Link: The Road to Hell Title Page and Description

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Trapped in a one-car garage filling with smoke, Josh found it strange that he could breath just fine. It was then that he saw both Jennifer and Grace were there and choking on the deadly fumes as he watched helplessly. Suddenly, he noticed he had a respirator in his hand and looked at the two girls in turn. He knew that he could only save one of them at this point, as they were both so close to death that by the time he'd saved one, the other would be gone. Frozen in indecision, he stood there and watched as both succumbed to the smoke and fell lifeless to the floor as he screamed.

"No!" Josh yelled as he sat up in bed; his plain white sheets soaked with sweat. Breathing hard while he determined it had all been a nightmare, he threw off his comforter and slid out of bed exhaustedly. Putting on his robe, he saw that it was after ten in the morning and Melanie would be long gone to work, having started working Saturdays for most of his freshman year. Slipping quietly into the bathroom and a shower, he scrubbed the terror of the night off his skin. Washing his now quite long light brown hair, he went through the rest of his morning beauty ritual out of habit.

After Grace had helped console Josh the Sunday earlier, she'd walked him home and stayed with him the rest of the day. Melanie had asked what was wrong, but both refused to answer, leaving her exasperated, frustrated, and angry. She'd made noises that Grace should leave, knowing that if the girl did she might worm the information out of Josh when he had no support, but Grace wouldn't be moved and Fred had eventually told her to leave them be. She'd stayed with Josh until he'd cried himself to sleep in bed.

While he showered, he considered that he could possibly look more 'manly' if he tried, but after so many years he just tried to blend in with the girls to not be picked on or noticed. Drying off and returning to his room, he thought about his dream. I know what it meant, he mused. I don't have to be Freud to figure out that much! He hated that he'd stood there and done nothing, frozen in terror and letting both die when he could have saved one. But which one?

Thinking about the dilemma, he realized that not picking was also a choice, the one he'd made and with catastrophic results. Understanding himself a little more than he had the night before, he opened his closet to get dressed. His body was growing steadily, just a hair under five-foot, but to his dismay his curves were growing ever more feminine and lovely. Looking over his choices, he opted for a pretty sundress that he knew looked good on him.

Getting dressed, he picked tan hose instead of tights to show off his legs and a pair of cute three-inch white strappy sandals with a heel to give him a bit of a height boost. Doing his hair and makeup, he went for a more grown-up and attractive style than normal, and picked out a pair of hoop earrings that Melanie had given him when she'd forced him to get his ears pierced.

Looking over the complete outfit, he knew instantly that he wasn't just pretty, but hot. Taking a breath, he walked over to his phone and called Grace.

"Hey, Joss!" she answered. "Feeling better? I've been worried about you all week! You haven't left the house the whole first week of summer vacation!"

"Hi, Grace." he replied softly. "No, I'm fine. Much better, actually. Wanna do lunch? I sorta slept through breakfast and now I'm starved!"

The two giggled together before Grace answered. "Sure! Where?"

"How about the Sunset Lounge?" he asked coyly.

"Really?" she inquired. "That's a little up-scale for your usual 'let's eat like a cow' meals!" She mercilessly teased him about his inability to gain weight no matter how much he ate, but she knew he took it all in fun.

"Yeah. I just feel like eating somewhere... nice... today."

"I'll hafta change then." she warned him. "Right now I'm wearing a dirty T-shirt and baggy sweats! Mom says I look like a bum!"

"I can wait!" he offered. "How about I come down there and we'll walk over together?"

"Beautiful!" she said enthusiastically. "See you in a bit!"

"Bye!" they said together.

As he was headed out the door, Fred saw him from the kitchen while making his lunch. "Woah! Hold up there, princess!"

Stopping in his tracks, and closing his eyes at his father's favorite term of endearment, he turned and sighed. "Morning, Daddy." he said patiently.

Coming out into the living room, Fred looked him up and down twice. "OK, I'm officially a hypocrite."

"What wrong?"

Sighing, he looked in Josh's big brown eyes. "I really wanna say 'That outfit is inappropriate, young lady! Go up and change!' so bad right now!"

Josh felt the outfit was no more inappropriate than many he'd worn before. The skirt was knee-length and the rest of the dress didn't show off too much skin. OK, so the back is open all the way down to just above my butt... He actually found himself hopeful that Fred might care enough to set at least one boundary, even if he thought it overprotective, making Josh smile at the idea before his too-easy-going father killed the moment.

"But I know better." he told himself. "You going over to see Grace?"

Let down, Josh nodded glumly. "Yeah. We're gonna have lunch." Seeing his father pull out his wallet, Josh objected. "No, Daddy! You give me enough allowance to fund a Ph.D. at Harvard! Speaking of which, when I'm sixteen, I wanna get a job and earn my own money. Can you talk to Melanie?"

Still not comfortable with Josh calling her 'Melanie' while he still called him 'Daddy', even after almost three years, Fred shook his head and absently put away his wallet, the money already forgotten. "Look, we'll talk about it when your mom gets home, alright? Right now just give your old man a kiss and be careful!"

Kissing him on his cheek, Josh gave him a quick hug and turned toward the door. "Bye Daddy. See you at dinner."

Fred nearly stopped him before leaving, wanting to tell him to go change, but then chided himself for desiring to control his 'daughter' and turned back toward the kitchen.

Making his way to Grace's house, Josh noticed the looks from his neighbors, but kept walking. Reaching her home, he smiled at the sight. It was a lovely single-story building, forest green trimmed in light gray with a well-kept lawn and an apple tree in the middle of the front yard. He saw Judy's small blue sedan in the driveway, but wasn't surprised since he knew her job as a paralegal gave the woman weekends off.

Going right in as he'd been told many times not to knock, he slowed a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darker interior. Coming up the entry hall, he turned left and entered the modest living room. Sparsely decorated, only one photo hung in the room over the fireplace. Seeing a man dressed in the uniform of a United States Marine and standing next to an American flag, he felt a pang of sorrow that he'd never gotten to know Grace's father. Josh had the feeling that he really would have liked him. She often talked happily about her dad, telling stories of where he'd been stationed and what he'd done, but Josh could always see the hurt just beneath her surface.

"Judy?" he called out toward the kitchen.

"Hi, Jocelyn!" she called back. "Grace is in the shower! Come on in and grab a chair!"

Making his way around the corner into the dining room, he saw the kitchen just beyond it with a breakfast bar closing off most of the border between the two rooms. Spotting the widowed woman at the sink, he smiled as he made his way over to her. "Hi, Judy! Enjoying your weekend?"

Laughing, she shook her head. "Lovely! I just adore doing dishes!" Turning off the water and grabbing a dishtowel to dry her hands, she at last turned to see Josh and what he was wearing. "Did you wait until your father wasn't looking and sneak out wearing that?" she asked jokingly.

He stopped his approach and felt a little embarrassed for his wardrobe choice. Lowering his head, he shook it and shrugged. "No. He saw me. I thought he might say something, but he just gave me a kiss and told me to be careful. I think it looks fine!"

Sighing and shaking her head as she mentally criticized Josh's father, she clucked her tongue and gestured toward one of the stools at the breakfast bar. "Well, if you were my daughter, I'd have suggested something a little less... grown up. Scott would have insisted it was too 'adult' for a fifteen-year-old!" Thinking about Scott a moment, she couldn't determine if he'd have let Josh become a girl if he'd been their son, but she saw Josh as so much a natural girl, she had difficulty finding a rational argument to deny it.

Shrugging, Josh repressed his smile. I must be pretty hot if everyone's taking so much notice! Scrutinizing Grace's mother, he could see that even only a few years ago she'd been quite a looker. Now, worn down by loss, work, and raising a daughter alone, her lovely auburn hair was beginning to turn gray, her once lithe five-nine figure had gone slightly pear-shaped, and her bright blue eyes were now a dull color from worry and exhaustion. "It's just that today I was feeling a little... different." he stated. "Older, I guess."

While the two chatted, Grace came out of the bathroom and heard the two talking. Sneaking up to the dining room entryway, a robe wrapped around her and her hair in a white towel, she spied Josh and quietly gasped at his outfit. Retreating to her room, she decided that the jeans and top she'd gotten out were not going to cut it.

"So where are you two off to, then?" Judy asked curiously.

"The Sunset Lounge." Josh said with a smile. "I was just feeling a little..."

"...older?" Judy interrupted him with a sly grin. "Yes, you said that." she stated cautiously as she sat down next to him. "Jocelyn, I'm glad for a chance to talk to you. Grace is very fond of you. Very. I'm glad she's found someone special like you out here. I grew up near Cleveland, but she's spent her whole life in California, so I was worried that she'd be too different to make good friends here." Pausing a moment, she collected her thoughts.

"When Scott died, she was thirteen and absolutely worshiped him. Still, to this day, I've never seen her cry over his loss." Facing Josh, Judy's voice lowered. "When she became your friend, she put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak. She hasn't made any other friends. I don't think she could take it if you two were to get involved and then lose you. I just don't want to see her get hurt. Or you!" she added.

Josh gulped at the heaviness of the conversation. "Mrs. Wright, I know we're still only fifteen. I like Grace. Very much. I was going to ask her at lunch if she'd be my girlfriend. If you tell me we can't date, I'll respect your decision. I'll have to, but that won't stop how we feel about each other. I'd never hurt her or abandon her. Believe me, I know what that's like. I could never do that to someone I care about."

Turning sorrowful, Josh looked out the kitchen window. "I used to have two of the best friends in the world, Tracy and Dave. They were twins. Then, when I had some problems, they gave up on me. I still see 'em around school and the neighborhood, but they ignore me. Every time I see them it just... just hurts." Looking Judy in the eyes, Josh poured all his feelings into one statement. "I would never do that to anyone. I'd rather die."

Seeing the pain in his eyes, Judy nodded. "Alright. I believe you. Just..." She had to look away, the terrible agony in Josh's eyes too much to bear. "Just... go slow, OK? You have your whole lives ahead of you. Don't do anything you might... regret... later."

Smiling, Josh waited until she looked back at him. "Judy? I'm like... a snail!" Both laughed lightly at that as Judy got up to go to the fridge.

"Can I make you a snack while you wait?" she asked.

"No thanks." he said heavily. "I was thinking that maybe I should go home and change into something a little less..."

"...obvious?" Judy smirked. Shaking her head and making herself lunch, she could only remind herself that when she was fifteen, she was no different.

"Don't you even think about it!" Grace said from behind him.

Turning on the stool, he nearly fell off it when Grace spun in place to show off her outfit. She was wearing a dress similar to his with a complimentary print, but with spaghetti straps instead of a halter and a higher back. His heart hammering in his chest, he looked her over and felt a tingling in his belly. Her makeup made her look to be in her late teens or early twenties and the hem of her skirt fell several inches above her knees, showing off her very attractive legs. The color was a slightly darker shade and wasn't cut quite as low in the front as his own, but emphasized her figure nicely.

"Wow." Josh exclaimed with a low breath. "You look..." Words failed him as she walked closer.

"Thanks! You ready?" she asked with a slight blush.

Glancing from her daughter to Josh and back, Judy saw the obvious attraction between them and sighed. "Please be careful, Grace!" she begged.

"We will, Mom!" Grace said with a smile and taking Josh's hand. "Bye!"

The two sat in the restaurant nibbling their lunches, gazing at each other dreamily. Grace scanned him up and down, a sly smile creeping across her lips. Dressed as he was, Josh seemed delectable.

"Grace?" he stated shyly as he finished his soup. Snapping her out of the dream-state she was in, undressing him with her eyes, he giggled as she blushed.

"Sorry!" Grace turned away. "I shouldn't stare like that!"

"Like what?" he asked throatily. "Like a hungry wolf?" Both giggling, it was Josh's turn to blush. "Grace? I... um... I like you very much... and um... I was wondering... well, if... um..."

Her heart raced as Grace heard the words. Seeing that he was having a hard time saying what he wanted to, the fear almost palpable, she held up a hand to stop him. "Joss? I like you too! A whole lot! Would you go out with me? We could go to a movie! I know they don't make musicals anymore, but it still might be fun! We could see one together... as like... a couple."

Smiling that she'd taken the pressure off, he nodded. "Yes! I... I'd love to!"

Slowly, Josh moved his hand closer to the girl sitting across from him at the tiny table. When she did likewise, their fingertips met in the middle and linked together.

Walking out of his house that Friday evening just before Melanie was due to get home, Josh was glad he'd managed to avoid her. Her smug 'I told you so' attitude about his relationship with Grace was enough to make him want to call the whole thing off. He couldn't hurt Grace that way just to get back at his mother, though. Making his way down the walkway, the hem of his skirt drifting against his calves in the light breeze of the late afternoon, he made his way to her place. Going up to her door, he stopped and knocked for the first time in months.

Grace opened the door wearing a lovely floral summer outfit in a similar style to the one Josh wore. "Hi!" she said shyly. "Come on in."

Entering, Josh felt the atmosphere was different from the hundreds of other times he'd walked in the home. Catching the light scent of Grace's perfume, his head swam with lovely thoughts. "Thanks, Grace! You look beautiful!" Admiring her short-cropped hairstyle, he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"You look gorgeous, Joss!" Grace returned the compliment. "I love the way your hair is done! It's so sexy!" Taking Josh's hand, she led him to the living room. "We're just waiting on Mom. She should be ready any minute." Sitting on the old leather couch, she patted the cushion next to her. "Sit with me while we wait?"

Smoothing the skirt under him, Josh lighted next to her and noticed that she immediately put her hand in his. Nervously, he glanced over at her. "So... after the movie, what did you want to do?" he asked with a slight waver in his irritatingly feminine voice.

"Things we're too young to do!" she teased. "But seriously, anything you like! The movie was my choice, so whatever you like after works!"

He was about to suggest something silly when Judy came out appearing nicer than Josh had ever seen her. Usually in jeans and a top, she'd instead worn a green shirtwaist dress that was open enough to see only a hint of cleavage. As the two stood, Judy smiled at them.

"Aren't you two lovely!" she complimented them. "Are you ready?"

"We've been ready for ages, Mom!" Grace moaned. "You look OK, though."

"I think you look beautiful, Judy!" Josh emphasized. "Green really works for you! It really sets off your hair!"

"Thank you, dear!" the older woman smiled. "Well, let's go then!" As the three headed out the door to her car, she continued talking. "I think the last time I saw a movie in the theater was The Return of the King with you and your father, Grace! Remember that?"

Nodding a little sadly as she climbed in the back seat, the girl remembered the last time she'd seen her father. "Yeah, he loved those movies! He was home for two whole weeks before he got shipped out again that last time."

Slipping in beside her, Josh took her hand after buckling in. The rest of the drive had the two in silence as Judy nattered on about movies, memories, and what they might do after the film.

In the end, the two decided to go out to a nice restaurant afterward, Judy offering to pay for the chance to show off 'her girls', as she put it. Shortly after arriving, while they sat at their table talking and waiting for their order to be taken, Judy felt a tap on her shoulder.

Turning around, she saw a man in his late thirties grinning at her. "May I help you?" she asked nervously.

"You don't recognize me, do you?" he asked with a light chuckle in his voice.

Straining her mind, she tried to see the man's face as though it were younger, but still couldn't place him. "I'm really very sorry. Are you sure you have the right person? Do I know you?"

Shaking his head while Josh and Grace looked on silently, his laugh was almost infectious as he tried to calm himself and answer her. "We only dated for most of High School, Judy Dillard!"

A flood of memories came rushing back to Judy's mind. "Oh my Lord! Greg Long?" Getting up, she hugged him briefly and then gestured to the empty fourth chair. "Won't you join us?"

Glancing at the two seated with her, he looked back at her. "I wouldn't want to intrude, Judy... and I'd guess it's not Dillard anymore." Looking back at the two teens, he added, "You have two very lovely daughters and I wouldn't want there to be any misunderstanding." He peeked at her left hand and noted the engagement ring and wedding band she still wore on her ring finger.

"Oh, that!" Judy at last understood his hesitancy as she sat back down. "I'm widowed, Greg. My Scott died over two years ago in Afghanistan."

His smile melting, he suddenly seemed embarrassed as he took a seat. "I'm very sorry, Judy. I didn't know." Turning his gaze toward Grace and Josh, he nodded respectfully at them. "To you two as well. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Greg, this is my daughter, Grace... and her very close friend, Jocelyn." Judy explained.

Looking at the two, he quickly realized that Josh looked nothing like Grace or Judy. "Oh! Well... to you then, Grace. You're both very lovely ladies, though!" Turning back to Judy, his face lit back up. "Last I heard, you went off to UCLA to study law."

"That's where I met Scott, my husband." Judy nodded. "We got married after I graduated. Grace and I only just moved here last year after..."

"Well, it's good to see you, Judy... though I wish it could be under happier circumstances." Getting up, he nodded across the table. "Grace? I just want you to know that I'm very grateful for your father's service and sacrifice... and yours. Everyone here owes him a debt of gratitude. On behalf of us all, thank you."

When Greg first interrupted her time with Josh, Grace was irritated. After his heartfelt condolences though, all she could feel was guilty that she'd instantly hated him for it. "Thank you, Mr. Long." she blushed sadly.

Cupping Judy's hand in both of his, he smiled down at her. "We'll have to get together sometime, Judy!" Releasing her, he fished a business card out of his inside jacket pocket. "Call me, if you like!"

Suddenly feeling very flushed and self-conscious, Judy realized he was even more handsome than she recalled. She also noted he obviously remembered her fondly, and that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring; his finger showing no signs that he ever had. Taking the card, she cleared her throat. "I may do that, Greg! It was nice seeing you again!"

"Likewise, Judy!" he beamed. "Ladies?" he said bowing ever so slightly to Grace and Josh as he departed.

While he walked away, Judy couldn't help but watch him go, joining a group of men at another table. Turning back to the two fifteen-year-olds, she picked up her glass of water and sipped it anxiously as they gawked at her. "What?" she asked, putting the glass back down.

Grace couldn't stand it. "Well? Talk! You used to date that guy?"

Nodding, Judy answered wistfully. "Up until just after the Senior Prom, yes. He was a wonderful young man... polite and charming. I guess he still is!"

Josh was equally curious. "What ever happened with you two?" he asked conspiratorially. "I mean... how did you two break up?"

Chuckling lightly, she sighed. "Stupid teenage angst!" she answered vaguely. "I thought he was cheating on me with Linda Baker, an old friend of mine, but it turned out that she just spread that rumor so we would break up and she could date him! Before we could reconcile though, he got his scholarship to University of Toledo and I had my acceptance to go to UCLA... so..." She shrugged helplessly.

Awkward silence hung over the table as they waited for their food after ordering, all previous conversation forgotten. Finally, Grace broke the lull. "Looks like he's still got the hots for ya', Mom!"

Nearly choking on her water, Judy coughed and drew a lot of attention from the other diners, including Greg, before they all turned back to their meals. "Grace Elaine Wright!" she shouted quietly, making the two teens giggle at her flustered response. Before she could chastise her daughter further, the waiter brought out their appetizers.

While they ate, Grace slipped her hand under the table and took Josh's hand discreetly. Smiling at one another, they continued their meal.

"So Jocelyn." Judy asked, "What are your plans for the summer?"

Shrugging, he finished his bite of linguini. "Not much, Judy. Just church on Sunday, really."

Stopping eating, she looked at him surprisedly. "I didn't know your parents went to church!"

Swallowing, he shook his head. "They don't... and they don't know I go, either. If they knew, they'd forbid it. They're very anti-Christian." Noting Judy's concern, he put down his fork. "Please don't tell them, Judy! I like going to church and I don't want them to stop me from going!"

"I don't know about this, dear." the woman stated her concerns. "You're their daughter and they should know where you are and what you're doing."

Grace decided to add her two cents. "Mom? It wouldn't be fair to tell them just to stop Joss from going! Because that's all it would do!"

"That's not our decision, Grace." she pointed out. "Parents have a right to have a say over anything that happens to their children."

"What if they'd decided that Jocelyn shouldn't have transitioned?" Grace probed, looking for an opportunity to work in Josh's 'special circumstances' without risking his secret.

"Then that would be their decision and she'd have had to put up with it until she turned eighteen." Judy declared easily. "That's all there is to it!"

"What if they'd forced Jocelyn to transition, even if she didn't want to?" her daughter pressed.

Pausing briefly, Judy furrowed her brow as she tried to imagine the situation. Shaking her head in disbelief, she sighed. "They would never do that. No parent would make their child be a girl when they really weren't!"

"But what if they did, huh?" she countered. "Would that still make them right?"

"If that were the case," Judy admitted, "then no, that would be wrong. It would also be illegal and classed as child abuse."

"What if they had a letter from a psychiatrist." Josh added meekly. "A letter that was written as a favor to my mother. Wouldn't that make it legal?"

Looking at him askance, Judy nodded after thinking a moment. "OK, but it would open up the psychiatrist to a malpractice suit, so..."

"It's true." Josh interrupted her sadly. "They did it."

"Did what?" Judy asked in confusion. "Who did?"

"My parents. They did it. They made me become a girl."

"I don't understand." Judy stated. "What do you mean, made you?"

"Melanie got a coworker of hers to write a letter saying I'm dysphoric after a five minute talk, then used it to get me on hormone blockers, castrated, and put on HRT." Josh explained fully. "I never wanted any of it, but they wouldn't listen to me. They just kept telling me it was for my own good."

Seeing the genuine sadness in his eyes, Judy just looked at him in utter disbelief. Finally, she scooted a little closer to him. "Jocelyn, don't even joke about things like that! It could get people in serious trouble!"

"I... I'm not joking, Mrs. Wright." he answered sadly. "They did exactly what I just said. I never wanted to be a girl. They made me be one. After a year or so, I just gave up fighting them and let them do it to me. Fighting them was pointless anyway. They always get their way eventually."

Glancing over at Grace, Judy saw her daughter nod seriously. Slowly, she turned to face Josh once more.

Humiliation making him unable to face her stunned gaze, he closed his eyes and stated his truth. "They turned me into a girl and there's nothing you, me, or anyone else can do about it."