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Part 4
 
Dr. Grant asked me, “Tell me are you a boy, you look like you enjoy yourself as a girl?” She upset me saying that… “Of course, I’m a boy, I’m 100% boy.”

“…I need to ask; do you get excited like other boys?” ...I thought and laughed, “I guess so but I am not looking when they are excited.”

Dr. Grant laughed now… “Yet you weren’t surprised or upset that I looked at you, so I’m still wondering. You’re at the right place with my daughter. We will need to get you to a specialist to sort things out.” “…You don’t believe me that I’m a boy?!”
 

 
 
Dad, Mr. Grant, hugged me as I came through the door, “I am glad you found a nice gown, Janelle. You will have to tell me about it soon. Right now I need to talk to my wife. …Hannah, I need to talk to you.” Mr. Grant caught me off guard but I liked that he was happy for me. They went to the kitchen, not to their bedroom so I thought it couldn’t be too bad.

“Hannah, Rachel Carney called and wants you to call her back. She said something happened at Jan’s parents’ house and she needs to talk to you.”

Hannah called Rachel, “Hi Rachel, we just got home and my husband said you wanted me to call you back, so what’s up?”

“Mrs. Grant, the police were over at the Hammers’ most of the afternoon. I don’t know if it is true but I heard a neighbor call the police thinking someone broke in and was robbing the house. When the Police came a car pulled away fast but someone was caught inside.” Rachel told Hannah, “None of the Hammers were there or able to be reached. One story is that Mr. and Mrs. Hammer like to gamble and they left town because they owe the wrong people too much money.”

“Thanks, Rachel, I guess I better call someone at the police station and let them know where Ronnie is. I don’t like the idea and I hope he can stay with us.”

“Fred (Mr. Grant), I’m going to call Chief Martin and see if I can find out what is going on and if it does concern the Hammers.” She called the station and got the dispatcher, “Yes, I heard it may be busy there but if it concerns the Hammers over on Elm Street, I think Chief Martin will want to talk with me. Yes tell him, it’s Hannah Grant calling to speak to him and tell him, ‘I know where Ronnie Hammer is.’”

Hannah talked for a while with Chief Martin and he sent over Officer Teresa Roberts in an unmarked car. Mom called Joyce and me into the living room; to meet with Mr. Grant, her, and Officer Teresa Roberts. Officer Terri identified herself, “Janelle, let me start by saying you are not in trouble. But there is no easy way to tell you so I will just be direct. Someone broke into your home today and while we caught one person and have a lead on the others; the problem is your parents and your brother left town yesterday. We suspect they owed the wrong people some money and were afraid for their lives.”

“It might be a little embarrassing but I need to verify with you, who you are. I need to make sure you being Janelle isn’t tied into what is happening in this situation. I also need to make sure you are comfortable being here. …Regularly we would turn you over to Human Services and the Court, but your identity as Janelle appears to be the best way to keep your identity and whereabouts unknown. …You say you are comfortable with being here at the Grants’ and are voluntarily agreeing to be Janelle and act as part of this family.”

“Chief Martin has given me this for you and the Grants to sign. It gives them the rights and power to be your legal guardians for now and states that you voluntarily accept this.” Teresa and I walked outside for a moment. She needed to verify things apart from the Grants.

“It is hard to believe you are a guy, Ronnie. I know Hannah and Fred, and I trust them. I hope you take this time of being with them to turn your life around. The Grants won’t be getting reimbursed at this point for having you here, so I hope you won’t get all girly on them as it could be expensive for them. If you need some things, I would be happy to come over on my time off and get you some things you might need.”

Ma Grant asks, “Janelle/Ronnie can you tell me how it seems you and your brother Tim are so different?”

I tell her, “Tim is seen as my Dad’s son and Mom got stuck with me. Even Mom sees women as weak. So when I appear to be weak as a girl, my mom sees me as hers by forfeit. She gets upset because as a son I can’t protect her.”

“Tim and his friends let me shoplift for them because they knew I would go into a woman’s department or a women's store like Mrs. Grant’s. Hannah and Joyce think that I like being feminine and pretty. I do like how pretty and colorful women’s clothing looks and feels, but deep down I am all boy.”

Officer Terri asks, “So you don’t mind wearing dresses and skirts?”

I asked, “So you think of me as a sissy if I did?”

She said, “I think a lot of boys and men would agree, but they are not as strong or as thoughtful as you.” That is a neat way of thinking about it.
 

 
After she left, Mom broke the news to me, “You are going to school tomorrow with Wallace Strong. You will like Wallace, she’ll be a big help to you?” I went to get ready for bed muttering to myself. Joyce was sensitive when I came into the room sulking.

She said, “I’m sorry about your parents and brother.”

“I’m now worried about going to school with some Wallace character. I hope Wallace isn’t one of those effeminate boys.”

Joy giggles as she says, “Wallace used to be much more boyish until puberty set in. Wallace is feminine and will like seeing your nice complexion and powdery blue eyes. She can help lend a lot to your charm and beauty; you're ‘attriant’ and it becomes you. I think you will like her.”

“I don't know what 'attriant' means, but it is nice you’re even thinking of Wallace that way.” I took off my makeup, showered, and moisturized my face. I was wrapped in a towel and fairly dry when I came back into the room. Joyce handed me a pretty dress and asked me to dance. I resisted only for a second or two but once I started I enjoyed it.

“Now stop and think, you’re the one in the gown. You need to be dancing what may seem to be backward as you flow and are swept along.” It took me two tries, and then I was swept. “O Janelle, I think, Paul is going to be so happy he asked you to the prom.”

“Yes, but will I?” I’m not sure if my dreams were related if so the answer is a disturbing yes!

Mom had an outfit chosen even before she woke me up before 6:00 a.m.; “Please let me sleep, this is much too early. I can get ready for school in fifteen minutes.”

“Maybe Ronnie could, but Janelle is a girl and it will take a little more time for her to get ready. Take a quick shower and get dried off, but don’t get your hair wet. I will be back in a minute.” She was true to her word. “Now lay down, I need to put this on you. Fred’s Mom, Dr. Grant, was up early before she went to the hospital and got this to help you at school. It will give you the look of…”

“I know what it will look of? Were you afraid I would try standing up in the girl’s room?” It was embarrassing; Mom shaved the little hair I had there. It made me look and feel more completely like a girl. I didn’t get in front of Joy’s mirror until I had my panty and bra on, and then only when I was all ready.

I was eating breakfast, a bowl of yogurt with fruit when the doorbell rang. Mom welcomed Wallace but all I saw was this girl. “Wallace this is Janelle and Janelle this is Wallace.” I looked hard but couldn’t see a trace of the boy. ‘But I thought 'Why keep the name, Wallace?’

Joyce surmised what I was thinking, “No, she is not another you.” Wallace took a hand and sat near me, “O you are adorable. Where did you get that complexion and those eyes?”

I spoke up, “I don’t have a complexion, this is my face, boys don’t have a complexion and the same goes for the eyes!”

“That is pretty hard to believe with the voice you have.” She’s right; I’m now using Janelle’s voice all the time.

I say, “I’m sorry but I thought you were going to be another boy.”

Wallace giggled, “No, you’re another girl and Mrs. Grant is correct. You will do much better at school if I am with you.” I now don’t mind the idea of spending the day with her, but I just wished I was Ronnie. “If you want you can call me Lace.”

“Thanks, Lacy, I…”

She interrupts, “The name is Lace; if you call me the other name I will send you to the boys’ room by mistake! Were you a Tomboy, as Joy told me?”

Lace says, “Keep your lips still, listen, and don’t talk until you know what you’re saying. I don’t want to have to explain things to others all day. If you have some pink lip-gloss, please use it lightly, so you look like a cute young thing.” Lace smiled and I wasn’t sure if I should do it or not. When she stared, I went and found pink lipgloss. I liked the look and put on silver eye shadow as well. Lace complimented me on the way to school.
 

 
Joyce drove us to school, and Lace asked about Joy’s college classes. Joy liked talking with her. I could tell Lace’s asking questions allowed Joy to carry the conversation and speak about her world.

Joy dropped me off with Lace, and I followed Lace to her locker like a puppy following a bigger dog for protection. Two boys came over with one tapping Lace on the shoulder, and I was ready to freak out. I whispered to her, “Where’s the boy’s room?” She quickly took me to the girl’s room and shoved me in the door of one of the stalls.

I had to catch my composure before I thought to turn around and sit like a girl to go pee. Getting myself back together was not so easy though, wiping the gaff made things easier. I heard Lace call Mom Grant. “Mrs. Grant, I have a very nervous girl here; is it okay if she attends class today with me as a visitor? Either after school or tomorrow, she might be ready to register for the remainder of the year.”

Lace is so pretty that she attracts the attention of boys wherever she went except for lunch, where we sat with a lot of girls. During study hall, Lace took me to the library and we got on the computer. “Janelle, you need to become familiar with St. Louis and decide which malls and stores you would have shopped there?”

Lace said, “We will walk home with my friends.” It was Marie Stewart’s home we walked to and we practiced our makeup. Mrs. Stewart is a sharp-looking lady and when she saw me, she said, “Janelle has pretty powder blue eyes. Would you mind darling if we just gave your eyebrows a little more arch?”

I smiled and shook my head ‘no’, but said 'yes' as I went over and sat on a stool, I saw her tweezers and knew she would pull many of the eyebrow hairs out. Sadly I already said yes. I was fortunate that Steph said, “Your eyebrows are so light and fair it is better not to pull so many to make a thin line.”

Steph is Lace’s best friend and she came with us when they walked me home to the Grant’s. Joyce was the first to notice my eyebrows. “So you’re one of the girls now that is a cute look.”

Joyce asks, “So did you work on your St. Louis history?”

“Yes, and it almost backfired. I asked Mrs. Stewart if she was related to any of the Stewarts in St. Louis?” She is but said they are distant relatives and she doesn’t know them.

“Joy, can I ask you a question about being a genius?” She nodded, so I asked, “Do you like boys your age or college guys?”

“I like both but for different reasons, being with Trey and others as high school boys are neat because I’ve known them all my life. But it gets kind of boring except for special projects and reports. I respect them but I feel like I’m past most of what those guys are interested in …The college guys are good to talk to, but it is hard to trust them because they are much stronger than me. I was almost raped by one who had seemed nice until we were alone. So now I try not to be alone with them. I have liked and loved a couple of guys, but at my age, I am too young.” I don’t know what exactly happened but I saw a flash of fear go across her face.

I thought of asking, ‘Joy do you think someone might try to rape me if they found out?'

Joy went on talking, “I can have my first degree from college shortly after I graduate from high school and a year after that I could have a master’s degree and be on my way to my doctoral degree.”

“Talking with my Mom is good but she is still my Mom. I take some classes at the state university and have done an independent study. But the department head is a jealous chauvinist because I find one of the women Profs more to my liking.”

“Janelle, you better not tell Trey or even the girls, if they get hurt I would be really upset. Their friendships mean a lot to me.”

I say, “You would probably kill me, huh?”

Joyce says, “That wouldn’t undo the damage, and revenge is immature. But watching you grow like a girl is kind of stimulating. I want you to do it right.”

“Am I to take that as a compliment?”

She says, “Not if you are still in denial.” “What?”

Joy asks, “… Well, you may not want to be a girl, but you can’t say you are not enjoying being one?”

“What kind of guy would that make me?”

“Are you afraid someone might think you’re gay or that you would want to be a girl? That is not what I meant. I think in some ways you might be big enough to grow from it. Boys sometimes say they would like to know how girls think or feel. In some ways, you are having that experience.”

“You like being my big sister, don’t you? I'm not saying that you’re right, but you would be good to talk about things with if some of it is true.” Joy smiled and I was happy she spoke up. “Do you think Faith knows?”

“No, but if she figures it out she won’t say anything. You might, however, enjoy doing some younger girl things with her… I’m pretty sure Mom understands.”

I ask, “Is your Mom trying to make me into a girl?”

“No, she just sees it as an appropriate discipline for what you did in stealing. What do you like about being a girl?” I wasn’t saying anything so she asked, “How did your eyebrows get shaped like that?”

“Mrs. Stewart saw me and asked if it were okay to shape them; I didn’t realize she would pull them out. I was lucky Stephanie was there and said they were too light to pull too many out.”

“Do you agree that they're being gone makes you look pretty?”

“I can’t believe it, but I agree their absence almost makes me look like a pretty girl.”

“Almost,” she said. “How about the other day I put just a little perfume on you?”

I closed my eyes to think and Joy did it again. “You do that just because I am a boy and it makes me feel girly, don’t you?”

“Yes, kind of,” she said. “I think girls have this desire to pull boys into our experience; after all, the world we live in is so male-oriented.”

“How so,” I asked. I was clueless.

“You don’t understand, do you? Janelle would understand but you are looking at things through Ronnie’s eyes.” I knew I offended Joy but I sat down and wouldn’t leave even when she told me to. “Girls can wear boy clothes but a boy wearing girls’ clothes is thought to be gay or a sissy; I can be considered one of the guys like a second baseman, and Grams can be a nurse but a doctor comes as a surprise, and man is born of a woman but somehow the man is thought to be superior. Do I need to go on?”

I spoke, “I can cry on Mom’s shoulder if my dad or my brother don’t see me. I know it’s not the same except for Janelle.” Joy hugged me, “I see the logic and I appreciate your being sensitive.”

I say, “I am not sure if trying to steal from your Mom’s store wasn’t accidentally the smartest thing I ever did.” Mom had come home and entered our room behind me.

Mom says, “Did I miss something? How was that your smartest moment?”

Joy says, “She wouldn’t have been Janelle and seeing things differently… Janelle, turn around and see if Mom notices what’s different?”

Mom looked, “Were you talking about her eyebrows or that she’s more of a girl after one day at school?” “…Janelle, Lace said you became nervous at school. I called the school office and you and I will be at school early tomorrow.”

Faith yelled from downstairs, “Mom, Officer Terri is here to see you and Janelle.”

Mom asks, “Joyce, can you help Jan to change and get ready to go out with Terri? See if she can fix her makeup for night-time.”

“Hurry Janelle and take a quick shower and I will have an outfit out for you.” She patted me on the butt as she pushed me toward the bathroom. “You will need to shave your legs tonight, but you don’t have the time right now.”
 
 
It was the third day I took a pill from Joyce’s disk of pills; I'm surprised she did not notice. I was hoping they helped me to have feelings like a girl.

Joy has out a mini-dress I didn’t remember getting, but it is cute and no one would see me as a boy wearing it. I looked at Joy’s necklaces and saw a light blue choker that I asked to wear. She put it around my neck and connected the clasp behind my neck.

She has me try on her 2  ½” pumps. The shoes fit and are not hard to walk in, but Joy said I need to take smaller steps gently putting each foot ahead of the other. I am not sure what Mom and Officer Terri smirked at, but I guess it was me entering the room like a girl.

“Janelle, aren’t you forgetting something?” I looked but couldn’t figure out what until Terri lifted her purse. Not only did I forget my purse, but Officer Terri was out of uniform and had a purse. I tripped trying to hurry upstairs but caught myself and I was lucky it did not cause a run in my pantyhose. ‘My pantyhose, my purse’ and now I’m going out to shop.' “It is okay for a boy to shop for pretty clothes,” I heard Joy whisper. I smiled at her when I came back with my purse.

‘Ugh’ Terri had a Chevy Camaro; I would need to sit down and hold the hem of my dress as I got into the car. When I was ready to close the door, Joy stopped me, “You did well but you need to remember each time.”

We did some shopping, buying two outfits before going to dinner, but Terri had visitors when we got back into the car. “Officer Roberts, we had hoped she was him, but she can’t be. So now we’ll need to find Officer Johnson.”
 

 
 
Terri was on her blackberry after the guys left, “Chief, I just had a visit from Joe and Brigg’s the other men. He said they would be looking for Officer Johnson now.” “…She’s with me; getting in the car with her mini-dress seemed to seal her identity. We’re going to Johnny’s Supper Club to eat. I would appreciate the car being watched.”

We talked about my first day of school and Terri laughed when I mentioned Wallace being Lace. She was happy I ordered a diet drink and something girl sensitive without being asked. I said, “You have my big sister Joy to thank for that.”

I wanted to ask if my parents were okay, but I was afraid someone might be listening. “Terri, I am surprised I can’t tell you are a police officer.” We talked through dinner; I was surprised I could talk that much. It wasn’t hard thinking of things to talk about.

A guy came and asked Terri for a dance after we ate. She turned toward me and said, “Sorry I can’t, please some other time.”

“Terri, it would be alright with me,” I said.

Brad was the guy’s name and he said, “My nephew is over there and if she would be willing to dance, Matt would be pleased to dance with her.” He waved his nephew over, “Hi, my name is Matt and it would be my pleasure if you would dance with me.”

“If Terri is going to dance, I would be pleased to,” I said. I asked as we made our way to the dance floor, “Aren’t you in one of Lace’s classes?”

“Lace Simons, Yes, she is actually in two of my classes; she’s a smart chick.”

“A smart chick,” I repeated. One song had just ended and the music slowed down as Matt brought me close to him. I reached up to put my arms on his shoulders and around his neck and I raised my head to look at him, his eyes and smile captivated me. He kissed the top of my forehead and I sought to nuzzle myself in one of his shoulders.
 
 
As the song came to an end, Matt held me close and we both prayed for another slow song. Our prayers were answered, and just when it dawned on me I was the girl. ‘Janelle, you can’t have the hots for him, he’s another boy.’

I pushed myself back away and looked up as Matt misinterpreted my gaze. He thought I wanted to kiss and I immediately froze with my head leaning back, looking up at him. I closed my eyes in time to feel his warm lips press against mine. ‘It shouldn’t’ have echoed in my mind as it did, but I enjoyed his kiss.

“Matt, I need to be going. I don’t even know you and I already like you too much.” He smiled as he took me back to Terri. Terri knew I needed to get going and we were soon out to the car.
 
 
Once in the car, we began to ride out of the parking lot when Terri looked over and stopped. She didn’t even need to ask, “I don’t know what is happening, Terri. Sometimes I'm just swept up in acting like a girl. The worst is I like it. You must think I am sick?”

Terri pulled over and hugged me as best she could over the console. “A lot has happened Janelle, I think you need to relax and not be so hard on yourself. Under regular circumstances, you probably wouldn’t do this. I can’t blame Matt for seeing you as warm and beautiful. And Matt is quite a good-looking hunk for a teenage girl I guess.”

It wasn’t said as a question, but I found myself saying “Yes” anyway. It was just after 9:30 when we got home. Joy quickly asked, “Let’s get up to our room so you can model your outfits for us women.” As soon as we were away from others, Joy asked, “So who’s the boy who kissed you?”

I say, “What makes you ask such a crazy question like that? There were no boys,” I said with a feeling to get her to back off.

“You didn’t fix your lipstick enough; you just wiped away some around the edges of your lips, didn’t you? It wouldn’t matter if you went on a date, but you went shopping and to dinner with a police officer no less.” Joy giggled, “Did she handcuff you and force you to kiss him?”

I say, “Not funny, Joyce,”

It was funny but the joke was on me so I wasn’t laughing. The first outfit was a pink halter top and a lime green skirt both were bold pastels. When I told Joy that I had a blouse as a second top for the skirt, she said, “I would suggest you wear the blouse for Mom.” She told me, “Between being a halter top and showing your belly button and midriff, I am sure Mom is not ready to see you modeling it. It would be good for a hot day, but hope it is cool enough in the morning to justify wearing a light jacket.”

I inquired, “Are you saying your Mom wouldn’t want me to wear it to school?”

Joyce says, “Let’s just say showing off your belly button like that represents the generation gap. By the time Faith wears a halter top to high school Mom will probably be more accepting of it.”

“Does that even go for you? I would think with your maturity and intellect your Mom wouldn’t worry."

“It is not me she would be worried about. I use discretion and dress in layers on a day like that.” Joyce continues, “Let me turn the question around if Rachel’s little sister wore something hot like that to school would it stop Ronnie from concentrating on the class?”

“As Ronnie, yes that would have been a great excuse. I take it; Rachel’s sister has come to the store?”

Joy smiled, once she confirmed Melissa Carney had caught my attention. “What color panties does Melissa wear?”

“I can’t remember a detail liked that?”

“To begin with, you shouldn’t have even been looking, but showing your panties is something you both do too much.” I turned red just at the thought. I had changed into the blouse and was ready to model for Mrs. Grant.
 
 
Mr. Grant was down in the kitchen as was Faith, and Terri Roberts was still talking to Mom. Dad shook his head at a boy modeling a new skirt outfit. The women thought I looked very cute in it, I guess Dad did too, but he didn’t necessarily see it as good news.

Joy was sure Terri was going to ask about the pink top, so she hurried me back out to change. When Joy handed me the dress; I asked if there was a slip in the bag. She handed me the pink bra along with the half slip. Being a knit dress, Joy knew the bright color of the bra added to the look. I asked Joy, “Can you make sure your Dad isn’t in there to roll his eyes?”

She smiled at me, “Just think of Dad’s presence as sensitivity training for the boys who will be looking.” I knew Joy had a point but it did not help about how I felt now.

“Why would boys want to look at me; I shouldn’t be that attractive to them?”

She said, “Let's just have a quick rundown on your time here as Jasmint and Janelle. You’ve dated Paul and he has asked you to the prom; you’ve been to church and a boy asked you to come to youth fellowship, and you went to dinner with a woman police officer and were in a lip-lock with a boy who asked you to dance. I’d say if you were any more attractive we would be putting new locks on the house.”

She nudged me, “We need to be getting downstairs to show off your new dress Miss Wallflower.”

“Should I use a different lipstick before we go downstairs?” Joy looked at the colors I had and suggested I go with the softer pink. It wasn’t but a minute and I was ready.
 
 
When we got downstairs Terri was ready to leave. “Officer Terri, I want to thank you so much for dinner and the new clothes. I know I am not a real girl and it shouldn’t mean much to me, but I am very appreciative of your kindness. It was funny that those men couldn’t imagine any possibility of me being a boy.”

Terri asked, “Would you amuse me and turn around so I can see how nice that dress looks on you? Whoever came up with the idea of changing lipstick colors, they chose well.”

Joyce spoke up, “Janelle raised the question and we agreed on the color. I want to know, who chose her new bra to go with this dress?”

“She realized the bra would show through and thought a white bra would look tacky and blah.” Terri smiled as she told Janelle.

Mom turned to me, “You have very good girl sense and style for a boy.”

I gave Terri a hug and everyone appreciated her helping us. Mom says, “O I forgot Janelle; Lace wants you to call her on her droid phone before 10:30. She wants to coordinate what you two are wearing to school. After you talk to her and lay out your outfit, I would like to talk with you,” Mom said.

“Hi Lace, my Mom just told me you called and that I was to call you back. Sorry, it is late, but I went shopping and out to dinner. …Who told you? No, I didn’t know who Matt was other than seeing him in one of your classes. I thought he had his eye on you in class; I guess he wasn’t too particular today. …I didn’t mean to kiss him, it just happened. …That is not funny; it is not like repeatedly stabbing someone by accident. Joy already gave me a hard time when I got home.”
 

 
 
I was glad when the conversation got to what we were wearing to school. “The knit dress I got today is nothing fancy. Terri said it should be good to wear to school. …Yes, we bought a pink lace and satin bra to wear with the dress. …Okay, I will wear that tomorrow and I will get the skirt and blouse washed so I can wear it sometime this week. Mom can pick you up if you are comfortable with going early.” We agreed to meet after Mom helped me get registered for school.

“Hi Mom, what did you want to see me about?”

Mom says, “Janelle, we need to get a few things done this week and I am going to need good cooperation from you. You already know I am going to school to get you registered. They may or may not allow you to register until we get you to a doctor for a health check. Both could be a problem as we do not plan to tell the school you’re a boy.”

“Terri and Chief Martin want as few people as possible to know you are a boy. They gave me the name of a doctor and officials at the University Hospitals who will help us. If you try anything inappropriate at school it would mean a lot of trouble for you and us. The last thing we need to do should be fun, Thursday you will have a salon appointment for the full work.”

“What makes you think a salon appointment with the full works would be fun for me?” I asked.

“You seem to be having a good time being a girl, even if you think you are just pretending. With a facial, manicure, and pedicure you will appear to be a girl with little effort. Also, Joy has some home softball games this week we should attend and I want your help at the store three days after school or Saturday.”

“What about seeing that specialist that Grandma talked about?”

“Hopefully we can see her when we go to the University Hospital. Dr. Grant has privileges at both places.”

Mom Grant asks, “What do you think about the possibility of being a boy or not?”

“Mom that’s not funny; I haven’t ever heard of what Grams was talking about. I may not be the toughest or most rugged boy, but I am just pretending to be a girl and pretending to enjoy it. I would go get a girl pregnant to prove my point if I didn’t look like this.”

“Would you really,” Mom asked with a stern look?

“No, you know I wouldn’t. I’m just angry that people don’t seem to believe me. If I were a girl, I would want to continue to live here. I am sure my parents would understand worse than I do.”

“Janelle, that reminds me; I wanted to ask about your Mom and why she didn’t take you to the doctor?”

“I could never depend on how my Mom would react to me. She would make me wear an apron or lipstick and then have me clean the house. But if anyone saw me or if she got upset she would punish me and say she caught me being a sissy.”

“Once I saw my mother take Dad’s secret cash and she went gambling. She bought me a pretty dress and I had to promise not to tell.”

Ma Grant asked, “Did she know you liked to dress like a girl?”

“I didn’t know, I liked to until after you caught me and had me dress like a girl. It wasn’t safe with my Mom and too often I was forced and made fun of. I probably wouldn’t have minded even being a Sissy if I thought she loved me like that.”

“The last time I liked it a neighbor girl asked if I could be a cheerleader for Halloween. She was a football player and we went to a party together. We were able to play together, up in her room. That stopped when they told Mom, ‘I should be a real girl.’ My mom and dad both beat me up and told people I was a sissy. I am even afraid you are helping my Mom or dad to embarrass me?”

Mom said, “Why would we want to embarrass you?” I knew Joyce was now in the room but I was upset and didn’t care.

“I could ask, why would you want to be nice to me? I stole from your store. I insulted Grandma but she said she respected me. You, people, don’t make sense!”

Joyce spoke, “She has a point, Mom. Jan that means you probably don’t trust me either.”

“I don’t but you are both too smart for me, and it seems genuine. I like thinking you are my big sister. I expect I will be embarrassed but I decided to enjoy it instead of worrying about when it will happen.”

When Joy and I went to bed, I was crying. Joyce was still awake talking to people on her computer and smartphone. Joyce shut her stuff down and came over to me with a pink stuffed dragon. “Why don't you hug Prissy and go to sleep? I will stay with you until you are asleep.”

“If you’re going to leave me, let me just be with Prissy.” I hugged Prissy and Joyce was behind me, hugging me.

Mom checked on us, “Joyce, I don’t think that is wise, you should get in your bed right now.”

“Mom, I’m just with my little sister. She needs me, please!” Mom gave us both a kiss good night and left us as we were…
 
End Part IV
 

 

 
To Be Continued...