Chapter 14

Gabi still had no memory of the attack, but her nightmares showed that it was in there somewhere. Now that we were sleeping together again, we could catch it early and gently wake her and reassure her. Aaron had hired a private investigator who had provided evidence to the police of DNA from each of the roadies who had refused to give a sample. It was all done legally by picking up drink glasses that had been left behind and using photography to prove who had been drinking from them. Two of the roadies came back as a positive match and was enough evidence to search the third guy's clothes which found Gabi's DNA on a pair of shoes. Unless Gabi's memory changed, she wasn't required for any trial.

We caught up with the tour at St Louis with the concert due the next night. We babysat Mia to give Lisa an opportunity to reconnect with Damon. Mostly that involved watching Gabi doing all the work, not that she minded. She made such a natural mother that it made my heart ache with the knowledge that she would never be able to have one of her own. I made the decision that if she was willing, and I could get the others to agree, I would have a child for her to mother. Probably not until I had finished college, but soon after.

Because of my inheritance, finding a job was never that important to me, so I had no worries about having a child interfering with my career. Sarah wanted to be a lawyer like her father and Ellie had decided to follow her mother's career path. How that would work with having children, we would have to decide later. Sarah had never expressed an interest in having children and Ellie was worried that she wouldn't be able to emotionally connect, so, despite wanting children, had told us that it wasn't in the cards. Maybe she could change her mind if she knew Gabi would be helping to bring them up and offer them the benefit of her huge heart.

Most of Drew's clothes had been returned to us by Aaron, but were not that useful now. We kept a pair of trousers and a smart shirt as Gabi would have to pass through the Canadian border before all the new documentation was complete, using her old passport. Besides nightwear, the only clothes that we had bought for Gabi had been damaged in the attack and I don't think any of us could think of putting her in anything that reminded us of that night.

So we needed to go shopping, at the same time, Gabi refused to accompany us, because of her battered appearance. Lisa, Bonny and Chloe wanted to help as well, so we went out in teams, using her measurements and brought them back for Gabi to try with brief fashion shows. We steered her towards the more feminine style with lots of sundresses and skirts. We kept her decision making to a minimum by asking her to tell us only of the items she didn't like. We would discard a lot as getting six girls to agree on what looks good is harder than herding cats, but we still ended up with a good start.

Something about the process may have put pressure on her self image issues as I heard her discussing feminisation surgeries with Ellie later. Aaron had promised to pay for them and I think Gabi was still a bit angry at him, so was willing to spend his money quite happily. They then spent time researching on the internet and chatting to Ellie's father.

When it came time to get ready for the show I was unsure whether we should all go or if one of us should remain with Gabi, but Gabi didn't want any of us to miss out and pushed us all to go. She told me she felt fine spending time with Lisa and the girls. She also promised me that if she got upset and felt the need to run away, she would run straight to the RV and lock herself in. In some way I was glad because it meant I could have a chat with Ellie and Sarah about her. I was curious about the result of her discussion with Ellie and Ellie's father and Sarah was in charge of helping her with her dilations and I wanted to know how that was going.

Once we left and before I could start the discussion, Sarah beat me to the punch, by airing her concerns.

“Are we forcing Gabi to be too submissive?” she asked.

“What are you worried about?” Ellie quizzed.

“I'm loving our little family. That's sort of how I see it now. Like we have left home and started our own family, just the four of us,” Sarah continued.

“I know what you mean. I have never felt so loved,” I admitted.

“That's not quite what I mean. I know my parents still love me, but I am not a child anymore. At some point every child has to leave the nest, so to speak. Even though I now consider myself an adult it wasn't until Gabi bound us together somehow, that I felt a sort of, us and them feeling. Like we have something precious that I would stand up against the world to protect and yet, for some reason I am now worried about losing it.”

“And you are worried that if we make Gabi too submissive, we might lose her?” Ellie asked, trying to work out Sarah's fears.

“Yes,” Sarah said with a sigh.

“There is so much wrong with those thoughts I almost don't know where to begin.” Ellie stopped us so that we were facing each other. “I think we can all agree that we now have something special. Something better than I ever thought I would find in my life. That didn't happen between the three of us and this relationship isn't really about all four of us. It is us and Gabi or Gabi and us. Without her we fall apart. It is her love and want to please that everything depends on. And yes she is submissive, but that doesn't make her weak.

“Sarah,” Ellie continued, “look me in the eyes, you need to hear this. Gabi is not Tina. Tina, despite the games she played with you was never emotionally involved. She was always looking for her next fix. When you were unavailable, she had no problems going elsewhere, because she was not in love with you. I don't think she even realised that you would be hurt by her actions. She wanted to be a toy, not a lover.”

Tina was Sarah's ex and I think Ellie covered it pretty well. She was addicted to pain and submission and didn't care who provided it. Sarah thought she was in a relationship, but it was entirely one sided and always headed for disaster.

“But Gabi does whatever we tell her to,” Sarah almost complained, which was hypocritical considering that was exactly what she wanted Gabi to do.

“No, she doesn't,” I answered. “I thought it would be better if one of us stayed behind with her and she argued with us very firmly and it's not the first time.”

“Gabi wants to please the people she cares for. When we concentrate on her she needs reassurance that it pleases us to do so. She loves us and is happy to do what we ask of her as she knows it gives us joy. Notice though, she is not a doormat and will stand up for herself if we go against her rules,” Ellie explained.

“Her rules?” Sarah asked confused.

“When we first met her, when she was still pretending to be Drew. She told us, that she didn't want pain or humiliation. Originally I would say she was happy to suffer some discomfort if it made one of us more comfortable, now I suspect she would do much, if she thought it made us happy and we are probably going to have to watch for that. She is submissive but that doesn't mean she is inferior or lesser in any way. In fact she is the one in power. If you think about it, one word from her and we would all back off. Can any of you imagine doing something to deliberately hurt her? and then imagine what we would do to prevent her from getting hurt,” Ellie continued.

“Happy wife, happy life,” I commented. She was right, the thought of hurting her was abhorrent. When she was happy, we were happy and when she wasn't, life was horrible.

“And Gabi is the wife,” Sarah stated.

“Yes, and I'll tell you why your fears are groundless. She wouldn't do anything that she thought would upset us. That is the opposite of who she is. She loves us and that is that,” Ellie concluded.

I hoped that put Sarah's fears to rest. Now to change the subject. “Sarah I wanted to ask how the dilation was going?” We had agreed between us that we needed to help Gabi as much as possible and Sarah was the best person to monitor this. We started walking towards our entrance for the concert again.

“Three times a day seems to be sufficient. We are definitely making progress and it has already gone from painful to discomfort,” she reported.

“That was something I wanted to discuss with you guys. I have been doing research and it is a lot better than it used to be, partially because the techniques that are used in SRS have improved greatly although the name they use seems to change by the week, but there are reports of post surgical women who never enjoy sex afterwards. Now I was wondering if dilation might be part of the cause,” Ellie told us.

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

“Well, dilation, especially in the early stages is quite painful, so the mind might start associating penetration with pain rather than pleasure. Imagine remembering significant pain whenever someone touches you intimately. It could be a real turn off.”

“And your solution?” I asked her.

“Obviously we want dilation to be a pleasurable experience. I thought we could triple team her, treating her like a virgin queen. You know work her up slowly and then only start the dilation when she is excited, go slowly so it doesn't stop her enjoyment. Sarah you will have to be very careful, watching her intently to make sure you are pacing it right without getting carried away.”

“I can do that,” Sarah answered with a big grin.

I think my grin was pretty wide as well. We would have to pamper our queen three times a day for months, it made sense to make it fun and this was definitely going to be fun.