CHAPTER 46
Susie was annoying for some weeks after that, as she fretted for what she clearly saw as vindication of her status. I had spent quite a while trying to straighten out the tax people for her PAYE and that, but no matter how many times she saw her name on a payslip she still didn’t seem to find my recognition ‘official’ enough. The Saturday it finally came, she went missing for an evening, returning home in the small hours in a very well-oiled state. I said nothing as she came in, just made her a cup of tea and saw her safely up the stairs.

She was quiet over breakfast. I thought at first it was a hangover, but that was only part of it. She was toying with her toast, and I could see she was looking for the right words to say something important, when she simply put the slice down and pushed her plate away from her, reaching across the table to take my hand.

“Gerald…”

“Aye, lass?”

Her mouth gave a little twitch. “You say that so easily”

“Well, what else should I say?”

She gave my hand a squeeze. “It’s just odd, like, being official, and, well, last night…”

I smiled and squeezed back. “Bit too much to sup?”

“No, not that, it were… I ended up getting a snog, and that were nice, but it were a walk home as well. And he didn’t try owt, you know, mucky. I…”

Suddenly she was in tears. I waited for a minute, then gave her hand a pat and went to pour some more tea. That seemed to steady her.

“Sorry, Gerald. It were just… it’s just I don’t know where I am!”

I tried a joke about sitting at home having a Sunday breakfast, but she was shaking her head with more than a hint of the forcefulness she had shown in getting me out of the River.

“Stop that, love. Now, Dr Hemmings, he’s been right good to me, and I’ve been on the pills now for a few months, and on top of what I got from Helen—er, you didn’t hear that. Look, there’ve been quite a few changes on the outside, but…

“You were with that Carol”

“Aye, I were, but I look at it now, and, well, she were right diesel, you know?”

“No, I don’t”

“Ah. Aye. Diesel, it’s like a slang term, bit rude. Lesbian who looks a bit more like a lad than a lass”

“Ah! You mean a butch! Don’t look at me like that, I’ve been doing some reading, trying to catch up”

She almost melted my heart with her smile. “I don’t know how you manage, sometimes, all the changes, all the surprises I throw at you”

“Had a lot thrown at me already, Susie. You learn to adapt a bit. So. You’re hopping off other bus, then”

“I don’t know, really. I… Look, at school I never went with anyone. Couldn’t, really, didn’t get chance, and I think, in back of mind, like, I must have thought, enough problems with being a lass with extra bits without being called a queer. Well, I WERE called a queer, but you know what I mean!”

“Aye, I get what you’re saying. So that Carol, she were like a bloke, then?”

“Yeah. Now I think about it… Then it were lad last night, and lads at work, and, I just think I’ve had my eyes looking down so much, or over my shoulder to see who’s coming for me, I never looked up before, looked around? And now I do, and, well. I didn’t want to upset you”

“And this lad last night?”

My girl actually blushed. “He’s asked us to pictures on Saturday”

I took both of her hands. “I’m not upset, lass. Just worried about you being safe. What if he finds out, you know?”

She laughed. “You don’t think there’s anyone in city who doesn’t know about tranny at boat yard? He bought me a drink, and I went to ladies’ and as I did I saw one of his mates nudge him, and I know what he were saying, and Andrew, that’s his name, he just shrugged and he were sitting at table waiting when I got back, and he didn’t say owt, so I says to him, your mate’s just told you about me, right? And he says aye, he has, but that’s not what I see, so sup up and enjoy evening”

She paused, brow furrowed. “I don’t think he were taking piss either. I just… I just think he actually enjoyed my bloody company! And…”

The blush was back, and she was trembling. “And he says he’s off to pub for Sunday lunch, and he’s off to the Ship, and would it be… Could we just go out for dinner? I know Mam would like it, and it would be daylight, and it would mean not having to wait a bloody week to find out he were just pissed and stupid!”

It never ceased to shock me that the girl who had shown such courage in pulling me from a February river, such fire when I spoke to her, such determination to live life as she needed to, felt so insecure.

“I’ll ring your Mam, then, while you finish breakfast. Why do you want her along? Might just give her some problems, surely?”

A very deep sigh. “Happen it’ll make us look more like normal family and… well… Well, she’s going to have to get used to idea, so soonest started, aye?”

The phone was picked up after three rings. “Morning, Valerie!”

“How do, Gerald? What’s up?”

“A Sunday dinner if you’d like. Susie and me are off down to Ship in Acaster”

“What aren’t you telling me, Gerald?”

“Ah, not now, aye? I’ll tell you later. You coming out?”

“Aye. What time?”

“Twelve-ish?”

“Fine by me”

I let Susie know, and by twelve we had a table outside with a sunshade, and a pot of tea ordered. Susie was in some flowery frock and stupid shoes, but for once I didn’t see a grimace on Valerie’s face when she arrived. Things were clearly settling between mother and daughter.

“Tea, Val?”

“Aye, ta. Want me to go?”

“No ta. I’ll use gents’ while I’m up”

I got as far as the toilet door before I was stupid, and it was astonishing how everything slowed down. I caught my foot on a step, I went completely off-balance and my mind turned into some sort of sports commentator.

What an idiot, Gerald. You can’t stop yourself falling now, and at your age that probably means damage, possibly a break, and then who’ll look after the business, or Susie, or—

A strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around me from behind, and I realised whoever it was had almost dropped to their knees to catch me.

“Easy there, Mr Barker!”

He set me upright and straightened my jacket.

“Are you all right?”

Broken hip, collar bone, arm… “Aye. Wouldn’t have been, though. I owe you a pint. How do you know me?”

He was a very big man, with a beard and a shaven head like that Yul Brynner in the films. “I live in the village. Everyone knows Dobbs and Barker. Pete Hall. I run the haulage business down by Copmanthorpe”

I knew the place. “Well, Pete, you’ve certainly hauled this old idiot back to safety. And it’s Gerald. Look, I’m sat out with friends, family dinner like. I just need to go in here, and then, well, take a pint?”

“I’d like that. Timmy Taylor’s?”

“OK. I’m sat with ladies, Susie and Val, they’re mam and daughter, like. Pot of tea on table”

I did what I had to, washed my hands and made very sure that I tripped over nothing else on my way back to the table with Pete’s pint. The two girls were laughing as I came up, and as I sat down, a barmaid followed me with Val’s tea.

“Pete tell you what happened?”

Susie’s face soured. “Aye! We’re going to get you a bloody crash helmet if you’re going to start that! Mam, he’s had nowt but tea today so it’s not alcohol”
Pete grinned. “I’m lucky; house is a walk away, so I don’t have to worry about driving, and, well, fat as I am I’d just bounce if I fell over”

Val laughed. “Young man, you are not fat! A girl likes a bit of meat on a fella—“

It was her term to blush as she realised what meaning could be taken, Susie slapping her arm with a squeal of “Mam!!”

I just grinned, and turned to our new friend. “You here for dinner, Pete? No family?”

Possibly the wrong question from his change of manner, but it passed quickly. “I’m a widower, Gerald. Lost my wife when we were living down south, and the boy---my son---he’s off at Arborfield, military college place. No, no family here”

I looked at the girls. “His lad’ll be REME then. We had a few dealings with them”

Pete took a slow sip from his pint. “Who were you with, Gerald? Don’t recognise the tie---no, hang on: mud and blood? Royal Armoured Corps?”

“No, RTR. Tank for a badge, not a wanking spanner”

Both girls snorted at that, looking puzzled. Pete just laughed.

“Ladies, I’ll explain in a bit. Gerald, RTR is a part of the RAC, surely?”

“Aye, but we were there first, and others are all donkey-wallopers!”

He howled with laughter. “Ladies, this man reminds me so much of my boy! Gerald, you improve my day no end. Shall I?”

I was still a little embarrassed at having slipped that word out. “Aye, go on”

He grinned. “Well, donkey wallopers are old cavalry regiments, almost entirely in armoured vehicles now. And the badge of the RAC is a mailed fist. A steel, clenched fist. A wank---“

Some of the drinks stayed unspoilt. As the laughter died down, there was a cough by the table from a lad who looked to be in his twenties, running a little to fat but neatly turned out to the extent of actually having on a collar and shirt rather than a T-shirt. He looked down at Susie.

“Hello, Susie”

She was crimson. “Hi, Andrew. Er. We came out for us Sunday dinner”

He was scanning faces, looking for a hint of some kind. I reached out to shake his hand.

“You the lad that saw our Susie safe back home last night? I mean, it were morning, but you take my meaning”

“Er, aye. I come… Er, I…”

Pete moved along the bench. “Sit down, lad. Take your time”

Andrew took his seat. “I don’t cook, like, so I come out sometimes for a proper, you know”

I nodded. “I know what you mean. Happen I DO cook”

“Overcook!” came Susie’s interruption, and I gave her a mock glare that ended up as a grin.

“I do cook, and so does Susie, and so does her Mam, but sometimes it’s nice just to let someone else do the work. Now, then. Pete? Are you eating with us?”

“Indeed, if you don’t mind”

“Not at all. What about you, lad?”

Andrew nodded sharply, and I pointed towards the pub.

“Grab us some menus then please”

As he left, Valerie shot a sharp glance at Pete, who shrugged. “Need the gents for a bit. Another round of tea?”

I nodded, and as soon as he was out of earshot, and in a surprisingly calm voice, Valerie began.

“Saw you home?”

“Mam, are we going to start another argument?”

Val examined her nails for around two minutes, while Susie sat patiently, though I could sense her tension. Finally, the older woman started to speak.

“I lost my child years ago. That’s what I thought. Then I discovered I hadn’t lost her, just put her aside, and there are…. Gerald Barker, you opened my eyes. What’s more, I remember how it felt when I lost my son and I can’t face that again when I’ve just found my daughter. This was a set-up, wasn’t it?”

Susie nodded. “You, that were Gerald. Andrew? Well, that were me. I just wanted to see… I just wanted to see if he had asked me out for myself or whether it were just booze talking for him”

“So… so you and lads, like?”

“I don’t know, Mam. But he were nice to me last night, and, well”

“Does he know?”

Susie nodded.

“You don’t think he’s, you know, one of them that likes, you know?

“Freaks, Mam? I don’t know. Like I said, he were nice to me, didn’t try anything, and aye, I pretty much think he knows about me, so, well. I just think today, dinner, like, see how he is. See how day goes, take it from there. Look, they’re both coming back, so smiles and chit-chat, please. Hiya, Andrew, this is my Mam, Valerie, my boss Gerald and his friend Pete. Let’s have a look at the specials first”