Chapter 11 – The Battle of Midway

“So, how does someone afford to buy in cash a Duke’s of Hazzard replica car worth just over thirty grand when they don’t have a job and their parents aren’t rich?” Dad said.

My Dad leaned back in his seat at his office and looked at his good friend Chris. Sitting in a comfortable chair across from my Dad was his close friend Chris Leitner who works in Internal Affairs and whom he asked to stop by for a friendly visit. We had gone to Dad’s office after Doug and I talked to Dad about our suspicions and then confronting Robert who spilled the beans about Josh. Dad called Chris and asked him to visit him and that it was important.

Dad had gone to school with Chris from day one of Kindergarten till graduation from high school. Most Internal Affairs personnel don’t have many close friends. My Dad was one of the few that Chris liked and kept as a close friend. My Dad is honest and trustworthy as the day is long. Chris’ presence in his office was du rigor for such a long and valued friendship. It was not at all uncommon for Chris to be here for a visit and the two to chat about life being so very different from the days of their youth. From video games to computers, they would challenge themselves to understand the world their offspring had been born into and they grasped to understand.

“Good question. I really don’t think we can just act on one little item like this. What else do you have? It can’t just be that Josh Colson is the son of a Sargent in the Spring Valley police department. There has to be a tie to his dad.”

Robert sat uneasy in his chair, but at my Dad’s prodding spoke up. “When I left High School, I stopped contact with the kids there, even if I knew them. Reason being is that I was an adult and I had been told by the school administration that anything I do with the other kids there could be considered an offense against a minor. It was the best policy that unless they lived next door or were a really close friend, to not fraternize with them. But not Josh. Two of the kids in that crash were still minors he hardly knew. A senior, Charles Linstrom, and Harry Travers, a junior. They were at best casual friends. Not close to him at all.”

My brother leaned forward and took a deep breath.

“Well, there was a rumor going around that Josh was selling sort of photos to pay for his new car. Just not any photos, but the photos of naked girls. I saw him talk to the sisters of the football team members when we were seniors. He ignored Jane for some reason. When I heard that Josh had minors in the car with him, I brought Sam along here to find out if Josh would talk to him. I saw the way he looked at him in the laundry room before we left to join up at the mall. The sisters never told me what he said to them so I figured my brother would tell me at least because I could tell Josh was interested in him. I was just curious.”

“Him? Are you saying this cute young lady here is Sam?” Chris looked shocked and looked at me with his glasses on. “Oh my word, it is you Sam! But, I don’t understand. Has he?”

Mom spoke up and gave Chris the low down on Cybil, the Allens, and the Smiths. “We think it will be good for Sam to get some experience as a babysitter. Unfortunately, the Smiths think he is a girl. And to be frank, Sam looks and sounds very much like a girl since he hasn’t started puberty yet, we figure why not. He goes to school as a boy and when he is home, he will switch to a girl so he can babysit. I know it sounds crazy, but … ”

“It is kind of like being undercover I suppose. Except I get to babysit and earn money because they think I am a girl. And I love taking care of their babies.” I tried to sound seriously not interested in being a girl.

“Well, I may ask you to help our undercover officers in the future doing decoy duty Sam. I hardly recognized you. They need lots of work on their disguises.”

Dad spoke up next, “I do have more. I have a friend on the newspaper staff. They sent someone to photograph the accident scene for the paper. In the ruble of what was thrown from the car was an item that has since gone missing.” My Dad handed Chris a photo with the item pointed to by a post-it note. It was a small satchel a little bigger than a legal pad.

“Since it is part of my job, I asked for a copy of the accident report to see if there was any damage to city property. It is standard procedure. There was public roadway damage and my office needs to oversee the repair of it. Here is the report. The item in the photo is described in the report as having been picked up. So, Chris, where is it? I stopped by to check the evidence locker explaining to the lock up manager that determining the kind of debris that flew from the car could help estimate the speed of impact. He wasn’t surprised because I have done it before. Pretty standard stuff. The item wasn’t there.”

“Well, there still isn’t enough probable cause yet, but damn close. But, to be honest, I don’t think that will matter. Can I borrow your phone Paul?” My Dad looked relieved and bothered at the same time that he didn’t have to continue convincing him.

Dad pushed his phone over to Chris who dialed a long number. “Hello Bill, I think I have a lead on that Ivy case you have been working on. I am in the civil engineer’s office adjacent to city hall. Can you come over? Don’t be in a suit. Jeans and a work shirt. You need a job kind of outfit. How long? Can you wait twenty minutes Paul? He says yes.”

Twenty minutes later, a disheveled man in jeans ran the bell for our building. Since no one else was in the building but us, my Dad went and got him and ushered him into the room. “Please sit down.”

Chris introduced us to Bill Watson and went over all we had talked about bringing Bill up to speed. Bill spoke to us, “I am with the state police. We have been trying to flush out a child porn ring out of the Nashville area, but haven’t had any luck. That is, until now. Son, is your name Sam?”

“Yes sir, but when I am dressed like this, I go by Samantha.”

“Well, it is hard to believe you are a boy. You look so much like a young girl and sound like one too. Oddly enough, come to think of it, I think I know a way we can use your help Sam to break up this child porn ring. We could use your help.”

“How?” I was curious.

“Well, one way is we can pretend to be photographing you topless whereas we couldn’t do that with a girl your age. If we put you in a studio shoot where the perps walk in and see us turning you into a just a topless ‘girl’ victim, they will believe we are for real and will allow our undercover man to ferret out the truth. I think Josh is a kind of pimp for this group. If we turn him into state’s evidence, then we can set the trap I just described.”

Mom asked, “How would you do that? It doesn’t sound safe.”

“For example, we could have him do some shots in a studio that has a one-way mirror where we can show our client our latest subject. With mirrors, it will appear that his directly in front of them when he will be safely out in another room. Normally, we use eighteen-year-old cops doing it, but in this case, having someone who is as young as Sam here will be far too tantalizing for them to ignore. We would, of course, change his hair and his appearance so they couldn’t identify him later.”

“There is another reason you may want to help us too. Your friend Vicki may have been one of the victims of Josh’s scam. If we can catch them now, we stand a good chance of being able to find out what photos they took of her or her friends and stop their distribution. I suspect that is what was in the folder. Josh was likely going to blackmail Harry with what was in the folder.”

Doug piped up, “Then, I need you to talk to Harry’s doctor as soon as possible. Once they bring him out of his medical induced coma, they will be able to get to him. It won’t hurt him to be under a day or two longer I bet. That will give you more time to catch the bad guys.”

“Where is Vicki right now?” asked Chris.

“At the hospital. We are going over to pick her up. She is staying with us. In fact, we should go there soon.” Mom said.

“Okay, right now, Paul, you have to escort me out. Shake your head and say that you are sorry, there are no jobs. Pat me on the back, and send me on my way. I will meet you at your place in a few hours Paul. Leave your back door unlocked. Chris, leave with Paul and get some lunch as you usually do. Doug and Sam, go get Vicki with your Mom right now. Don’t say anything to Vicki. Doug, do you have the info for Harry’s doctor?”

“Here you go sir. I wrote it out as you were talking to us.”

The plan unfolded quickly with each of us performing our assigned task. When we got to the hospital, the Travers informed us that the doctor wanted to keep Harry in a coma for two more days as a precautionary measure base on his experience in such matters. His parents said to do what he thought best. We told them that Vicki was welcome to stay with us for the time being. Vicki seemed relieved. We knew why but didn’t say anything.

When we got home, I talked to Vicki. “Look, it isn’t fair to you if you have to be in a room with three of us. I want you to take my room. I will move my stuff into Jane’s room. I don’t get to see her much. That way you will have your privacy and I get sister time.”

“You sure? I don’t want to impose.” Vicki seem to be happy with the new arrangement though she said otherwise.

“No, for one night it was fun. But if you are our house guest now, you need your space. And this is my chance to have quality time with my sister.” Jane and I shifted my clothes over to her room and moved in Vicki’s clothes. Jane agreed that I would put on a blindfold when she was changing. I told her not to worry about me. I didn’t have much below to worry about. She said she was sorry to hear about that, but maybe soon it would change.

When we got downstairs, we found Bill and Dad sitting at the breakfast table. “Agreed. I need to talk to Samantha and you now and tell her what is expected, Paul.” I was impressed at how he kept my cover. He looked up at me and smiled. “Is there a place we can talk alone?” Dad and I nodded yes.

Doug let us in to his house. We sat down at his table. “Do you mind if Doug joins us? It was his insight that caused me to bring up to my Dad that we thought Vicki and Harry might be in trouble.” I said.

“Okay. I am fine with that considering his advice protected Harry. Thank you Doug. Right, here is the thing. If we do a sting, it will be a little over a year before everything happens. A couple of months to catch the criminals and about a year for the prosecution. I find it best to plan for the worst. The problem is that during discovery, your existence will be possibly released as an informant with enough details that someone might find you. That means they could come looking for you at your school.”

Dad looked anxious, “Okay, what are the ways to protect him from harm?”

“There are two solutions in this case. One, Sam goes to another junior high as a boy, under a false name. Two, Sam goes to another junior high as a girl, under a false name. If he goes as a boy, babysitting is over. He will have to cut his hair short. If he goes as a girl, he can keep his babysitting job, but he cannot be a boy unless he is in the court room. No one can know he is a boy unless we authorize them knowing or they knew before hand and agreed to keep their mouths shut.”

“It is your call Dad. You know me and what I want and need. I will go with your advice.”

“You sure son?”

“Yes, you know how to protect me best. I trust you.”

Dad thought hard and long. He put his hand on mine. “I love you son, but I choose girl. I think they will be looking for a boy, not a girl.”

Bill was startled. “Are you okay with your Dad’s choice Sam? It will mean that you have to play and be a girl until this is over. I figure about ten months at least.”

“Look, I just lost a close friend to cancer. My drug of choice is taking care of the three babies next door. I am dressed up pretty much all the time as a girl for them so I can keep that job. And, until I hit puberty, no one even thinks that I am a boy anyway. I am considered a sissy runt by even my brother. All my classmates are bigger than me. They call me a loser. And, if I am going to go to another school, I am going to be pretty isolated anyway, just like I am now. Frankly, I might as well be able to cry without feeling like I will be noticed. So, I will not mind in the least.” I was really thrilled, but hid it.

I continued, “Anyway, there is one problem though. Enough students from my summer Shakespeare class this year and last year know me that we need to be careful what school I go to for middle school. Plus, it is not a concern, I need to avoid sporting events. That part is easy.”

Bill made a quick phone call. About an hour later he called back and Bill talked to someone on the phone. “I had a man over at the district now check it out. There are thirty students that went through the class with you last year and this year. Half of them are in high school now. Four moved out of the district. Nine are in eighth grade. And two are in seventh grade. The best choice is Danvers Middle School. There are two students there that will know you. Vicki Travers, who only knows you as a girl, and a Mary Casselbaum.”

“I know Mary. Her mother works at the hospital in administration. She knows I am a boy, but if she is told why I am doing this, she will never let anyone know, ever. I trust her. I am sure that if you have an officer talk to her before I show up, she will guard my secret with her life.”

“You better, because you could be trusting her with your life.”

“I really have to ask this next question. Are you okay with playing a topless girl in shorts?”

“Yes. I can see why you are doing this. I think I can pull it off.”

“Son, in the law, there is something called entrapment. The idea is that we don’t entice someone to commit a crime, but we can lie to them. Strange as it may seem, cops can lie. I bet you didn’t know that. What you can help us do is to build credibility that we are really bad people when we are not. You will help us lie to the villain. You don’t entice them and go out of your way to get a villain to commit a crime. Now, it is not uncommon for us to use kids to buy cigarettes or liquor to expose a business that is harming minors. We have to follow certain rules. That is where you can help us. Because you are a boy who looks like a girl, we don’t have to worry about you being topless. There is a grey area about you presenting as a girl, but we can get around that one.”

“That makes sense. Do you mind if I pose a question that you might not expect?” My Dad said.

“Okay, I am pretty well seasoned in this business, fire away?”

“Can my son doing this benefit more than just your investigation? Could he be used to help shut down other rings with bad people in them?”

“Wow! You are right. I didn’t expect that. Usually, we have to do the convincing. That is why I was so excited to see Sam earlier today. I knew he could solve one of our problems. Yes, if you and your wife are okay with it, I do know of more stings that could use his help. But right now, we need him to do a simple wire job first.”

“What is a wire job. And what do you need me to do?” I asked.

“Okay, here is Josh’s M.O. in a nutshell. He gets a girl about Vicki’s age who hasn’t developed breasts to pose for him at a poolside for example with no top on. Forgive my language, he says something like, ‘one day you will want a photo of yourself before you got any boobs.’ Whatever his line is, this gets the girl used to his taking a photo of her partly unclothed. Then, as she starts changing, he gets more photos saying that she still looks like a boy. Slowly, over time, he convinces her to take her clothes off and before she knows it, he has her hooked. She thinks only she sees the photos. But, he sells them.”

“That’s sick! Is that what he is doing to Vicki?”

“We think so. At least, that is what he is trying to do.”

“Okay, how do I help you get this jerk?”

“We want you to wear a wire and say to Vicki that you feel awkward. For example, that someone who knows your brother got you to take your top off at a pool and took photos of you. We think she will open up about what happened to her. When she does, we will record it.”

“Then what, I will have betrayed her. I don’t want her to be angry at me.”

“No, we aren’t going use the recording on her. We are going to play the recording for Josh before he leaves the hospital and get him to turn on his group of fellow predators. If he does that, we can turn this filthy organization inside out.”

“Okay, I will do it under one condition.”

“What?”

“That my mother be included every step of the way. I want her to be my partner in crime so to speak. If I can use how I dress and look to damage those who harm children, then I need her to guide me and protect me from moral decay as well.”

“You are a smart kid. Deal son!” We shook hands. A little while later, Mom came over and Bill explained to her what the plan was. She was surprised that Dad agreed to have me be a girl for ten months.

“Well Sam, if you are going to be forced to be a girl for a year, I can’t think of a better reason. But, I just want you to be sure that you realize you will be losing out on things that boys like to do in school. Baseball, football, and other sports. Also, if you want to date, that will be off the table. You are at the point where you will want to go to a dance with a girl at a school dance.” Mom was still concerned.

“Mom, I can’t look at it that way. I am not being forced. They got Vicki on the hook. They are trying to destroy her ability to go to a dance and feel good about the way a boy treats her. What she will think of herself is on the line too? What about her dignity? If my hair could restore some dignity to Cybil, then imagine how many girls will be safe going to their first dance, getting their first kiss, and having their first boyfriend because I played a girl and kept them safe. My time will come, but, as the saying goes, Ladies first.”

My mother began to cry. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.” She hugged me.

A little while later, they had me wired up. The plan was simple. Tell Vicki that sometime back, Josh tricked me into taking off the top of my bikini for a photo and I regretted it.

“Hey Vicki, want to help me make dinner? Have you made meatloaf before?”

“Sure I would to help, but I never have made meat loaf before.”

“It is really easy. First, we just have to mix ground pork and beef with salt, pepper, and some chopped onion, bell peppers, egg, and croutons in a bowl. Then we cover it with ketchup and bacon strips and put it into the oven at 350 for 45 minutes.”

We started to chop up the onion I preheated in the microwave and the bell pepper.

“How is your brother?”

“Good. He will be brought out of the coma in a few days.”

“Great. Any news on that creep Josh?”

“Something about him being released in a couple of days.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to see him again. Especially poolside again.”

“Poolside?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say that he is a sweet talking creep. He talked me into something I regret doing.”

“You too, huh?”

“Umm, tell me it didn’t involve a camera too?”

“Yeah, it did. Twice.”

“Twice? Oh no, tell me what he did to you?”

“Last year, during the summer, Josh convinced me to take off my bikini top saying that I had nothing to show anyway and that one day I would want a photo of me before I became a woman. He showed me a few photos of girls I knew from school that he had taken the same way. He was there to give them their photos. I thought it was okay because they did it too. Then, this summer, he talked me into showing me my buds and quickly shot a photo of them. I was so embarrassed. I don’t know how I let him talk me into it again. I just told Harry that I need to stay away from him and found him creepy. He told my parents. So they told my brother to make sure I wasn’t around him again. They know he did something wrong, just not what. I couldn’t tell them he took a topless photo of me, could I? That is the real reason I wanted to be around you guys. In case Josh came into the room to see my brother and do something to me. It sounds like you had the same problem.”

A thought hit me. “The photos he showed you weren’t in a satchel were they? A brown one?”

“Yeah, that sounds right.”

“Dad was showing me accident photos today because he works for the city. I think I saw the satchel in a photo my Dad got of the accident. He had to calculate the force of the impact for the city. Like you, I couldn’t say anything to him about it though.”

I went over to the table with Dad’s briefcase on it, opened it, pulled off the Post-it note and brought it back to her. “This is the photo of the accident scene. Do you see the satchel that Josh was carrying with the photos of the other girls?”

“Yes, that is the satchel. Right there. Oh no! That is the one that Josh took photos out of and showed me pictures of the other girls. What are we going to do Samantha? Who has it now? The police?”

I later learned that the cops listening in to us were jumping up and down with joy. Not only had I gotten her to reveal what happened, but I got her to point out that the evidence containing Josh’s photos had been taken from the evidence locker. That gave them probable cause for a search warrant and enough ammo to really turn Josh and his dad.

“Vicki, I really trust my friend Doug. Let’s tell him and show him the accident photo. He is a kind of an older brother to me who looks out after me. He was gone when Josh convinced me to do it. But, he was with me the day of the accident and ready to stop Josh. I trust him to stop him. Okay?”

We finished the meat loaf and got it into the oven.

A few hours later, Bill came in to talk to me at Doug’s. “We confronted Josh with the recording. We also got a search warrant for his Dad’s place and found the satchel with all the photos. Josh is going to co-operate along with his dad. They don’t have a choice. This is a huge break. Thank you Sam.”

“Sir, I need to correct you.”

“What needs to be corrected?”

“No matter what, from now until my services are no longer needed, you all need to call me Samantha. Not one slip up please.”

Bill looked at me nodding his head yes. “You are right Samantha. We can’t afford to slip up at all.”

Things progressed quickly from that point. A guardian ad litem was appointed for me in addition to my parents. The guardian was necessary in case my parents weren’t available or couldn’t join me on the mission. His job was to oversee the police and make sure everything they did was in accordance with the law and I wasn’t exploited. A few days later, I found myself sitting outside a conference room door at the hospital listening for my cue. I heard Bill and Chris talking to Mrs. Casselbaum and Mary. Chris said “Now that both of you have agreed to a legal non-disclosure for what I am about to tell you, Megan, Mary, we have an undercover minor helping us to bring down child porn rings in the state. We need your silence on something. Our minor child has agreed to help us because he can pass for a girl and not get us into trouble with child porn laws ourselves. It would be bad press if we were to use a girl to bring them down. He has already exposed a major source of child porn in this area through his talents. In order to keep his cover, he will be going to be enrolled in Danvers Middle School as a girl this school year. This is his parents’ idea and he is in agreement. The problem is that in order for him to keep his cover, he needed you both to agree not to expose him because you already know him. This is for his safety. The bad guys could try to find him so they can possibly hurt him. Will you co-operate?” They said yes. “Come on in now honey.”

I entered the room. Mary and Mrs. Casselbaum gasped. “Samantha! It’s you?” said Mrs. Casselbaum.

“Oh my Samantha, I am so proud of you!” said Mary. She came up and hugged me.

Bill added, “The process of discovery by the attorneys during a trial who represent the bad guys will show that the minor in our stings is a male. They will never think to look for a girl in a school in trying to track him down. It is absolutely crucial that you, Mary, never reveal to anyone at school that Samantha is really a boy. Are you fine with helping us and Samantha?”

“I would die first. Samantha is the kindest and bravest person I know.”

Later, Bill sat down with me and Doug at Doug’s house. “We have been able to successfully turn Josh and his Dad into useful tools. They also have accepted plea deals. They are signed, sealed, and delivered. That means that the photos of a few of the children they have harmed can be returned to the victims. We want Vicki to be happy and secure. So, I think you two will enjoy this assignment. Our next job is to return to Vicki these photos of her and their negatives in a convincing manner. Any ideas?” Bill slid a manila envelope on the table towards us. We didn’t open it, but it horrified me.

“I am thinking that Doug and my Dad ought to return it to her. And my Dad could just say that Josh will never do it again. And that they are never to ask why or how. Just know that it has been done.”

“The problem with that is they will talk to other people eventually and your cover is blown. We can’t have that.”

“True. This is a sticky problem. But, I have possible solution.” Doug said.

“What would that be?”

“Have a judge return them to her and her parents.”

“What? We can’t do that without exposing the ongoing investigations.”

“Who said it had to be a real judge. It just has to be a legal looking setting with someone playing a judge. Possibly a family court judge.”

“Well, that could work. In fact, we could use that as a mechanism for returning all the photos without having to show what we are doing. Since all these cases involve minor children, a family court could intervene and even provide counseling for the children too. I will work on it.”

Vicki, her parents, and, my parents, and I sat outside a family court room waiting to be called in. Vicki and her parents went in first. About thirty minutes later, she and her parents came out. She had the biggest grin on her face. “Your next, but I think you will like it.”

I went in next. Bill came into the room. “She bought it.” A woman officer who was playing the judge grinned and showed me the burnt remains of the negatives and photos.

“So, what next?”

“We’ve got some work to do. You ready to help us catch some bad guys?”

My grin said it all.

The next few days, I worked with a policewoman on my wardrobe. Clothes were bought for me both for school and the undercover project. I had a full closet by the time they were done. We made sure that I had a range of innocence to a little trampy. She tried out different looks on me with the police psychologist who deals with these cases. I had ribbons in my hair for the first time. I was made to look younger and sort of like a cute doll.

The cop told me, “Most of these sick people get their pleasure out of destroying innocence. They like to hurt little girls. The idea is that we take shots of you dressed as these various kinds of girls they like. Then a few with your top off so the men think you have been turned out for them. Then, if they see you go into one of our mock up studios, they will start to drool. So, we have to keep your identity a secret. So, we may put a blonde wig on you and change your nose. Once we catch them, they find out in discovery that you are a boy. They may search the schools for a boy that looks like you. Of course, they will never find you.”

It was the first day of school; it was strange to be in a different school. To make things easier on me, they allowed Mrs. Duncan to teach two classes at Danvers. She would be my drama teacher for second period. She was clued into what I was doing, so, my secret assignment would be considered my acting role. She was thrilled because I could do more alterations for her at both schools. And she loved what I was doing. I loved that I got to do sewing and learn more skills from her.

I walked into my first period science class. “Hi Mary! How was your summer?”

“Oh hi, Jackie! Hey everybody, this is Jackie, Jackie Miller. I got to know her during a summer school class. She just moved into our school’s boundaries.” Mary introduced me to her friends. It all went by so fast. I caught a few of their names, but I figured that I would learn more names as time went on.

I was simply relishing being in school as a girl without having to be a boy any time during the day. I must have done a good job, because no one noticed me. Of course, they didn’t notice me when I was a boy either.

Walking the halls with Mary, I ran into Vicki. She had been warned that because of the photos with Josh, that my name was now Jackie and that they allowed me to change schools because of it too. “Enough said,” was her comment. We didn’t discuss Josh anymore.

“How is Harry doing?”

“He is up and around. He is going to school. He just can’t play football this year. They say he has to heal from his concussion first. So, he is out for the football season. To be frank, I love it. I get to see him more now. I am so happy to see you here. Middle school Is scary. Tell Jane hi for me. Nice to meet you at last Mary. I hope to hear you sing.” We hugged each other and went on. Her friends were impressed that she knew a couple of 7th graders.

“Speaking of singing, did you want to learn to sing Jackie? The teacher here is really good. His name is Mr. Thompson. I have him for 7th period.”

“I have study hall for 7th period, I guess I could switch. I’ll ask at the office.”

Walking into Mr. Thompson’s class later, Mary introduced me.

“I know most of the kids here and have heard them sing before. So, today is just auditioning new students and it looks like you are it. I need to know your voice and hear it.”

I was excited. “Do you mind if I use a guitar to sing? It’s my crutch. I am scared to death to sing without it.”

He handed me a guitar. I took the pick and clamp and tuned the guitar. I began the riff for my favorite song, “The summer sun is fading as the year grows old …”

Mr. Thompson listened patiently. He smiled and let me sing all the way to the end of the song. He noticed a few tears flowing down my cheek. The song still reminds me of Cybil.

“That was lovely Jackie. I can see you need some training, which is not unexpected, but I really like that you sing with passion. They just aren’t words to you. And we do need more accompanists in class too. You play the guitar very well. Do you play any other instrument?”

“The piano sir. I play the piano sir.” I was nervous. I was grateful that he didn’t tear apart my singing. I knew it had to be flawed.

“Wonderful, do you read music too?”

“Yes sir!”

“What kind of music do you like?”

“Anything Moody Blues, except their early work before Hayward and Lodge. I enjoy Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. I like Rick Wakeman. I also sing in French. So, now I like Jean Jacques Goldman, Francis Cabrel, and Patrick Bruel too.” I answer enthusiastically.

He heard my perfect pronunciation of their names and smiled. “Sing something to me in French.”

I adjusted the guitar. I began to play another Goldman song I like, ‘Je sais pas,’ and found my voice, and belted out lyrics like “Je sais les hiver, je sais le froid” with force. The song doesn’t require good singing because it is kind of a jazz tune. The song is half singing and half speaking. But the words are incredible to sing and almost force one to feel them as one sings them. Most songs have words that glide from one to another with the melody of the song. But, this song punches the words through the melody and accents the music making the words their very own instrument accompanying the music.

Mr. Thompson laughed. “You are determined to make my job tough, aren’t you Jackie?”

“I’m sorry sir, I don’t mean …”

“No, no. I mean you are talented. You don’t just don’t sing the words. You feel them. You pour your heart into them. I spend half the year just teaching my students to get to that point. And there you are coming out of the gate right away singing like you mean it. I don’t speak French, but I felt your words and what they meant.”

“Thank you, sir, that is very kind of you to say.”

“Mary, did you say that you sang with her this summer?”

“Yes Mr. Thompson. Mrs. Duncan said she had talent.”

“Can I get you both to sing something together? Except, I want to hear you play piano.”

He led me to a piano, I sat and looked at Mary. “There is only one song we have done together Mr. Thompson. Do you remember it Mary?”

“How could I forget Jackie?”

I began to play ‘Something There’ and we started to sing together. I could tell we had more fun with it this time. We made the roles of the speakers more real.

Mr. Thompson said. “Looks like we are going to have a fun year Jackie. Just to warn you, I am going to bring in the French teacher to hear you too. Don’t tell anyone, but, she happens to be my sister.” He winked at me and smiled.

The final bell of the day rang and I said my goodbyes. I worked my way out front and finally spotted my ride. An unmarked police car was there to pick me up. It was weird to be chauffeured home. I skipped inside happy as I could be.

“How was your first day at school honey?” Mom was just getting ready to make dinner after subbing that day. She looked tired.

I ran up to my mother and hugged her, “It was great. I got to sing. I switched my 7th period study hall to choir. The teacher is awesome. He thinks I am talented as a singer. And I was really excited to have Mrs. Duncan for second period drama. She is the coolest teacher. I have Mary in several of my classes and she is introducing me to people. And I saw Vicki. Harry is doing much better. He has to stay out of football.” I was never this chatty before. “Can I make dinner for us tonight? You look tired.” I started to peel some potatoes she had next to the sink.

“Sure, I would love that. So, you don’t mind being a girl at school?” My mother looked concerned. She sat down and watched me make dinner.

“No, not really. I never fit in anyway. And to tell you the truth, the fact that the guys don’t talk to me because I don’t have a chest like a girl should have isn’t very different from when they didn’t talk to me because I didn’t have the height that I should have. At least I am not the smallest boy in class. The only real difference this year is that I go into the nurse’s office to go the bathroom. Although, I am a lot less lonely in a dress than when I was in jeans. I never talked to anybody like I did today before.”

“That is true, aside from Doug, you have never had a friend over to visit until Vicki. Are you noticing girls yet?” Mom seemed kind of forlorn.

“You mean like Robert does? No way, not yet. I hope I never do like he does. I eavesdropped on a few of the girls talking about how cute some boy was or who they are interested in dating. I overheard a few of the boys talking about girls. I think I am just going to stick with singing and the stuff I like. Besides, if I do start to like girls, I will tell you right away. I just think I am going to have a good year in school, that’s all. It is nice not to be picked on or the one they are always pointing at and making fun of.” I couldn’t believe how chatty I had become. I finished peeling the potatoes and washed them off. I put them on a cutting board.

“Girls do that too, you know. So, you may get picked on by them. They can turn on you just as easily as the boys can. Even worse, they will try and emotionally damage you too. Boys play fair. Girls don’t. They form cliques and target girls they don’t like.” She watched me cut the potatoes into scallops.

I stopped and looked out the window feeling deflated, “Seems like you can’t win no matter what sex one is in school? So, I guess it doesn’t matter who I am, boy or girl. Mom, do you think you can work at Danvers? If you were there, I would have someone I could run to in case I need help.” I went back to work on the scallops.

“Good idea. Let me ask Bill if that could be arranged. It might help if you have someone there to help you deal with school. As I think about it, you are right. You aren’t in the mainstream of students. Maybe that is why you don’t care if people see you as a boy or a girl.” That seemed to brighten her outlook.

“It’s a lot easier for me if I am making a difference. When I think of everything I endured so Cybil could find a moment of happiness, I found I could ignore it. When I know that I will stop a girl like Vicki from being abused by someone like Josh, it all seems worth it too.”

I hugged my mom before I continued making dinner. “Thank you for letting me do this. I would rather be a girl in school with a sense of purpose than a boy with nothing to look forward to do other than taking classes.”

Dad came home a little later and said that Bill was coming over to talk. Jane was either working or taking classes at the community college. Our once busy house was down to the three of us. I was, I guess, an only child now. The bright spot every night was Doug coming over for dinner. Bill came in through the back door. I don’t know why, but he looked over his shoulder.

I had cooked a pork tenderloin with a brown sugar and Dijon mustard glaze. I made scalloped potatoes. I had asparagus with a light sauce. And brownies for dessert.

Bill was eating with us and thanked my Mom for cooking such a wonderful dinner. When he heard that I made it all, he looked at me as though he could not believe I was so talented. “Mom taught me a lot over the last several years. I love to cook too. I find it relaxing. Here, please have a brownie for dessert. I make them with chocolate chips to make them more like fudge. I find if I freeze the chips before cooking, they keep more of their shape in the oven.”

The five of us sat at the dinner and talked. Bill was disturbed that I didn’t have study hall for 7th period. He wanted to be able to get me out of class quickly if he needed me. I told him not to worry. Choir is an elective and is on a pass fail basis. And, I felt that I could miss the odd class. He began to discuss briefly what would become my first mission.

Regardless, I had helped win our first battle. I played a key role in turning Josh and saved Vicki from a life of exploitation. That was a great way to start the war on crime. And Dad had turned me into a girl 24/7. I was happy. Maybe too happy.

We finally had a chance to be alone when I walked across the street with Doug. Doug sat down with me and said that the chance for me to be a girl for the rest of the school year had altered my timeline and we needed to discuss possible outcomes. He showed me a growth chart, a puberty chart, and a Tanner Chart. He explained that he would start giving me hormones in October to start my female puberty. His target was for me to start budding by the late fall of eighth grade when I was almost fourteen. By then, he said, “you might be diagnosed as having male boobs. But, I found records of your sister’s growth through sneaky means and made subtle inquires of your mother’s development. I don’t think you will bud that soon. You will start developing real breasts quickly between the summer ninth and tenth grade though. Until then, you can just say you have man boobs if they do show up. That is, if my plans don’t pan out.” He just smiled at me.

“I want you to think about this timeline. But, given that you are going to be a girl for the next year, I think it will work.”

I am midway to where I want to be in this battle to be what I was meant to be.

Copyright © 2017 by AuP reviner (revised March 2017)

[Author's Note: I have corrected Samantha's age. The important thing for the reader to remember is that her perception of size is based on her not seeing that she is behind her classmates in size because of being the youngest and a late bloomer. Not uncommon for a boy. I did the same thing. Always thought I was the smallest and a runt until in between my sophomore and junior year I caught up. I hit 5' 10", one inch above average height for a US male. I started school at age five, not six. I know my youngest is five inches over many boys in his class at age ten and is the oldest in his class. -- AuP]