CHAPTER 48
He was looking down at his hands as he started speaking again, and I watched his forearms ripple as sinews stood out and relaxed. He was far from relaxed himself, obviously.

“Right. You, we all know what Susie is, here and now. No, girl, let me finish. Not a good place to be, not in today’s world”

Susie snorted. “Better than it were, Pete!”

“Yes, better than it’s ever been, in a way, but we should really say not as bad. I don’t think it’s ever going to be ‘good’, not in any absolute sense”

I could see his point. There had been laws, back in Bob’s day, laws that could have put him in a worse prison than his nature had dealt him. Those laws were no more, and the nancy boys, the buggers, the shirt-lifters and bum-boys, they were all legal now, but it didn’t by any means imply they were or would ever be accepted. The so-called comedy on the telly was still full of limp-wristed lisping caricatures, and there had been Bob, and…

“Gerald?”

I looked up sharply, realising I had been lost to the others for more than a moment. Valerie looked quite concerned.

“You all right, love?”

“Sorry, lass. Memories, aye?”

Pete gave me a long stare, nothing there but understanding, before continuing.

“I was a copper, before, another county, almost another country in many ways. Got wed, settled down, house, garden, my boy came along, all so normal, so simple. That could never last. It seems things like that never do last, and when I lost my wife, Pete lost his mum, well, we had our connections here, so we moved, and well, isn’t it true? Home is where you can anchor, where your family is, and I had my boy, but it could never replace what we’d lost. Neither me, nor my boy; we both lost”

I gave Pete his stare back as he paused. “When I were thinking, like, happen it were what you said. Susie, you met him, Bob, remember?”

She reached out for my hand. “How could I forget, love?”

I smiled at her and turned back to Pete. “Was that it with your son? What Susie and I were on about were a really good mate who… he wasn’t a ladies’ man, if you get my meaning, but he were the best mate anyone could ever hope for. If your boy’s, you know, we’re fine about it”

Pete looked puzzled for about three seconds before realisation hit him. “Oh! No, you have the wrong end of the stick, Gerald, very much so. My boy has always been one for the girls. It was really one of those girls I was on about. Well, she wasn’t strictly a girl, if you see what I mean”

Susie sat up straighter. “Oh? Wasn’t she?”

Pete grimaced. “Simple story. Neighbours, playmates, and they were officially a boy, but we knew them from being a toddler, and they went to school with Pete, and they were always in the house or the garden, playing with my boy”

Susie coughed. “Pete, you can say ‘she’ and ‘her’ if you want”

“Yes, but they weren’t, officially, were they? But my boy, he could see, and, to be honest, so could I. And so could her mother”

Andrew surprised me then, surprised and impressed.

“You’re not saying it, Mr…Pete. You’re not making it plain, so I will guess, and if I say wrong thing, please take it right way. It were little girl’s dad, weren’t it?”

The bleakness in Pete’s eyes was terrifying, and his voice was dangerously soft. “And your own dad, Andy? Am I right? Bit handy with his fists, or the belt?”

“Both, actually. I left as soon as I could, took apprenticeship and a room. Had enough of being a fucking football---sorry, shouldn’t swear in company”

“Well done, son. What about your mum?”

“Oh, she’s fine. Got a couple of brothers of her own, my Uncles Paul and Will. They came round and made sure he left properly, like. I mean, I didn’t see it, I were away in Sheffield at Tech, but I heard. Bastard’s just a pisshead now, always in the Knavesmire, so I stay away from that one. Mam’s moved to Thirsk. Sorry, hard to talk about it without being rude”

Susie just smiled at him. “Thanks for sharing that with us, Andy. Takes courage, that!”

“Not as much as you’ve got, lass. Sorry, Pete, we’re taking over your story”

The big man smiled himself, but there was something dark still there in his eyes, so I asked the obvious question, the one the moment needed.

“This were a child same as Susie, Pete? Born a lad, but really a lass?”

He nodded. “Yup, exactly that, Gerald. Just rather younger. Susie, can I be inquisitive?”

“Depends on what about, Pete”

“OK. Look, when did you realise you were all, you know, wrong?”

She looked at her mother, whose face was twisted just a little bit. “Since I knew there were a difference between boys and girls, Pete. Yes, Mam, long as that. All my conscious life, really”

Pete was nodding. “Indeed. That’s what Lau—that’s what that little girl was like. And that did not impress her father”

Andy was clearly angry. “Belt, fists or feet, Pete?”

“All, really. He slapped her so hard once she lost some teeth, and then, once… Once he took her upstairs, and he took her by one arm, like a bag of shopping, and that arm just snapped, but he carried her all the fucking way up the fucking stairs…. Sorry. Andy said it. I just had to mind my own business, but even Pete was picking up on the signs, and then his mum went, and after it was over I moved up here, we moved, and I have no idea of what has happened to the little girl I knew down there. And that, Susie, is the reason I have no issue with what you are. You are not the first woman I have met who has underwear issues, and I am sure you won’t be the last”

Valerie’s voice was soft. “What happened to the father, Pete? Are you able to tell us?”

He reached for his glass, and before he took a sip he said “Oh. He’s not around any more”

Long swallow. “Natural causes. Not exactly missed”

Another close inspection of his drink, then a fixed and artificial smile that told us all quite clearly that while he had obviously revealed far more than he had intended to, the subject was now closed.

“Gerald, have a think about that bus. I really need to take some time away from work, and a guided tour sounds like an idea. Oh, and there’s just me in the house now, so…”

Valerie burst out laughing, which broke the spell. “Oh you cheeky so-and-so, course you can!”

I must have looked puzzled, because she nudged her daughter, “One more place setting, Susie? That be too much? Am I right, Pete? Hinting about a dinner with us?”

The cheerful man I had met earlier was suddenly back “Am I that transparent, Valerie?”

“Oh, come on: a man, a roast dinner, someone else to do the cooking? Not rocket science, is it?”

That certainly drove the darkness away from the edge of our table, and within a very short time diaries had been compared (Pete’s being some electric thing, Andy’s a miniature ring-binder in a leather cover) and we had guests due for the following Sunday. I started to laugh.

“Valerie? See what your girl’s doing to this anti-social old so and so? I’ll have to add to her job description now: social secretary. Andy, you already know where we live, am I right? Or did our girl here stop a couple of streets away, just in case?”

That hit Susie square on, and I realised she had indeed not brought him all the way to the house, just in case he had turned out to be someone different the next day to the man who had smiled at her in the pub. That man actually blushed.

“I’m still here, aren’t I? And yes, I wouldn’t mind a decent meal, just got a hot plate and a microwave in digs”

I made sure he had our real address then, rather than whatever door Susie had walked him to, and confirmed it with Pete.

“Oh, and that bus idea, I’ll run it past the lads. It could be a winner. I think Rodney’s ‘man’ has a licence for that sort of thing, so driving can be shared”

“Right. I’d just need any names in advance, for the insurance and stuff”

We finished the meal in a much lighter mood, and then three of us went for a little walk to the riverside while two others said goodbye. Val dropped back a little for a quiet word with me as Pete stared out across the Ouse.

“He’s got something else going on, that one”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, I’m not past it yet, Gerald, and I certainly wouldn’t say no, but he’s not open. Locked and bolted, that one”

“You fancy him, Valerie?”

“Oh dear me yes, what woman wouldn’t? But he’s either spoken for or he’s pining. Trust me on that one. Anyway, am I welcome to yours for dinner as well?”

I pulled her into a hug. “Aren’t you family, then?”

Goodbyes were said, leave was taken, and Susie sat smiling on the ride back, up until she asked one simple question.

“What did he mean by ‘natural causes’, Gerald?”