“Her name is Jessica.” Emily said as she cooked eggs for breakfast. “She goes to the local college and looks after you kids while we are at work. She takes a light class load in the summer but on thursdays we are testing Faith and Grace who insist are old enough to not need a sitter.”
Both girls eyes rolled in sync. It was kind of cute and not very responsible looking. I was drafted into working the toaster. Today they were wearing identical blue tops with thin long sleeves made of lace. The middle part was a shiny satin with little bows and lace around the collar. The tops didn't go down far enough and you could see their belly button. Emily shot them a quick discouraging glance when they came into the kitchen she didn't think I noticed. They had matching skirts that stopped just above their knees and white sandals with a small wide heel. Both wore a gold necklace one had a fancy F and the other a G hanging in the center which confused me a little.
“Jessica will be here about an hour after we leave and stay until at least four thirty.” Emily continued as she worked twin pans cooking eggs in two different styles. Cindy already sat in her booster seat eating scrambled with cheese and bacon which I learned was her favorite.
“Can you give these to the twins?” Emily asked me. “Faith likes scrambled and the over easy are for Grace.”
I wasn’t too happy being drafted into cooking but it could be worse. I tossed three slices of bacon and a piece of well buttered toast onto their plates. At least with me making toast it gets buttered right, always hated it when just the middle was buttered and the rest was dry crunchy bleh. I set the plates down in front of the twins and they froze. Emily was saying something to Faith about some television show they were watching but when I sat the food down they both instantly stopped. Which made Emily turn around.
“No, Faith likes the scrambled.” Emily said to me.
I just nodded and looked again. Yeah I did it right. I raised my hand palm upturned as if to say Faith scrambled Grace over easy. Did they have different names for eggs here or something?
“How does she know” Grace said a little perturbed.
“Did you warn her or something mama?” Faith asked Emily.
“Warn about what?” Emily paused setting more eggs down on the counter.
Grace pointed at me. What did I do? “You told Avery we were likely to switch and to mix up the food on purpose.” Grace finally said.
“I did no such thing, and you know I don't like it when you do things like that it's rude.” Emily scolded.
“Than how did she know?” Faith asked looking at me. Why were they always calling me she. I get it that first night everything was a bit awkward but it's a new day already. I just rolled my eyes. Did they really think just because Faith put on a G necklace somehow I wouldn’t know who she was. It reminds me of playing peekaboo with a baby. Like closing my eyes would make it so none of them could see me. I wish it were that easy.
Emily looked at me and pointed at Faith. “That's really Faith?” She asked me. It's her daughter did she really not know? I raised my eyebrows and over nodded, were they trying to play a game with me or something? “And that is Grace?” Emily pointed at her other blond child. I nodded again as if I were explaining how water is wet. The twins looked at each other completely shocked.
“How can you tell” Faith asked and seemed almost mad at me. I had no idea what they meant so just shrugged.
“Mama had to have told her.” Grace added and when I looked at Emily I caught the end of her glare.
Faith seemed to shrink a bit. “Did you just guess we would switch?” She asked me almost hopefully.
I shook my head no. Did people really not know? Emily seemed mad but not at me. Cindy was just poking her eggs and smiling so big her face might actually get stuck that way.
Grace stood up and went to the living room by all the pictures on the wall. “Avery come here please.” Grace asked me. “Can you point to me in all these pictures?”
What a silly question I thought. Playing along to see what the joke was I went to the wall. There were a lot of pictures there. Starting at one end I pointed to each picture at her with her in it. Sometimes she was on the left sometimes she was on the right. Most of the time she had the G necklace on but in a couple she had the F. Emily came over almost as soon as I started. When I pointed to the ones where she was wearing the wrong necklace Emily seemed to get more angry.
“How can you tell?” Faith asked me. “Please we really need to know, how? Nobody ever knew we swapped in those pictures, how do you know?”
I was a little surprised and confused. How could they not know.
“Well we know now.” Emily said. “We also know who is doing dishes for the foreseeable future.”
Both girls mouths opened wide enough you would think they were trying to catch flies. They started to turn to me but Emily stopped them.
“Don't look at her, you did this to yourselves.” Emily scolded. “She clearly didn’t even know it would get you in trouble. If the two of you weren't so full of yourselves you might have realised that asking her about these pictures was not the best idea to begin with.”
Faith was about to say something but Grace started first. “No Faith, it's my fault I asked about the pictures.”
“Figures” Faith said. “The one person who could tell us apart when we didn’t want them to, won't tell us how she does it either. Were only six in this picture and Avery didn’t even pause.”
I held my arms out in a universal “what did I do” pose. The twins both pouted and crossed their arms, together like mirror images. Rolling my eyes I lifted a finger and pointed to my eye with a duh look on my face.
“Our eyes?” Faith asked.
“You can see it in our eyes?” Grace asked again.
Everyone was looking at me. Cindy was turned in her chair to see and just kept laughing periodically. The little kid was loving this. I nodded and the two girls looked at each other then back at me. Then as one sighed.
“Finish breakfast, nobody likes cold eggs.” Emily said and we returned to breakfast. The twins were very quiet. They kept looking at each other. Likely at each other's eyes. Emily after a time nudged them back to their plates.
When Robert came down and asked about the sullen look on his oldest daughters faces Emily filled him in. When she got to the part about the pictures he seemed to get a bit angry and shot both of them a scornful look. A few moments later he looked at me mostly blank at first then let out a small laugh. “Not even a full day and already Avery is proving a valuable asset to the family. She really is quite something isn't she Emily.” Robert said in between bites of toast. “And we finally have someone who knows how to butter toast to boot.”
Emily was about to say something, likely asking what was wrong with her toast, or perhaps that he could butter it himself. I wish she would have done it, but she resisted. The world may be lesser because of her restraint.
The twins finished quickly and tried to bolt for their room but Emily kindly reminded them about the dishes. When the parents left I decided to not hide in my room all day. At least until I met this Jessica girl. I sat up in the “reading chair” and found a book I thought I might be able to read. The name made me want to try because it was the same as a movie Mary and Sofi talked about. It was about this really short guy who finds a ring. A lot of the words were new and honestly I didn't know many of them but I read a lot and was at least going to give it a shot. Most of the strange words seemed to be names and places but what the heck is a Hobbit?
I had hardly started when I felt a presence standing in front of me. I looked up to see both of the twins standing there. I couldn’t help it I giggled and even snorted a little. They both had sour looks on their faces hiding behind the very dark sunglasses they were wearing. Their necklaces were also off and they had a different outfit on as well. Two yellow sun dresses with pretty flowers all over.
In alternating words as fluid as a sentence spoken by the same person they asked. “Which one is Grace?”
I looked at them as I tried to stop my laughing, I really didn't want to make them actually mad at me. So far I think they were mad at themselves but if they thought I was somehow making fun of them who knows. They are way bigger than me and they are the real kids, not an enemy I want to make. Honestly I couldn’t tell for sure. Not with the glasses. As I got control of myself though the one on the left crossed her hands in front of her. She was hiding something. I waited another little bit so I didn't give away what I just seen. Then I stood and made a big show of looking them both over carefully before pointing to the one on the left. I wasn't sure I was right but whatever. I just wanted then to go away.
Grace growled and Faith exclaimed “It's not fair.” as they stomped off back up to their room.
Not twenty minutes later they came down again, in new outfits as well. Same glasses. I was really trying to read. This time they asked who Faith was. I didn’t make much of it as I really just wanted to read and with an eye roll pointed to the one on the right.
One smiled with a loud “Ha” as the other scowled and said “No, she did it on purpose so we would stop bugging her.” They both looked at each other. I could see them saying a lot without words and it surprised me. Ashley and I could do that but I never seen anyone else do it. These two were saying way more than we ever did. They walked back up to their room quietly.
Still with the “She” thing. I really didn’t know what to make of it. Did they really think I was a girl? Surely Kelly told them I was a boy. It seems like something that would come up at some point, right? What if they only took me because they thought I was a girl? That didn’t really make sense though. I trusted Kelly and she wouldn’t put me in a home just to have them kick me out when they find out I’m a boy. Even if she would, I think Kelly would have at least told me to play along or something. Thinking back, I couldn’t remember any time Kelly called me by he or him though. Kelly has all those files and records. She has to know I’m a boy. I seen her call boys sweetheart too I think? I tried to remember but I never really payed attention when she wasn't talking to me.
A part of me didn't want to know. If Kelly lied to these people than everything I thought I knew about Kelly was wrong. I liked Kelly, I really didn’t want a reason to not like her. How could these people think I’m a girl unless Kelly said I was. How could Kelly possibly think I’m a girl. Besides those files she has on me there's … There's nothing. Oh my god. There's nothing about me that says I’m a boy. The Lopez family knows I'm a boy. Surely they said so. They handed Kelly all my papers when I got picked up. Medical stuff and all my school stuff or what ever.
I'm a boy, everyone knows I'm a boy. That's why the other boys laughed at me in the boys bathroom right? Or did they think I was a girl who went in the wrong one? How can they think I'm a girl. I read boy books and like boy cartoons. I...
I dress like a girl, I wear my hair like a girl. I even act like a girl some, I just giggled and snorted at the twins. Sure I picked it up from Ashley but still. Boys don't giggle. I don’t like all the games boys play. I think most of that is because I'm so small but that's another thing. I'm too small to be a boy. Men are big and strong and I’m the same size as a five year old chinese girl.
I can’t read anymore. Taking the book to my room I just layed on my pink bed. Then I got up and took my shoes off. Made sure I didn’t mess up the bed cover and set them near the door. Which is another thing boys don't do. Boys are messy.
Some time later he heard Jessica come in. There was a bit of noise as everyone came to say hello. He knew he should go out and meet her and all that but he just didn't want to yet. She would be here all day after all. There is still plenty of time but right now he needed to think.
A couple hours passed and he was starting to get hungry. Eating three times a day was rather new to him but he had to admit he prefered it. His thinking was sort of productive. He made a few conclusions, at least he thought so. He wasn't sure about anything but for now it sort of became a plan.
Most of the time he was treated like a girl anyway. At least out of school. Ashley said girls were better. Ashley would know what to do. She always had a plan. He could tell them he was a boy, write a note or something. Ashley said it didn't matter what people thought. He usually agreed as long as they left him alone. Part of him thought it was funny when they thought he was a girl. It didn't happen too much at school. Well not until Ashley started him on braiding his hair. They teased him a little for that. Said he was in the wrong uniform and stuff. They always picked on him though, his braid was just the newest thing they decided was wrong with him.
He needed Ashley. She was his best friend, his first true friend. He admired respected and even loved Ashley. That was a surprise to him. As he thought about things he realised he Loved Ashley. He wasn't sure what that meant and he never loved anyone before but nothing better described how he felt about Ashley. About the only thing he was sure of other than he loved her is he certainly couldn't tell her he loved her.
He went through his thoughts one more time mostly to see if he could come up with a better idea. He didn't act like a boy. He didn't play with trucks or guns or sports or all that stuff boys did. He liked to do his hair so it was neat. He liked to read books. He liked it when he could shower every day and he liked to keep his room clean. Those were girl things. He wished people would use handsome or dashing or some more masculine words to describe him but even in boy clothes nobody said things like that. They would ask why he has long hair or why won't he play ball. Was he just bad at being a boy?
Being called cute and pretty and beautiful always bothered him a little because he wasn't supposed to be pretty. Aside from what he was supposed to be, he liked being pretty. Not so much pretty but he liked looking nice and a way that it made people compliment him for it. Even if they thought they were saying it to a pretty girl. He didn't really care if they called him he or she it didn't really change anything. In fact, people generally treated him better when they thought he was a girl. Boys didn't usually start to really tease him until they found out he was a boy. Why did they need to “find out” though. Shouldn't it be obvious?
This place wasn’t going to work out anyway. He was mostly sure of that. So he would be here for a year, maybe two, then everything would happen all over again. So what if they thought he was a girl, he would do what he liked and live his life. If that meant that for a year or two people saw him as a girl so be it. Eventually he would get a beard and all that adult stuff and it would work itself out even if it didn’t happen sooner. Besides it wouldn't take that long. Once school started in another few weeks everyone would know he was a boy even if he said nothing.
The only real thing was the clothes. Every new house he always got a few new clothes when he first got there. He outgrew the last set ironically shortly after he got there. Like his body knew just how much to grow to make them not fit and not a bit more. That's when Ashley gave him some of her old things. They were a little big on him, but she grew so much there was no way she could use them anymore. They use to be close to the same height when he got to the Lopez house. She outgrew everything and he grew just enough to fit her old stuff. Would they buy him girl clothes? He liked the pants better and a shirt was a shirt. Honestly the only downside to girls pants was they were for girls. Maybe he could let them buy him new girls pants and shirts, then when school started they would have to get him boy clothes. Or uniforms like the last school. That way he could have more clothes for out of school. Unless they got mad at him for buying the wrong clothes. That would be their fault, serves then right. Would they punish him?
He was going in circles. Surely they didn't think he was a girl. None of this mattered. They would probably send him away the first time he didn't want to go to their church anyway so what does it matter. When he gets back to the shelter he can make sure Kelly knows he is a boy and end this once and for all.
Maybe it was a cop out. Since he wasn't going to be here all that long he decided he wouldn't decide because it didn't matter. Sooner or later someone would figure it out. The best part when they did, he wouldn’t have to explain anything. And people wondered why he didn’t talk, not talking makes so many things so much easier. It didn't really feel right but he didn't know how to say “you know I really am a boy right, here I'll show you”. If he wrote a note saying he was a boy they would all laugh at him anyway, they know he’s a boy and he would just look stupid. Maybe they were just picking on him like the other places.
So if he was called a boy or a girl who cared. He would find out what they really thought when they got him some new clothes. They were just teasing him. This place was like all the other's, just picking on him. They were probably trying to see how long he would put up with it. When he said something they would all laugh and tell him he needed to cut his hair so he looked like the other boys.
Which ever it was it didn't matter. He kept telling himself that anyway. He wasn't sure if he believed it or not. That was the problem. If it was all settled why did he not feel better about it. He just couldn’t think of a better way without doing something drastic. If there was one thing he was not it was drastic. Would a real boy be drastic? Was he really wondering if he was a real boy? Enough of this he thought, it's settled like most of my life whatever happens happens and I’ll just go with it.
He actually felt better. So that was it. If they treat him like a girl than he could play along as a girl. They would get tired of the joke before he did. He was good at not showing things that bothered him to other's. It was kind of freeing actually. Now that it was decided he felt a lot better, well he thought it was decided. For the first time since he left the Lopez house he pulled out the braid book. He could be whatever he wanted to be and the world would put whatever label they wanted to on him and so what.
As he opened the book. There just inside the cover. Three of Ashley's drawings. One of them even used her precious colored pencils. Ashley never wanted anyone to look at them, much less give them away. She would sooner burn them. Did she forget they were here? No they were using the book way after she packed. She put them here in the back of the van that day, for him. They were so pretty. Places that might not even exist. He set them into the side of the mirror on the vanity and just looked at them. And he cried. He missed her so much. He loved her, maybe her giving these to him meant she loved him too. He wished she was here, she would fix this. She's not though. So he needed to be strong. For her, he needed to be his own shield.
Some time later he felt so much better, he could be himself...or was it herself. Just self he guessed. He paged through the book. He knew all of them but it was nice to see again. Some he could do himself well other's he had to work at. He decided he would do the most elaborate braid he could think of that didn't sound too crazy. Brush comb bobby pins and hair ties ready he even had his hand mirror next to him. He pulled the stool over to the vanity, the chair had a back on it and that would just get in the way. Brushing things out he went to work. An honest smile on his face.
There was a knock on his door saying lunch was ready. He was a bit surprised the door didn't open. The voice was new, it must be Jessica. He wasn’t done yet. Almost an hour later he thought he was finished. He looked it over from every angle and it seemed right. It was a bit complicated and would take forever to get out but that was alright. He had most of the back part of his head in a dutch braid but it was set off center and curved so that it fell across his shoulder down his front. The top part he split into six equal sections and braided them each into basic braids also curving to the right. When they were finished he wrapped them all around the top of his head like a crown. He twisted them into each other slightly mostly to keep them together. When it was done he really liked how it looked. He even had a loose piece on his left side to frame his face like Ashley and Emily did. It was something he never would have done before. Because this was pretty. No way around it, this was beautiful and pretty and only something a girl would wear. And that was just fine. If they were teasing him for looking like a girl than he would give them something to tease him about.
Comments
Wow
An internal monologue that is funny, interesting and advances the plot? Good job. And Avery is a scary little darling, so thoughtful and tyrng to be wise.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.