8 Mum meets Danielle

The train journey down to Hastings was pleasant enough, for a Friday evening it was not too crowded as it was after the commuter rush, and I was soon leaving the station and looking for Mum. She was sitting in the concourse looking around for me, and looked straight past me towards the exits from the platform. To see how convincing I was, I walked up to where she was sitting.

“Excuse me is this seat taken, I am expecting to meet someone and they are not here yet?”

“ Me too, I hate waiting in these places, particularly late at night, you get a lot of strange people wandering around, and I feel the cold at my age.”

“ You’re right, they are not the safest places particularly for women. Never mind, we won’t have to hang around much longer now, will we Mum?”

It took her totally by surprise, even though I had told her on the phone that I would be dressed as a woman.

“ Oh, my god, is that you Daniel?”

“ It is Danielle now, but just call me Dani, that way we won’t get confused. Come here, give me a welcome hug and let’s get back home.”

On the way back to the house in St Leonards she did not say much but just kept looking at me in bewilderment, but kept any serious questions until we were in and settled down.

“ You look so much like I did when I was your age, you are really beautiful, you are totally believable as a woman, there was no way I would have recognised you. I would never have guessed that you would have turned out like this, how long have you been dressing as a woman.”

“ It has just been for a couple of weeks, but I have some wonderful friends who have helped me adjust.”

“ Are you going to fully change into a woman then?”

“I told you, this is all just to help my career, I have an excellent opportunity to learn from one of the most senior people in the industry, but because of circumstances it will have to involve living and working as Danielle for some time.” I had just given her a quick outline on the phone , so I now gave her the full story as to how it had all started and how I just got deeper and deeper into it all.

“ Are you happy with doing this, you are not going along with it because you are worried about what will happen to you if you don’t, are you? If you are, just bite the bullet and tell Sir Charles what to do with his job.”

“ Mum, it is not my first choice, I have never had any feelings of wanting to dress as, or become, a woman, despite growing up as a younger brother to Liz and her attempts to get me to play dress-up and doll’s games with her. but it is something I can live with.”

“ Are you comfortable wearing those clothes and using makeup and stuff?”

“ I have worn only women’s clothes for the past few weeks, and have got used to them, they are just clothes, they do not change who I am. Are you comfortable seeing me like this, if it upsets you, I won’t go through with it?”

“ If it makes you happy, I am happy for you, and I look forward to seeing you more often, daughters are more attentive to their mothers than sons! Let’s leave that there for now, get something to eat and chat about everything else that is happening in the world and in our lives.”

At bedtime, I went to my room, changed into my nightie, tied up my hair, and automatically picked up my pack of cleansers and makeup remover and went out to the bathroom to clean up. Mum’s eyes opened wide when she saw me.

“ I know you are dressing as a girl for work, but I didn’t realise that it had gone this far, are you sure that you are not becoming a woman. I thought that you were just wearing a padded bra, but you look like you have breasts now, the way they are moving under your nightie.”

“ Don’t worry, they are not real, but they are pretty good aren’t they, they can be removed but it is easier just to live with them all the time, I have got used to them now. Let me get cleaned up and I will tell you all about it in a few minutes.”

“I am finding all this hard to believe, I don’t mind, it is your life, but it is a lot to take in. Maybe when I have slept on it, I will be able to adjust to it a lot better.”

Saturday morning, I was up early, I knew Mum had to go in to open her shop, so just like at Carols, I went out to the kitchen in just my nightie and started on breakfast.

“ Good morning Danielle, are you coming in to the shop with me today? The more you are with me, the more I am coming to terms with what you are doing, and I will enjoy your company. I am ok when I am busy with customers and at weekends when Sheila comes in to help me, but I get a bit lonely and bored when it is slack and when I am on my own. No need to dress up fancy, just a jumper and jeans or leggings will do, I take it that you still wear something like trousers sometimes.”

Mum owned and ran a small gift shop just off the main shopping street in Hastings, she was never going to make a fortune, but it paid the bills and let her live a comfortable life. I had worked in there with her during the summer holidays from school and university, so knew my way around, and quickly settled in. Mum had planned ahead and given Sheila the weekend off so there would be no awkward questions about me. It was enjoyable working together, when we were not busy we had lots of chat about what she was up to, what had happened in the town since my last visit, and the day passed quickly.

“ Let me tell you something Dani, we haven’t talked so much for ages, one thing that living as a girl has taught you is how to relate to people better. Even with the customers you were a lot more pleasant and relaxed, and you seemed to be enjoying chatting to them, when you worked here before you were a lot more formal and businesslike and came across as a bit cold, femininity is good for you.”

As it was a special occasion, her first time with her new daughter, she told me that she had booked a table in a little Italian trattoria in St Leonards and after work we went home to get cleaned up, changed, and made-up for a night out.

I put my hair up in its messy bun, went a bit heavier than normal with my makeup, and put on one of my nicer dresses, a crimson sleeveless shift with a bit of a plunging neckline, nipped in waist, sitting just over the knees, matching 3” heels, and put in some teardrop earrings, added a gold bracelet and rings and I went out to let Mum have a good look at me.

“ Oh, Dannielle, you are making me cry, you are gorgeous and I will be proud to go out with you as my daughter, put on your coat and pick up your bag, the Trattoria di Napoli is not far away, it is walking distance, if you can manage it in those heels.”

The Trattoria di Napoli was a delightful family run restaurant still owned by the second generation of Neapolitans who had first opened it. It was decked out in swags of the green, white and red colours of Italy, and the yellow and red of Naples, and red candles in old wine bottles in wicker sheaths. The staff were welcoming and friendly and suggested we just went with their dishes of the day, peppered mussels, Impepata di Cozze, as a shared starter, and Ragù con la Tagliatelle as the main course, with Baba Rum to finish, all washed down with a bottle of red Lacryma Christi, all very traditional Neapolitan fare.

We both really enjoyed the night, chatting away all through the meal, my Mum and I relating to each other more than we had done for a long time, the lessons I had received from Carol and Helen in being a lot more demonstrative and more detailed in my conversations worked wonders.

Even on the walk back home along the seafront, and when we sat down to relax with a glass of wine for a while, the chat went on until it was time for bed.

I was up bright and early on the Sunday, and was in the kitchen making breakfast when Mum came into the kitchen.

“ What do you want to do today Dani, have you got time for anything before you have to get back up to Canterbury?”

“ I don’t want to leave it too late, I have things to do to get ready for work tomorrow, wash my hair, do my nails, and things like that. We do have time to have a day out somewhere though. It looks like a pleasant day, how about going up to Rudyard Kipling’s place at Bateman’s and having a look around the house and a walk around the estate, it is years since I have been there.”

“ Wash your hair and do your nails, you are getting more girly and like your sister every time you speak ! That sounds ok to me, but it is quite fresh outside, have you got anything warm for walking around in, I can let you have some of my stuff if you need it.”. Elizabeth and I often used to borrow each others stuff, but I never thought that I would be sharing with you.”

We had a really pleasant day out at Bateman’s, operated by the National Trust, taking in the atmosphere of the great writer Kipling, learning about his time out in India and what inspired his stories, before stopping for light lunch in the on-site cafeteria. Throughout lunch and later walking around the gardens and estate grounds, we caught up with a lot of family gossip, and how Liz was doing over in Naples. Mum told me that going to the Trattoria we were at last night, with its characterful atmosphere and the photos of the city and nearby Vesuvius and Pompeii was what had inspired her to move there. We agreed that when I had got my life sorted out that we would go out there for a visit.

It was soon time to be heading back to Canterbury, so we went back home and I packed up my things and was ready to leave.

“ Thank you so much for coming for the weekend Danielle, and for having the pluck to let me know what you were doing, it must have been hard for you. I have really enjoyed your company. Please do not let it be too long before we do it again. I would like to come up to Canterbury to meet the friends who have been so understanding and helpful to you, even if it just for the day, probably a Sunday, when the shop is closed.”

We had a long hug and a goodbye kiss and when I was leaving I noticed that she had tears in her eyes, and quickly left before she could see that I was starting to cry too.

Late Sunday afternoon the train was not too full, just me and the pleasant young man across the aisle in my carriage who smiled at me when I caught his eye, and passed some of the time chatting with him, none of the heavy commuter traffic that I had to endure on Friday evening, and arrived back at Carol’s quite relaxed and happy.

“ How did it go with your Mum, was she ok with you Dani?”

“ I couldn’t have asked for more, she just accepted me and treated me as if I had always been her daughter, I am sure that she wishes that I had not decided to do this, but she understands my reasons. She wants to come up and meet you and Helen sometime, is that ok with you.”

“ That’s fine, if she needs to stay, one of you will have to sleep on the sofa, unless you are ok sharing the bed, after all a Mother and Daughter should be ok with that. Were the train trips ok.”

“ Friday was a bit busy with all the late commuter traffic, but the journey back was ok, I spent a lot of it chatting with this really friendly pleasant good-looking young man sitting opposite. At first I was a bit worried as we were the only ones in the carriage, I can now understand why women sometimes feel a bit vulnerable alone out at night, but I soon relaxed with him, he was a bit shy but quite charming and cute when he relaxed too.”

“Charming and cute ! A pleasant, good-looking young man ! I know we said that you had to change your mindset and think and act as a girl, but you need to be careful about flirting, you are not nearly ready for that, yet.

“ Thanks for that Carol, it was just friendly chat passing the time with Jason, it was not flirting.”

“ You still have a lot to learn. When an attractive young woman, as you appear to be, chats away to a young man for the best part of an hour, I am sure that Jason would have seen it as a bit flirty. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for your phone number.”

“ As a matter of fact he did, but he didn’t get it, just a polite ‘ Nice to have met you, might see each other around’. Anyway I had better start getting ready for tomorrow, do my hair and nails and get ready for bed, as you keep telling me it can be time-consuming being a girl.

To be continued.