CHAPTER 63
She stayed quiet for a while, just staring at the doctor’s letter, till I decided I had to break the silence.

“Happen I’d better start looking at hotels down that Brighton, then”

She looked up, head tilted slightly. “No”

“Beg pardon?”

“You’ve not been thinking, love. Look, what I said, aye? Busiest time of year? Who’s going to manage here? We agreed Darren can’t do it”

“Aye, but you’ll need…”

“No, I won’t I’ve got other plans, Gerald Barker”

“Such as? You can’t go down there on your own!”

She looked down at the letter, then at the phone.

“I need to talk to her, love. Mother and daughter, like”

“Aye, but, you know, she’s not right made-up at the idea!”

Susie sighed, shaking her head. “I suppose it’s not real for her, and it is real, at same time, like. I need someone down there, and it’ll be better if it’s another woman, won’t it? And that’s other thing: she’s there with me, makes it realer for her. I give her a job to do, looking after me, and she might find it easier to take. Sort of distraction tactics meet rubbing her bloody nose in me being her daughter!”

“So what do I do?”

She rose from the settee and came over to hug me.

“You stay here, and you keep Darren from stuffing up, give him some extras to do with you to keep an eye on him, just in case. And you look after my man. He’s not been told yet, and he’s a soft bugger, he’ll panic and worry. And you look after both the Petes, hold the fort till I can come home”

Her hands clenched on my shoulders just then.

“That’s the thing, love. This is home. Something you gave me I have never had”

“Lass, surely, when you were a kid, aye?”

“Not really. Not a home for me, just a place for who they said I was. THIS is home. So look after it, keep it warm and safe for me, while I take Mam down to Brighton and try and bring her back seeing sense. Let’s get to it. I’ll put phone on speaker”

Valerie picked it up after only two rings. “Gerald?”

“It’s me, Mam”

“Oh…”

“Look, I need a favour. I have to go into hospital for a bit”

“I know”

“Just, I would have asked Gerald to take us down, like, cause I can’t do it on my own, and I’ll be a bit poorly after, and, well…”

“You want me to come with you? While I see my son lost?”

Susie made a face, looking up at the ceiling, then at me.

“No, Mam. While you find your daughter. You’ve done more for her than she ever expected, or even hoped for. Can you do this last thing? Please?”

There were sounds, those I had expected.

“Mam… Don’t cry. Look, make a trip of it, aye? Do seaside stuff, bring Gerald some rock back, mebbes stop in London day before, see a show? Do some shopping?”

She looked over at me. “Think Rodney would put us up? Bit of mother-daughter time?”

I nodded. “I’ll give him a shout after. Val, she’s told me off, says I have to stay here and keep business straight, and she’s right. Busiest part of year, and I can’t leave lads on their own. She needs someone with her, someone as knows and loves her. Can you do that?”

Silence for at least a minute, before Val spoke again, softly. “What do I need to do?”

More calls after that, to Rodney (“Dear lady! Of course you can!”) and, after Susie spent some time on the computer, to the Royal Albion hotel in Brighton. That was an eye-opener, for they seemed to know exactly why two women would need a twin room for one night followed by a single for three days, and, etc. I realised there must be a steady flow of people like her through the town, which brought the revelation that there must naturally be far more people like her than I had ever guessed.

Sunday arrived as it always did, along with Andy and Valerie, who brought with her a rhubarb crumble.

“I’m cheating; brought tinned custard”

She was trying to be bright, and Andy picked up on it. Which showed me how sensitive he truly was.

“Happen I prefer tinned stuff, but then my Mam was never really that happy in kitchen”

Susie laughed out loud. “Like Gerald, there? Insisted on boiling everything to sludge?”

The shared ground seemed to lighten things, and the dinner went well, till the last of the pudding was gone and four of us sat replete and just short of groaning. Susie reached out for Valerie’s hand.

“Andy, love? Got some news”

For some reason he looked sharply at me, then back at her.

“Aye?”

“I’ve got an appointment at hospital. In August. Brighton. For, you know… Here, have a read”

She handed him the letter, as Valerie stared at the table cloth. Susie squeezed her hand, and, as Val looked up, raised her eyebrows. A sharp nod.

Andy was quiet himself for about fifteen seconds, clearly gathering his thoughts.

“Who’s…?”

“Mam. We’ll stop a couple of days in London, Rodney’s place, then we’ve got hotel booked right by Palace Pier”

“What about me?”

“Oh, I’ve got plans for you—no, not like that, you daft bugger! No, I’ve got a proper job for you. There’s a stiff-necked old man here will need looking after, and then there’s another lad as has lost his leg. They’ll both need some smiles, and you’re right good at those. Gerald’s got to keep yard running, and Darren’s there for that, so you’ve got job of keeping him sensible, making sure he doesn’t spend time living on chips”

And on she went, and once again I asked myself how and why someone with her wit, her deft touch with people, had ended up stacking shelves.

The answer was obvious, though: the same sort of thinking that had led to Harry putting a muzzle into his mouth on a ferry home, or Bob sitting so pink and normal and dead in his room. I had failed them; I resolved not to fail her, to fail nobody else if I had any strength in me.

Val changed subjects, onto Coronation Street, and to my surprise Andy was just as animated as the two girls. I couldn’t be bothered, so excused myself to take some air in the back garden, where it seems I simply fell asleep in what Susie called a patio chair. Andy shook me awake to say goodbye, once again giving me a sharp look as if searching for something before he left.

Susie opened some wine, her Mam drank a little too much, they cried together and Val stayed the night. That sounds so simple, but it was like the collapse of a dam. Finally, it seemed Valerie was starting to come to terms with the reality of her daughter’s changing life. Everything up to that point had been conditional, almost as if she had been humouring her child till they learned better, got over their delusions, but underneath it all had been the undeniable fact of a mother’s love. Now, at last, we could all move forward as Susie emerged from the shadows that had blighted her life.

We had dinner the next Sunday at the Ship, partly to avoid the two women having to cook, partly to catch up with the Petes but also so that I could have a beer, which always goes well with a roast.

Pete senior was to the point. “Got news, mate. Lad’s got a place at Southampton, English literature BA”

I looked at the younger man, who was finally looking healthier even though he was obviously in a wheelchair. Fuller in the face, a better colour, and certainly more animated than I had seen him for what seemed like an eternity.

“Seems like an odd course for a tiffy to choose, son”

“Ah, that’s the thing! I’ve always loved books. Started with comics…”

He paused for a second or two. “Yeah, comics. All that superhero stuff, then I got into Tarzan, and the Heinlein juvenile stuff”

“The what?”

“Robert A Heinlein. Yank SF writer; had a contract to write a ‘young adult’ book each year. Not bad stuff, really, but it got me into the written stuff rather than the picture, and…”

He carried on for quite a while, but I got the picture, so to speak. When I got the chance to speak, I asked the obvious question.

“So where will you live?”

“Oh, Legion’s got a home out at Eastleigh, up by the airport. Lots of military links along that stretch of coast, what with Pompey and that close by. They’ll give me six months or so, till I get back on my foot. That was a joke, by the way. You’re allowed to laugh”

I tried. It didn’t quite sound real. Susie raised a hand,

“News of my own, big news as well. Got hospital appointment, down in Brighton”

Pete Senior looked up at that one. “Oh? The op? THE op?”

She looked quickly at Andy, who took her hand in what was becoming a very common and reassuring way.

“Aye. In Nuffield hospital, just outside town. Julian and Charles, they’ve worked miracles”

I snorted. “Worked bloody system!”

Pete junior laughed. “Who gives a shit, if you get it done? Private?”

“Er, no. Being done by them, but on NHS. Sort of subcontract thing. Mam’s coming down with me, stopping with Rodney just before”

“Want any help?”

A broken lad, sat in a wheelchair, and his first thought was to offer support. It seemed the young man I had met seemingly centuries ago was still there. I shook my head, his father saw, and just smiled. People were healing round me, but still leaving. Ah well.

“Excuse me. Just have to pay a visit. Whose round is it? Mine?”

Andy shook his head. “Mine, I think. And we need to order pud”

We walked together into the pub, and as soon as we were out of sight he took my elbow and steered me past the bar and the gents’ to a quiet corner of the lounge.

“How urgent is that piss, Gerald?”

His eyes were very hard, fixed on mine.

“Not absolutely. What’s up?”

He cast his gaze round the room, chair by chair, wall by wall.

“What the fuck are you up to?”

“Eh?”

“Gerald, Jeanette, my cousin”

“Who?”

“Jenny Hunter. Reception at your bloody GP’s surgery”

I kept silent, but he hadn’t finished. “Why have you been ignoring the letters, you stupid old bastard? She knows she shouldn’t have said owt, but she’s fond of me, and she knows about my lass there, and who she bloody well lives with! This isn’t an option, not a choice I’m giving you. Susie needs you. You don’t just ignore stuff like that. How’s the peeing?”

His voice had risen at that, and he turned away, making as if to punch a wall, then turned back.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, Gerald Barker. You are not going to complain that Jen has let slip, breached confidentiality, like. You are going to reply to quack, go in and do what he wants, finger up bum, whole thing. I want to marry that lass, and I want it to be a happy day, and you’ll be there to take her down aisle, or, Gerald Barker, you and I will bloody well fall out!”

A deep breath. “Now, what pud do you want? Oh, and better go for that pee now”