Link: Lost Faith Title Page and Description

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Opening the door the same as he'd done thousands of times before, this time Fredrick cracked a smile at the person greeting him. "Welcome home, Miss Erica!" he said almost joyfully.

Erica swept into the house with April close behind, Fredrick helping her off with her coat as their luggage was delivered to the front door. "Thanks, Eddie! Fredrick? This is Eddie, my chauffeur."

Looking the man up and down as if inspecting his worthiness to drive Erica around, he nodded respectfully. "Eddie?" he inquired.

"Edward Green!" the large man said happily, extending a hand to him once they were free. "So you're Fredrick! You're a hard act to follow!"

Raising an eyebrow at his familiarity, Fredrick nevertheless shook the man's hand formally. "Indeed, sir. Is there anything else for Miss Erica or Miss April?"

Coming up alongside the giant man, Erica hugged him. "Oh, Fredrick! No, that's all!" Turning to her own driver, she nodded. "Thanks, Eddie! I'll see you on Sunday at three! Have a good holiday!"

"I'll be here!" he answered with a smile as he tipped his hat to his employer. "Happy Thanksgiving to you as well, ma'am!"

After the heavy door closed, Erica turned around to see her aunt sweeping down the stairs with Faith, both dressed in fine gowns. While Heather's was a lovely pale-blue floor-length chiffon Empire line with a modest neckline and long sleeves, Faith's was a deep crimson satin strapless A-line with a tea-length skirt and bustled half-wrap train that just touched the floor as she moved. Caught breathless by her beauty, Erica had to tear her eyes away from her cousin to look to her aunt who'd said something.

"The drive up was fine, Heather!" April answered for Erica. Looking at her awestruck girlfriend, she shook her head dismissively. The green satin evening gown Erica wore was conservative, but the way Erica wore it was enough to make a eunuch yearn. Her own black satin gown that Erica had bought tailor-made to fit her helped her at least feel like she fit in.

"Mamma!" Erica ran up and hugged Heather warmly as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "You look beautiful!"

"Erica, love!" Heather returned the embrace. "I'm glad you're home again!"

"Me too, Mamma!" she nearly cried. Finally releasing her, she looked around. "Where's Cook and Fran?"

"Working!" Franchesca yelled invisibly from around the top of the stairs. "Some of us still work for a living, missy!"

Turning at last to Faith, she swallowed. "Faith." she said nervously, trying to keep the desire out of her voice. While April hugged Heather hello, the two cousins looked at one another with hunger barely masked behind their eyes. Slowly, they stepped toward one another and embraced chastely, holding it for just a moment longer than prudent. "You look stunning!" Erica finally said as they parted.

"You're breathtaking, Erica!" Faith intoned wantonly.

Just then, Theresa came out to greet the two, wiping her hands on her apron, Erica pulled away from Faith and went to hug her. "Cook!" she shouted gaily.

"Now, now! None of that, dearie!" she barked, making Erica freeze in her steps. "That's a lovely gown you've got on and I'm covered in turkey goop for tomorrow's dinner!"

Smiling, Erica approached. "I don't care!" she stated as she hugged the large woman from the side, still trying to be careful not to ruin her dress.

Patting the girl's bare arms, Theresa relented. "I missed you too, dearie!"

Welcomes concluded, while Fredrick took their bags to Erica's room, her aunt led them all to the living room where she took her usual place on the love seat with Faith, Erica and April taking their place on the opposite love seat. "So you're staying until Sunday afternoon then, sweetheart?" she asked.

"Yes, Mamma." Erica politely answered. "I have to be back Monday morning for a book signing."

Smiling, Heather looked at her lovingly. "I'm so proud of you, dear!"

Blushing, she turned to Faith. "She's the one to be proud of, Mamma! Starting nursing college in the spring! I just write mule-puke that people pay me way too much money for!"

"Thanks, Erica!" Faith said, taking her turn to blush.

"I'm proud of both my girls!" Heather said with satisfaction. Looking from Erica to Faith, she sighed and put off discussing the uncomfortable situation until later. "We should be going soon. You got here just in time!"

"Couldn't get here sooner unless we rented a helicopter!" Erica giggled. "We left as soon as Mavis finished our hair!"

"Mavis?" Heather inquired.

"My hairdresser." Erica explained. Stopping, she corrected herself. "Sorry, our hairdresser!" she smiled as she looked at April.

"That's better, honey!" April sniffed.

"It is time, Madame Hargrave." Fredrick informed his employer with the punctuality of a Swiss clock.

The four rose together and headed toward the door. "Thank you, Fredrick." Heather said gracefully.

"Have fun, you four!" Theresa waved to them, glad to have the evening off cooking dinner to prepare for the next day's holiday feast.

A short time later they'd arrived at a local up-scale steakhouse. It was a beautiful autumn evening, only just starting to turn cool before the heavy snows sure to fall within weeks or days. Entering, they were quickly seated and wine was poured for Heather.

"May I have a sip, Mamma?" Erica asked mischievously.

"No you may not!" Heather laughed lightly.

"Just kidding!" she laughed in return. While April told Heather about her college plans, the two sharing an interest in psychology, Erica turned to Faith. "You look captivating tonight!"

Looking at Erica with barely restrained lust, Faith bit her lip and smiled. "I missed you too, Erica!" she giggled. "So, a book signing?"

"Yeah." Erica looked down shyly at her glass of water. "Nothing special, just a romance novel. It sold over a hundred thousand, though."

"I'm happy for you, Erica!" Faith sighed. Careful not to let her guard down, she straightened up some. "So April wants to be a therapist like Mamma?"

Nodding dreamily, Erica caught herself staring at Faith. "Um... yes. She wants to help people the way she was helped."

"She's a lucky girl." Faith sighed. "I mean... to have such drive."

Erica melted back into a warm smile. "She's not the only girl who can get lucky here tonight!" she said softly enough not to carry beyond the two.

Her mouth falling open at the brazenness of Erica's flirting, Faith found herself to be the one blushing and turning away, her need for Erica ramping up with each passing second.

When at last they headed for home, the women sat together in silence. Furtive glances between Faith and Erica in stolen moments were undercut by April's closeness to Erica and Heather's dower expression. Finally not able to take any more, Heather did something she almost never did.

Reaching the controls above her, she closed the window to the front seat.

"Now then." Heather sighed. "We four are alone and are mature adults. I feel we can be frank with one another."

"Mamma, I don't..." Erica began to object.

"Erica, please!" she interrupted. "I'm not a stupid woman! Please don't insult my intelligence by pretending that I don't have eyes or ears!" Seeing the three cowed, she sighed and looked away. "You and Faith are in love."

"Yes, Mamma." Erica confessed.

"You're also in love with April?" she asked to confirm.

"Yes. We're in love, Mrs. Hargrave. Erica and I." April answered formally.

Closing her eyes, Heather repressed her instinct to immediately condemn the three. "And you all agreed to this... arrangement? No coercion? No ultimatums, threats, or pressuring?" At that she pointedly looked at Erica.

"No, Mamma." Erica answered shyly. "It... um... it was my stupid idea."

Immediately, Faith rushed to defend her cousin. "I was the one that made Erica tell me her idea and agreed to it first!"

"Mrs. Hargrave?" April likewise stood up for Erica. "I'd rather have Erica most of the time than never. I want her to be happy, so I just couldn't make her choose one of us over the other! It's just not fair!"

"Life is rarely fair, young lady." Heather admonished.

"But it can be this time!" April countered. "If we choose it to be."

Sighing in frustration, Heather shook her head. "I should put my foot down and insist that Erica and Faith have nothing to do with one another!" she nearly shouted. Calming herself, she added her caveat. "However, you three are all consenting adults and I cannot make you forget this notion."

Erica looked at her aunt with tears in her eyes. "Mamma? If you tell me not to see Faith, I'll do what you say."

"What!" Faith shouted. "Erica, no!"

"Erica!" April looked at her. "You can't do that! You love each other!"

"Mamma!" Faith turned to Heather. "Please! Don't say it!"

Heather looked sternly at Erica who sat silently crying across from her and next to April. She was moments from saying the words when she found herself utterly unable to speak them. I... I just can't hurt her like that! Not again! she admonished herself. Even as Faith and April both assailed her with objections and pleas, she simply raised her hand and waited for them to stop. The car at last silent once more, her eyes never looked away from her niece. "Erica? Why would you do this?"

Looking up at her aunt with wet cheeks, Erica took in a ragged breath. "Because I could never do anything that would make you disappointed in me, Mamma! I... I love you too much!"

Her heart melting at the sentiment, Heather felt the tear slide down her cheek and quickly wiped it away. "I... I could never do that, sweetheart. I've already caused enough pain in your life." Seeing Erica about to justify Heather's decision to send her away, she forestalled it with one final argument. "I know I did it for what I believed to be your own good, but it did cause you both quite a lot of pain, I nearly lost you forever, and this situation is no different. I won't take the same chance twice."

Softening her countenance, Heather smiled weakly. "I just... I don't want to see you hurt." Turning to Faith, she shook her head. "Either of you! You two are too precious to me! If either of you got hurt like that again, I... I don't think I could take it!"

"Oh, Mamma!" Faith cried as she flung her arms around Heather. "I love you! I promise we'll be fine!"

Returning the affection, Heather wept openly. "Faith? Are you sure this is what you want? I... I just don't want you to regret this, baby! If you two have a bad breakup, I... I just couldn't choose between my girls! It would kill me to even try!"

"You'll never have to, Mamma!" Faith promised. "I swear!"

Getting past the emotional trauma after several minutes, Heather collected her thoughts. "Very well. Before I can... well... be OK with this, for lack of a better word, arrangement, I do have a few requirements you'd have to agree to abide by. Nothing unreasonable for three adults, just some guidelines to help smooth things over for everyone's best interest. Alright?"

"Yes, Mamma." Erica agreed before even hearing them. "What are they?"

Looking at the girl, Heather took a breath. "First of all, no one may know about it outside we four. That's for everyone's protection, including mine. Not Fredrick, not Theresa, not Franchesca... no one! If word of this got out, it would not only wreak havoc on your lives, but mine as well for allowing it! Agreed?"

Hearing all three agree, Heather continued. "Erica? You know this could potentially destroy your company if it got out, don't you?" Seeing her nod, Heather laid down her second condition. "If it does, I won't help you save your company. This is your choice, so you'll have to live with whatever consequences there are! Faith? Same to you. It will be extremely difficult to get a nursing job with this kind of scandal. If it gets out, you'll have to accept the result and I won't help you save your career. You too, April. Few would trust a therapist with this in her background. You three wouldn't get any help from me, save that you'll always be welcome in my home. Agreed?"

Seeing their assent once more, Heather moved on to her third rule. "I expect you two to be discreet!" she admonished Erica and Faith. "No public displays like I saw tonight! I may have to tolerate the situation, but I don't want to see it or hear about it? Is that understood? April? I expect you to make sure they are discreet! If you're so willing to let Erica have this... tryst... with Faith, then you'll have to see to it they're being discreet and safe. Agreed?"

Once more they acquiesced, Heather handing out her final decree. "Lastly, if at any point, any of you wishes for this... relationship... to end, it must! You must all agree that anyone involved can end it at any time for any reason, without argument or recriminations from either of the other two." Looking at Faith and Erica pointedly, she added, "That means if April no longer wishes to help you maintain the secrecy of your relationship, you must end it... willingly. Can you all agree to that?"

Looking at Faith and then April and seeing them nod, Erica answered for all three of them. "Agreed, Mamma. We promise it will only continue as long as all of us agree it should."

Nervously, Heather looked out the window. "Very well, then. I... I won't try to stop it." It was as far as she was willing to go. Turning to Erica again, she blushed slightly. "Sweetheart? I... I hate to ask something so private, but I must know. Are you... well... fertile still?"

Turning crimson, Erica shrank away from her aunt, but forced herself to answer. "N-no, Mamma. I... I'm not." Explaining briefly about what she'd done after turning eighteen, she was barely audible above the road noise.

"Well, there's that at least." Heather consoled herself. "Understand girls, I just don't want either of you two to get hurt by this. Love is a wonderful thing, but a relationship is more than just about love or sex... it's about a commitment to one another, one not to be taken lightly. Erica's relationship with April, while non-traditional, is at least socially accepted now and can be fulfilling in all the ways any other can. This... relationship... between you two will be very difficult. One or the other of you might want more down the road, more than the other is willing or able to give."

Taking the momentary lull, April stepped in. "Mrs. Hargrave, that's all true, but isn't it also true of any couple? I mean, take that Mike guy and his ex."

Examining the logic of it, Heather nodded and sighed in resignation. "Of course. You're right, April. Every relationship is a danger. This one just has extra dangers. A falling out between them would have effects for the family. Holidays and get-togethers would be fraught with the lasting effects. As long as you three can abide by your agreements though, I... I suppose I can learn to live with it." I'll have to. Heather mused silently.

By the time Fredrick had driven them home, the excitement and anticipation between Erica and Faith had been buried in the practical arrangements they'd agreed to. When the household began to turn in for the evening, Erica just having gotten out of her shower, she sat at her vanity brushing and drying her hair absently.

"April?" she asked curiously. Seeing her through the vanity mirror looking over at her from the bed, Erica put down her hot curling brush. "Um... are... are you sure you're OK with this? I mean, once we cross this line..."

"Erica." April sighed as she got up and walked over to stand behind her oldest friend, "We talked this to death! I swear to you I am one hundred percent behind you on this!" Pausing a moment, her gentle smile melted. "That is, if this is still what you want..."

Shrugging absently, Erica looked at her lap. "I guess I do, it's just..."

"Scared?" April half finished for her. Smiling as Erica nodded, she picked up the brush idly and ran it through Erica's hair. "I know this is a big step for you two. I really am happy for you, though."

Closing her eyes as she luxuriated in the feeling of April brushing her hair, Erica let out a cleansing breath. "I... I think I'm ready." she sighed.

Hearing a gentle knock on her door, Faith nearly jumped out of her skin. "C... come in?" she asked. When the door opened to reveal her mother coming to say goodnight, Faith relaxed. "Hi, Mamma." she said nervously.

Heather glided into her daughter's bedroom, the clutter of only a month earlier having been replaced by neat organization, reminiscent of Faith's youth. Sitting on the satin comforter next to her baby girl, Heather reached out a comforting hand to Faith. "I just came in to say goodnight, dear. You seem upset." she asked without asking.

Looking away embarrassedly, Faith took the offered hand and fidgeted with her other. "Not really upset. Just more... um... nervous?"

Perplexed, Heather tilted her head slightly and furrowed her thin eyebrows. "Nervous?" she asked quizzically. "What on earth would you have to be..." Realization dawned on her slowly as she pulled her offered hand back and looked away. "Oh! I... um... Of course. Erica's here and you know I won't interfere, so naturally..." Her voice trailed off before she turned back to look at Faith. "I... I am trying, dear." she stammered. "Are... are you sure about this, sweetheart? About only being able to be with her as... well... as a mistress? What about your own future? Don't you want a family someday?"

"Mamma!" Faith whined. "Yes! It's enough for me! Just knowing that she's mine, even for only a little while!" Laughing lightly, she added, "Like April said... I... I'd rather have some of her heart than none of it." Looking back at Heather, it was her turn to extend a comforting hand. When her mother took it, she smiled. "As for a family, I'm only eighteen, still! Who knows what the future has in store? Shouldn't I enjoy this while it lasts?"

Hearing a piece of her own advice to Erica from less than a month earlier, Heather nodded and looked down. "Of course. You're right, Faith. You know your own heart and... and I do want you two to be happy! I just wish..." Her voice cracked as she tried to come to terms with their love.

"...that we hadn't fallen in love with each other?" Faith finished for her.

Nodding quickly, Heather hesitated, thought a moment, then shook her head slowly. "No. I... I wouldn't take that away from either of you for anything, Faith! It's a beautiful thing, being in love!" Wiping away a tear for her lost husband, Heather took a breath and smiled. "I love you two so much! I... I just... I worry... that... that you might pass up a more... well... a more acceptable love, one you could express openly and freely, trying to hold on to one that you have to keep hidden."

Seeing Faith about to object, Heather shook her head dismissively. "I know! Erica loves you too much to stand in the way of your happiness. You two... um... you three... will work something out. I'll let it go." At that she got up, kissed Faith on the forehead, petted her hair a moment, and sighed, "Have a good... um... good night, dear. I love you."

"I love you too, Mamma!" Faith nearly cried as Heather drifted gracefully out her bedroom door, leaving her alone with her mother's thoughts.

Waiting patiently for her aunt to come say goodnight, Erica lay fidgeting in bed next to April, who sat up reading a new book; having finished her last one while Erica was showering. She'd tried reading Erica's novels a few times, but her tastes ran in a different direction and she didn't enjoy them, so Erica tried not to take it personally that she was reading a competitor's novel.

"Still nervous?" April asked without even looking away from her book.

"Sorry." Erica mumbled as she laced her fingers together and sat up next to April. "Love? Are you sure..."

"Erica!" April laughed as she put her book down and looked at her. "Will you stop asking me that? Yes! I'm sure! OK? Positive! Absolutely certain! One hundred and fifty percent in favor of it!" By the end of her tirade, she was giggling so hard Erica could barely understand her.

"I just..." Erica looked away. "I couldn't stand it if I hurt you. I can't take it back once she and I... um... you know..."

"Believe me, Erica!" April comforted her. "I want this for you! You're my best friend and I love you! How could I not want to see you happy?"

Erica nodded and swallowed hard as she heard the gentle knock from the door. "Come in, Mamma." she said with a sigh as she settled back down to lay on her pillow while April picked up her book and resumed reading.

Entering quietly, Heather moved over to Erica's side of the bed nearest the vanity and sat next to the girl she loved as much as Faith. "Just came in to say goodnight, sweetheart." Bending over and kissing Erica's cheek, she absently pushed the girl's bangs away from her eyes. "Need anything?"

"No, Mamma." Erica said softly. "Goodnight to you, too."

Taking a breath, Heather nearly tried to talk Erica out of her very obvious plans, but bit her tongue and simply smiled down at her. "Very well, sweetie. Sleep well." Pausing a moment, she added, "I... I think I'll listen to some music tonight." Rising to leave, she paused and turned to April. "Goodnight to you too, dear."

"Night, Heather!" April smiled as she tore her eyes away from her story.

As the woman left and April went back to her book, Erica's heart pounded in fear. "Um... I, uh... I think Mamma knows."

"Duh!" April answered with a giggle. "She's not stupid, Erica! You two basically have the green light from her, and have the opportunity. I don't think she's going to listen to music tonight out of a sudden need for culture!" Elbowing Erica until she looked at her, April smiled and looked toward the door. "Well? What are you waiting for? Go! I'll see you in the morning!"

Climbing out of bed, Erica made her way around it and kissed April on the forehead. "I love you." she stated simply. "Goodnight!"

Smiling back, April gestured for Erica to lean in closer. Giving her a quick peck on the cheek, she smiled. "Goodnight, honey! Have fun!" she giggled.

Suddenly flushed, Erica swallowed and nodded. "Yes, dear. Goodnight." Nervously, she made her way to her door and slowly pried it open. Hearing the soft strains of Tchaikovsky coming from her aunt's room, she quickly crossed the hall and, without knocking, slipped into the room she'd slept in so many times before turning thirteen. Turning around, she gasped as she saw Faith laying in her bed with the sheets pulled up to her neck.

The two stared at each other for what seemed to be hours before Erica slowly started toward the bed they would share once again. "Um... I wanted to say that you looked really sexy tonight, Faith." she said barely above a whisper.

"You too, Erica." Faith answered nervously. "So, coming to bed?"

Erica nodded and slowly removed her satin robe, draping it over the back of their once shared vanity chair. Clasping her hands and twisting them in knots, she slowly approached the bed.

"We don't have to..." Faith began as she looked away ashamedly.

Quickly moving up to the bed, Erica shook her head vigorously. "No! I mean... yes... I mean... not if you don't want to..."

"But I do!" Faith interrupted. "I mean... if you still want to..."

"I do!" Erica insisted as she slowly pulled back the covers. Seeing Faith smile sweetly, Erica relaxed and slipped into the bed next to her. "It's a little weird being on this side." she noted apprehensively.

"Do you wanna switch?" Faith asked.

"Well, I'm already in bed." Erica opined anxiously. "It would be silly to get out again, just to move over to the other side."

"Here." Faith offered, slipping down low and close up to her. "You... you can just... sorta... just slide over me." The shake in her voice gave away her feelings, no matter how hard she'd tried to ignore them.

Gulping, Erica nodded and rolled over until she was positioned just over Faith. Looking down at her as Faith looked up into her eyes, both saw the same yearning, but also no small amount of fear. Pausing only a moment, Erica continued to roll over until she was once more on the right side of the bed where she'd slept for almost six months. Turning over onto her right side to face Faith, she saw that her cousin was still lying on her back and breathing heavily. "Are... are you OK, Faith?" she asked concernedly.

"No!" she whispered in answer. "I mean..." Rolling over to face away from Erica, she was almost crying. "You're here... we're free to do whatever we want..." Her voice cracked as tears began to fall down her cheek.

"Do... do you want me to go?" Erica asked sadly.

"No!" she sobbed. "I... I don't know what I want, Erica!" she admitted. "I've always wanted you! And now... now that I have you... that we can..."

"...cross that line?" Erica continued for her.

Nodding, Faith wiped away the tears. "Yeah... now that we can... I don't know if we should."

"I know what you mean." Erica sighed, a single tear dripping down her right cheek until it was soaked into the pillow. "Mamma wanted to stop us, but... she can't... but maybe we should stop ourselves."

Faith began to sob uncontrollably until she felt Erica slide up next to her and take her in her arms. Rolling over quickly, Faith snaked her arms around Erica and cried as they held each other. After several minutes and her fears had run their course, Faith looked at Erica. "Thanks." she sniffed.

"You're welcome." she smiled contentedly. "You know I'd do anything for you, Faith. I love you."

Slipping down to rest her head on Erica's shoulder, Faith sighed and closed her eyes. "I... I know I said I wanted to... to make love to you tonight Erica, but..." At a loss for words, Faith simply tightened her hold on her love.

"...but you changed your mind?" Erica finished for her as she gently petted Faith's soft blonde curls.

"No..." Faith rebutted. "Well, not exactly anyway. I mean, I want to... and I know we did all that stuff so we could be together, but... um... it's just that it feels like it's expected of us now... like..."

"...we don't have a choice." the two chorused.

Giggling, Faith lifted her eyes to look at Erica. "You too?"

Nodding, Erica sighed sadly. "Yeah. I mean, April was practically pushing me out the door! I felt like she didn't want me to be near her. I felt a little... um... rejected."

"April loves you, Erica!" Faith defended her. "I should know. I can see it in her eyes. She just wants you to be happy."

"What about you?" she asked, looking into Faith's eyes.

Looking toward the far wall, Faith sighed out a single word. "Mamma."

Continuing to gently run her fingers through Faith's hair, Erica nodded in understanding. "I know."

"It's just... um... she's so afraid that we'll regret it later, but she was so understanding to not try and stop us, and now, it's like... she just left it up to us and is hoping we make the right decision without her having to make us stop." Faith rambled. "It makes me feel guilty that I don't want to."

"Me too." Erica agreed. Sitting up as Faith did the same, the two sat next to each other, their hands joined, and looked into each other's eyes. "I still love you Faith. You can have me if you still want me."

With her free hand, Faith caressed Erica's cheek, prompting the younger girl to turn her head and kiss Faith's fingers, her eyes closing. "You are so beautiful, Erica." Faith nearly whispered. "And right now I do have you. You're mine and I could do anything I want with you."

When Faith's hand withdrew from her face, Erica opened her eyes and looked at her cousin. "So what do you want of me?"

Smiling, Faith lay back down with her head on her pillow. "Right now, I want you to turn around, lay down next to me, and let me hold you and feel you next to me all night."

Smiling, Erica turned to face the far wall and settled under the warm blankets and satin sheets. When Faith spooned up next to her, the feel of her body pressing against her back, Erica sighed contentedly. As Faith's arm wrapped around her waist and slid up her belly to rest her hand between Erica's breasts, she closed her eyes and relished the adoration. "Thank you!" she purred quietly.

With her nose buried in Erica's hair, Faith inhaled deeply and groaned with contented need. "Mmmm... for what?"

"For desiring me this much!" Erica sighed, putting her free hand on Faith's hip. "God, do you know how good it feels to have you this close?"

"Yes." Faith answered breathily. "I do."

Holding each other, the two spent hours luxuriating in their nearness before sleep took them.