissue, "You have... um... Jenny's lipstick... on your cheek."

Quickly rubbing it off with the kleenex, Josh turned red and looked up at the two. "Sorry. Um... I wanted to tell you that you two have been nicer to me than even my own parents. They love me, I know that, but sometimes they get so caught up in doing what other people tell them is the right thing to do they get carried away... and I kinda just get swept along with their ideas... like I'm some science experiment or something."

"I need to tell you something because you two have been so nice... I just can't let today end without you knowing." he said as he looked them each in the eye in turn. "You trusted me to be honest, but there's something about me that I've kept from you. I convinced myself it was just my own business, but I want you two to never doubt my honesty, so I need to tell you."

Vicky faced up toward John who nodded his assent to let her speak for them both. "Jocelyn, you don't have to share your private matters for us to trust you, dear! You're an honest girl and we..."

"Boy." Josh interrupted in correction.

"Pardon?" Vicky said confusedly.

"You said honest girl. That's wrong. I'm an honest boy."

Looking at him carefully, she couldn't make the words make sense. "Um... you think you're like a boy? Is that because you like other girls?"

Sighing, he let it all out. "No, I mean I am a boy. My parents are convinced that I'm transgendered... that I want to be a girl... so they forced me to accept the idea. They took away all my boy clothes, are changing my name, and I'm sure that pretty soon they'll try to put me on hormone blockers so that I don't grow into a man. I don't think I'm a girl. I'm pretty sure I'm a boy. I just act like a girl a lot, so they think that means I want to be one."

Gaping at the boy in horror at the idea, Vicky shook her head in stunned disbelief. "No. No, I can't believe you! No parent would do that to their own child! You're lying!"

Shaking his head, he looked down at the floor between them. "I wish I were. Lying would be easier. For seven years they thought I was gay. They sent me to a summer camp for gay boys. I fought 'em. I argued, denied, yelled, cried, and did everything short of marry a girl to prove to 'em I wasn't gay, but they wouldn't listen. Then, just before this summer vacation ended, they told me they think I'm transgender and want to be a girl. I tried to fight it, but when they took away all my boy clothes, I had no choice. So I gave up. I let them treat me like a girl. I even tried to like it... but I can't. I'm a boy."

Seeing his hangdog look, the two looked at their daughter. "Jenny?" Vicky asked gently. "Did you know this?"

At first shaking her head, she then shrugged. "Some of it." she admitted. "I knew she used to be a boy. She dressed like one the first day of school, but even then she looked like a girl wearing boy clothes. I didn't know it wasn't her choice until today, though. That's what she wanted to talk to me about after our walk with Daddy."

Vicky slowly sat up. "You mean, you knew that..." She struggled with the idea for a moment before continuing. "...that he was a boy... when I came in? When you were..."

"Kissing?" Jennifer finished for her. "Yeah. It's sorta weird. Even knowing Jocelyn's a boy, I don't really care. I just like her so much!"

Taking a moment, the two parents stepped outside the bedroom door to discuss the issue in whispers. Meanwhile, Josh felt Jennifer lay her head on his shoulder.

"I don't think they're mad." she said softly. "I just wish I knew what they were gonna do." As the two returned to the room, Jennifer sat back up.

"Jenny?" Vicky said sweetly. "Would you wait in the living room, please? We need to talk to... um... Jocelyn... alone."

Squeezing his hand, the young girl got up and left. Josh then looked at them nervously. "You can call me Josh, if you want. That's my real name."

Taking it slowly, Vicky sighed. "OK then... Josh... we first wanted to say we're glad you felt you could confide in us. It tells us that the trust we have in you was well placed. Knowing this actually makes things easier for John and I to accept. But..." She paused, trying to figure out the right words.

Josh's heart sank. "...but you don't want me to be around Jenn anymore? I was kinda expecting that."

"That's not what I was going to say!" she admonished. "What I was going to say was that we'd like to help. We don't understand all this, but John and I feel that you're a gift from God. You're a boy, but Jenny likes you... and that's good! We can accept that Jenny likes other girls, we have no choice, but we didn't want her to have to face a world that would be so hard on her. A world that would drive her away from her faith and deny her so much of what life has to offer just because she's... different. Her liking you, and you wanting to be a boy, means she doesn't have to face so much hardship."

Taking it all in, Josh nodded. "So... how do you think you can help?"

"We'd like to talk to your parents." John stated. "We think we can help you make them see that being a girl isn't what you want."

Josh almost laughed. "Seriously? You think they'd listen to you?"

"We can try." Vicky said with a smile.

Shaking his head, Josh exhaled in futility. "It's no good. I already gave in and told them they were right. They won't believe you." Taking a breath he looked up at them. "Can you give me some time to work on them? Believe me, I want you to help, but if you just show up today and try to tell them I'm really a boy, it'll be no good. They'll just get mad and say I can't be around you or Jenn anymore. That you all are bad for my 'self identity' or that you're just being 'preachy and close-minded' or some junk like that."

"We still need to meet them... Josh." Vicky struggled with the name, having a difficult time putting it on the 'obvious girl' seated on her daughter's bed. "Would you mind if we drove you home?"

"Sure." he said with a weak smile. "Just don't mention God, church, or me really wanting to be a boy... for now. Please? Just give me a chance to work them up to it?"

The two looked at one another and nodded. "Alright, dear. We'll be patient, but you can't take forever. We'll give you a few weeks, but then we really should talk to them. Do you want us to call you Jocelyn until then?"

"Please?" he asked. "Just around them? Or you can call me Joss. That's what my friend Trace... I mean, Tracy... calls me. It's pretty close to Josh!"

Smiling at him as Vicky stood up, she helped him to stand as well. "Well then... Joss, why don't we go ahead and drive you home?"

Sitting in the back seat of the minivan, Josh held Jennifer's hand and watched her looking at him with a worried expression. He'd already called home and warned his parents to expect company. "It'll be OK, Jenn." he tried to calm her fears. "They're not ogres... just... misguided."

Jennifer giggled at that and Josh was happy to see her smile. Pulling along the curb in front of his home, Vicky got out and opened the side door for the two preteens, the girl having already begged to let her go in with him.

While the three walked up the flagstone walkway toward Josh's front door, Jennifer squeezed his hand so tight he felt she might crush it. Reaching the door, he opened it with his free hand. "Come on in." he invited Jennifer and her mother. "Mom! Daddy! We're here!" he shouted as the three stepped into the living room.

Melanie came out of the master bedroom and smiled at Josh and his guests. "Welcome home, sweetheart!" she said as she walked up to him and gave him a quick hug. "You must be Vicky!" she said as she looked at the woman. "And you must be Jennifer!" she said, at last shaking the girl's hand. "Please! Make yourselves at home!" she gestured to the sofa.

"We can't stay." Vicky said regretfully. "My husband John and our son Luke are waiting in the car. I just thought it best if we actually met, seeing as how well the... girls... are getting on." She looked at Josh and Jennifer holding hands.

Smiling weakly, Melanie looked at the two. "I take it then that today was a... pleasant day?" she addressed Josh, gently probing to see if he was hurt in any way. Seeing the blush on his and Jennifer's cheeks, and the happy nod from him, told her all she wanted to know.

"Can I show Jenn my room before they go, Mom?" Josh asked sweetly. "I want to show her my movie posters!"

"Make it quick." Melanie said as Fred joined them while the two children ran up the stairs.

"Jocelyn..." Vicky said carefully, trying her best to keep up appearances as she promised, "...was an angel! Always polite and honest, about everything." She emphasized her words with a pointed look to show that she knew about Josh.

Tilting her head slightly, she looked in the other woman's eyes and saw kind understanding. "And you're OK with them seeing each other?"

"Jenny isn't allowed to date yet, Mrs. Ryan..."

"Please, call me Melanie... or just Mel! By the way, this is Jocelyn's father, Fred."

Nodding to him, Vicky flustered as she tried to continue. "As I was saying, Jenny isn't really allowed to date yet, but we... that is, John and I... we think it would be OK for the... the girls... to see each other socially. Even in just these past few days, they're already very close."

Melanie furrowed her brow at the other woman. "I take it that you're not thrilled that your daughter likes our daughter? It's not like they have a choice in the matter..."

"Oh! I know!" Vicky interrupted. " I actually think that Jocelyn could be just about the best person, boy or girl, for my Jenny to have feelings for! She's such a wonderful child! Polite, honest, and very up-front. She... she insisted that she tell us she used to be... well... a boy."

"She didn't used to be a boy." Fred argued the point. "She was always a girl. We just... well... we didn't understand that until recently."

Vicky was starting to see what Josh had tried to tell her about his parents. "I... I'm sorry. I put that badly. This is all new to me."

Melanie's expression softened. "It's alright. We see you're trying and not judging, that's what matters! As far as we're concerned, Jocelyn is free to date anyone she likes. It's not like we could stop them, right? They'd just do it behind our backs, anyway. I just want her to be careful and take all of the appropriate precautions. We don't want her to get hurt."

Nodding as she swallowed hard, Vicky was overwhelmed by the need to go before she said something she'd regret.

Leading Jennifer into his room, Josh stopped in the middle and gestured to his prized movie posters. "See? Aren't they..." Just as he turned to face her, Jennifer cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, this time much more sure of herself and more full of passion than the earlier kisses.

Josh could only relax into the moment and let her kiss him, relishing it.

Enjoying the feel of his lips and the warmth of him next to her, Jennifer at last languidly backed off and breathed heavily. "Sorry. I... I don't know what came over me. I just... I needed to do that!" she apologized as her hands ran down the arms of Josh's blouse, then linked her fingers in his. "Show me!" she said happily, turning to see the posters.

Overcome, Josh was stupefied for a moment before his brain started to work again. "Um... oh. Oh yeah! Uh, this one was... um... the first one I found." he sputtered as he indicated the poster for West Side Story.

Explaining where and how he found it, Jennifer came around behind him, her arms wrapping around his chest and her chin resting on his left shoulder as she pressed her cheek against his. Sighing contentedly, she listened as he slowly stammered through the story. After a minute, the two heard Jennifer's mother calling from downstairs.

"Jenny! We need to go, dear!"

Turning him abruptly, Jennifer kissed him on the lips once more, this time quickly, but much more aggressively and with an almost pained expression. "Oh, Jocelyn! I wish I never had to leave you ever again!" she nearly cried.

Hugging his girlfriend to help ease her upset, he let go and took her by the hand, heading out of the bedroom and down the stairs. "We'll see each other tomorrow at school! I'm gonna see if my parents will let me come over for 'Sunday brunch' again." he winked at her. "I wanna hear more of what I heard today!"

"What's that, princess?" Fred asked curiously.

"Oh, just talking before brunch." he answered vaguely. "Can I go? Please?"

"Jocelyn, you don't need to ask our permission!" Melanie smiled. "Your father and I got a chance to talk with Vicky and we so no reason why you shouldn't be free to go over there any time you like! We'll get you a city bus pass so it'll be easier. OK? And Jennifer? You're free to make yourself at home here anytime you like!"

"We really do have to go." Vicky said as she started moving toward the door. "I'm sorry I don't have more time to sit and really talk, but John and my son are outside waiting!"

Josh hugged Jennifer warmly and slowly. "See you at school, Jenn!"

Reveling in his embrace, Jennifer hummed contentedly. "See you tomorrow!" Pulling themselves apart, she backed away towards her mother waiting at the door; her eyes never leaving Josh's return gaze. "Bye... Jocelyn!"

"Bye... Jennifer!" After the two parted, Josh collapsed onto the couch with a dreamy look on his face. "I love the way she says my name!"

Fred came up behind Melanie, wrapping his arms around her stomach, unknowingly mimicking what Jennifer had just done with Josh upstairs. Smiling down on their child, they waited for him to come out of his haze before saying anything.

Sitting up, feeling the vacant hole in his heart that Jennifer had left, he looked up at them. "What?"

The two laughed as Melanie slipped in to sit next to him. "We're just happy for you, sweetheart! Jennifer seems like a wonderful girl! It's obvious she's attracted to you, too! I'm surprised you two came down so quickly after her mother called for her!"

"Mom!" Josh whined. "We're just kids! We weren't up there making out! Yes, I like her... a lot... and she likes me... maybe more than I like her, but I told her I want to go slow. So no making out in my room!"

Melanie shook her head dismissively. "Make any rules you want, sweetheart. Just know that they're your rules and you can change them anytime you see fit. Just make sure you close your door. I'll have your father put a lock on it tomorrow while you're at school, so you can have all the privacy you need."

Sighing, Josh was finding himself wishing his parents would set boundaries for him for once. It's like they don't even care what happens to me!

"Come on, lover girl!" Melanie said as she helped him to his feet. "Let's have dinner and you can tell us all about your day!"

Walking with his parents into the dining room, he knew one thing he wasn't going to tell them about. Well, that and the kisses! he thought with a smile.