On my way home from school, I now made it a point to take the route past the fast-food restaurant where I had encountered Bryan. I would usually drive through the parking lot to see if he was inside. Yes, I was serious about making an apology. Then, one day, he was just walking into the place when I got there. I parked my car, said, “Here I go, making a fool of myself,” and headed inside. I sat down and waited while he ordered and waited for his food. He hadn’t seen me and he sat on the other side of the room. I walked over to him and asked, “Mind if I sit down?” He made a motion with his hand toward the other side of the table, so I sat. Of course, he didn’t stand when I approached his table. They’re not making gentlemen anymore. I would be a fool to expect it; especially from someone like Bryan.

“I want to talk to you about some things that I said the other day when I ran into you here.”

“Sure,” he said between bites. “What’s up?”

“I gave you a totally wrong impression about my family, and I want to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“Yes. OK, it’s true, my family is well-to-do, but we’re not snobs. We try to be good people, and I was rude to you. That reflects, not just on me, but also my family. I really felt bad after we talked and I apologize.”

“Uh … apology accepted?’

“That sounded like a question.”

“That’s what I’m supposed to say, right?”

“Well, yes … if you accept my apology.”

“Sure. You know, I can’t get over how much you and your cousin, Tracy, look alike. You talk kind of the same, and you both use your hands when you talk.”

“In other words, he kind of had female mannerisms. Maybe you thought he was a faggot?”

His attitude changed. He dropped his chin just a little. “Yeah, I gave him a hard time. I guess it’s my turn to apologize. You see, my dad was giving me a hassle. He wanted me to be a big football star and make straight A’s so I could get a scholarship to a good college. He died of cancer before I graduated, and I let all that go.” At that point, he paused a bit. I could tell his emotions were near the surface, but I’m sure he had a lot of experience keeping them hidden. He continued, “After I graduated, my mom wanted to move back to Houston because this is where she grew up. She has to work because my dad didn’t have much life insurance.”

There it was in a nutshell; the trials and tribulations of Bryan Smith. It’s amazing how you view someone depending on what you know about them. In high school, he was a huge, menacing monster who could pick me up and snap my body in half like a toothpick and just might do that any time. The Bryan sitting across the table from me that day was a boy going into manhood with his personality negatively affected and his self-esteem all but destroyed by the stress his father caused, and the loss of his father who, despite possibly unrealistic expectations, was his guide through the morass of teen years. Bryan was suddenly freed of the only tether that had kept him on a path that would have brought him some degree of success in life. He probably felt relief when the pressure he had endured was suddenly released, but he was lacking the wisdom to make important decisions for himself, or the self-discipline to take the right path when that path involved sacrifice or time taken away from the hedonistic lifestyle he so wanted to pursue. Bryan’s dad obviously had his faults such as his desire to succeed vicariously through his son, but he most likely loved his son and wanted him to succeed and have a good life.

I saw things in a different light now. Tracy didn’t deserve to be bullied, but Bryan didn’t deserve to be put under undue stress by his dad or to lose his dad so early in his life. Chances are, his relationship with his dad would have improved with time, but he was deprived of the chance ever know. God had blessed me once again, by giving me a chance to offer a break to this downtrodden boy developing into a man.

“That sucks. Tell you what; are you pretty good on the computer?”

“Oh yeah, I can make a computer sing. I hacked….”

I held up my hand. “Stop.” I reached into my purse, got a pen and note pad, and wrote my email address. “Email your resume to this address. If you don’t have a resume, just email your name and a contact number. There is a big new company starting up right here in Houston. I’ll make sure you get a call, and if you’re really good on the computer, they’ll train you on their software. It could be a good deal for you.”

He took the note. “Great! Thanks! Tell Tracy I’m really sorry for the stuff I said.”

“Never say you’re sorry. Say ‘I apologize’.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure. That’s what ‘they’ say. I guess it’s because if you say ‘I’m sorry’, people think it gives them insight into your character. The next time they see you, they’ll think, ‘There goes Bryan. He’s sorry’.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“I gotta go.”

“You’re not gonna eat?”

“No, I just stopped to talk to you.”

“Oh … well, tell Tracy I apologize, and thanks!” He held up the note I gave him.

“You’re welcome. Just don’t forget to send your name and a contact number to that email.”

“How many people work for that company now?”

“Very few … mostly my family. Lisa and I did the coding for one project ….”

“Lisa’s here?”

“Yeah, she’s here, but Tracy’s still in San Antonio. He’s taken boxing and karate and put on some weight. He said he’s gonna come to Houston and kick your ass.”

“I would say Tracy taking karate was impossible, but they put a man on the moon.”

“Tracy taking karate would be like putting a man on the moon?”

“More like putting a man on Pluto!”

“That’s cold.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, Pluto is cold.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s cold in the winter.”

I put my head in my hands, “Oh, God, give me strength!”

“Ha! Gotcha!” He flashed a smile of ‘victory’. It was a nice smile, and I felt something … what? I didn’t know, but I realized I’d better make my exit.

I smiled back and said, “I’ll tell Tracy to give you a break on the ass-kicking. I gotta go.”

“Hey, I’m honestly sorry … I mean, I apologize for the stuff I said to Tracy. I’m sure he’s a good kid and all. I acted like a jerk. Wow, I’m kinda embarrassed now. OK. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, bye.”

As I said, you never know what crosses someone has to bear, and Bryan’s home life drove that idea home to me. I left wiser and vowing to be more empathic and less judgmental in the future. I figured my dad would be proud. I also realized the truth in the saying, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive.”

Also, I told myself that any feelings I have for Bryan were pity; nothing more. I don’t like guys, and I don’t want a mutiny committed by my hormones and emotions. I wondered if my body was craving a baby without my knowledge. I realized that for a female, logic and hormones are at odds, sometimes negotiating as it were behind closed doors, with logic working with a handicap, and the result of those negotiations would be something I would be nearly powerless to overrule. So maybe my criticism of men for their subjugation to testosterone was a bit hypocritical.

Next: Lisa meets someone