Chapter 4

About a week after the doctor assured us that I had gynecomastia, and nothing fatal, my mom came to my room and asked, “How’s the chest?”

“It’s better. They’re getting smaller.”

“Let me see.”

I knew there was no need to argue, so I opened my shirt and showed her my healthily growing boobs. She took one look and said, “OK, back to the doctor. This time, I’m not taking ‘gynecomastia’ for an answer!”

So back to the doctor we went. Same office … new doctor.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Becker. Dr. Canton is retiring soon, and he’s working limited hours for a few weeks until his official retirement.” He looked at my chart a few seconds, then looked at me. “OK, Tracy, could you take off your shirt and let’s have a look.” He felt my nipples and the fat behind them. “OK, you can go ahead and put your shirt back on.” He turned to look at my mom. “Boys Tracy’s age sometimes develop slight growth like this. As Dr. Canton told you, it’s called ‘gynecomastia’ and it’s harmless and temporary. Tracy, however, has a bit more fat growth than what we normally see. Has he had any other problems recently?”

“He had a little stomach ... virus I suppose, and headache a few days ago, but he was better the next day.”

He turned back to me, “Cramps … did your stomach cramp?”

“Yes, sir. I guess I would say it cramped.”

“Tracy, go behind the curtain here and take off your pants and underwear, put on the gown back there, then come back and lie on this table. Mom? Would you like to stay?”

“I’ll go in the hall, doctor.”

“Ok, I’ll get a nurse in here and we’ll proceed.”

I did as he said and lay on the table. He had me put my feet in stirrups. A nurse came in and the doctor proceeded to fondle my genitalia. Doctor or no doctor … I was extremely uncomfortable.

“Looks … a bit … anom….” He mumbled a long word that I didn’t quite catch, but it sounded like ‘anomalous’. My genitalia are anomalous? At least he didn’t say ‘tiny’.

The nurse apparently understood. She nodded and quietly said, “Um hum.”

“Ok, Tracy, you can put your clothes back on. Lori, have his mom come back in.”

He wrote on my chart as my mom came back into the room. “The good news is; I doubt that this is something insidious and malicious. I would like, however, to do some blood work to see why he has the abnormal amount of fat growth behind the nipples. Lori will take some blood, and I’ll have some tests done. When I get the results, I’ll call you, OK? Tracy, let me ask you this. How are you getting along at school?”

“Ok, I guess.”

“Ever get the feeling you don’t quite ‘fit the mold’ ”?

“Exactly!”

“Well, keep this in mind; something unique and exceptional doesn’t come from a mold. I know Dr. Canton wrote you a note excusing you from P.E., but I’m going to write another one. When a doctor retires, things like this note retire with him. I wouldn’t want you to have any problems. If the school gives you any crap about it, give them my number and I’ll set them straight.”

With the last line, he became my favorite doctor in the whole world. He seemed to be both brilliant and wise, but I thought his questions seemed odd given the reason for my visit. Still, I was elated to continue my boycott of the dreaded boys’ locker room.

The nurse procured some equipment to take blood. She wrapped a rubber tube around the top of my arm and produced a needle almost the size of a pencil. “Ok, you’ll feel a sting, but please try not to move and please breathe normally.”

I closed my eyes and felt the needle go into my arm. Then, I opened my eyes and began to closely watch the blood flow through the tube. I wondered why she told me to ‘breathe normally’.

“Breathe!” she said sternly. Oh … that’s why. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath. I started breathing … normally? In a few seconds, she reiterated, “Breath!” I hate needles. She filled all the vials, removed the giant needle from my arm, and taped a piece of cotton to the wound.

“You’ve been so good! Would you like a sucker?” She was half joking. I refused the candy. I don’t care that much for candy and I hadn’t been that good anyway.

We left the doctor’s office and went to the hospital for more tests. I had to lie down and go through a machine that made a humming sound and clicks. When that was done we went home and I went straight to bed. I was exhausted from ‘guinea pigging’. Tomorrow was Saturday and I wasn’t sure I would get out of bed until Sunday. I thought about the bible verse that said something like, “…a little sleep, a little slumber….” Ah, yes. Just what I needed!

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“Tracy, wake up!”

Did I tell you about my totally annoying cousin, Lisa? I can’t stand her! … at least I couldn’t stand her on this particular Saturday morning at 9 AM when she was disturbing my wonderful, rejuvenating slumber. I had only slept 12 or 13 hours!

“Lisa, go the fuc….”

“Tracy, such language! OK, I’ll quit bothering you.” She walked to the other side of my bedroom, turned the chair at my dresser around, and sat staring at me. She knew I couldn’t ignore her. She sat completely silent. I tried to go back to sleep, but I would open my eyes and she was sitting there looking at me in complete silence.

“OK, Lisa. I give up. Just give me a little time to wake up.”

“I want to know if the doctor said you’re going to live. What did he say?”

“He wanted to know how I got along at school. I told him everything in my life was fine except for my annoying cousin who wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday. Oh … he had me go through a big noisy machine and had the nurse take about a gallon of blood. I think they’re gonna drink it and worship the devil.”

“So he didn’t give you any answers. He didn’t tell you how to keep your boobs growing?”

“No, he wanted to know whether I ‘fit the mold’.”

“He has a mold for boobs?”

“Dammit, Lisa, it too early for crap like that! You are so full of shit!”

“Tracy! The way you talk!”

“That’s the way boys talk! It’s one of the very few advantages of being a boy! We don’t have to be all dainty and shit!”

“Ok, sorry babe. So you just went to the doctor, he charged your mom an arm and a leg, and didn’t tell you shit!”

I thought a second. “Yes. That pretty well sums it up, but he’s supposed to know more about what’s going on when he gets the test results.”

“Oh! What if it’s AIDS!?”

“No way! You gotta do some nasty shit to get AIDS. Oops … no pun intended. Either that or you have to have a blood transfusion and that nasty little bug swims right in.”

“OK. Well, let’s celebrate you going to the doctor. Let’s go shopping!”

“Any excuse, huh?”

“Yeah, I celebrate anything that happens by going shopping. If nothing happens, I celebrate nothing happening by going shopping.”

“I think I would too if I could wear some of the cute things you wear.”

“Yeah, I know how to shop, and you could wear them if you had the ball … oops.”

“Lisa, if I find out I’m not dying, I’m gonna go for it. I’m gonna have an operation.”

“Tracy, that’s wonderful … seriously!”

“I don’t think I’m dying. I think I’m gonna live … miserably!”

“I know you’re unhappy, babe. When are you gonna talk to your parents?”

“I’m gonna wait until the results from the blood tests come back. Then, I’m gonna go for it!”

“Good boy … girl

Monday, I was back at school, happily exempt from physical education class and the dreaded boys’ locker room. I got to go to the library and study, do homework or read. The school didn’t seem to care what I did during that time since they were deprived of the ability to torture me. I was able to do the small amount of homework that was assigned, and that left my time after school completely free of study or schoolwork. This wonderful arrangement lasted for 3 days, followed by a new and shocking diagnosis that, left alone, could be fatal.

Next: Possibly deadly