Chapter 10 Confession

Over the next few months, Pete began to feel like a double agent. Something clicked between Pete and Sheila, and a medium-to-long distance romance began to blossom. Medium-to-long distance because they didn't live too far from each other, there is no such thing as a short drive in Portland traffic. They went to different schools so that shot holding hands in the halls and after school activities together, not to mention the old standby of doing homework together.

Naturally, their cell phones got a lot of use. Thankfully they both had unlimited talk and text plans, and they set out with determination to test the limits of unlimited. So far neither had been called into the stern parental presence for a lecture on the theme of I'm not made of money! Maybe 'unlimited' was really unlimited!

Inscrutable are the ways of the universe, and somehow Pete, Polly and Sheila seemed destined for each other. That first tentative session in the cabin where Sheila first met Polly was a reasonable success, Pete was fraught with doubts at having someone else see him in a dress, Sheila was consumed with curiosity to see Pete in a dress and both of them weren't quite sure about the whole thing. That first session was quite chaste, Pete changing in the bedroom while Sheila paced the main room of the cabin. But as time passed the inevitable happened to two teenagers alone in a cabin with less than all of their clothes on; the kissing cousins became lovers.

That's not to say that when Pete took his clothes off it was to make love to Sheila, they had to come off for Polly to appear, and Sheila was as fascinated with Polly as she was with Pete.

Pete was, to put it bluntly, pretty much average. Not too tall or too short, not bulky or skinny, not markedly masculine or feminine. His long hair tipped the balance slightly to the feminine, especially viewed from the back, but from a distance more than one person had asked that age-old question: Is that a boy or a girl? With obvious breasts and a Girl Scout uniform, the balance swung to the feminine with a resounding clunk! as the pan hit bottom.

"Not bad at all, cuz!"

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Probably. You do have a reputation, you know."

"Yeah, and I earned it, too."

"You'll have to tell me sometime."

"I will. If we're going to be an item you should know how stupid I was. I hope I've learned better. My parents trust me again and I don't want to blow it."

"Then should we be here?"

"We should. After all, I'm here with my girlfriend, what could happen?"

"Better not kiss me again or you might find out."

"And who's the wild woman now?"

"There's something freeing in doing this. I've dreamed of being a woman for so long."

"Funny, I used to dream about being a man, I got so damn sick of the 'girls can't do this' crap."

"If they didn't have stupid rules for you to break then how could you have become a wild woman?"

"Believe me, I found a way. Lots of ways."

"Do tell?"

"I will. Let's do something with your hair and we can take a walk while I get up the nerve."

"Sure."

The day was warming, the trees were just starting to leaf out and being out in nature dressed up was all that Pete had wanted it to be. Hand in hand they strolled where the path was wide enough, drinking in the beauty of nature, until they came to a rough wooden bench along the trail. Sitting close with their arms around each other they remained silent for a time, then Sheila spoke.

"Do you think my parents are too strict?"

"Not that I've seen. They seem pretty cool."

"And they are, but I didn't see it that way when I was about ten. I started to develop by nine and had my first period at ten. As far as I was concerned that made me a woman and a grownup. I thought my parents were just so overprotective and treating me like a little kid. Nothing that they could say or do could convince me otherwise. I damn well knew better.

"I looked maybe thirteen. I was a C cup by then and sure I was the sexiest thing alive. I teased the boys unmercifully, even if most of them were too young to understand what I was doing. So I started in on the older guys, who could appreciate my body. It worked but not the way I thought. I was sure I was the coolest woman alive and could get the boys to do whatever I wanted.

"Maturing so early, my folks did give me the whole birds and bees lecture but I was just too young to take it all in. About the only part that stuck was: I had a period, I'm all grown up now. I could be like the sexpots on TV, be the most popular girl around, get my own way. Nothing could change my mind.

"By twelve I was sneaking out of the house to party with the bad boys. I was drinking booze whenever I could get it - adults do it so I had to do it too. A week before my thirteenth birthday I got drunk and ended up in on a couch with one of those bad boys and he took me right there in front of everybody at the party while they cheered us on.

"I suppose legally it was rape because I was too young, but I wanted it, in my mind adults had sex and I wanted so damn badly to be an adult. So I had sex. By the time I sobered up I realized that sex wasn't the magical grownup thing I thought it was.

In fact, what I remembered of it just plain sucked. It hurt! The romance I had in my head never happened. That bastard didn't care about me, it was all about him. A couple of days later I told Rosie and the first thing she asked was did he use a rubber?"

"I didn't know, but from the state of my panties I was pretty sure he didn't. Hell, I wasn't even very sure who he was! That's when Rosie told me what a silly bitch I was and sat me down with a calendar to see when I was most fertile. Naturally I had ignored that part of the birds and bees lecture and hadn't a clue. Yup, I was just about at my most fertile when the deed was done.

"The next few weeks were hell, I couldn't tell my parents, no way! Then I skipped my period and I panicked. I had last period PE that year and when I saw there still wasn't any blood in my panties after all that exercise, I just broke down and started bawling. Mrs Reid found me sitting naked on one of those lousy hard wood benches with my panties in my hands bawling like a baby. Some grownup I turned out to be.

"Everybody knew Mrs Reid was a hardass, you don't screw around in her class. I didn't even notice her until she sat down next to me and put her arm around me. She didn't say anything, just held me until I was only sniffling. Then she asked me what was wrong and it all came tumbling out. She just listened, really listened and let me tell it all. Then she hugged me and told me she could help.

"I didn't know it then, but she put her job on the line to help a stupid, stuck-up little bitch who had gotten herself in trouble because she wouldn't listen to anyone. She had me get dressed, had me call my parents to tell them I was staying to help her after school, and drove me directly to Planned Parenthood.

"They were terrific. I know now I wasn't the only one to end up there with the same problem, but they made me feel like I was the only one in the world they were there to help. They did a pregnancy test and I wasn't pregnant! They got it through my thick skull that stress can cause a girl to skip her period, and I had been under a whole bunch of stress!

"By the time Mrs Reid and the Planned Parenthood lady were done I was starting to realize that maybe I wasn't as grown up as I thought. As she dropped me off back home she mentioned she was a Girl Scout leader and invited me to join her troop.

"My parents must have been flabbergasted when I came in and hugged them and told them I was sorry for how I'd been acting. I couldn't have said much more then, I was just so confused. They about expired from shock a few days later when I wanted to be a Girl Scout. I think Mrs Reid saved my life, she knew how to gently guide me toward being a real adult, not a spoiled kid's idea of an adult.

"It wasn't fast and it wasn't easy, it took a couple of years for my parents to really trust me again. I don't want to do anything to lose that trust, so they know that you and I are spending time alone and we've made love. That one took a while for Mom to accept, but she approves of you so she's willing to go with my feelings. What we've got might not be forever and ever love, but it is what I wanted to find when I was so young and stupid."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then just hold me."

So that's what Polly did. Eventually she felt Sheila relax and Polly asked "With that in your mind, it must have been hard to trust me in your bed."

"Not you, love, but I was scared I wouldn't be able to think of you and not the past."

"And I was scared that I wouldn't do it right. It looks so easy in the porn flicks, but you know I don't have anything down there like those dudes do. Dad told me that those things are a pretty poor way to get sex education unless you're planning to make a living filming them."

"Somehow I never pictured you watching a porn flick."

"Rite of passage. The women in the couple I watched weren't really enjoying their side of the transaction. It was embarrassing, but Dad told me that fingers and tongue work better than your dick to make a woman happy."

"He's right, at least as far as I'm concerned. You learned quick, lover."

"I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do it right that first time."

"And I was so relieved when you started trying and didn't just go for the gold."

"It feels silly talking about sex with you when I'm dressed like this.

"Maybe it's because Polly is part of you that we managed to learn how to please each other."

"I guess. I don't know."

"I do know. I just wish I had known the truth at ten and didn't try to screw up my life so badly."

"We all make mistakes. If we learn from them then we can live a better life. I know my life is better with you in it, lover."

"Having Polly to talk to has made my life better, too. What a strange result from watching you ogle that pink bra!"