Sad Smiles

Chapter 1 Buffy's POV

This was going to be the best summer ever. Ellie's brother had hit the big time and their band High Notes was going to be the opening act for The Bleeding Heart Boys tour. We were going to follow the tour at least for the US and Canada section. We had passes to all the shows and an allotted parking space in all the locations for our RV. We were on our way travelling from Las Vegas to Phoenix where the first event was to take place.

We had just filled up, grabbed a few snacks and were stretching our legs when I spotted him. There was something about him that drew me in. Maybe it was maternal instincts or something because I felt an urge to go and give him a hug. There was nothing sexual in it as I didn't swing that way and have known that since I was twelve. I was perhaps not the best judge, but I would say he was more pretty than handsome, although his face was covered with the scruff of a very light beard.

He wasn't doing anything to gain attention, sitting at an outside table staring into the distance, elbows on the table and one hand playing with the bristles under his chin. I was the first one out of the shop since I only wanted a coffee, so, on a whim, or giving in to my unexplainable internal pull, I sat opposite him.

“Hi, I'm Buffy,” I said with my normal cheery voice. Buffy wasn't what my parents named me. I am a short curvy blonde-haired, blue-eyed cheerleader who loves martial arts. I was so used to everyone calling me Buffy that I have given up on my real name.

He blinked a few times and turned to me. He looked me in the eyes, which was a nice change. My breasts are a bit overlarge for my frame, so I was used to men staring below my face. He then attempted to smile, but it was the saddest smile I had ever experienced. The smile did reach his eyes but his soft brown eyes seemed to contain a world of hurt.

“Hi, I'm Drew,” he said softly. I almost had to strain to hear him.

By this point, Ellie and Sarah joined me with a slightly puzzled look upon their faces. There was another table unoccupied and Sarah almost disliked all men on sight.

“This is Ellie and Sarah,” I gestured to indicate who I meant as they sat down, “guys, this is Drew.”

Ellie and Sarah both gave an awkward mini-wave. Drew glanced at both of them with his attempted smile in place.

I wasn't the only one to notice his pained expression and Sarah was a lot more aggressive than me, especially with men.

“What's wrong? You look like your dog died,” Sarah asked.

Ellie hit Sarah's shoulder with a slap to indicate that she was not behaving appropriately. Considering how often that happens, Ellie's hand should be sore.

My friend's actions distracted me enough that I missed Drew's initial reaction and when I turned to look at him he was looking into the distance again, blinking, trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears that were tracking down his face.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“Oh my God, your dog did die, didn't it,” Ellie said, taking the opportunity to smack Sarah on her shoulder again.

Drew attempted to smile again. “No. I don't have a dog.” He took some deep breaths to control himself and then sighed. “Just a very bad day.” His voice was still very soft and quiet with a cute accent.

That urge to hug him was back and strong. I think Ellie was likewise affected, judging by her caring expression, but Sarah was being her usual forceful self.

“What happened?” Sarah asked with a tone that suggested it couldn't be that bad, whatever it was.

Drew looked at Sarah carefully. Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders as if to say why not?

“I was backpacking, hitching a ride to Las Vegas when I received some bad news,” he paused, his face falling even further. “I made the mistake of crying. He kicked me out of his car and drove off with my backpack in his boot.”

“Shit. What is it about men and crying? I think men showing their emotions is a good thing,” Ellie stated. “What about your wallet?”

“In the front pocket of my backpack. My sole possessions are my passport, my phone and my emergency credit card,” Drew said.

“Not too bad then,” Sarah suggested.

“My phone has run out of power, not that it matters, as I have no one to call and the credit card is my father's, which may not work since he is now officially missing presumed dead,” he answered and then dropped his head in his hands.

I went around the back of him to rub his back and glare at Sarah who had seriously put her foot in her mouth. She mouthed 'sorry' to me with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Um, you could borrow my phone if you need to call somebody,” Sarah said with a hint of apology in her voice.

He looked up with obvious tear tracks down his face and glared at Sarah angrily. “Who do you think I should call? My mother, missing presumed dead, maybe my grandparents, oh no that won't work, they are missing presumed dead too. What about my eleven-year-old sister...” The anger disappeared from his voice to be replaced by such anguish that I had to close my eyes in sympathy. Then he dropped his head into his hands again and started sobbing.

He was still sobbing ten minutes later when Sarah gestured us to gather a short distance away.

“What do you want to do? We need to get back on the road, but I don't like leaving the guy like this,” Sarah whispered as we gathered in a huddle.

“I think his whole family must have been on that airplane that is in the news. The one that has disappeared somewhere over the Atlantic,” Ellie informed us.

“That is so messed up and then to get chucked out of the car for crying, losing all his stuff. If his credit card doesn't work he is truly fucked,” I said, deliberately using the swear word which had more impact since I make a point to almost never swear.

“We could take him with us,” Ellie murmured.

“No. No way. We are three lesbians in an RV with one double bed and one single. He would depress all of us and ruin our summer.”

“But..” I started.

“No. He is not our responsibility,” Sarah continued and led us back to the RV. Both Ellie and I turned back frequently, but Sarah tugged us away. We could have resisted her, she wasn't that strong, but if one of us didn't agree it would never work.

For the next half an hour he was all I could think about as Sarah drove us away. I wasn't the only one as Ellie kept on giving me these pained looks. I thought Sarah was immune, but after that half an hour she pulled over.

“Shit!” Sarah said to no one in particular, followed by, “Shitfuck, Shitfuckshit!”

“Alright,” she said finally, “we'll go back and get him, but he better obey my rules.”

When we returned he was still sitting at that table. The sobbing had stopped and he was back to staring into the distance again.

I think he was in shock or something, so it wasn't hard to cajole him into our RV with the promise of recharging his phone on our journey to Phoenix. He curled himself into a fetal position on the double bed and cried himself to sleep. I spooned him, stroking his arm until I heard his breathing change and then slipped out to join the other two.

“He's asleep,” I told them.

“So what's the plan?” Ellie asked Sarah, who tended to be our decision-maker.

“We'll set him up with my laptop whilst we are at the concert. He can search the internet and work out where he can go from here. If he has online banking, he should be able to sort his out his immediate issues. He can stay the night with us, then we can drop him off somewhere tomorrow. If you are right about his family, Ellie, nothing that we or anyone else can do is going to fix him, so don't expect him to leave with smiles and giggles,” Sarah answered.

“It's almost better when he doesn't smile,” I muttered. His smiles really pulled on my heartstrings. He was a stranger. I should have been more worried about him being an axe murderer than whether he needs a hug.

We tried to turn our conversation towards the first concert on the tour and recapture the excitement that we had started the day with. It was a bit forced, but we put some positive music on and danced a bit to shake off the sad mood. Seeing Ellie's brother and his bandmates would be nice. We had watched them and supported them whenever we could. The Bleeding Heart Boys, on the other hand, were majorly famous and the thought of seeing them and practically living next door to them was a big deal to all of us. Most of my friends from school had crushes on one or more of them. I had even pretended to like Damon when I was pretending to be straight. Damon was married now and was bringing his wife and baby daughter on tour with him. Billy and Ethan were in serious relationships, so it was only Aaron, who was still on the prowl.

Sat Nav made finding the place easy and our backstage passes got us through security and into our allotted space. We were hooked up to all the amenities quickly and then came to our first unexpected awkwardness. We wanted to get ready for the night which would involve a certain amount of nakedness and we had a boy sitting on our bed.

Drew handled it really well by moving into the front and asking us to give him a knock when we were finished. He seemed a bit better after a sleep.

Trish, the tour manager, knocked and introduced herself, telling us when and where we needed to be. Other than that we were back on track and enjoying dolling ourselves up. Our wardrobes mainly consisted of dresses with some casual clothes for the days between the shows. Even Sarah, who much preferred skinny jeans, had agreed to dress up for the concerts.

Drew waited for us to leave before he started his internet activity, I think that was so he didn't upset himself in front of us again. We set off, the three amigos, ready for a wonderful night. We enjoyed High Notes with their upbeat pop songs which was a nice counterpoint to the slightly sad ballads that The Bleeding Heart Boys were famous for.

Afterwards, meeting up with all the talent was nerve-racking, but they didn't behave like prima-donnas. There were enough other giggling girls that were begging for their attention that we managed to meet them with some decorum. Aaron flirted very heavily with me and then started following me when I tried to stay away. I tried to politely put him off and that didn't work at all. I could tell that he thought he was God's gift to women. In desperation, I told him that I was seeing someone and when he tried to insinuate that if my fella wasn't here, no one needed to tell him what went on. I told him that Drew was on our RV waiting for me.

He had managed to attack when I was culled from the herd but backed off with that revelation, which allowed me to try and rejoin Ellie and Sarah. I found Sarah and she pointed out Ellie who was in an earnest conversation with Aaron. I was wondering if I was going to have to go rescue her when Aaron backed off from her and she headed to us.

“We are going to have to be careful with that one,” Ellie said when she approached.

“Aaron?” I asked. “I know what you mean.”

“Be careful not to offend him. This tour will cater to the whim of those Bleeding Heart Boys,” Sarah noted.

“I know. He was hard to put off. I thought about telling him that I am a lesbian, but I know his type and he would just see that as a challenge,” I agreed.

“How did you get him to back off, then?” Ellie asked me.

“I told him I was seeing someone and when that didn't slow him down, I told him that Drew was waiting for me back in the RV,” I admitted.

“Seriously? Cause I said the same,” Ellie replied giggling.

“Did you both mention him by name?” Sarah asked us.

“Yeah.”

“Yup.”

“Shit,” Sarah swore.

“Yeah.”

“Yup.”

Then we all looked at each other and laughed.

“What are you going to do if he starts chasing you?” Ellie asked Sarah.

“I don't think I am his type.” Sarah is the most butch of us, even in a dress and dressed to thrill. She has short hair and her expression is always a bit more predatory than mine or Ellie's. “If he does,” Sarah continued with a smile, “I'll tell him I am dating Drew.”

I looked around to see if our laughter was attracting attention and saw Aaron with his arm around a groupie looking at me with a frown.

Sarah also noticed Aaron's look. “I am going to text Drew and give him a heads up, just in case,” Sarah mentioned.

I was glad she was sending the text, I wouldn't know what to say. I don't think Drew knew that we were lesbians either, so we might be exchanging one amorous male for another. Not that I thought that was really going to be a problem. Drew felt like someone I needed to protect, not seek protection from.

Aaron didn't approach me again that evening, but I noticed he was never far away. The groupie disappeared from his arm and I could feel that we were under his focus, so I wasn't surprised that when we decided to retire, he followed us, catching up to us on our way back.

“Hi girls. I hope you don't mind. I felt like I needed to meet this Drew guy. Seeing two girls at the same time in the same RV. Respect,” he said with a disbelieving tone of voice.

“Three,” Sarah added with a smile.

“Three?” he asked.

“Three,” we all said giggling.

When we got to the RV, Aaron gestured us back to prevent us from pulling some kind of trick on him and knocked boldly on the door.

Drew answered, opening the door. “Oh, sorry, I was expecting someone else. Err.. Who are you? I recognise you from somewhere. Are you famous?” Then he looked past Aaron and saw us. His face transformed with a huge smile. “Hi girls.”

“Seriously? You don't know who I am?” Aaron asked as we all waved back at Drew. I don't know about Sarah or Ellie, but my grin was stretched wide.

“Nah, just kidding you. You're Aaron, a singer in that band. Nice to meet you. One second though, mate, I've been missing my girls.” With that, he manoeuvred past Aaron to catch us all up in a group hug. Before turning back around to a stunned Aaron and offering his hand to shake. “Thanks for escorting them back,” he told Aaron as he shook his hand. “Girls, if you feel threatened, just give me a call and I will come out to you.”

“Err..” Aaron stuttered.

“I hope you don't mind. I would like to spend some quality time with my lovelies,” Drew said as he ushered us all in.

We waved goodbye to Aaron and went in. We watched through the window as Aaron walked away shaking his head.

“I could use a drink,” Drew said followed by a small giggle.

Drew giggling shocked me for a second although I wasn't sure why it did seem to suit him whereas a manly chuckle just wouldn't have worked. It broke the tension and we all started laughing. Sarah got out the tequila and shot glasses. We settled around the table.

“So, how was your evening?” Drew asked.

“It was great apart from the man chasing issues. What did Sarah send you?” I asked.

“Aaron the A-hole won't stop. I am now the official pretend boyfriend to y'all. Something like that anyway. Good news on my front. I've cancelled my cards. I can't get any new ones as they have to be sent to my registered address, but I can pay for stuff online. If one of you doesn't mind, I'll put some money into your account and you can give me some cash.”

“So what are your plans? What are you going to do next?” Sarah asked.

The smile dropped from his face. “There is going to be a memorial service at ground zero in New York on the month anniversary. They are pretty sure it was a terrorist attack although three different groups have claimed credit. I want to be there for that, then I guess I will head back to the UK and try and pick up the pieces.” He sighed.

“Between now and then?” I asked.

“I want to keep myself occupied with something, but I can't really travel. I know I am liable to break down and cry at the drop of a hat. I may just fly to New York and stay in a hotel until the memorial.”

I looked to Sarah and then Ellie to see if they were thinking what I was thinking. I'm not that good at reading facial expressions though, so I just tried to send a pleading expression to Sarah, since she was the one who would object if anyone did.

Sarah sighed. “I don't know if this will work out, but..”

I squealed and Ellie smiled while Drew just looked puzzled.

“Look, we are all lesbians, we have no interest in you sexually, at all,” Sarah continued.

“Why didn't you just tell Aaron that?” Drew asked curiously.

“Some men understand that to mean we haven't met the right guy yet and they are that guy. The only thing that puts them off is another guy. Preferably one who has bigger cojones than them. By appearing to date all three of us, that should put you in the right category. I need to tell you something else, but I need more drink for that. Do you play cards?”

“What are you suggesting?” Drew asked.

“Poker, bet in shots to be consumed by the loser of the bet,” Sarah suggested.

Five hands later and I had to bow out. Any more shots and I would be trashed. Ellie lasted one more round and then Sarah said she was ready. I didn't know what she was going to say or what she needed to get drunk to reveal. Then again my brain wasn't functioning at its best at that point in time.

Sarah paused dramatically. “I was raped.”

“No,” Drew said with real sadness and that boy had a real gift for showing sadness.

I gasped in shock. I knew that she had been raped, but I never in a million years would have believed that she would tell a boy her deepest secret. I looked at Ellie with my eyes still opened in surprise to see her with a similar expression.

Drew got up shakily and made his way around to Sarah and clumsily hugged her. “That is so so wrong. What happened?”

I winced when he hugged her. A boy hugging Sarah when she hadn't asked for it was in for a world of hurt. He was obviously a sweet boy with the right intentions but as a man hugging a confessed rapee, he was clearly not thinking.

Sarah turned into the hug, hugged him back and started sobbing.

Once I had picked my jaw up off my chest, I tried and Ellie tried to get in on the hug. With the confined space it was difficult, but we made sure that she knew we were there.

“Sorry, sorry,” Sarah kept muttering.

Drew just kept rubbing her back, telling her that she was surrounded by love. His words were sincere too. I felt goosebumps when he said it. He meant it. He had only known us a few hours and yet he was connected to us all. I had the same connection although I didn't understand it.

Sarah managed to gather herself together and after patting Drew's hand in thanks, asked him to return to his seat. “I don't want to talk about it. I needed to tell you though so you would understand what I meant. I think we all want you to stay with us on our trip. We are following the tour which will lead us to New York in about a month. It should be a win-win. We keep you distracted and heading in the right direction, you keep Aaron off our backs.”

“But...” Drew added expectantly.

“Since my …. event. I struggle to even be civil to men. The closer they are to me the more fear and anger seems to go through me. The thought of being in a confined space with a man nearby would normally be impossible. That hug you gave me was the first time a man has touched me without me reacting negatively and that includes my father. For some reason, you don't trip my issues...yet. I am waiting for it to happen and when it does...”

“I will leave without complaint. More than that, if there is anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable, just let me know. Even if it something silly like wear a balaclava, if it helps, I'll do it,” Drew said, looking earnestly into her eyes.

“Are you gay?” Ellie asked.

“No,” Drew gave another of his sad smiles. Truthfully none of us would have asked the question if we hadn't drunk a little too much. “Although I have been called that enough times usually with names much less pleasant. I am perhaps not the manliest of men. I don't seem to like or enjoy the same things they do. I've accepted who I am and refuse to live my life to stereotypes that I don't seem to conform to. If you are going to ask me personal questions do you mind if I ask you one?”

We all just shrugged. It depended on the question.

He obviously took that as permission granted. “If you are all lesbians travelling together, are you in a relationship with each other?”

“Not exactly, more friends with benefits,” I answered.

“He deserves more than that,” Ellie decided. “We are good enough friends to be together but we don't quite fit with what we like, physically. I like to watch and be watched.” Ellie then blushed furiously.

“Sarah and I are too dominant to be more than occasional lovers,” I admitted.

“Do you understand about dominance and submission?” Sarah asked him.

“I think so,” he replied.

“Are you submissive?” I asked.

“I don't think so. It's like the whole concept doesn't quite fit me. I don't like pain. It is a complete turn off and I have no desire to order anyone around,” he responded.

“And if I was to order you to do something?” I questioned.

“I think it would depend on what it was and your reasons for it. Take the balaclava comment I made earlier. Even if it caused me discomfort, if it made Sarah feel better, I wouldn't mind wearing it. If, on the other hand, she wanted me to wear it to make me look silly and humiliate me then I wouldn't wear it. Likewise, if you asked me to do something sexually because it would give you pleasure, there is a good chance I would be happy to comply.”

I was quite impressed with his reply, especially considering how much alcohol he had consumed, but I guess we wouldn't be having this conversation if we hadn't done the tequila shots.

“What if I tied you up and forced you to have multiple orgasms?” Sarah quizzed with a dreamy lusty smile.

“First of all, I would be impressed since it is pretty tough for a guy to have multiple orgasms. Generally, if my having pleasure clearly pleased my partner I would be fine with it, but I would need to know that they were enjoying themselves or I think I would lose my lust.”

Ellie sighed, clearly picturing the scene Sarah described. “I wish you were a girl,” she said.

That was when it hit me almost like one of those cartoon light bulbs blinking on. Drew was female, his body didn't matter. That wasn't who he was. He was a she. And that changed everything.

Going to sleep that night was a disaster. We let Sarah decide as she was the most uncomfortable with a male presence. I wanted to tell her of my epiphany, without Drew overhearing, which is really tricky in the RV. I thought it might put her mind to rest, at least a little bit, but I never got the chance. Sarah decided on the old, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, so Ellie was in her usual single bed on her own, Drew was on the outside of the double bed facing away, Sarah was spooning him and I was behind her.

Ellie had a good night's sleep, but she was the only one. I could feel Sarah staying tense for ages and I was woken later by the sounds of Drew crying. We all tried to stick it out. That meant to me, we all desperately wanted this to work. In the morning, when we sat around the table having a toast breakfast Drew brought up the elephant in the room. We were all looking tired and depressed.

“Thank you all. When I felt all alone in the world and needed a friend, you all appeared, like some kind of miracle. I love the idea of staying with you, but I think we are going to have to accept that it just isn't going to work. If you don't mind me borrowing the laptop, Sarah, I will book a flight to New York and a hotel.”

“NO!” I said loudly, bringing shocked faces from them all. “We are not giving up that easily. Drew has said he is very accommodating, so we just have to work out how to fix this.”

“I'm not sure this can be fixed,” Drew said quietly. “I'm still grieving and I can't promise that I won't wake up crying.”

“I don't think any of us mind that. Being there for you when you need me, makes me feel good. I would hate the idea of you going through that alone,” Sarah admitted. “The only time I fell asleep was after I had comforted you from your distress.”

Drew reached across and stroked Sarah's hand. “Thank you. You did make me feel better. Even if you can accept that, I can't magically change into a girl at night and I know Sarah was not able to relax knowing I was in the same bed.”

“You don't need magic, just good props,” I said, thinking aloud. “The question is just how accommodating are you willing to be.” I turned to Drew to look seriously in his eyes, “let's imagine I could do magic, would you be willing to be changed into a girl, every evening for the next three or so weeks?”

“No one else would know, just you three?” Drew clarified. I nodded. He paused to think about it with due consideration, knowing that there was a serious element to this. “I don't think I would mind.”

I turned to Sarah. “And if Drew was to become a woman every evening, do you think you would have any issues?” I asked her.

She snorted. “Of course not.”

“Right. I need to take Drew shopping.” I smiled at Drew which for some reason seemed to unnerve him a bit. Oh Well.

I did some internet searches first. I was not a local to the area and I had never needed to buy the items I was looking for before. I found that most of the stuff I was looking for tended to be ordered online and required certain measurements. I found one that was based in Phoenix, so I gave them a ring and we were in business. I didn't really want Sarah involved until later so I dropped her and Ellie off at a mall where we would join them later. Drew did need to buy some more clothes anyway.

Once they were gone, I explained to Drew what my intentions were. Having worked in theatre I was well aware of the different ways to change the body to create almost magical appearances. In this case, nothing too fantastical was required. His body needed to both look and feel like a natural woman, but only to casual inspection. I didn't need to teach him to walk like a woman, how to wear heels, sit properly, put on makeup or any of the hundreds of things that women do differently than men.

First, he was going for a full-body wax, then he was going to be fitted for silicone breasts and a silicone vagina. It would need to be glued on, but, and I checked, you could use temporary glue or longer-lasting glue. With the temporary glue, it could be easily removed the next morning and reapplied each evening. We would buy a few nighties and spray him with some perfume and I reassured him Sarah would sleep fine. What I didn't tell him was that part of the reason that I thought Sarah would be fine was because I was going to tell her that I thought he really was a girl. Emotionally female, female brain, in fact, female in every way except his physical body. The intriguing thought was how he could be unaware of this fact.

I didn't doubt my conclusions. I had been playing a little game, like deliberately wearing a top that didn't quite match my skirt and asked his opinion. He immediately suggested changing my outfit since it wasn't quite right. With my internet searching, I found a heap of questions that tended to differentiate between men and women. I threw a few of those questions to Drew and he always picked the female answers. That evening I intended to pretend I was doing a questionnaire from Cosmopolitan and get everyone's answers. I had a feeling Drew would be more female than Sarah.

That, in combination with a transformed Drew, would be more than enough for Sarah to calm her fears. The only question was whether Drew would be willing to do this, so before we spent any money, I wanted Drew to be aware of the whole, waxing and wearing silicone parts elements. He was more thoughtful than shocked since he had half guessed what I had in mind. Once he agreed it was all steam ahead.