CHAPTER 49
I looked across at her, till she yelped and I turned my eyes to the front as we narrowly missed a cyclist. Concentrate, Ginge. I realised how much that one question had weighed on my mind.

“Susie, think on. I suspect he might be a bit lonely, what with his lad being away and that”

“Aye, and Mam thinks he has someone in his past as well”

“Aye, that as well. I just think a lot of the way he were was what they call a false front, like. I think he might have slipped a bit; in fact, I think he’s probably sitting at home asking himself why he said it. So, I think we need to leave that one well alone, if you take my meaning”

I felt rather than saw her nod, as I was trying not to frighten any more other road users, and she patted my arm.

“What about this lad of yours, then?”

“He’s not my lad!”

“I suspect he might want to be, or at least he’s thinking about it”

“Don’t know if I’m ready for that sort of thing…”

“You mean you don’t know if your mam is?”

“Aye, that an all”

“Well… happen you’ve seen pictures of my Tricia?”

“Aye”

“Well, her family had the bakery in Acaster”

“I remember you telling me”

“And there were me, going in for little things as often as I could, just to see lass, like, and too frightened, too shy to say owt, and then mate’s wife just drags me in, and Tricia’s mother just says ‘about time’, and that were… That were best thing ever happened in my life”

She left me in peace for a few minutes, as I found my pride again, and then she gave me another squeeze to my arm.

“Don’t leave life too long before you live it. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

“Aye, I suppose so”

“Well, we’re off out on the weekend, so we’ll see. I’m dreaming no dreams, Gerald”

My laughter surprised me. “Oh yes you are, lass! Now, what say we stop by Bob and the girls and let them know how world is?”

The idea surprised me almost as much as it did Susie, but it seemed exactly the right thing to do. I stopped in a garage to buy a bunch of what Ernie had always called LMAFs, ‘Last Minute Apology Flowers’, and after finding a space near the cemetery we walked arm in arm to the spot I knew so well.

“Afternoon. Not the best flowers I could bring, but it’s a Sunday, so I got brightest I could. I’ll just set them up here”

The feeling was different, a new warmth in me as I stood by the little group. Just a few words, and what was flooding me was a wave of memories of happy times, and that one word said it all. ‘Happy’, not ‘happier’. I still felt the losses, each so painful, and those wounds would and should never heal, but shining in front of the pain were brighter things.

My Tricia blushing at her mam’s words that first time in the shop.
Bob, Bob and all of the boys, smiling as we demolished roast goose cooked by a man who had never been allowed to be a proper Scout, but had got there under his own initiative.
That hug from Dad, the first day back.
Our wedding day and, oh yes, night.

So many memories, so much joy. The pain would never be gone, but I could look past it now.

“Well, happen this young lady might be courting now, and he seems a good lad. We made a new friend today as well, and I’ll be honest, he reminds me of you, Bob. Got a lad, just joined up, REME, so he’ll be doing some of same things we did, and I hope he’ll have someone to keep an eye on him like I had. Been a good day, so we just thought, well, stop by and share, and leave a little bit of colour for you”

I stood for a while, till my new girl took me over to the bench by the path and we sat quietly, each with our own thoughts, before heading back to the car and home.

She was all rush and bustle the next weekend, washing, ironing and primping all Friday evening and fretting away through work till I sent her home with one of the lads in the works van. It were Ricky that took her, and when he came back he knocked on the door and asked if he could have a word.

“How can I help, son?”

He was nervous as anything. “Mr Barker… it’s about Susie”

Right. “What about her, son?”

“Um, well, lads were saying… Is she courting, Mr Barker?”

“I think that would rightly be her business, son. Why do you want to know?”

He looked surprised, then clearly felt a penny drop. “Oh, no, not like that! Just, she’s right good company, that one, and she treats us all great, one of the lads like, and, well, that’s just it, int it? I mean, one of the lads is what she were”

Careful, lad. “And…?”

“No, Mr Barker, not like that! Happen none of us cares about that bit, just she’s right good company, as I said, and we don’t worry about her…. What she might have been. This isn’t bloody Victorian times, is it? Just, lads heard she were stepping out with a lad, and just wanted to be sure she were safe, like. Look after our own. I mean, you’ve always looked after lads here, so it’s only right”

“Take a seat, Ricky. Aye, she’s out with lad tonight, but I’m not saying where. But thank you. Thank you for being sort of lad I’m happy to have working for me. Now, we’ve got three cruisers back from over Pennines tomorrow, and I’ll want them started on Monday. Water heater’s gone on one of them, probably scaled up. Get Beckwith’s out to do plumber stuff while you sort out motors. Any problems, let me know”

He took the hint, and his feet, and I smiled at him.

“Thanks, lad. Really thank you”

I wound up the day and made my way home, where Susie was in a complete panic.

“What do I wear, Gerald?”

“You’re asking me? What would you normally wear?”

“I wouldn’t normally wear any bloody thing because I wouldn’t normally be going out with a lad, would I? I mean, do I dress ‘easy’, or ‘tarty’, or ‘boring’ or… Get the door love!”

It was her mother. “Right, let me through, Gerald, go and put kettle on or milk cat or whatever. Susie, wardrobe, now!”

Off they went upstairs, and as we didn’t have a cat, I made a pot of tea and set it out in the front room with cups and the necessaries. Val was down in fifteen minutes, and poured herself a cup.

“Well, goes with the job, like, only one here who’s a mother”

“What brought you round, lass?”

“Well, call it learning process, call it coming to terms with situation, call it a mam worried her daughter’s going to go out dressed wrong. Just making sure she gets right start on evening”

I passed her the biscuit tin. “And call it making up for past mistakes, like?”

“Gerald, if that had come from anyone else they’d have felt the back of my hand. No. You’re right. Showed me a lot of things, you have, things I should have seen myself, so I take it as you meant it”

“Aye. Happen I did some of that myself yesterday, down by family”

“Ah. You mean down in the cemetery, love?”

“Aye, that. Just today, well, I’ve always… Valerie, you don’t have to hear all this, right? Just, I were a right miserable old fool for too many years. Yesterday, I don’t know why, I just sort of got a new look at things, what they call a new perspective, then after I sent her off this afternoon, I get one of the lads in as wants to talk about her. No, not like that!”

She had been putting her tea down, lips tight. I held up a calming hand.

“No, you’ll like this. She gets on right well with my employees, all of them, lads in sheds as well as office staff. One of them gave her lift home, and then he comes in to ask questions, make sure she’s going to be safe, like”

Valerie sat back in the armchair, cradling her cup and saucer. “She never had anyone do that at school, Gerald. Always the other side of things, not exactly caring and sharing, if you catch my meaning”

“Aye, I do that. But think on, Val: when was she ever able to be herself at school? Or even anywhere, before now, like? Happen she’s got proper key to cell door, and folk can see that. Anyway, that were yesterday’s thing. I realised I can’t take anything back, turn back clock, change past. What I did have, what I could do, was hang on to the bright things, like… Look up on mantleshelf”

I got myself out of my chair and handed down that photo.

“That were our wedding day, there”

“She were a bonny lass, Gerald”

“Aye, and I were a lucky man, and that were thought yesterday. I mean, all that happened, all the bad stuff, that doesn’t take a thing away from fact that I saw her, I was lucky enough to wed her, and to have Bob as mate, and my Mam and my Dad”

Val reached across the table for my hand. “Susie rang me, Gerald, and she said how you were smiling for first time she’d seen, there, that place, like, and she made me laugh. Bloody ‘Last Minute Apology Flowers’ indeed! Anyway, happen I thought as we’d had such a good day out last Sunday I’d take you out again, and so I stopped by florist’s and got something a little better, I hope. No, we don’t chuck others out. You bought them for your family, it’s thought that counts, aye? I just thought, if you don’t mind, well, I think if you’ve taken my girl on as family, then least I can do is return favour”

She smiled, and there was just a hint of mischief there. “And if we get that Andy out as well we can make sure he knows where boundaries lie!”