Chapter 19

If you have never been pregnant, how are you supposed to know what it feels like? The main question was, was it possible? Yes, we had sex with Gabi when she still had male equipment, but her penis was trapped in a false vagina. She couldn't get an erection and she certainly didn't put it inside me.

I had always associated having an unprotected penis in my vagina as the only risk in becoming pregnant. It isn't the penis that does the job though, it is the sperm. Could I have gotten sperm into my vagina? I had to say, yes. The first time we made love, I was beneath Gabi and she ejaculated, even without an erection. I had then begged Sarah to sit on me and rub our groins together. That could certainly have put any sperm Gabi had produced in the right location, but would that be enough? The sperm would have to swim much further than normal. I remembered an ill-mannered comment during our sex education class where someone asked if a man with a big dick was more fertile because the sperm had less far to travel and the answer was it didn't seem to matter. Sperm were designed to swim and only one had to reach the egg and men produced millions of them.

Then I breathed out in relief. I couldn't be pregnant, I had just had a period. Then I wondered should I be relieved or disappointed. I mean, Gabi had no further chance of producing any sperm, wouldn't it be a good thing if I had been pregnant. I decided from the safe position of not being pregnant that if I had been, I would have kept the baby. I was pro-choice but could never have terminated Gabi's baby.

“Earth to Buffy,” I eventually heard from Sandra.

“Sorry, I got a bit distracted. I just remembered that I have recently had a period, so pregnancy is out,” I replied.

“Not necessarily. I thought I had a period when I was pregnant with Sarah,” she answered. “I think they call it an implantation bleed. Just take a test, they are almost foolproof.”

Her words put a frisson of electricity into my heart. I wasn't sure if it was fear or excitement. I nodded my head a bit shakily. “Um... is it possible you could get one for me? I don't think Gabi should know until I have the result and buying a test might give her unrealistic hope.”

“Sure, honey. I'll pick one up on my way home tonight. Maybe you shouldn't cook tonight, the smells might drive you crazy.” The plan had been that we would cook tonight. My nausea had come back a bit and the thought of food at that point was not a good one, so I nodded my head in agreement. “We'll order in, when we know how you are feeling,” Sandra continued. “I think I should mention that Ellie has been standing in the doorway and has heard most of our conversation. I did tell you, but I am not sure you were listening.”

“Oh, don't worry, we don't keep any secrets,” I answered turning in my chair to look at Ellie. What she said next was not what I was expecting.

“When did you have your period?”

I thought back to tie in where we were on the tour. “I think I noticed it starting when we were at St Louis. I remember because it was the morning after we started our 'dilation time' with Gabi.” I used my fingers to put dilation time in quotes.

“That is like a week and a half ago, right?”

“Yes,” I said cautiously. “Why?”

“I'm late.” Ellie had stilled like a deer in headlights.

“Late?” I asked in surprise.

“Late!” she said with a slightly panicked louder voice. “I've never been late in my life. It is not possible, is it?” she asked.

Sandra laughed with a hand over her mouth. “I guess I had better buy a few tests.”

“How could it happen, I mean we never, you know, that never happened, so it isn't possible is it?”

I didn't really want to go into details in front of Sandra, who was enjoying this immensely for some reason, but Sarah was keeping Gabi occupied with dilation upstairs, and I didn't have the energy to move so I explained how I thought it was possible for me and then asked if she remembered being in a similar situation.

“Well, that first night, when you were with Sarah, I was on top of Gabi, so I guess it is possible for me too,” she said with a weary sigh. “What about Sarah? I mean she was on top of you and if your theory is correct she is also under risk. Do we see if she has missed her period? I haven't seen any supplies out like I normally do. How did I miss your period?”

“It was the lightest period I have ever had. I didn't use tampons, just thin pads.”

“If it was a period,” Ellie commented.

“I did feel a few cramps, but not a lot.” I tried to defend my period and then realised I didn't have much to defend it with. “I don't think we should discuss this with Sarah. If Sandra is going to get some tests, we can talk about it tonight. The only question is how to do that without Gabi listening. I don't think she should know until we are sure and have made our decisions.”

“Decisions?” Ellie squeaked.

I sighed and confirmed what I had thought before. “If and that is a big if, if I am pregnant I would keep the baby. Don't think about it now, there is no point until we know.”

Ellie looked like she was going to have a panic attack, so I got up and hugged her.

“How about David and I take Gabi out for a meal tonight, just the three of us. I can call it a get to know you dinner.”

“You remember she can't talk, don't you,” I reminded her.

“Sugar. I know, I will say it is so I can update her on all the legal stuff. I can contact Derek and Susan and hopefully get enough information to keep us going for a while. If not, I will have to start the baby stories and I'm not sure Sarah will appreciate that.” Then she laughed again.

I pulled Ellie outside so we could have a little walk around the block. She needed to calm down. Gabi was very aware of our moods. How are we going to convince Gabi without hurting her feelings that she should go without us? It would have to be so that it helped us in some way. Maybe if I said it was because Sandra needed to see her without us being there to make sure we weren't forcing her to become feminine against her will. Yes, that could work.

We were going to need a change of plans. Something very active today, so we don't have time to think. Or maybe send her out with Sarah. I could claim to be ill. I did throw up in the sink this morning, so maybe pretend to go to the doctor and Ellie looking after me. I discussed it with Ellie and we came up with a plan. If Gabi spent too much time in our company she would definitely twig.

I almost laughed, walking on the other side of the street was a woman pushing a pram. I had a feeling, today was going to be a very long day. The plan had been to go all touristy today and show Gabi the sights. Sarah could do that without us.

I was honest and told them that I had been feeling off the last few days and needed to see the pharmacist and possibly the doctor. As we had planned, Ellie asked me if I thought I needed company. When I said yes, Sarah and Gabi wanted to cancel today and go with me, bless them. I insisted that I wasn't that bad, so they should go out and enjoy the day and Ellie could keep in touch with her phone. Let them know how I was doing.

When they left, Gabi was giving me such sad eyes, with worry clearly in them that I almost caved just to change her expression, but managed to hold it together, just. We went to the pharmacist and bought the tests and then text Sandra so that she didn't have to. I read the instructions and knew the most accurate reading would be first thing the next morning and any positive test should be repeated later to confirm. Because of that, we bought three tests each. One to try tonight, one for tomorrow morning if the first was negative and one spare in case either of them were positive for the repeat.

We then debated doing the test straight away or waiting for Sarah, who for all we knew had already had her period and was completely safe. In the end, despite just wanting to know, we felt we couldn't leave Sarah out of it and waited.

We had a very emotional day. We debated our options and Ellie wanted to know why I had already decided as I had. Part of it was that I would never be able to bring myself to get rid of Gabi's child, but another was that Gabi made such a wonderful mother that I wanted to have a child with her anyway. I just hadn't intended it to be this soon. A lesser point was that jobs and careers would become a choice rather than a necessity, after my inheritance. Yes, it would change my immediate plans and I would probably take a year off before starting college. That didn't sound like such a big deal. Grandfather would be thrilled.

I think my points made her think and then she threw me a curveball that I wasn't expecting. Should we propose to Gabi? Her logic was sound though. If a guy gets a girl pregnant, the honourable thing to do was to marry her. In our case, Gabi was really taking the girl position and we, with our dominance had taken the protector, provider role. Even when we had sex, Gabi hadn't taken the masculine role and we could hardly blame her for any consequences. If we were pregnant should we solidify our relationship with marriage? It didn't really matter how legal it was because she didn't have to legally marry us all. What was in our hearts was what mattered.

And that thought really excited me. I wanted that. I wanted that a lot. Then the question was what if only one of us was pregnant, but that was easy to answer. We would all get married or none of us would.

We then started doing some research. First Ellie tried to work out exactly when our period was due. She couldn't remember our last period but knew the date of the one before and since we were almost always twenty-eight days could guess when our latest period was due. Eight days ago. That seemed to hit us both with a dose of shocked reality. Then we worked out my period, if it was a period, was day twenty-five and google suggested that was about right for an implantation bleed. The symptoms of that also fit with my symptoms. Adding my sore and swollen boobs, metallic taste and throwing up after smelling the fridge, I was beginning to believe that I was pregnant. The only thing that didn't quite fit was pregnancy nausea that usually started week six and if I was pregnant I would be one day into week five. Having said that, it was clear that there was huge variation between people in terms of symptoms and effects.

Obviously, we would only tell Gabi if one of us was pregnant and we had to be careful how we did it as Gabi was not allowed to speak at the moment and if anything was going to make Gabi forget that it was this kind of news. If we were going to propose that would be the best time to do it as further research suggested that we would have to avoid certain foods as they could be harmful to a baby. If that was the case, we would have to tell my parents, or more specifically, my parents cook and that meant my grandfather would almost certainly find out. So, as much as I liked the idea of waiting and making a big deal out of the proposal, that wouldn't really work.

Ellie suggested a two-pronged attack. An immediate proposal and then secretly all of us getting Gabi an engagement ring and then doing it again, big style, maybe with the help of Lisa and The Bleeding Heart Boys. We would have to keep it private though as it could be seen as polygamy, which was illegal. In fact, I looked that up as well and the main issue was that you could only be legally married to one person. I got the impression that the main worry was underage girls in arranged marriages with older men.

We were both getting quite excited about the engagement side of things which made me realise that it didn't matter whether I was pregnant or not. I wanted this, Ellie wanted this and I had no doubt, Sarah would want this as well. I even started designing the engagement ring. Three equal sized stones on a thin band of gold, maybe rose gold, white gold and normal gold, designed in such a way to interlock together and form one ring. We could then each have an individual ring with one stone and match the different golds. I would be white gold because I was blonde, Ellie would be rose gold because her auburn hair had hints of red in it and Sarah would have normal gold. I was unsure if we should all have diamonds or chose a different stone each.

Ellie laughed at me and told me to slow down. She was right, we needed to calm down if we were to somehow keep Gabi in the dark, at least until she had left with Sandra and David. It was funny how the mind works. The idea initially scared me and now I think I would be disappointed if I wasn't pregnant. I got the impression that Ellie had come round to the idea as well. Poor Sarah was going to have to catch up very quickly. Decisions would need to be made fast, but not so fast that Sarah felt rushed or pushed into making them. A difficult balance.