I can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief as the bell rings to signify not just the end of the lesson, but the end of the school day, and the entire school term as well- and it’s been a hectic one to say the least. Obviously, I’ve been busy with schoolwork, and ballet, and cheer club too, but ever since the New Year, my life’s got even busier juggling my two sets of friends.

The dance club Melissa and I set up has been a great success- we regularly get more than 20 girls coming along, even some from our year, and it’s helped me to integrate more with Melissa’s gang- though it’s not like I’ve had much of a choice. Melissa is someone who few people dare say no to- especially when she’s in possession of a photo of you snogging one of your best friend’s girlfriends. I’ve told Mia about this, and she’s just as furious as I am, but insists that we don’t tell Harriet- Mia’s in a relationship with her, but is also somewhat scared of the ginger girl, especially her temper- and so am I. After all, what Harriet doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

And it’s not like being Melissa’s friend doesn’t have its ‘perks’. The teasing and harassment I’ve had to endure ever since I first showed up to school wearing a skirt has all but vanished since I became her friend, and some of the people who previously tormented me have actually sought my friendship, including some girls who actually seem interested in me! I’m being friendly to these girls in return, of course, but I am keeping my distance from them- the last thing I need are fake friends, though I can’t help but feel hypocritical considering the nature of my ‘friendship’ with Melissa. Fortunately, we rarely interact outside of school- Melissa’s happy for me to keep hanging out with Laura and co as she wants to keep Laura sweet- but on those occasions I do find myself hanging out at Melissa’s house, I’m usually bombarded with questions about my chats with the likes of Jamie-Lee Milton and Stephanie Abbott, making it clear to me why she’s suddenly interested in being my friend. Still, it could be worse- blackmail aside, Melissa is more or less a nice girl, and it is SO nice not to have to put up with the small-minded idiots anymore- I just wish I didn’t have to sell my soul to do this…

Fortunately, today is the start of the Easter holidays, and Melissa and her family will be on holiday in France and Italy for the whole time (something she’s constantly reminded us of over the last couple of weeks) meaning that I’ll have the whole time free to spend with my real friends- all of whom I say goodbye to with tight hugs as we leave the school (after giving Melissa’s gang her hugs, of course)- and with my family too, though when I go to hug the other member of my family who goes to my school, she isn’t quite as enthusiastic as Laura and the other girls!

“Don’t,” Bryony growls, making me laugh as I reach down to give her a hug. “I mean it.”

“Okay, okay,” I say, holding my hands up in mock surrender. “No need to bite my arms off.”

“Sorry,” Bryony mumbled. “Are you going to be hanging out with your real friends or your fake friends over Easter?”

“…My real friends,” I reply. “And it’s not nice calling them ‘fake friends’.”

“No, but it is true, though,” Bryony retorts.

“…Maybe,” I sigh as we head out into the car park and toward dad’s waiting car.

That’s another change that’s happened recently (within the last month, in fact), and one far more confusing than Melissa suddenly wanting to be my friend. All of a sudden, dad’s attitude toward me (and my sisters too, for that matter) changed from ‘barely concealed contempt’ to ‘grudging acceptance’. He started picking us up from school instead of mum, he started asking us about our days and he’s even started referring to me as ‘girl’. Or at least, he’s tried. It’s almost like a switch has been flipped in his brain, going from ‘reject Ashley’ to ‘accept Ashley’, but it’s taking the rest of his body some time to catch up- as proved when I slide onto the passenger seat and he immediately looks away so he doesn’t have to watch me straighten my skirt and my tights before fastening my seatbelt.

“Hi g- girls,” dad stammers as we pull away. “Good day at school?”

“It was okay,” I shrug. “Last cheer club for a few weeks, gonna need to make sure I stay in practice over the holiday.”

“Yeah,” dad mumbles.

“Especially with no ballet tomorrow thanks to Good Friday,” I say, trying not to grin smugly as dad grows more and more uncomfortable. “Though I’m going to Nicole’s tomorrow, we’ll probably do a few dance routines then. Might even take along my leotard…”

“Yeah…” Dad says with a nervous laugh before taking a deep breath with is very obviously meant to calm him down. Okay, I think to myself, that’s enough pushing it for now…

“You coming to Nicole’s- sorry, Sabrina’s tomorrow too, Bryony?” I ask my little sister.

“Ugh, no!” Bryony replies. “Sabrina’s coming to our house, she wants to get away from it just as much as I do!” I frown as Bryony’s sudden outburst prompts a snort of laughter from our father, before rolling my eyes and giggling as well.

“Charming!” I say with mock offence. “After all I do for you too…”

“…Sorry,” Bryony mumbles.

“He- umm, she’s just teasing you, Bryony,” dad says, bristling at the use of the word ‘she’ to describe me.

“Yeah, I know,” Bryony blatantly lies as we drive the short distance to our old primary school to pick up my two other sisters. Needless to say, Bryony’s already sour mood only worsens when Cassie and Dorothy climb onto the back seat next to her, both of them buzzing with energy- and for one very good reason.

“It’s ballet night tonight!” Cassie squeaks before even sitting down.

“Yep!” I squeak, making the energetic seven year old girl giggle even more. “Lucky you, me and Bryony have to miss it tomorrow ‘cause it’s Good Friday.”

“Aww, that’s so sad!” Cassie says.

“Bryony will miss her Monday lesson too,” I continue. “But Miss Fullerton said she’ll do an extra lesson on Tuesday morning for-“

“No!” Dad cringes as Cassie’s eyes instantly widen.

“Do you think she’ll do an extra lesson for me too!?” Cassie squeaks, making me squirm as dad gives me an angry glare- and for once, I’m forced to admit that the glare is very much deserved.

“She’s only doing one for Bryony because she can’t go tomorrow or Monday,” dad says. “So you’d have to miss a lesson to get an extra one. And you don’t want to do that, do you?” Dad lets out a proud giggle as he sees Cassie enthusiastically shake her head in the rear view mirror.

“Are you looking forward to ballet tonight too, Dorothy?” I ask my youngest sister, who joined Cassie’s class after she turned five a couple of months ago.

“I am!” Dorothy squeaks. “Cassie is such a beautiful dancer!”

“Aww, thank you Dorothy!” Cassie squeaks, giving the younger girl a gentle hug. “You’re very beautiful too!”

“D’aww,” I say with a girlish giggle. “So cute…”

“And Ashley and Bryony are both beautiful ballerinas too!” Cassie says with an excited giggle.

“Thanks,” Bryony says with an obviously forced smile.

“One day,” Cassie says, “I hope that all four of us get to dance together on stage as beautiful ballerinas!”

“Well, if we all work hard enough at it, I’m sure we will!” I say with a grin, making my younger two sisters cheer and making dad roll his eyes again as we head toward home.

Unsurprisingly, once we’re home, Cassie and Dorothy head straight up to their bedroom to change into their ballet uniforms, while I head up to my bedroom and let out a long sigh as I ease my clingy tights off my legs and exchange my uniform for a fashionable black and white striped top and a light grey ankle-length tube skirt that I got from a charity shop last weekend and have been in love with ever since. After brushing out my increasingly-long hair and slipping a couple of my favourite bracelets onto my wrist, I leave my bedroom and get ready to head downstairs, but before I do, I’m distracted by the muffled sound of moaning coming from the bedroom next to me.

“Bryony?” I ash, gently knocking on the door.

“Go away,” the eleven year old girl replies.

“Oh- come on,” I gently plead. “If something’s wrong, you know you can tell me…”

“Just leave me alone,” Bryony moans in a voice that clearly tells me that she’s been crying since she got home- a voice that breaks my heart.

I love all my sisters, but I’m probably closer to Bryony than I am to any of the others. We’re closest in age, obviously, but Bryony has a maturity and an intelligence about her that I often feel drawn to whenever I’m feeling down- though that’s been happening less and less in recent days. The more days I spend as a girl, the happier I feel, but in the early days, Bryony’s unconditional love and acceptance meant a lot to me, and if she’s hurting, I need to find a way to help her, especially as I know she's struggled with depression in the past. I just wish there was a ‘fix’ for her that was as easy as me pulling on a skirt…

“If you need to talk, you know where I am,” I say softly. “Are you coming down to dinner?”

“…Yeah, I’m coming,” Bryony sighs, opening her door to reveal her tear-streaked face- and the fact that she’s still wearing her uniform.

“Oh- oh god, Bry-“ I gasp.

“I said I don’t want to talk!” Bryony hisses, before taking a deep breath to compose herself. “…Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I say softly. “God knows I’ve not exactly been ‘Little Miss Happy’ the last few years, heh.”

“Thanks,” Bryony whispers as we head downstairs.

Fortunately for her, the fact that she hasn’t changed is overshadowed by the fact that Cassie and Dorothy have changed, and the dinner goes smoothly enough before mum leaves to take our youngest two sisters to their dance class, while dad watches Eddy playing in the living room, leaving me and Bryony free to head back to our bedrooms. Once I’m in my room, I grab my tablet computer and start to log in to Facebook (as I’m off school for two weeks, homework isn’t really a priority), but before I do, I remember the distraught girl in the bedroom next to mine- just because she put on a brave face at dinner, it doesn’t mean that she’s any happier than she was when she got home. With a soft sigh, I put my tablet computer away and head along the landing to Bryony’s room, gently knocking on the door and waiting for the younger girl to answer.

“Go away, Ashley,” Bryony moans.

“Are you sure you want me to go away?” I ask. “Trust me, talking CAN help, and I want to help you. I don’t like seeing you like-“

“I’m sure,” Bryony says.

“Well- okay then,” I sigh. “You know where I am if you need me…”

Needless to say, Bryony doesn’t take me up on my offer, and eventually, evening turns into night with my siblings gradually going to bed one by one, Eddy first, followed by Dorothy, Cassie (despite her energy levels still being high after her dance class) and finally Bryony, who does at least force a smile at me as we pass in the hallway, her en route to her bedroom and me en route downstairs to talk to my parents, who I hope have noticed the same things I have about their second child.

However, when I arrive downstairs, my desire to talk suddenly disappears when I see that mum is busy on her laptop… Meaning that the only person I can talk to about Bryony’s feelings are dad. Despite his own recent ‘attitude adjustment’, I’m not convinced that anything positive would come out of trying to discuss anything with him that isn’t related to football or cars, so I try to sneak back upstairs- but I don’t get very far before being spotted.

“Oh, hi Ashley!” Dad says, making me cringe. “What’s up?”

“Oh- umm, nothing, nothing,” I reply, glancing over at mum, who’s still engrossed in her laptop. “Just, umm, getting a drink…”

“Okay,” dad shrugs. “You- are you sure there’s nothing you want to talk about?” I bite my lip as I contemplate opening up to my father, but the uncomfortable look he gives me as I straighten my skirt persuades me otherwise.

“I’m sure,” I say, grabbing my drink before heading back upstairs and getting ready for bed myself. Even though it’s the start of the holidays, I opt for an early night as I’ve got an early morning tomorrow- and what promises to be a very fun day!

As I try to get to sleep, however, I find my thoughts dominated by my younger sister- and what (if anything) I can do to help her. While my tired brain isn’t able to think of anything immediately, I’m comforted by the knowledge that tomorrow, I’ll be among a group of girls who will all sympathise with the problem (especially as all of them are very fond of Bryony)- and should be able to give me some much-needed advice, many of them being big sisters themselves.

I have an excited smile on my face on the morning of Good Friday as I get dressed in a short denim skirt and a close-fitting light pink t-shirt, before slipping my feet into my favourite pair of casual flats, but my smile falters slightly when I head downstairs to see Bryony curled up at the end of a sofa, fiddling with her tablet computer and still wearing her pyjamas. She obviously looks unwell, and not just in a depressed sense of the word. While this is a slight relief- a headache can be cured by a pill while depression can’t- it still breaks my heart to see my beloved sister under the weather like this.

“Hey,” I say softly as I sit down next to the unwell girl. “You feeling poorly?”

“A bit,” Bryony moans, before letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry I was cross with you last night.”

“It’s okay,” I shrug. “I get a bit moody when I’m ill too. You got a cold, flu?”

“I don’t know,” Bryony shrugs. “Just feel terrible, mum’s taken my temperature and says it’s higher than it should be, she’s going to get me some medicine once she’s taken you to Sabrina’s house.”

“Sabrina still coming round today?” I ask, sighing as Bryony shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Bryony shrugs. “I doubt I’ll be sick all holiday.”

“That’s the spirit!” I chuckle softly. “I’ll say hi to Sabrina for you when I see her.”

“Thanks,” Bryony whispers, before turning her attention back to her tablet, giving me my cue to grab breakfast.

Naturally, before I head to Nicole’s house, I check again with Bryony to see if she’s okay, but she’s just as introverted as she was this morning, causing me to let out a long sigh as I sit down on the passenger seat of mum’s car.

“Tired?” Mum asks. “I noticed you got an early night last night, hope you’re not coming down with what Bryony’s got…”

“Nah, I’m alright,” I shrug. “I- I’m just a bit worried about her, though, she’s been a bit off for a while…”

“She’s always been moody, you know that,” mum replies with a shrug of her own.

“Yeah, I know,” I reply.

“Maybe she’s just becoming a teenager,” mum teases, chuckling as I roll my eyes. “Hey, you were an ‘early bloomer’, no reason your sister wouldn’t be either.”

“I guess,” I shrug. “Still wish I knew what I could do to help her feel better.”

“Be there for her as her big sister,” mum replies. “You’re doing an okay job, especially as you have so many people to be a big sister for, heh.”

“And because I’ve not got much experience as a sister?” I ask.

“I wouldn’t call 14, almost 15 years ‘not much experience’,” mum says with a smile. “Because as far as I can tell, you’ve ALWAYS been their sister.” I have to sniff back a tear as I smile at mum’s compliment, before frowning in confusion.

“14, almost 15 years?” I ask, smirking as mum nods. “So… Did I have a twin or something that I don’t know about?” I let out a playful giggle as mum gives me a playful whack on my arm, before we both giggle all the way to Nicole’s.

“Hey girlie!” Nicole squeaks as she opens her front door and gives me a tight hug. “I LOVE that t-shirt, hehe!”

“Thanks!” I squeak, doing a twirl to show off the soft garment for my friend. “I’ll give you the website later!”

“Cool!” Nicole says, before leading me through to her vast living room, where some of our friends are waiting- including a face I haven’t seen much of over the last few months but who I couldn’t be happier to see today.

“Hey girlie!” Priya says in her refined Indian accent. “LONG time no see, hehe!”

“Likewise!” I reply, giving the petite girl a gentle hug. “Same goes for everyone else, of course, even though we did only see each other yesterday!”

“Ugh, rub it in, will you?” Priya snorts. “I am REALLY missing you guys at college.”

“She still hasn’t made ANY new friends,” Suriya says with an overdramatic sigh that makes her sister roll her eyes.

“I have,” Priya retorts. “Just none as good as all of you, hehe!”

“So you, as a fancy college girl, are okay hanging out with 14 year old KIDS like us, then?” I ask, giggling as Priya rolls her eyes again.

“…I was until THAT,” the 17 year old girl replies, before letting out an excited giggle. “Okay, seriously, nowhere I’d rather be!”

“And no one we’d rather be with!” Nicole says with a grin as we sit down and begin what promises to be a marathon gossip session. "So... Ready to be made even more beautiful?" Everyone in the room giggles as we're reminded of today's trip to a nearby beauty salon- a treat from all of our parents for good grades in the last term.

"As if that's possible?" I ask, earning playful 'oohs' from my friends. "And yeah, I am... Kinda."

"What's up?" Priya- ever the 'big sister' to us all- asks.

"Something you could probably help with, actually," I say. "You too, Nicole. Not so much you, Suri, but you're welcome to contribute if you, you know, want..."

"Oh- charming!" Suriya says with a snort and a roll of her eyes. "Nah, I'm kidding, I'm guessing, thanks to the three of you, that it's a 'big sister' thing, then?"

"Yep," I sigh. "Bryony's been a bit off all week, now she's come down with some kind of flu, too..."

"Sabrina said," Nicole says quietly. "That's why she's not going round there today, I mean, not like she doesn't have any other friends, but I think she just likes Bryony best?"

"Aww, BFFs already," Suriya sighs, before playfully cuddling her sister. "Just like us, hehe!"

"Get off!" Priya moans. "So what's wrong with her?"

"Hell if I know," I sigh. "Wish there was some way I could get through to her, you know?"

"Aww, you're such a good big sister," Suriya sighs. "Even if you don't know how, just the fact that you're concerned means a lot, right?"

"Definitely," Nicole agrees, before smirking as another knock comes from the front door, heralding the arrival of two more of our friends- both of whom also belong in the category of 'big sisters'.

"Hey girlies!" Laura squeaks, exchanging hugs with all of us before sitting down on the sofa and crossing one long, slender leg over the other.

"Hey everyone!" Megan says as she follows Laura around the room giving everyone hugs, in particular a big bear hug to the thirteen inches-shorter Suriya! The sight of the two very differently-sized girls giggling together is almost enough to distract me from my worries, but my newly-arrived friends soon pick up on my mood.

"Everything okay, Ash?" Laura asks with a concerned look.

"...Not really," I confess.

"Bryony's unwell," Nicole explains before I have the chance to speak.

"Oh- really?" Laura asks. "That sucks, we love Bryony, don't we?" My heart is warmed by all of my friends nodding their heads in agreement- if only Bryony could be here now to share the love.

"I'll be sure to let her know you're all thinking of her," I say. "That should help her to feel better."

"Hopefully," Nicole says. "We're not just an 'excellent eight', with Bryony and my sister we're a 'terrific ten' and when one of us is ill, we all help out, right?"

"Right!" The other girls all cheer as I'm reminded how blessed I am to have such amazing friends- and how unlikely it would be for Melissa Jeffries and her gang to say and think these things.

Eventually, Harriet and Mia arrive, and after much teasing about why they were late, we head to a local coffee shop (not the one where Laura and Suri work on weekends, but a different one) for a quick snack before our salon appointment- which, naturally, turns into a very energetic gossip session!

The usual topics are covered- school, fashion, celebrities- particularly Out of Heaven, thanks to their recent mini-tour and the fact it’s the birthday of one of the singers’ birthday- boys, during which Mia, Harriet and I make a point of showing how disinterested we are, upcoming birthdays and Priya’s recent driving lessons. However, I struggle to get engrossed in the gossip as every time the topic changes, my mind is drawn back to the unwell eleven year old girl curled up on our sofa at home.

Before long, the time for our appointment arrives and we leave the coffee shop, walking the short distance to our chosen salon. It quickly becomes obvious that I'm not the only one who wishes that today didn't have to end.

"I really have missed this, you know," Priya says. "Hanging out with you girls like this."

"Umm, we hang out most weekends," Laura reminds the petite Indian girl.

"Yeah, but not most weekdays," Priya sighs.

"I'm just someone she stuffs into a closet when she gets home," Suriya says, giggling as her older sister rolls her eyes.

"You know what I mean," Priya scoffs. “Gonna be a hundred times worse when I go to uni, though. Tough going into a new place and not seeing friendly faces waiting for you there.”

“Gonna be just as tough going into a familiar place and not seeing friendly faces,” I sigh, smiling as this quickly earns me a group hug and the attention of my friends.

“I will tell George you said that, you know?” Megan teases.

“…Okay, apart from him,” I say. “Can’t exactly talk about dresses, make-up and ballet with him though, can I?”

“You can try,” Suriya shrugs.

“I already have- I wouldn’t bother if I was Ashley!” Megan giggles.

“You can talk about all that stuff with Melissa, though,” Suriya says with an innocent shrug, prompting grimaces from myself and Mia. “…What? She’s in your year, you’re friends, right?”

“Yeah, but you’re my REAL friends,” I say, earning yet another group hug.

“Well we won’t be going ANYWHERE next year,” Nicole reassures me. “Even if by ‘anywhere’ we also mean ‘school’, hehe! But we’ll all be here for you, right?”

“Hell yeah!” the other girls cheer, making me squeak excitedly.

"And Priya too!" Harriet says with a giggle.

"Thanks," Priya and I say simultaneously, resulting in yet more giggles!

“And yes, that includes taking you shopping for your prom dress…” Laura teases, causing my cheeks to redden.

“Heh,” I chuckle. “God knows it’s not like anyone in my actual family will do that, though.”

“Ugh, still having problems with your dad?” Harriet- whose own relationship with her father is admittedly far worse than mine ever was- spits.

“That’s just it,” I reply. “Dunno whether or not I am, ever since he went to that thing with Laura’s parents he’s been, I dunno, weird. Not ‘bad weird’, just- ‘weird weird’.”

“Do you think he’s finally got a clue?” Laura asks.

“Hopefully?” I reply. “Especially with Bryony under the weather as well. Eh... Sorry, heh, know this isn’t what you all want to hear on your fun day out, heh.”

“Could be worse,” Megan shrugs. “At least you waited until after Sunday and didn’t bring down my birthday party, hehe!”

“…Sorry,” I mumble again, before smirking. “And thanks. Now maybe can we talk about something, you know, exciting?”

“Do prom dresses count?” Laura asks with an excited giggle.

“Uh- yeah they do!” I reply with an even more excited giggle. “Even if I will have to wait an extra year…”

“Just because you’ll have to wait a year to wear one ‘for real’,” Nicole says, “doesn’t mean you’ll to wait that long to try one on, right? And we ARE almost the same size, and I do already have mine at home…” My eyes light up and a wide grin spreads across my face at my friend’s teasing- especially when my other friends’ faces all light up as well.

"And because you'll have to wait a year to have your prom make-up done 'for real'," Suriya says, "it doesn't mean you can't make the most of today, hehe!" I giggle as the eight of us enter the salon and head to the reception desk, where we're greeted by our beauticians for the day.

After being led to our chairs, we have our make-up expertly applied, our nails manicures and our hair washed and restyled. Fifteen months of continuous growth has seen my hair go from 'long and boyish' to 'gorgeous and feminine'- it's actually longer than both Harriet and Priya's hair is right now. And while a couple of inches are trimmed off the length by the hair stylist, the resulting style, with a long bang covering half of my face (and, thankfully, my scar), is as gorgeous and girly as I have ever seen my hair. Naturally, I pose for several photographs once we leave the salon, as do the rest of my friends!

...And when we get back to Nicole’s, I pose for yet more photographs as I'm laced into Nicole's long, slinky prom dress, and even though my time in the dress lasts just twenty minutes, it's enough to leave me craving more.

By the time 6pm rolls around, I have a wide, tired smile on my face from the day's events, but it quickly fades when the eight of us leave Nicole’s bedroom and run into her younger sister exiting her bedroom. In my desire to have fun, I somehow forgot all about Bryony- even despite my friends’ promises to help- and a wave of guilt washes over me.

“Hey, Sabrina,” I say, making the 12 year old girl freeze and bringing a look of panic to her face. “You got a sec?”

“Wh- what, me?” Sabrina replies.

“Yeah,” I say. “You talked to Bryony today? On Facebook, I mean?”

“Umm, a bit,” Sabrina replies as her older sister lets out a devilish giggle.

“…Okay then,” I say. “Chat with her more, please, she needs to get better.”

“Umm, okay,” Sabrina says, before practically sprinting into her bedroom. I let out a small giggle along with Laura and Megan- the other two members of our group who have siblings as young as or younger than Sabrina and who recognise the look of panic in a younger sibling’s face when an older girl suddenly confronts them.

“I’ll ask Lily to check in on her as well,” Laura says as we head downstairs and exchange our customary hugs before the two of us, along with Megan, get into my mum’s car.

“Thanks for the lift home, Mrs Moore,” Megan says as she fastens her seatbelt.

“You’re welcome, girls,” mum replies with a smile. “Did you have fun today?”

“Yeah,” Laura replies. “We may or may not have helped Ashley pick out a prom dress…” I roll my eyes as mum glances at me with a concerned look on her face.

“Try ‘may not’,” I say.

“Good,” mum says. “My credit card definitely doesn’t need THAT just yet!”

“How’s Bryony?” I ask, hoping to divert the topic of conversation.

“Still a little under the weather,” mum replies, making all three of us sigh sadly.

“We’ve already asked Ashley to pass on our love,” Megan explains. “We like our ‘excellent eight’ but we love it more when it’s a ‘terrific ten’, heh.”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that,” mum says with a smile. “And I’m sorry I’m taking Ashley away from you girls tomorrow, but we’ve had this family day planned for a while now.”

“It’s okay,” Laura shrugs. “Me and Suriya are at work anyway, think Priya is too.”

“That’ll be you in a couple of years, Ashley!” Mum teases, making me roll my eyes again.

“Keep waiting,” I retort, making everyone in the car giggle as we head back home.

Once I’m back home, I head straight into the living room to check on my little sister, my guilt at having left her having gnawed at me all the way home. I feel a mixture of relief and disappointment when I see that she hasn’t moved from her spot on the sofa and is still clad in her pyjamas. My feeling quickly change to frustration, however, when I glance across the room at dad, who is sat in his usual chair, watching TV and obviously trying to avoid looking at his daughter.

“Hi Bryony,” I say, sitting down next to the blonde girl, who barely even acknowledges me. “Still feeling poorly?” I smile sympathetically as Bryony responds with a tired nod. “Would it help if I told you about the prom dress I got to wear today?” Unsurprisingly, Bryony responds with a shake of her head, though it’s the exasperated huff that comes from dad that makes me smile- and brings a small smile to my sister’s face as well. “You get better soon, Bryony.” I let out a sigh as I give the unwell girl a gentle cuddle, before heading through to the kitchen for dinner with my other siblings- all of whom are considerably more energetic today!

Rather than hole myself up in my room for the rest of the evening, I grab my tablet computer and curl up on the sofa next to Bryony, keeping an eye on the poorly girl until she heads to bed just after 8pm, at which point I head up to my room as well. As mum hinted at in the car, the family is going on a small trip out tomorrow, meaning another early start, which means another early night for me- though before I head to bed, I listen carefully at Bryony’s door for any sign that the younger girl is still emotionally distressed, and it’s only when I hear her gentle snoring that I’m able to head to bed and actually get any rest.

When I head downstairs the following morning after a restful night’s sleep, I actually breathe a sigh of relief when I walk into the living room and see Bryony sat on the sofa wearing one of her favourite long-sleeved t-shirts and a loose maxi skirt.

“Hey Bryony!” I say with a wide grin as I sit down next to the younger girl. “Feeling better, then?”

“A little,” Bryony shrugs. “Sorry if I was rude yesterday…”

“It’s okay, honestly,” I say, giving the blonde girl a gentle hug. “You’re entitled to be a little rude if you’re unwell.”

“I guess,” Bryony shrugs. “Any idea how long we’ll be at grandma and grandpa’s today?”

“I’m gonna find out when you do,” I reply. “You sure you’re feeling up for this?”

“I’ll be okay,” Bryony replies, before smiling tiredly as our next oldest sister bounces up to us.

“Hi Ashley! Hi Bryony!” Cassie excitedly squeaks. “Do you like my dress?” Bryony and I both grin as Cassie does a balletic twirl in her new fuchsia coloured dress, showing off its long sleeves and flared skirt.

“Very pretty!” I say, Bryony nodding in agreement.

“Thank you!” Cassie giggles. “I love your outfits too! Bryony, please my I have your skirt when you don’t want it anymore?”

“Of course you can!” Bryony says, making our younger sister giggle excitedly. “But only if you promise to give it to Dorothy when you don’t want it anymore!”

“I promise!” Cassie says as our parents make their way into the room with Dorothy and Eddy in tow.

“Are we all ready to go?” Dad asks with a nervous smile.

“I can’t wait to see grandma and grandpa!” Cassie squeaks, her eyes lighting up- and mine too, to a lesser extent. Grandpa Chris and Grandma Jo are my father’s parents, and it’s always been ironic that they’ve been far more supportive of my transition than my father has. On the other side, of course, my mum’s parents- Grandpa Alan and Grandma Wendy- aren’t nearly as supportive as my mother is. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I will actually end up tearing my family apart…

“Why is today’s visit such a big deal?” I ask. “We go and see grandma and grandpa all the time…”

“You’ll see when we get there,” mum says cryptically. “Now come on, don’t want to keep them waiting!” Naturally, my younger siblings all skip out to the car excitedly, while Bryony and I are a bit slower heading outside- Bryony due to her poorliness and me due to wondering why my parents are being so evasive.

When we arrive at my grandparents’ house, I’m surprised by the presence of another car already on the driveway- that of my other grandparents, which instantly makes my tension levels rise. My pairs of grandparents don’t usually interact with each other, making me wonder exactly what’s so important that it needs our entire family present.

When I enter my grandparents’ house, I discover that all five of my living great-grandparents are present as well, and while my mother’s grandparents look at me with the same mixture of disapproval and anger as always, my oldest great-grandparent, Grandma Hazel, instantly grins when she sees me and my siblings enter the room. Needless to say, I also smile as I approach the 85 year old woman for a very welcome hug!

“Don’t you look pretty?” Grandma Hazel says in her warm, loving voice. “Is that a new hairstyle? It looks very modern.”

“Yeah,” I reply with a girlish giggle. “Me and a few friends went to a beauty salon yesterday, I had this done…”

“Did any of your sisters go with you?” Grandma Hazel asks.

“Not this time,” mum answers. “Cassie and Dorothy are too young, and Bryony was under the weather yesterday.”

“Aww,” Grandma Hazel sighs, pulling the eleven year old girl in for a hug that Bryony is only too happy to receive. “And on the first day of your holiday too, when you’ve worked so hard at school! What was wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” Bryony shrugs. “I was just feeling a bit bleurgh, that’s all.”

“Maybe you’re working TOO hard at school!” Grandma Hazel teases, making Bryony blush and smile. “You’re certainly growing fast, too- reckon you might end up being even taller than your big sister!”

“Only ‘cause her ‘big sister’s deliberately stunted her growth,” Grandpa Harry mutters under his breath.

“Did you say something, Harry Portman?” Grandma Hazel asks.

“Not a thing,” Grandpa Harry snorts as my cheeks start to redden and the mood inside the room suddenly darkens.

“Anyway,” Grandma Jo says. “It’s good that you could all come today, though I’m sure you’re all wondering why we’ve all gathered here.”

“Just like we’re wondering,” Grandpa Chris says, looking expectantly at dad.

“Is this about that newspaper interview you did a few weeks ago, Andrew?” Grandma Hazel asks.

“Umm, no…” Dad replies nervously. “Not heard back when that’ll be published yet, Clare- Clare and I have an announcement to make.”

“Oh?” Grandpa Alan asks, suddenly perking up. “Is this what I think it might be?”

“That depends,” mum says with a smug grin. “If you think it means that in December, we’ll be welcoming either Finlay or Felicity Moore to the world, then you’re correct!” In all the commotion that follows, it actually takes me a moment to realise exactly what my mother means.

“You- you’re pregnant again?” I ask.

“I wanted everyone in the family to be present when I made the announcement,” mum says softly. “EVERYONE in the family.”

“This is wonderful news!” Grandpa Chris says with a happy grin. “Even if it is gonna be a bit cramped in that house of yours!”

“The more, the merrier!” Dad shrugs, sporting an uncharacteristically wide grin of his own- though I suppose it does explain his unusual behaviour over the last few weeks. There’s no doubt in my mind that dad would much rather welcome ‘Finlay’ to the family than ‘Felicity’, that he’d much rather indoctrinate Eddy and ‘Finlay’ into the world of football, Star Wars and videogames, while forgetting all about his four older children simply because of our gender, both genetic or ‘otherwise’- especially ‘otherwise’. A quick glance at Bryony- and the frown on her face- reveals that I’m not alone in thinking this either.

The car ride home is one of mixed emotions- me and Bryony are quiet, while our other two sisters definitely aren’t.

“I hope I’ll have another little sister!” Cassie squeaks, literally bouncing up and down in her seat. “We can be ballerinas together and all five of us can dance on stage in pretty tutus!”

“Can we have a sister?” Dorothy pleads in her tiny voice. “Pleeeeease?”

“The baby will be whatever the baby will be,” mum says firmly. “I don’t have any more say in the matter than you do.”

“What about you, Bryony?” Cassie asks with a wide, excited grin. “Do you want another sister?” I frown and bite my lip as Bryony responds with a disinterested shrug- this morning’s recovery was obviously just temporary, and news of yet another sibling has sent her straight back into her mood again.

“Well I don’t mind whether I get another sister or another brother,” I say, hoping to cheer Bryony up and calm Cassie down, but all I do is prompt an awkward silence in the car.

“…Well said, Ashley,” dad says, turning around to flash an insincere-looking smile at me. “It- it doesn’t matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl, we’ll still love them just as much, won’t we?” Yeah, right, I sarcastically think to myself.

When we get home, before we’re allowed to relax and have fun, me and my siblings are ushered into the living room by our parents- something they only do when they want to have a serious talk with us, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they want to talk about.

“Okay,” dad says with a heavy sigh as he sits down opposite us. “This is obviously going to be a big change, not just for me and your mother, but for all of us too, so we need to talk to you for a bit.”

“There will need to be some changes around here,” mum explains. “Any new child always means there need to be changes, even if you’re going from five children to six.”

“Obviously, we’ll expect you all to help out more around the home,” dad says. “We’re not going to ask you to play mum and dad- erm, ask you to play mum for the baby, that’s our job. But we will need extra help cleaning, keeping things safe and tidy, especially as your mum gets bigger and has more difficulty moving around.”

“And we’ll need to talk about rooms as well,” mum says hesitantly. “Right now you five are split between four bedrooms. Two of you are going to have to share.”

“Why can’t the baby share with Eddy?” Bryony asks, clearly unhappy by what’s being said.

“Well, umm, if the baby’s a girl it wouldn’t be, umm, appropriate,” dad mumbles.

“You- you two might have to share,” mum says, pointing at myself and Bryony- and it’s very clear that my younger sister does not approve of this.

“What?” Bryony asks flatly.

“We’re lucky to have as many rooms as we have,” mum says. “If your father and I didn’t work so hard we’d probably have to put three of you into a single room.”

“Don’t you want to share with Ashley, Bryony?” Cassie asks in her sweet, innocent voice.

“No!” Bryony snaps, startling our sister. “I don’t want to share with anyone! Ugh, I’m going to my room. While I still have a room to go to!”

I watch in stunned silence as Bryony abruptly jumps off the sofa and runs upstairs, crying all the way. All of a sudden, I’m reminded of all those times I felt like doing the exact same thing- of all those times I sat on this very sofa wearing a pair of trousers rather than a skirt, and all I wanted to do was run screaming up to my room and indulge in any amount of femininity. I was able- barely- to keep a lid on my anxieties. If Bryony is freaking out like this over something as simple as sharing a bedroom, then there must be something VERY wrong with her. A quick glance across at my parents shows that they’re thinking the same thing- well, mum’s thinking the same thing, anyway…

“I- I’ll go after her…” Dad says hesitantly, slowly rising from his chair as mum watches silently. Dad’s body language couldn’t make it any clearer, even to me, that he really doesn’t want to follow Bryony upstairs, and mum’s body language makes it equally clear that she does want dad to follow her, even though the likelihood is that his ‘advice’ will do much more harm than good.

“I’ll go with you,” I mumble, slowly standing up and following my father up the stairs as mum tries to calm my distressed younger siblings.

“I can handle this, you know,” dad scoffs. “I’ve only been her dad for nearly twelve years, I think I know how to calm down my own daughter.”

“Really?” I reply. “You’ve never had that much luck with your oldest daughter.”

“Bryony IS my oldest daugh-“ dad says, before deeply frowning at his mistake.

“Exactly,” I sigh. “What was it you said: you’d rather have five boys than four girls and one boy?”

“…I don’t have to justify myself to you,” dad snorts.

“Like I haven’t had to justify myself to you for the last eighteen months?” I ask, my temper quickly fraying.

“DON’T SPEAK TO ME LIKE-“ dad snaps, before taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Don’t speak to me like that. Ever. But yes… You are right.” Needless to say, this sudden change in attitude catches me complete off-guard.

“I- what?” I ask.

“Over the last eighteen months, I- I haven’t treated you as well as I should,” dad says, his cheeks starting to flush with shame. “And I- I apologise, Ashley.”

“O- okay,” I say hesitantly. “Umm, apology accepted?”

“Thanks,” dad whispers, before sighing again. “I- I’ve had a few learning experiences lately. Mostly when I went to the Sunday Globe a few weeks ago, for that interview. I spoke to a lot of other people in my position, you know, parents of kids in your position… It made me think a lot about how I’ve treated you the last few months, and if there was anything more I could’ve done. And yes, there was a lot, LOT more I could and should have done.”

“I could’ve told you that,” I mumble.

“Yeah,” dad says with a heavy sigh. “And in future, I promise I will listen to you more. Because if I was allowed to pick, I would prefer five sons… But I wouldn’t trade the four daughters I have for anything. Especially not you, Ashley.” I feel my bottom lip start to tremble as dad flashes me a genuine, loving smile for the first time in as long as I can remember.

“Thanks,” I whisper, sniffing back a tear before letting out a long, heavy sigh.

“What now?” Dad asks.

“It-“ I begin, before letting out another, even longer sigh. “How do I know you’re not just going to change your mind in a few weeks?”

“Because I promise,” dad says softly. “I promise that from now on, I will acknowledge that you are my daughter, and I will love you as my daughter, and not my son.”

“Thanks,” I sniffle, tears now freely flowing down my cheeks as I lean in and share a long, tender hug with my father for possibly the first time ever, even as a part of me wonders whether or not I’m just imagining this. Dad has been so distant, so hostile, even, for so long that for him to suddenly turn around like this? He must’ve had a hell of a day at that newspaper.

“From now on,” dad says. “I swear I’m going to be the best dad I can be. For all six of you. Now come on. We’ve got another girl to help!” I smile as I follow dad along the landing to Bryony’s bedroom door, standing back as he gently knocks on it. When no response comes from inside, dad knocks again, more firmly.

“Bryony?” I ask softly.

“Bryony?” Dad asks. “It’s your dad, can we talk? You’re not in trouble, I promise, I- I just want to know what’s wrong. Bryony? BRYONY?”

“I’m in the bathroom,” the eleven year old girl replies, making me and dad both breathe a loud sigh of relief. “Don’t come in!”

“Duh!” I say, making dad chuckle and roll his eyes.

“We just want to talk,” dad says. “You’re not in any trouble, I promise.”

“Umm, uh- just a minute,” Bryony says, sounding almost in a state of panic.

“Bryony?” Dad asks. “Are you okay?”

“I- umm-“ Bryony says, before seemingly breaking down in tears. “Can you get mum, please?”

“Oh- Bryony?” Dad asks, looking genuinely upset himself. “Whatever it is, I’m sure I can help. I want to help, please let me in.”

“Not this, not this!” Bryony says, before letting out a pained moan.

“Do- do you want me to get mum?” I ask dad, who opens his mouth to reply before shaking his head.

“No,” dad says. “Whatever it is, I’m her dad, I need to deal with this myself. Bryony, could you open the door please?” I bite my lip as the door slowly cracks open and Bryony’s tear-streaked face pokes out, looking more scared than I have ever seen her before. Slowly, she opens the door further, and the source of her stress is soon revealed- a pair of underpants, undoubtedly hers, left in the middle of the floor, with a tell-tale red stain on them.

"Dad, I- I-" Bryony says, before slowly weeping as our father kneels down beside her and gives her a long, gentle hug.

"It's okay, it's okay," dad whispers softly. "It's a perfectly normal thing, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing you should ever, ever be ashamed of, okay? It just means that you're a normal girl, and you're growing up."

"I- I know," Bryony sniffles, before letting out a long moan. "We- we've talked about this at school, but I- I-" My heart breaks as Bryony moans again, a long, pained moan that seems to last for hours.

"Ashley, could you run a bath, please?" Dad asks, and without even thinking about it, I jump to it, making sure that the bath contains plenty of Bryony's favourite lavender bubble bath.

"But- but I'll make a mess of the tub-" Bryony sobs.

"Let me worry about that," dad says. "What's important is that you're alright."

"Should be ready in a few minutes," I say, before kneeling down next to my sister and taking over the hug from dad. "It's gonna be okay, Bryony. You're gonna be okay. And if you ever need any help, I'm sure all my friends will jump at the chance to help. They said so themselves a few days ago, in fact."

"Can- can you, you know, give me any help?" Bryony asks, making me sigh heavily.

"I wish I could," I say. "But this- this isn't something that's ever happened to me, or ever will."

"But- but don't those pills you take...?" Bryony asks, and once again I sigh as I remember that as incredibly clever as she is, she is still an eleven year old girl.

"There are some things that simply can't be changed," I say. "This is one of them. I can wear the clothes, the make-up, take the pills, even- well, other stuff. But what's happening to you will never happen to me."

"Lucky you," Bryony snorts.

"Maybe," I shrug. "Maybe not. 'Cause it means I'll never be a 'real' girl no matter how hard I try. And I am definitely NOT lucky there."

"I'm sorry," Bryony mumbles, making me sigh yet again.

"No- no, don't be sorry," I say. "It's not your fault that I am who I am. It's no one's fault. It's just what it is, same as it is for you. I, umm, think your bath's almost done..." I smile as I turn off the taps, before dad and I get ready to leave the room to allow Bryony to strip.

"Thanks," the young girl says softly. "Ash- Ashley?"

"...Yes?" I ask.

"I'm glad you're my big sister," Bryony says, making me bite my lip to prevent myself from crying.

"Thanks," I sniffle.

"And I'm glad you're my dad, too," Bryony says, and for a brief moment, I actually hear a sniffle from our father as well. "And I don't mind sharing a bedroom with you, Ashley."

"Thanks," I whisper, before leaving the bathroom and sharing a quick smile with my dad as we head downstairs.

"Well?" Mum asks as we re-enter the living room.

"It's all taken care of," dad says. "Let's just say that Bryony, she- she isn't a little girl anymore."

"Oh," mum says, before her eyes widen as she realises the significance of what dad says. "Oh. Is- is she-"

"She's fine," dad says reassuringly. "Ashley ran her a bath, she's soaking now, hopefully it'll help her unwind, get rid of some tension."

"I- I should go to the shops, Bryony's going to need- umm, things..." Mum says, watching what she’s saying for the sake of the three younger children still sat on the sofa.

"I can nip out," I say. "If you'd prefer."

"Are- are you sure?" Mum asks. "Do you even know what you're looking for?"

"We can give Ashley a list," dad shrugs. "And besides, it's not like it's unusual for a teenaged girl to buy those things, is it?"

"...I guess not," mum says with a warm smile. "Go on, I'll look in on Bryony in a bit."

"Okay," I say, before turning to my father. "Dad... Are- are QPR playing on Monday?"

"Yeah, Norwich at home," dad replies. "Why?"

"Can- can we go to the game?" I ask, smiling as a tear actually forms in the corner or my father's eye.

"Of course we can," dad says, his voice trembling with emotion.

"As long as I can wear my new denim skirt, that is," I say as I hear my mum start to tear up as well.

"Hardly unusual for a teenaged girl to wear something like that," dad shrugs. "Now go on, get to Sainsbury's, your sister needs you."

"Will do," I say, smiling as I grab my coat and my purse and head out of the house.

It's funny how things can suddenly change, even if that change has been brewing for weeks, like in dad's case, or years, like for Bryony. I thought I'd never have a good relationship with my father again. I thought I'd never be close with Bryony again. And yet, after a quick talk, things are now better than ever- and I couldn't be happier. For the first time in a long time, I actually wish that the holiday didn't have to end and that I didn't have to go back to school to have to deal with Melissa and her gang...

Both Bryony and I ended up going to watch the football match with dad on the Monday. Cassie and Dorothy would've come too, but both of them were feeling the effects of too many Easter Eggs the previous day! This, of course, didn't stop both of them from going to watch Bryony in her one-off ballet class the following day, and it definitely didn't stop dad, who had a big, proud smile on his face as he watched Bryony throughout the lesson, and an even bigger, even prouder smile after class when he took a photograph of the four of us in our ballet uniforms.

"Beautiful," dad says as he puts his camera away. "Aren't your sisters beautiful, Eddy?" The four of us all giggle as the nearly two year old boy shyly nods. "You know what would make this even more perfect? A fifth daughter, to go with the four amazing ones I already have."