" 'You don't understand, Sky. At anime conventions and cosplay things people were famous for being Tranies and signed autographs, and you're so cute, you should want peeps to know.' "

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 14

 © 2008 by Jan S

---

Thursday, May 22th, (Morning)

Hi, Mars,
Gaw, I have got soooo much to tell you! You got a lot of time? Well I don't --bluuckkk -- Daddy says I haveta do tons and more of 'puter class things today. But at least he wasn't mad about my not doing much lately.

Anyway, I'm soooo glad he's back even if it means I got to get busy. It seems like it has been forever, but it seems all the last week stuff didn't last at all. You know?

But I absolutely need to tell about the Zack stuff, OK? Because that didn't work at all like I'd xpected.

OK, first all, our first night dinner was all ruined totally, because Daddy wanted to know about that before they got here, which I knew it would be. And I only told about him starting off friendly and how he got mean because I wouldn't do something he wanted. And that he'd called me names and stuff.

But Daddy wanted to know about the threat thing, and I thought that Dr. Philips must of said something about that, but no, I did. And so I had to tell about there being pictures that Zack wouldn't want people to see, but I didn't say what the pictures were and told him that I hadn't actually kept them anyway, and Daddy didn't ask anymore or about what Zack wanted me to do either. He just sighed real, real deep like.

But then he talked about the food for a while, which I had made myself, but it was this chicken thing of Andrea's, and she hovered over me the whole time telling me how all over again, but she was in a good mood about all of it anyway, and I think she just likes to show people how to do kitchen stuff even if they're not doing wrong. Anyway, it wasn't much fun talking about it because of feeling worried about the other thing. I was sure it was going to be a big battle with all lots of "You did this," "No, but you did that" things going on for days and all.

So it wasn't 'til after they left that I asked Daddy about the trip. and it turns out he didn't have to go to Boston to talk to doctors, which is what I thought he was doing, but he just went to see Granpaw's lawyer. And Marsh did you know that he actually left us money, and something is going on with it, but then Daddy stopped talking real quick, and obvi he didn't really want me to know anything about any of that, and it had just slipped. But do you know what he was talking about? Or are you going to ignore the kid's questions about that like you did last time about money?

Alright, but I don't really know about that, so back to the Zack stuff now and save the rest of yesterday for later, because it'll all take forever. And so, you know, I was like real, real scared whenever I thought about Zack and parentals coming all during dinner, because I still thought that Zack might have told tons of lies, even though he hadn't sneered or anything yesterday at all or anything, but had just not even looked at me at all, and I knew he was in trouble too.

So Daddy had told them to come at eight o'clock, which is when we get done with dinner mostly.

OK, so when the door rang Daddy opened it, and Zack was standing there, and I'd just come from the hall when it opened because I'd gone to change into a T and shorts, because I'd worn this new sun dress that is kinda like Hawaiian, with a print of big flowers and green leaves like Hawaiian shirts are with a halter top, that I'd just got today, to make it a happy dinner.

But Zack, he was all in like dressy clothes, a shirt with a collar and pants with a pleat, and he was holding a pie, Marsh!!

And his father was right behind him, and he was holding Zack. I mean he only had his hand on the back of Zack's neck, just sitting there like to steer or something, but it looked like he was holding him because of the way Zack looked; just sort of like he was being carried like the way mean people carry puppies, you know?

And the first thing he did was to say he was all sorry for messing up my pie, and the rude things he had said to me, and you know. And you know, it didn't mean anything at all because it was all rehearsed like and not the words he would have thought of probably, but his look when his father was making this speech kind of seemed like he was sorry for real, and not just sad about getting in trouble or just embarrassed about the way his parentals were talking.

Zack said he had made the pie to replace the one he had messed up weeks ago. And his father said all of this stuff about Zack getting into a bad group, but it not being the kids' fault, just Zack thinking that he got what he wanted by showing off or by spending money on peeps and thinking that was leadership, and finding peeps that bought into that. And I think that was a lot like what Ms Y. had said about the rich kid's disease one time, that I think I told you about, remember? She said I wasn't about to let Lisa get away with that.

Then Zack's mother, she was there too, said that he was going to change and learn that being able to do things, like make pies, wasn't a bad thing, and he had started that by making this one he had brought. But that meant a lot of other things he was going to learn about too.

They also said things about being nice to people and not bulling people that were different. And that was me of course, but I've known about that for years and years, and didn't so much mind them saying it.

But, Marsh, I started to fell sorry for him. When Mrs. Philips was talking (and later I learned she's really called Dr. Connelly), I just had this idea that they were trying to rebuild Zack. Or that, when she was talking about him learning to cook and be more caring, that Zack was going to be in dresses and stuff and be made to be girly, and that was just a gross, gross idea and all. Right?

So I asked could I talk to them alone and told them not to remake him at all -- that it was horrible to not be allowed to be like you really were -- because he had been the first nicest person when I got here, and that was a real good part of him, and that it was just he sometimes wanted to be too bossy, but being bossy was good when it was for the right ways.

Because I really do think he's like that, Mars: a jerk because he thinks that makes people like him, but really, really nice down under. Just because of the way he looked and because of how sad he was yesterday and tonight too. And I told them about the fight at the rec center, and that it wasn't him, too. And said not to try and change him but let the real him come out.

And he smiled, and she said I was wise (yeah, well, you know whatever), and then Dr Philips told Zack that I had argued for him, and Zack was still standing right by the door holding the pie still, and hadn't hardly moved, and I asked if they wanted to eat some and said if it was mine I could share it.

And while I was cutting it Ms Philips -- Dr. Connelly, I mean -- was looking at my hands and, see, on Monday, when I was real down and all, Ms Y. had helped all of us try to do French nails, and she wasn't real good at it because she always has hers done and a different way, but some of the white was still there, and there was a light pink polish on top too, but I didn't think that showed up, and also right then I noticed that my cloud necklace had come out from under my T.

And she asked to look at the necklace, and she said she wished Zack would take good care of his nails like that, and I said it was glaze from pottery and if it got hot enough would turn green and that I didn't think Zack would like doing his nails that much, and she smiled and said she just meant keeping them cut and clean and not biting them, and she wasn't going to make him do fancy things to them, but if I wanted to do very fancy things to mine ever, that was just fine with her.

And I think that was like a coded message, wasn't it, Marsh? And it meant she knew about me sometimes doing girl things, or at least the finger nails, and didn't care?

But OK, so while eating the pie we had to talk about summer plans, and I've got none, and Zack has tons; like two camps, and they're going to Mexico; and Daddy wants to go to the Grand Canyon and places, and I hadn't heard that yet. But even before Zack could finish his firsts on pie, they were talking about kidneys. They don't work at the dialysis center, but he's a hematologist and she does lots of biopsies including kidneys, so they were talking about Daddy's things at the Mayo Clinic.

Then Dr Connelly said Zack and I should go to my room, and I didn't want that, you know, and hoped Daddy would say, "No, watch TV," but he didn't, and I tried to get Zack to just look at the DVDs in the living room, but he said, sort of whispered, "It's OK, Sky. I want to tell you something."

So then in the hall I like said that Sky was a cousin and sometimes we changed places and not me, and he said sort of: "OK. Whatever." And then he didn't say anything when we got in my room about anything, like the dolls and all my shoes by the wall, and I'd left my new dress just on the bed.

But instead he said he really was sorry, and especially about the pictures and about what he did in his room, and didn't know why I hadn't told anyone about any of it. And he wanted to be friends again and he'd try better and all like that.

And I said that would be really nice, and I wanted to be friends too, and that sometimes he was really nice but, if he was going to go back and do like he had, I would just feel sorry for him from a distance.

And he smiled and said, "OK, I won't ever, really. Please." And I think he really did mean it, Mar.

And he said that his brother had tried to tell him he was an asshole, and hadn't told his parent's about the pie until after the finger shooting thing, and he had been like he was about to beat him up about that. And that his brother had always been like: "Saying 'gay' and all names and being a tough guy was the opposite of being cool, because to be cool you let other people be." And that he had also got long speeches about all that from his parents because of what he had yelled at me. But that the thing that really got him was when I said he was gay for wanting that stuff in my letter, and he said he'd known that, he guessed, and it made him feel weird and scared too.

And I told him the things you said about not knowing at thirteen and being curious not being the same as wanting it for life; and he said, yeah, he daydreamed about girls too, and he had had that kind of race with boys, but only a couple of times, and it wasn't the same as what he thought about doing with people all the time, and that he thought those web sites were gross really but kept them to impress peeps, and didn't now because those boys were real jerks once he had got his allowance taken.

And he asked if I was gay, and I said (and I guess I haven't really said this before, not even to myself.) that I thought about what it would be like with boys doing that too, and with girls sometimes, but I mainly though about what it would be like just holding hands and kissing and hugging with a boy, more than any of that other stuff. So I don't know what that makes me at all.

And he said that when he first knew me he felt that way most about with me, more than with anyone else ever; he didn't want it to be like contest stuff, but nice.

And I told him that I thought it was different for little kids playing, which was what he had really done, than when older people, like us now, did sex stuff. And that I wasn't going to do any, any of that ever until I was lots older, at least sixteen. And he kind of thought that made sense.

And I don't know, Marsh, but does any of that sound right to you, or are we just missing something real huge?

But anyway, I guess I can't tell every word because when I try it always gets way long to make you read. But he was real nice that whole night. And we just sat beside the bed and talked about lots of stuff; and I even told him about flunking, and he was like that was no big deal because it was for missing school. And I told him I was going to Westcott Hall, and he called me a Ewhie, which is said like something smells bad, and what kids call people that go there because it is Evelyn Westcott Hall officially after this famous scientist lady form long ago, who invented something called Balthazar's Extract; but he was only kidding, because he wants to go there really too (because he is closet dweeb he said.) but is on the waiting list and not in yet. And he said it was because his mother didn't like the grades he got a public school, but not because they're bad but because they're real good, and he doesn't ever work at all.

So this got to be another Sky-sized letter, huh? But when his father called him, Zack asked to "meet" Sky, and I said sure someday, and I guess I'll have to let him, and I know he knows, of course, but he's like: "I'll pretend if that's what you want." And I think he wanted to kiss, but we didn't, and we had been sitting on the floor leaning on the bed, and I was right up next to him and his arm was on my shoulder then, and I hadn't ever noticed.

OK, so maybe I'm getting all fooled again, huh? But I really just want him to be really as nice as he acts like sometimes, and I think if I'm too mean then he can't ever be. Right?

So then after they left I got to talk to Daddy at last about important stuff, and he asked about the freak out a lot, but finally let it go, and told me about the trip and let the thing about Grandpaw slip. But, if Daddy hasn't said anything about the money from Granpaw, ask him. I think it's a lot, not like the Younger's a lot, but more than we ever thought. And she is doing something with it that's not supposed to happen. OK?

So anyway, I got to go and work; Daddy says we're going out tonight, so don't look for another letter, OK?

Then tomorrow I'm meeting up with Kaezee to go shopping for a new swimsuit because she only has a half day because of exams. All the elementary schools and Jr. Highs get out tomorrow too, and Lisa and Wendy have lots of parties, like two sleepovers each, for this weekend. And it's not first, third, or fifth weekend, so no Ann or Becky either. But the parties start with everyone swimming at the club, and it will be a huge crowd, so I really want to go. After that, though, it will be a long slow dullllllll holiday weekend for Sky, I guess.

Lisa was like she could get me an invite to the sleepovers because it would be lots of the girls that are going to be in my grade next year. She just doesn't see that I can't tell them I'll be going there when I'm being a girl, because I won't be at school, right? But she just spaces on that over and over.

G2G and do all that 'puter stuff, I guess. Bye.

I'm being real stupid again, right?

Loves & Hugs
Sky

---

---

>>Thursday, May 22nd (night)

Hi, Marsh
I didn't get to go out to eat with Daddy because he had to stay at his office and catch up on reports and everything from while he was gone. And I'm mad about it, really! It's not fair when he's been gone so much!

But so, I just stayed here and got a pizza for just me. Don't know why, but I got a white one, and it was my first time I could have had a tomato one. I learned to like 'em better, even though peeps all say they're weird.

But anyway, I went on CoH and Zack wasn't on, and I could have told if he was on another server, or even CoV too, so maybe it's because he's in trouble still, or studying because of exams, or playing WoW or something. So I built a huge toon, that's like one that's not male or female, but looks mostly male and is real, real bulky, and I made it a tank, which are the guys that get hit a lot and don't ever feel it much, and I went into the sewers with it, but getting hit on purpose wasn't much fun really.

So just bored, bored, bored..... So I thought of you -- OK, that didn't sound so nice, but you know what I mean!!

But anyway, Zack was at fly fishing today, and he was real, real nice too. And so was Jeff, you remember his partner all the time, and he thinks I'm a girl, and I continued to let him think that too, and so did Zack without even chuckling about it. And I asked Jeff why, if he thought I was a girl from the start, he had called me gay when I told him about cooking class at first; and Zack said, "Because Jeff always says that. He would call anyone gay for doing something girls do, even if it's a girl," or about like that. And Jeff kind of got embarrassed but didn't argue, so I guess he does. They are all so dumb, Marsh, aren't they?

But Jeff isn't that dumb actually because I found out he's got a scholarship to go to Westcott next year already. So, that's another person that I got to figure out what to tell when school starts. I think the thing is to just tell every one that Jude is a cousin of Jessica, who is called Sky, and both are called Jessie. And Sky was here while Jude was with an aunt or something. Do you think that will all work? If it did, I could be a girl outside 'til August.

But what else? Oh. I did get a swim suit last week with Ms Y. But I told Kaezee about it, and she was like that's a real bad suit for special kinds of girls to have, so it was lucky I didn't try to wear it. See the thing is, it's like stretchy and tight, and like with those some people look to see the middle part, you know? And boys like to see it, but girls too, to see how big the bulges on the side are, like. And so, like, even though I am kinda good at taping now, it would still just look flat, and some times when wet the tape outline could show unless I got this special thing or got so I could shape it just right. All right, I guess that's too much about all that, but I just wish I didn't have to worry about it always, and it'd be nice to have the right things.

But anyway we're going to try to take it back to Target -- Tar-jay, we always call it that -- and Daddy said, 'OK,' and to get three because peeps swim a lot out here. Which is pretty cool of him, right?

So anyway, back to about the suits. Kaezee and I are going to look for ones that have linings but are still real cute. And I haven't seen her in like forever, but we IM a lot. And the pool doesn't get really crowded until about four because the little kids don't have half days, just the high-schoolers. And we have to wait for Lisa and Wendy to get there to be their guest, and I'd asked them if Kaezee could be theirs too.

So that's tomorrow, and I might get my ears pierce too, but I forgot to talk to Daddy about it yet, and I think I could just stop wearing them at the start of August and they'd close up by school which is August 20th here, but the 18th for seventh graders for orientation. Do you think they would?

So that's all I guess. Daddy said he wouldn't be real late but it's already nine-thirty, but at least he didn't have to go the dialysis unit, because that always means real late.

Oh WAIT. I forgot to tell you, I got the rose I tried to make in pottery class this afternoon, and I'd tried to put eighteen petals on it because that was all the time I had, and eight fell of when it was fired the first time and five more did this time, when it was fired for the glaze, so it only now has five petals. Which is just real sad, but some of the petals didn't break and they are all made one at a time, and are pretty just by them selves, and I'm going to save some, and I'll give you some too. But I sent most and the sad rose to someone else already. But the petals are pink at the top and red at the bottom. (The pottery lady did little chips of all the mixed up glazes, so we could get the right colors this time.)

And we just did sugar cookies in cooking too today, but in lots of shapes, and had to go get them latter, and Zack and Jeff lucked out because they both came to help me get mine and my rose, and lots of people that didn't have two classes weren't coming back, so they got a dozen each. And I left mine over at the Youngers' because I went by there. No one was there yet, but Connie asked me to eat with them, but that was before I knew Daddy wasn't coming home because he won't ever call my cell for some reason, and had only left a message here. And we had even cancelled tutoring for going out and because the tutor had exams to grade.

And I'm surprised you don't know about the trust fund things yet. But I guess Daddy has reasons. He doesn't like to talk about her to me at all because he thinks it make me sad and mad too much. But I'll ask, because this might be something we should know about, like you said.

OK!!! There's Daddy! g2g

Bye,
Loves & Hugs,
Sky

---

---

>>Friday, May 23 (night)

Hi-s, Lisa,
OK, what I wanted to say just when you were leaving was that Zack asked me today if I wanted to go to see "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" with him tomar. (And I said, "Go with you, or GO with you?" And he said, "GOooo with me, I guess." and was all chuckling and blushing almost too! :)) ) And I know you don't like him much, but I think he's gotten lots, lots, lots, lots better lately. I really do, Lis. And especially after all that thing that happened at the pool today.

But here's the thing -- I'm not just bragging or something -- then that Jeff boy, you remember him? He's pretty cute with blondish hair, and was there with Zack? And he was in one of my rec center classes and mostly nice, and he's going to the Hall next year, in eighth -- Oh, he was the one that tried to break up the fight by the drinks last week and all, remember? Anyway, he asked me to go too, but I'm kinda sure that was just a go, not a GO. And actually they are both going at the same time. It's a big, huge group thing. So I was wondering if you would like to go and be with Jeff?? Please. It would be fun.

But I've got to know by three o'clock, and I know you won't be home tonight, so let me know right away and all, OK? That's because Zack's big brother is going to order all the tickets on line, and we pay him back when we get there. But it will probably sell out being brand new and a holiday, and we'll eat at the food court too.

Bye,

OH -- Hope you have fun at the party (or had by when you read this, Doh.) and BIG MAJOR GRATZ on graduating from sixth grade, middle schooler!! (I forgot to say that 'cuz of all the stuff, and I got you a prez too that I forgot today; I'll bring it tomar.)

Smiles,
Sky

---

---

>>Friday, May 23rd (night)

Hi, Marsh,
I haveta tell you about what happened today. It's just so -- ga! do I use the word Weird a LOT, or what? But whatever. Do you want to hear about it? OK, then stop reading. :-P

OK so this is what happened: I told you about the pool thing that everybody plus goes to on the last day of school, right?

Well Kaezee and I got there about four o'clock, and we were supposed to meet Ms Y. to sign us in as guest, but they let us go on in because they remembered me and knew the Y's would be there sooner or later too. And it already was way crowded with peeps. And Ann was there too, even though it's not their weekend on this side of town, so I knew Becky had to be close by. And Ann or someone had staked out a big territory over at the back of the pool, so we moved in with them.

And as soon as I sat down, Zack showed up and he was part of that group, I knew that right away, because he had a drink on our table. And I found out later that the boy next to Ann was his big brother, and they're sort of an item. But there were about ten, I think, others too, some that I'd seen around, or that Kaezee or Ann or Becky had seen at the mall and things.

And I got Kaezee to smear sun stuff all over my back, and Zack came and asked if he could, and Kaezee did this funny thing where she folded her arms and looked him up and down several times, before she said he could do the top and she would do the bottom, and everyone was laughing, even me, except Zack, who looked sooo clueless. And Zack's brother said to be careful with Kaezee's protege to him. I know that was off the point but it was so cute.

So then Becky showed up, and she said hi like she was surprised to see us, and then she said, "So, does everyone know our newest and cutest tranie, Sky?"

She did, Marsh. Just like that.

I felt like kicked in the stomach or something, you know? And I got up, and I started to go into the lady's locker to hide. But now I couldn't. And so I walked off towards the tennis courts on the grass. And Kaezee and Zack were both following, and Zack tried to hold my hand, and Kaezee said for him to go away, and he did. And I sat down and Kaezee did to, and I was crying and didn't want to, and she hugged me. And I don't even think that's what I am really, and why would she say that and stuff, I said.

And Zack came back with her. And she was like: "What's the matter?" She really was, Marsh.

And Kaezee said she was an idiot.

And she said, but the people there didn't care; they would all think it was great, and things like that, because they were in the group that's friends of gays at Westcott, and two of the boys were holding hand too, and none of them had problems with that kind of thing.

And I said that I don't want the world to know.

And she was all: "You don't understand, Sky. At anime conventions and cosplay things people were famous for being Tranies and signed autographs, and you're so cute, you want peeps to know." And she even said that Kaezee and I should make a Utube thing and we'd be famous and on Ophra, and things.

So I asked, "Is that the reason you ever wanted me around, to be your Famous Freak Friend?"

And Kaezee told her that I didn't want to be a 'Tranie' and famous for it, and those people were different, and that I wanted to just be a girl, a regular girl, and that Becky had just said I could never, never be one. And that was the very way I felt, Marsh. Not just mad because she said I wore girl's stuff, and told a secret.

And finally Becky went away, and so did Zack, because he had been standing close listening too. And I just sat there with Kaezee, and we decided to go back to the apartment, and she went to get our stuff. But she came running right back and hollering that I had to come and hear something.

And back at the group Zack and Becky were arguing about whether the boy I looked like was my cousin or my brother. And Jeff, he came from somewhere, was saying Zack had thought I was a boy at first. And Becky said she had just meant to tease because I looked so much like my brother, only, and was friends with Kaezee, who they did all already know about.

And Lisa had come and said she knew me real well and for a long time, and I was not only a girl but a girly-girl too much. And Zack said that he had been talking to Coach Barker, the girls coach at the Jr-Hi, when I got out of PE (which he only changed the coach to the girl's coach.), and that he had got mad at me and was being an asshole with all that boy stuff to Jeff, but was over it. And then Wendy said, real, real loud, that she had skinny-dipped with me, and she would have sure noticed a thing wiggling around and didn't. And a little kid saying that made them all laugh and listen. And then Amanda said, yeah, she was there too.

And by then most of the people that I didn't know that well were already tired of the whole thing, but what Wendy had said sort settled the whole thing (and that wasn't even a lie at all!) So then all I had left to be embarrassed about was that I'd gone skiny-dipping and the world knew it.

And none of the olds or the little kids in the groups near us seemed like they had heard anything, and Becky hugged me and said she was a jerk and an idiot and a creep, and I didn't argue, but did hug her back.

And the rest of the whole day was a lot of fun, and I don't think I even got sunburned any at all. And when the girls went in to change, no one minded me going, or said anything about that I hadn't brought clothes because I live across the street.

And Zack and Jeff had a cannon ball contest for about two hours, which kept them busy enough and just around for a little at a time, and BOTH of them asked me to go to a movie with them!!

And, Marsh, it was a lot of fun, and then it was over. But, anyway, it was except that I think still that Becky, and Ann too maybe, only like me because I am freak, maybe, like I had said. But, Marsh, they had liked me even before, at least some, way back in March, and no one has ever really liked Jude much at all, only Sky, or only once they thought I was a girl. So I don't know about them now.

And then when I was walking back though, I thought about how what Becky said I was was what I am, really. Not even really. But a boy who likes to wear girl things, and if people don't really mind that and think it's neat, then maybe I should just tell them. But then they know that I'm not a girl, and that isn't really the way I feel --- and I don't know. You know??

Marsha, what if she ever finds out that people think I'm a girl? I don't think I could stand being so embarrassed. And someday she will, and I should figure out how to stop all of this before, right?

Loves & Hugs, Sis,
Sky

P.S.: And, Marsh, don't say anything to our mother about the money things, OK. Daddy asked if you knew, and I think he's scared she will get like she was again.

---