CHAPTER67
That was a conversation-stopper if ever I heard one, and even with Susie living under my roof I had difficulty putting together everything Pete was saying. It was the pronouns, really. There was his lad, with a lecturer called John, and all Pete was saying was ‘she’ and ‘her’.

“Pete, mate. Look. I’m not getting this all in shape in my head. Start from scratch?”

“Right. Look, the first time I met Susie, I could see what she was”

“So could I. Big hands, for starters”

“No, Gerald. It’s part of being a good copper, reading people. You try and see under their skin, if you get me. Susie was never blessed with natural femininity, was she?”

“Looks a bit rough? Aye, she does that, but once you sit with her for five minutes, well, no doubt she’s a lass”

“That’s my point, mate. Five minutes and you stop seeing the size of her hands and just see the woman who has them. Laura was like that, as a lid. You’ve got this boy, or so you’re told, and all the games, all their thoughts, it’s a girl. I could see that, the boy could, her mum could…”

He broke off at that point, just for a second, and in one of my rare moments of insight I knew how right Valerie had been in thinking he was stuck on someone, and it was clear to me exactly who it was. I raised an eyebrow, and Pete noticed.

“Yes, I did, I was, whatever. Lucy was a real beauty, inside and out. She loved her kid, but the father, he was a real and absolute cunt of the finest water”

The expression on his face was frightening for a moment, before he shook himself and gave a sad little smile.

“Sorry, my friend. I know you don’t really like language like that, but just thinking about him, about what he did. He’s gone now. Drunkard, alcoholic, whatever you call it, he had so many problems with his health. He was a diabetic, for starters. Died in his sleep”

That was a subject I made a solemn promise to myself that I would not raise again. Pete’s earlier description of a child with a broken arm had been enough to seal that one. I put a hand on his shoulder.

“Go on, my friend”

“Ah, mate. The boy is confused to hell and back. He can see something’s wrong there, and he tells me that this John person seems to have lost a lot of their childhood, but there’s still enough of Laura there for him to see how much damage has been done. You probably think I want to talk to Susie, and that would help, but what I really want is to see if that shrink we took to Germany might help”

“I think it would have to be this other person’s call, Pete, whether they wanted to talk”

“No, not that. I just wanted to run some ideas past someone that would know if I was on the right track. Look, this is in confidence. There are things that happened to the kid I don’t want to go into just now. Shit!”

He wiped at his eyes, muttering.

“It never bloody ends, does it? Always something coming back to you!”

“How is Pete handling it?”

“Me or him? I think he’s doing better than me. He’s got this John talking, but he says it’s like having a conversation with an answering machine. Not just memory gone, but human warmth as well. I said to him, just remember who it is, and he said he was trying”

He looked off down the street, choosing his words.

“That’s the thing. He says there are little flickers of his old friend, but it’s like the last embers of a fire. A little glow, a hint of warmth, then out. That’s why I wanted to run it past that Charles, see what he says. He might be able to give Pete some clues”

“I can give you his number, but it might be better if Susie asks him first”

“Yeah, mate, that’s what I was thinking. I mean, he’s running a business, just like us. Not right to sponge”

We were interrupted as the pub door flew open and Darren stepped out, clearly looking for us.

“Mr Barker? Would you mind if I go off early?”

“Not stopping, son Night’s young!”

“Aye, and so’s Ricky. He’s had a bit too much already; need to see he gets home in one piece”

He grinned. “Suppose this part of managerial role, or whatever they call it at college! Look, I’ve got taxi on way. I’ll get him home to his Mam and Dad, then get back if he’s OK”

I nodded. “Aye, but tell taxi to bill us. Don’t want you having to pay out for doing job”

“He’s a mate, Mr Barker. I’ll let you know what damage is”

“Thanks, son. Don’t let it spoil your night. What got him so drunk?”

“Oh, I think it’s lass. He’s been very protective round her, like, and there she is with that lad of hers, and he’s a sound lad, and it’s like all pressure’s come off Ricky. Got a bit maudlin, but he’s stopped singing, thank fu—thank heavens. Here’s cab. I’ll get lad. Trev’s looking after him”

Three of them were back out in thirty seconds, Ricky clearly unsure of where his feet were, and as two of them went off in the car Pete laughed.

“Now that’s a proper works do, that! Your lad there has his head screwed on properly, hasn’t he?”

“Aye. Think Susie was first to spot that one. I mean, I knew he were a good lad, but she started him off proper”

“Yeah. Bit like young Ashley at ours. I really think that little trip of yours opened his eyes. He grew up a lot with you. Now, any chance of a quick word with your girl?”

“Aye. If you don’t mind, I need a sit-down. You wait here, and I’ll send her out”

I found her at one of the tables, Andy’s arm over her shoulders as they laughed at something or other, and I took a few seconds to watch her smile. There was real happiness there, the prickly defences of our early days together evaporated.

“Could you have a quick word with Pete, love? He’s out front. Nowt to worry about. Andy? Pint?”

“Aye, please. Could you get her a St Clements? Think she needs to slow down a little”

I filled the order, leaving the gin alone and getting a pint of shandy, just as she came back to the table. She spotted the fruity drink and gave her lad a mock glare.

“Now, how do you expect to be able to get your wicked way with a lass if you don’t let her get pissed?”

The lad blushed, but fought back. “Happen I might not want to do anything wicked. Will ‘naughty’ be good enough?”

I moved off, just as it was getting even soppier. Darren was back in half an hour, with a nod and a thumbs-up, and eventually things wound down as people made their own ways home.

Typically, Val insisted we have a proper meal on the day itself, Pete invited, and I was wondering how much weight I was going to put on. I simply stayed in for the New Year, and made sure I had some little foam ear plugs in when I went to bed. I have no idea whatsoever what time it was that the girl got home, but she was a little fragile the next day, a feeling I remembered well.

So I made sure I cooked a fried breakfast. She had scrambled eggs on toast.

“Spoke to Charles, Gerald. He said he’d be happy to have a chat with Pete, and he’d do it as a mate, he said. You were dead right with that rifle thing that night, weren’t you?”

“You get my point, then. Both of us tried doing it on us own, but, well, didn’t turn out right well, did it? How did it go?”

“I don’t know. Pete is being right close-mouthed about it, but it’s about that girl, isn’t it? The one like me?”

“Aye. Happen lad’s found her, just by chance. That’s all I can tell you, really”

“Right. I thought it might be the case. Look, nowt either of us can do, nowt useful, that is, so let’s just be other rifles for the big man”

I squeezed her hand. “And you?”

She smiled, and it took away some of the hollowness of her hangover.

“Me? Nowt much to tell. I found right man one day, a bit of a wet. Then I found other right men to work with. Now I’ve found last right man, one to fall in love with”

Tears began to flow, and I handed her the tea-towel I’d used to carry the plates.

“Why not years ago, love? Why did it take so bloody long to find right people?”

The answer was obvious, in the end.

“Happen none of us were the right people, years ago. We’ve all had to do some growing up”

She rose and came over to me, wrapping her arms around me and pulling my head to her breast.

“You do know I love you, don’t you? And that doesn’t go away just because I love Andy as well?”

“Of course. How could a Dad not love his daughter?”

She kissed the top of my head. “Gerald, love, all I can promise is that I’ll do my best for you, but, well, aye. Happen you’re right on mark there. Bugger. Going to have to wash my face all over again. Then we’re off out”

“Where to?”

“Meeting Mam. She’s got flowers for the family”

Susie didn’t feel she was safe to drive, so I took the car slowly down to the cemetery, where Valerie was waiting with some flowers as well as a couple of pots.

“Crocus bulbs, Gerald. Give them some colour even when we can’t. Susie’s told you what she were thinking, then?”

I hugged her. “Aye, love, but I’m not marrying you!”