Family is complicated, especially when magic is involved.. It feels like I've said something like that before? Events unfold including but not limited to: Sarah driving carefully (not that anyone cares to compliment her on it) And Hannah discovers a new-found hatred for royal red tartan.

“This isn't going to be pretty Sarah”
She frowned at me but I shrugged down a bit more in my seat instead of explaining again.

We needed to be clear on that fact above all others.
This is NOT going to be fun.

We hadn't really spoken on the ride over to Mum’s place, the radio kept things from feeling too awkward but both of us are pretty tense.
Sarah seems really shaken from Mum’s phone call.
I've been trying to work out all the ways this can go wrong in my head and how I can fix them.

I think Sarah’s worked out at least part of what’s happened.

The Storyteller said he would ‘help me settle in with my new family’.
I didn't even think about it at the time.
As far as he was concerned I've already gotten Sarah ‘on my side’, so he sent someone after Mum..

I don’t know what parameters his memory squad will have set but Mum now thinks I’m her teenage daughter named ‘Arista’ and she’s got some serious trust issues with Sarah out of nowhere.

“Magic did this?”
I glanced at her then turned my head back to staring blankly at the wooded hills that obscured Upper Klamath Lake from view.

We used to go swimming in the Lake when we were kids.
A bit further up, nearer to our h.. nearer to Mum’s place.

I don’t want to go back to that house..

My last visit didn't end any better than the one before it
..the one that saw me kicked out with nothing but the clothes on my back..

Mum couldn't handle one of her kids being anything but a vanilla pure heterosexual.

Considering how messed up I was at the time..
I'm not even sure those sort of labels could have been applied to me back then, let alone now!

A male body with millennia of a women’s thoughts shoved inside it.
Would that mean I was a heterosexual male or a mostly lesbian female in the wrong body?

Now I've got a female body, but Arista’s memories are separated away from me.
I don’t have to let myself accept her tastes anymore..
Is it weird that I've grown to like having both sides of things?

It’s not like I've dated much.
Fena gets my attention, she knows it and enjoys teasing me with her body.
After.. after Karl.. I've not looked at a man in the same way, I’ll flirt for fun or a mission but..

What am I now?
Born male, with a woman’s core, I settled on bisexual reluctantly but I've only truly fallen for one person.
I was always the lesser twin too, which doesn't help my self-image.
Being the one who got roped into crossdressing by Sarah, the favourite, whenever she could.. that only adds more fuel to the complicated mess in my head!

.. Now I'm genetically female with mixed feelings about it all, it would be worse I guess..

Mum freaked out when she thought I was gay.
What the hell is her head going to come up with to fill in the blanks about the ‘new me’ after this memory modification?

Powers help me, if she decides ‘Arista’ is anything but her definition of ‘normal’ I'm in for SUCH a headache!

=======

“Han?”
My head jerked away from the window.

We’d followed the Falls Highway out of town while I was busy thinking.
Sarah was just turning off at the ‘Running Y Resort’ sign to head into the twisting forest roads leading to Mum’s place.

I could just see the Ice Arena’s roof peeking through some trees on the hill as we pulled into the resorts long drive.
The arena’s closed, obviously.
It doesn't usually open up until November, the whole place is an open air Ice-rink, so keeping it going during the Oregon summer heat would be a stupid idea.

Mum used to take use there as kids..
Dad would stand outside and watch, he was never any good at skating.
The only time I saw him even try was during the, semi-regular, ‘Father-Daughter Skate’ evenings they hosted.
He looked like a Giraffe on the ice, all legs flying and unsteady wobbling.
Sarah used to love going on the ice with him on those nights though.
I’d sit in the stands and watch them.

..It felt wholly unfair at the time..

It didn't help that Sarah got to take figure skating lessons but Mum pulled me out of Hockey.
Apparently I got hurt too much.
I wasn't exactly good on the ice, and even at that age the other boys were bigger than me.

I’d watched the Curling and Broomball games a few times, when I was home bored during the holidays.
That route to ‘skating fun’ got dismissed quickly, if anything they looked more violent then Hockey did!

======

“Han!”
My head jerked up to look at Sarah again.
She looked a bit annoyed now.

I mumbled an apology and couldn't fight down a blush.

My brain still isn't right.
Coming back to this area is the last thing I need right now.
Every little thing seems to be setting me off on a trip down memory lane.

We took a sharp left on to Cooper’s hawk road.
The same left we always take..

I managed to get a glance at the little mini-mall of shops put in place for the Running Y Ranch Resort’s customers.
It looks like a new restaurant has open?
If I'm going to be in the area, I might have to drop in and check it out.

While living so far out of town has its bonuses, the thing that made my teenage years more bearable was having the resort nearby.
The Arnold Palmer Golf course, a little further up the road brought in locals who would hang around a lot but as people got to know me and Sarah, most of them tended to avoid me.

The resort isn't huge, it IS pretty popular though, if I dressed nice and hung out near the tennis courts long enough I tended to be able to find some new ‘friends’ to hang out with.
For two weeks I got to be anyone I wanted to be, then they would go home and I could move on with life without all the baggage usually involved in that sort of thing.
..it’s kinda sad in hindsight..

=======

Sarah zig-zagged her way along Cooper’s hawk road, the rocking knocked me out of my thoughts.
I could see a few people in the distance hitting balls on the golf course.

The course is always busy this time of year.
Good weather for it apparently, I wouldn't know, I've never really got into golf.

Mum’s place is downrange to one of the longer, straighter greens.
So golf, to me, brings to mind the sound of smashing windows and Mum arguing with a course rep over the repair cost.
It may have soured me to the sport in general..

======

“Are you okay?”
I glanced at Sarah and offered her a wan smile.

“Don’t think I'm ready to be back here right now..”
My hand came up to tap my forehead.
“Too many memories bobbing around, it’s making me a bit floaty”

Sarah focused back on the road for a second to turn off of Cooper’s and onto Kestrel Road instead, then glanced back over to me.

“We can just go you know? I doubt mum would really call the cops on me..”

I shook my head at her.
It was nice that she would offer but if the situation is as bad as I think then leaving mum alone at the moment could be dangerous.
The woman who lost her magical, mutant dog and gained a fear of dogs in return comes to mind.

“I..”
My voice trailed off a little as I tried to get everything I wanted to say in order.
“..If what’s going on is what I think is going on, then she needs someone with her right now.. and it doesn't sound like you are going to be able to help her.. for once.”

Sarah frowned at me and slowed down as we reached the crossroads into Osprey Court.
Mum’s little cul-de-sac of two houses that she shares with the Martials house is just a left turn away.
The good thing about this area is that during the day there’s very little traffic.
So Sarah coming to a stop in the middle of the street isn't THAT much of a big deal.

I’d not really being paying attention to it but Sarah’s been driving slower than usual, almost cautiously?

A glance down reminded me that she should have a cast on her foot.
She’s got some kind of padded brace on it now, but the big bulky cast is gone at least.
She must have got one of the medi-bay mage’s to heal her up..

..I need to look into healing..

It’s too useful of a skill set for me to overlook.
It would be kind of nice to be able to help people like that too..
If I’d known healing I could have fixed Sarah’s foot before we left Bolivia.
If I’d known healing I could have saved K-

======

My head jerked a little and I finished the motion off by shaking my head violently from side to side.

..No use diving back into that territory.. that way leads to madness..

“Ready?”
I think Sarah had some kind of idea where my mind had gone.
She looked worried and a little sad.
I wasn't ready, but my head bobbed in agreement anyway.

She revved the engine and swung us left onto the cul-de-sac

The Martials house was the same as always.
Someone must be home, there’s a car in their driveway.

Reluctantly I turned my head to face mum’s place.
It hasn't changed either.
The grass is a bit parched near the front of the house, the areas without shade from the tree’s nearby at least, but apart from that..

I huffed in a deep breath and stared up at the house while Sarah pulled us in front of the garage.

It’s a weirdly shaped building.
I think originally it was a lot smaller?

Not sure who did what, but this side of the house is roughly ‘house shaped’.
Well, bungalow shaped at least.
Most of the first floor isn't visible from the driveway, the house is built into the hill a bit.

From this side it looks like a general, single-story box building with a slanted roof.
Most of the wall space is taken up by the garage and mum’s little rockery garden.

If I squint a little it’s pretty obvious that the wood cladding’s paint is a bit chipped.
I guess, without me around to paint it each summer, mum’s let it go a little?

======

“Com’ on. Can’t hide in here forever”
I smiled at Sarah and pouted a little.

“Are you sure we can’t? I think it could work..”
She snorted and pulled herself out of the driver seat.

She seems a lot steadier on her feet without the bulky cast at least.
How I missed that for so long is beyond me?
I guess.. I AM a bit out of it.
Everyone at the Hub treating me weird didn't help much either.

When I got out of the car Sarah shot me a mischievous look and nodded over her shoulder at the drop off, because the house is built into the hill, just past mum’s little rockery is a sharp drop to the second floor.
We used it as a short-cut as kids.

Mum hated it.
The aluminium siding that gives extra support to that side wall also blocks the view of anyone walking around there from both floors.

She used to say something about thinking we were burglars.. or wolves?
She never really explained that one..

Naturally, being kids, it only encouraged us to use it.

======

I hopped over the rockery to the other side easy enough.
Sarah looked slightly annoyed that she had to take the long way around the rockery and stumble her way down the slope instead of jumping.
We met back up at the bottom and quietly sneaked around to the REAL front of the house.

This is where the house gets weird looking.

It’s still generally box shaped, although more of a two-story house then the bungalow you can see from the driveway.
Someone, at some point, added a long porch and equally long balcony, stacked on top of each other to the rear of the house.

If you stand on the balcony you can look out over the trees at the mountains and catch a glimpse of the golf courses in-between.
I used to love standing on the top balcony at night, we’re far enough away from town that the stars out here are amazing.

..It’s one of the biggest things I miss about this place since I left..

Tucked into the far side from us is a round little two-story house extension.
It really shouldn't work with the rest of the house, but it does.
It gives the building some odd charm to it.
The curves are completely at odds with the rest of the houses straight lines though.

The first floor of it is made entirely out of rough cut stone, just to compound how much it stands out.
They have an interesting pattern, but again, don’t match with the wooden cladding around the rest of the house.

The top floor easily explains why it was added at least.

Around the walls of the ‘mini-tower’ built into the side of the house is a ring of small, waist to ceiling, windows.
They give an AMAZING view of the local area.
I don’t know if mums changed it since but we used to have the dining room table tucked in there so we could look out over the mountains with dinner.

In the summer you can pop all the windows wide open and there’s a nice, fresh feeling breeze that blasts through the house.

=======

We stepped carefully though mums Begonia bush and out onto the little built up rocky sloped path leading to the house.

Apparently the family that owned the house before us had their grandmother living with them.
They had the house upgraded to be more wheelchair accessible.
There’s an elevator in the house near the kitchen too.

Mum always told us off for using it, so when she was out we’d use it all the time and giggle to each other about it.

Dad would use it while she was standing in the kitchen watching him, just to annoy her.
He did a lot of things like that.
Mum would act annoyed and shout his name but you could tell she found it funny too.

Before things changed at least..

======

Sarah’s hand came down reassuringly on my shoulder.
I brought mine up and cupped hers back.

I don’t think either of us was REALLY ready to face mum right now.
Sarah’s just better at hiding it then me..

We paced up the stairs to the porch and I gingerly knocked on the back door.
From inside we could hear some footsteps.

I could see some movement through the glass door.
When the dark figure inside came more into focus, I unconsciously held my breath.

She smiled brightly at me but her smile dipped a little when she glanced over at Sarah.

She’s aged a bit since I last saw her.
Her hairs different too, shorter.
She was wearing a lazy pair of jeans and wide necked T-shirt, the uniform she usually dons to do housework.

We both stepped back a little as she swung the door open and quickly came forward to sweep me up into a tight hug.

My mouth didn't want to co-operate.
There was a lump in my throat while mum squeezed me lovingly.

“Hi mum..”
It came out sounding a lot more heartbroken then I’d intended, but it’s not like I could stop that!

Slowly my arms came up to hug her back and I squeezed tightly.
It’s been so long since we’ve hugged..

=======

After almost half a minute we pulled apart.

Mum smiled and cupped my cheek with her hand.
Her eyes jumped from my green T-shirt, down the black skirt and leggings to settle on my comfortable flats.

She looked back up and nodded at me in approval.
It shouldn't have made me feel as good as it did.

She slid her arm around my hip in a loose one sided hug and turned to face Sarah.
Instantly her face darkened in disapproval.

“Sarah”
Even her voice had gone cold.

“Mother”
Sarah matched her tone easily.

I held my breath.
Getting between them when their fighting is always messy.
A little aborted step to the side showed that mum wasn't letting me out of her grip any time soon.

So much for running away from the line of fire..

“Still living the degenerate life-style of Hollywood excess with your.. partner..?”
My breath caught in my throat.

Oh.. crap..

Sarah’s face scrunched up in confusion.
She’s a TV star, not Hollywood.
She doesn't get out enough as it is, always busy working.
.. and partner.. said in that exact tone..

Sarah has less experience with memory modification then I do but I think she’s connecting the dots pretty well..

Mum knew she had two children.
She knew that she loved her daughter very much.
She knew she was angry at one of her children for living a lifestyle she disapproved of and threw the child out of her house for being ‘gay’..
..Then the memory modification came in and told her that she had a second daughter, one who was too young to live on her own and that she loves too dearly to just kick out like that anyway..

Her brain jumped the gates and played mental hopscotch until the facts matched her memories.
So now I'm the apparent ‘golden child’ and Sarah..

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but I'm living alone at the Granvue Apartments on North 5th Street in town.”
Mum’s face went blank and she seemed to be trying to process that information.

Not good!
The more times this happens the worse it will get.

I need to give mum an information dump to get things into a workable story or this is going to go south quickly!

Luckily I had the drive over here to consider things.

I pulled my mouth into my best ‘Sarah being cute’ pout and tugged slightly on mums arm.
Her eyes slid a little down to focus on me but she remained blank faced while her brain worked to fix the broken jigsaw puzzle back together into some kind of order.

“Mum, we need to go shopping for stuff for me soon. I can’t keep borrowing Sarah’s stuff!”

Her eyebrows furrowed a little in confusion as she tried to fit that information into her head too.
Sarah was giving me a suspicious look but a wave of my free hand, out of mum’s view range, told her to just go with it.

“I can’t believe daddy just dropped me on you like this. I'm so sorry it’s made things strained between you and Sarah..”
Mum blinked.

“She showed me the local area today, her boyfriend Tor drove us around in her little old car”
Sarah made a strangled squawk of indignation but didn't argue.
I think she’s starting to understand what I'm doing.

“We bumped into Al near the library too. He was holding hands with a big hairy guy.. it was so gross”
Mum’s eyebrow twitched hard and she frowned a little.

It hurt to have to do this.. but the only way to make mums fluid memories work out properly, without causing even MORE problems the next time she talks to anyone, is to make things as close to ‘normal’ as possible for her.

I have to slander the old me for her, clear Sarah’s name and..
..and make myself into the ‘long lost’ daughter, who’s just returned after leaving with Dad in the divorce.

It’s the only way I can see that won’t lead mum into a meltdown and cause a LOT of trouble in the long run.

I WILL find whoever did this to her and I WILL hurt them!
I'm going to shove their head so far up the storyteller-guy’s ass that they will be known as the world’s first quadruped, non-centaur, human beings!

“I'm so glad I got accepted into the Gladstone advanced tuition program in town, the local schools looked so DULL when Sarah showed them to me.”

‘Gladstone’ is the code name used for the Hub among people that don’t know what’s going on.
They hide under a private company funded by private investors when necessary.
Their lofty goal is said to be ‘to do good in the world’..
Its sanctimonious garbage honestly but it works, most of the time, as a cover story.
So who am I to complain?

Faking paperwork for an ‘advanced tuition program’ shouldn't be too hard.
It will get mum off my back about school and free me up to go to meetings at the Hub when needed which is the important bit.
The last thing I need is to set off my new brand by being dragged to a REAL school instead of turning up to an appointment!

“We were all just going to go inside and have lunch before going to the mall to get me some clothes and stuff for my new bedroom.”

Mum seemed a little less dazed.

That’s a good sign.
It means the story her brain is building isn't as confusing and frustrating for her to handle as the previous one.

Sarah glanced between mum and me but didn't say anything, just in case she messed something up.
I focused on mum and tried not to move.

Her first reaction when she comes out of the daze is key.
If I've covered most things well enough, she should be calm.
If not..

======

After almost a solid minute of us all just standing there in silence, mum blinked her eyes furiously and her face settled into odd mix of emotions.

It finally cleared and she blinked rapidly at me.
Slowly her mouth formed up into a bright smile and she hugged me just as tight as she had the first time.

“It’s so good you girls are home. Come on, I’ll make us some lunch, then we can go shopping”
She smiled teasingly at Sarah and nudged her stunned shoulder a little as she walked past her.

“You can eat, right Sare? You didn't let that Tor-boy get you lunch already did you?”
She walked back in the door with a bounce in her step.
“The way he act’s sometimes, you would think he’s convinced you should be eating for two..”
Her smile was a little mischievous
She gave Sarah a big cheesy wink and moved on to the kitchen with a laugh.

Sarah stood stock still, sputtering in a mix of confusion and denial.
I gave her a sympathetic look with slight nudge to help refocus her attention.

“I'm NOT pregnant!”
I jumped back from her a little in surprise but mums laugh inside got louder for a second in response.

Sarah growled low in her throat for a moment.
As the seconds passed she seemed to come back to her senses with surprising speed.

She looked at me suspiciously and flicked her wrist.

The flick demanded to know what the hell was going on.
Nice to know we can still use twin speak!

I dropped my voice to a whisper and leaned closer to her so mum couldn't hear us.

“It’s the best I could do. Someone modified her memories, she shifted all her hate for me.. for Al, onto you. It was either this or make things even worse by leaving her like that..”

Sarah frowned for a moment and eventually pouted instead.
“Did you have to tell her about Tor? I haven’t even asked him out yet!”

I grinned at her and nudged her shoulder one more time.

“Yet..”
She blushed.
“Anyway, it was either that or she’d be convinced you were a very boring lesbian. Take your pick? I can probably change it back if I hurry..”

Sarah shuddered hard and glared at me.
She knew, as well as I did, just how bad mum could get about anything ‘gay’.

The situation’s not perfect as it is.. not by a LONG way.
I can see so much that could go wrong with just a slipped word at the moment!
But its better she be a perky and annoyingly happy ‘not-herself’ then an angry, distrusting and spiteful ‘not-herself’ at least.. right?

My shoulders shrugged automatically in response to my own question.

“Come on, food”
It’s a no-win situation honestly, all we can hope is that we manage some acceptable level of damage control at this point.

Sarah offered me a weak smile and followed me in through the door.

It felt so weird to step foot in the house again after so long.
Seeing mum smile at me slightly while she puttered around the kitchen making sandwiches didn't help..

======

“Ari sweetie, elbows off the table. Honestly, what HAS that man been teaching you?”
I frowned and ducked my head down so mum couldn't see just how annoyed she was making me.

She was never this bad with Alistor!
If she was this bad with Sarah then I didn't see it.. and she keeps calling me that damned name!

“Ari, have you decided what color you want your room to be?”

I huffed around a bite of my sandwich and opened my mouth to respond.
Mum frowned at me suddenly.
It was such a quick change that it stalled me with my mouth open.

“Don’t talk with your mouth-full.. Honestly, the way you’re behaving, it’s like that man raised you as a boy!”
I flinched automatically at that one.

Mums face went blank, obviously some part of this conversation had triggered her again.

Sarah shot me a worried look.
I tried not to look as worried as I actually felt about it all.
No use in both of us panicking..

When her face finally cleared she offered me a jumbled smile.

Eventually she let out an exasperated sigh and brought her hand up to stroke my hair.
I tried not to enjoy the contact but I’d missed her being this gentle, a lot more then I’d realised at least.

“You’re such a tomboy.”
She sounded like she wanted to be disapproving but also found the situation funny.

Sarah snorted.
Obviously she found it funny too.
Mum’s eyes cut over to her and gave her another weird smile.

She looked like she wanted to tell Sarah off but she also seemed proud of her as well.

“How you got her into a skirt today I have no idea..”
Sarah grinned at me and perked up her eyebrow.
I tried to silently tell her not to provoke the situation.
After a moment she seemed to understand why I thought mouthing off would be a bad idea this time.

“It’s not so hard, I just destroyed her other options”
She smirked at me.

I glanced at mum’s amused face and shrugged back at her.
Good enough, mum’s not gone blank again at least..

Just when I was ready to relax a little and let off a relieved sigh, mum’s head turned back to me.
I plastered on a weak smile and straightened my back a bit to show better posture.
It felt like she saw straight through me pretty quickly.
She still seemed a bit amused but gave me an apologetic look for the teasing at least.

Her eyes went back over to Sarah while her arm came up to pull me into a loose hug.
“Hopefully you can do the same magic on her while we’re out shopping.”

I flinched at the word ‘magic’.
Mum didn't seem to realise the effect of what she’d said but Sarah went momentarily slack faced because of it too.

“I wonder if the Gladstone program has some kind of official uniform?.. It’s such a prestigious organisation..”
She ruffled my hair a little and smiled at me warmly.
“My little genius..”

I blushed and ducked my head down under her praise.

“You’d look adorable in a real schoolgirl’s uniform.. like the girls at Hosanna Christian School!”

My blush died and my face paled completely.
Sarah didn't even try to hide her outright laugh at that one.

I wanted to rally against the idea.. but mums proud smile.. it hurt to even CONSIDER ruining that smile now I could see it again.
Slowly I managed to pull my grimace into a weak smile for her.

..This shopping trip is going to be HELL..

======

“I could have driven ya know..”
Mum glanced over at Sarah and huffed against her childish pout.

“Not with that leg you’re not. If I’d known you were injured, I wouldn't have let you drive home in the first place, a taxi isn't THAT expensive from town you know.”

Sarah settled back in the passenger seat, obviously she could see the logic involved, but she also seemed a bit frustrated by mums change in attitude.

It felt weird for me too.
I’d gotten used to cold and confused looks from mum over the years, she’s not looked at me the same since we were just out of our teens..
I think some part of her never truly forgot what happened at Dante’s base.

It probably made her uneasy, as if there were something about me she didn’t understand or should fear in some way.

Memory wipes are awkward things.
The memories are never REALLY gone.
They’re just sitting there, disconnected from the rest of your brain.
The connections they were tied to tend to do weird things in the meantime..

..Most of my claustrophobia comes from being in that cage with the rat-like man sniffing me..

Without a logical reason for the feelings I had about being stuck in a tight space that I couldn't escape from, my brain sorted itself out.. poorly.
Losing the memories of prom spawned a fair few phobia’s for me.
Most of them I've still not fully shaken off to this day.

Part of me kind of hoped that mum would, someday, somehow remember what happened.
She seemed honestly proud of me at the time.
Really proud that I’d used my only escape route to save Sarah..
Proud of me as ‘Al’.. for once..

======

“Han?”
My head perked up, concentration broken.
We’d come to a stop in the parking lot of the Jefferson Square strip mall.

I rubbed a hand on my cheek, just to make sure my eyes were still dry.
It felt like they shouldn't be.

“..Han?”
Mum sounded confused.

Sarah froze and cringed.

I smiled at her slightly smugly.
We could have put money on her being the first one to slip up and say something without thinking properly around mum!

Hopefully I can work this to my advantage though.

“Hannah”
Mums head swung around to me again.
“It’s my middle name, remember?”
Her eyes went a little vacant.

Obviously not enough information for her to process it properly in her current state.

“Everyone thought my first name was ‘Harry’ with the way you shorten it.”
That one got a reaction, with her being so out of it I can’t tell what kind of reaction but she twitched a little.
“After the fifth person told you how much of an ‘adorable little boy’ I was, you switched to calling me Hannah.. in public at least.”
I’d have loved to just outright tell her my new first name was ‘Hannah’ but that would trigger her brain a bit too much with the conflicting information that she already has.

She already thinks I'm a tomboy, so the little background fluff story shouldn't hurt anything and I can FINALLY get a break from her constantly calling me that annoying derivative to the dreaded ‘Arista’.

Every-time someone calls me by that name it annoys me for some reason.
My brain just yells out that my name is NOT Arista!

There’s probably something going on there.. magical or otherwise.. but I have absolutely NO idea where to start in working out what is causing it..

I'm a mage, not a psychiatrist!

=======

Sarah sighed and gave me a weak smile when I blinked my eyes a few times.
“That was freaky..”

I frowned at her in confusion.

“You and mum both went all ‘blank face’ again, in sync.. I'm getting used to it from you lately but seeing it in stereo just gave me the Heebie-Jeebies”
We both shared an amused smile.
Sarah pretended to shudder dramatically and I snorted out a laugh.

My snort seemed to jolt mum out of her daze.
She shot me a warning look and seemed a bit annoyed.

“Ladies don’t snort Arista”
My face went red again.

Sarah cackled out a laugh and snorted once herself.
Mum didn't even glance at her, let alone tell her off for it!

This is so unfair, why am I being held to a different standard!

I could feel my new face pull into one of Sarah’s pouts.
My cheeks hurt a little from the effort but I didn't stop it.
This is a situation entirely deserving of a good pout!

“Why don’t you tell Sarah off for it too?”
I couldn't hold the question in any longer.

Sarah laughed again and waggled her eyebrows at me.
“She gave up making me a lady years ago”

Mum gave her a disapproving look but didn't seem willing to correct her.

For a moment I expected mum to go back into her daze.
It felt like new information to me at least..
Maybe they've had arguments about it in the past, without me?

Sarah didn't seem annoyed about it.
If anything she was acting like it was something she’d gotten over long ago and she could now see the funny side of..

“Don’t pout Ari, you’re not a little girl anymore”
My shoulders tensed.

I think Sarah could see that I was on my last nerve with mum.
She loudly made her way out of the passenger seat and stretched in a way that even I found obscene.

“Sarah!”
Mum looked scandalised.

She quickly made her way out of the car and came around the other-side to yank Sarah’s arms back down tightly.
Her head swung around the parking lot to make sure no-one else had noticed.

Sarah cracked up laughing.

Mum looked back at her and huffed loudly.
“Wicked child”
She said it seriously but her mouth was trying to twitch up into an amused smile.

Sarah struck an over-the-top sexy pose and poked her tongue out at mum.
“I learnt from the best”

They both smiled and laughed a little at that one.

Part of me felt relieved and thankful to Sarah for distracting mum long enough for me to calm down.
As it is, my hands feel a bit wet and I think my hairs now a little damp too..
..Stupid diverted ice magic with no emotional control..

Another part of me felt a little left out honestly..

It feels like there’s a whole side to Sarah and Mum’s relationship I've never seen before, that’s just suddenly showing through today.
Am I just being paranoid?
Could it be related to the fact that I'm a girl now?..
..was I missing out on THIS many things before?

My lips pulled into a pout again without conscious effort.
My arms folded a little and I huffed to myself.

A glance outside again showed Sarah and Mum talking excitedly about something.

Figures..
I get turned into a girl.
Mum treats me nicely again.. and Sarah’s still the favourite!

=======

Eventually I’d gotten fed up of being ignored and joined them outside the car.
Naturally the moment I was in a position to join their conversation they finished it and started walking toward the shops.
I huffed and trudged along behind Sarah.

“Com’ on Han”
Sarah looped her arm around my shoulders and shook me a little.
Her hand dipped slowly down my arm.

Without warning she shot in some fingers for a quick tickle at my waist.
I jumped and squealed in an embarrassingly loud volume.

Luckily we were still a few car lengths away from nearest storefront and there didn't seem to be many people around to notice but I saw at least one man smirk in my direction!
My shoulders slumped and I huddled down to try to hide from him in Sarah’s shadow.

“Don’t do that..”
She frowned at me with worry.

“You've been really quite since the car.. I could see that Mum was getting to you..”
She wanted me to spill but I felt stupid enough already.

It’s not really about her.
I'm just being stupid..

I guess, at some point..
With this whole ‘mum being memory modified’ thing.. I kinda thought I might become the favourite?
I know it’s stupid, and greedy.. and I should just be happy that she’s willing to smile at me now..

..But somewhere in the back of my head I've always had this nagging feeling that mum would have liked me more.. loved me more.. if I was a girl for real?.. like Sarah..

A.. And now I am one.. but she’s got all these little stories and so much history already with Sarah!
Stuff that I've never even seen before..

I'm shut out still.

It’s different but.. it hurts..
It hurts a lot.
More than I expected it to, honestly.
I thought I’d gotten over this kind of thing..

I'm an adult!

I made up my mind a LONG time ago that I wouldn't let mum get to me anymore!
I'm a powerful mage!
I'm BEYOND caring about her..

..but it still hurts, ya know?

======

I smiled weakly at Sarah and tried to keep my lip from trembling.

She didn't look convinced.
I didn't feel convinced either.

My hands are really damp..
.. stupid diverted ice magic..

“Come on girls!”
Mum waved excitedly from the doorway to the big ‘Ross’ clothing store.
It’s not exactly upmarket, but this is Klamath Falls, Oregon.
It’s not like we’re cruising through Portland or something.

Hell, even Eugene or Medford have better shops then we do!

Maybe I'm being a bit negative?
..I'm not really in the mood for shopping anymore..

Sarah put her hand lightly on my shoulder and steered me towards Mum.
“Let’s just get this over with.”

I couldn't agree with her more.

======

“Hannah, couldn't you just try on one of these?”
Mum sounded frustrated.
I growled at the back of my throat and we locked eyes in a stare off.

I'm not in the mood for shopping!
I'm getting the stuff I need!
I don’t need more stupid dresses and skirts!

Within the first twenty minutes of being in the store I’d gotten everything I needed.
The cart is half full with five pairs of jeans in my new size, a mix bag of T-shirts, two pairs of thick boots and a weeks worth of new undies.

Sarah was bad enough, she kept slipping extra stuff into the cart.
I already caught her putting some cami-tops, leggings, a pair of sandals and a box of starter makeup in there!
Who KNOWS what else she’s managed to put in while I've been distracted with mum?!

Mum seems obsessed with the idea that I need to be more feminine.

Maybe the newest lie I had to spin in the car went a bit too far?
I think some part of her resents the idea someone may have thought her daughter was a ‘son’ at some point in her new made up life-history.

I have no idea what her brain might have done to fill in the blanks, but she seems convinced that I'm the world’s biggest tomboy and in dire need of a complete wardrobe makeover suddenly.
She even tried to take my jeans away!

For a moment I broke eye-contact with mum.
She seemed to take that as a win because she added a few of the dresses in her arm to the cart.

My eyes caught on Sarah.
She looked suspiciously innocent.
There was something, several something’s actually, hidden behind her back.

My view of her became obstructed for a crucial moment.

Mum was holding a red, pleated tartan skirt up to my waist.
By the time I managed to look past her head, I just caught Sarah dropping several pairs of entirely too short-shorts into the cart.
They looked familiar, if I didn't know any better, I’d swear she’d managed to find a few different colored versions of the annoyingly tiny ‘adventurer shorts’ she uses while filming her show!

“Stop fidgeting”
I glanced back down at mum.
She seemed really focused on the tartan skirt.

My temper flared again.
Some part of my mind rebelled against the very idea of wearing that skirt!

It’s offensive!

Why would I, one of the elders of Monadh Rois, wear that filthy English Stewart pattern!
The Graham’s of Montrose have our OWN tartan!

It’s not even the right COLORS, let alone pattern!
I should know, I designed it!
I-

My head throbbed for a second.
It broke off my diatribe mid-thought.

.. what the hell was that?..

I glanced around quickly, mum had seemingly moved on to find more stuff to torture me into getting.
The skirt she’d been holding up to my waist was visible, peeking out of the top of the cart with a few more of its brethren.
Apparently she’d given up all pretence of letting me chose my clothes..

More importantly though.
WHAT the HELL was THAT?!

For a second there I wasn't ME.
I felt a flare of indignation and thoughts that weren't mine came shoving forward with force.

It felt kinda like how I used to feel before Inner-Hannah took over controlling my access to all the past-incarnations.. just a lot more focused, as if there were less interference trying to break the connection.

For a second there, I really WAS Lady Arista Montrose, or Graham or whatever name she was using!
I KNOW that name, I KNOW those memories.
That’s one of my more vocal past-incarnations!

What the hell is she doing showing up like that?!

I’d broken out in a cold sweat too..well.. maybe not a cold sweat after all.
From the feel of it, the more likely cause would be this stupid ‘Ice to water’ filter acting up again.
All of my skin feels clammy and a little wet now.. not a very comfortable feeling.

With a mental push I wordlessly cast the clothes drying spell again on my outfit.
If this keeps up I'm going to end up destroying more than one set of clothes today but I can’t just walk around like that, it would look weird if nothing else.

I've got major problems, I wasn't in the mood to shop beforehand but now..
I need to get out of here!

I need time to calm down and meditate, to find my focus again.

It’s been a rough couple of days.
That’s not even counting all this new weirdness with one of my past-incarnations slipping past Inner-Hannah’s, so far, near perfect control!

I need to meditate as soon as possible and find out just what the HELL is going on with my head!

======

My eyes scanned around me.
Mum seemed to be happily searching through a nearby aisle.
I think it’s the one with handbags, purses and hair accessories in it.

Sarah was further up my own aisle, looking at sleep-shirts and nighties apparently.

If I stop arguing with mum and tell Sarah to give it a rest, most likely with the promise of another shopping trip later on, I can probably cut this shopping trip down quite a bit.
If I feign body-image issues I can hopefully get out of trying it all on right now in-store too.
They have a good returns policy here..

With any luck I can be out of here within an hour.

Thirty minutes’ drive to mum’s place and maybe.. twenty minutes to unpack everything?
Then I can pretend to be tired and get a good hour of solitude in my new bedroom to do a quick dive into my mindscape!

It’s a solid plan.
It may not work, but when do my plans EVER work the way their supposed to?

Some nagging voice in the back of my head finally surfaced enough for me to realise what it wanted.

My eyes cut over to the cart.
It was stupid.
It was pointless.
It would probably start me off on another argument with mum and delay my much needed meditation even more.. but I need to do it, it feels really important for some reason..

My hand slipped carefully over to the cart.
With lose fingers I picked up the offending articles of clothing and slowly slipped them behind my back.

A few steps to my left and I reached their rack.
Slipping them back into place rewarded me with a small rush of happy endorphins.

I’d almost made it away scot-free when my hand twitched and my head pulsed a little.
My eyes trailed back to the racks.
I couldn't help but cringe.

..You've GOT to be kidding me..

My hand slowly came up and with a practised motion I must have picked up from somewhere, I flicked through the rack until I found a few of the new annoyances in my size.
Reluctantly I turned back to the cart and deposited them inside.

I just KNOW I'm going to regret this.

My eyes scanned around to see if anyone noticed what I was doing.
I caught mum’s judging stare.
After a moment her face slipped into a small smile of approval and she turned back to whatever was on the rack in front of her.

Looks like that’s it then..

I'm now the not so proud owner of five freshly replaced pleated tartan skirts.
Apparently the meaningless blue and green version of the skirts, unlike the ‘Royal Stewart’ red ones, were less offensive to the annoyingly vocal Scottish past-incarnation that has decided to stick her nose in to my business so rudely!

I don’t understand why.
They still look wrong to my eyes, the pattern is far more highlander then I should feel comfortable with, especially since the sacking of Mugdock castle..

..Why do I even know that?..

My head throbbed again.

Fine, fine.
Message received.
Don’t argue, just go with it.

I swear, when I can get into my mindscape, some uppity little Scottish bitch is getting her ass handed to her!

======

“Will there be anything else Ma’am?”
I squinted my eyes at the cashier angrily.
He seemed a bit put off by my look but mum didn't notice it.

“That’s all, thanks”
She packed away her card and grabbed a few bags, Sarah grabbed a few more which left me with the remaining ones to carry out.

It had taken a bit more effort than I’d hoped to convince mum to let me skip out of trying the clothes on in-store.
She wasn't happy to miss that part of the clothes shopping ritual apparently.

Sarah came to my rescue at last and between the two of us we convinced her that Sarah would bring me back tomorrow if there are any returns.

I may have had to concede a few things as well to keep the peace afterwards..
To go with the classic ‘catholic school uniform’ style tartan skirts that gave me such a headache until I could swap out their colors, mum added some white blouses, knee high socks and chunky heeled Mary Jane shoes.

.. yep.. she bought me a damn school uniform!..

I SWEAR, if I have to wear that outfit every time I go to ‘advanced tuition’ at the Hub..
I won’t be held responsible if I kill someone, most likely the first guy who makes a comment about it!

I huffed and sloped my shoulders a little to drag the shopping bags across the floor.
If I'm lucky I’ll tear a hole in one and the uniform will fall out before we get to the car.

I’d barely taken a few steps with the bag’s dragging around noisily before mum turned around to glare at me in admonishment.

“Ladies don’t slouch Hannah”

My jaw clenched down hard, biting back the string of profanity I wanted to throw back at her.
After a moment to gather my dwindling calm I pulled my shoulders back and lifted the bags up.
Mum seemed satisfied, she turned back to talking with Sarah at least.

I pouted and slouched down again, not enough to drag the bags but as a sign of defiance nonetheless.

“Ladies don’t slouch Hannah”
I repeated it in a quiet nasally grumble.

“Ladies don’t snort Hannah”
There was a little heat to my voice but I still kept it quite so mum couldn't hear me.
“Ladies don’t, Ladies don’t, Ladies don’t..”

My head throbbed.
I wanted to bring a hand up to stroke it better but my hands were full.
My hands are getting a bit damp too from my lack of control and I could feel my eyes watering a little.

..I'm not a damn Lady, I don’t CARE what they don’t do!..

“Come on Han”
I bit back the instinctive snarl that almost rolled out of my mouth.

Sarah was giving me a sympathetic look, out of mum’s line of sight.
My shoulders lost a little tension and I felt strangely better.

I may be having troubles and we’re not really ‘twins’ anymore but it’s nice to know Sarah’s still on my side.

“..Coming..”
I tightened my shoulders up and cleared my wet eyes with a swipe of my hand.
The shopping bags made it awkward but I needed to get the water away before someone thought I was crying or something stupid..

.. I hate this ice-water magic thing..

======

“How IS Bethany? I haven’t see her in years”
Sarah smiled and explained to mum how her friend Beth was doing in full detail.

I tuned out quickly when she opened with the fact that Beth had given birth to her third kid a few months ago.

Beth is a nice person, I barely know her though.
I definitely don’t want to know the gory details about how long she was in labour for or how much the kid weighed!

My head tilted to the side and I rested my forehead against the window to stare out at the wooded hills around us while they whizzed past.

..I can be a mum now..

My head jerked so hard I ended up bashing my head on the car door-frame.

In seconds I reached my hand up to cup my aching forehead but the damage was done.
A flood of other thoughts started coming in.
Thoughts I’d been keeping suppressed as best I could!

I can give birth..
I'm gonna have a period!..
Guy’s are gonna look at me in THAT way..
..If they wanted to they could..

“I felt sick..”
I virtually breathed the words out rather than saying them.

My shoulders slumped in defeat and I huddled up in my little corner of the car.
I focused on breathing to help the feeling go away and calm out the tide of facts that were assaulting my already fragile ego.

..Sarah’s still prettier than me..

THAT one made me silently growl at myself.
This isn't like me.. what the hell do I care if Sarah’s prettier than me!
Why should I care if she’s popular and famous and mum love her and I-

Water started forming in my eyes again.
My hands almost came up to slap myself for acting so stupid!

At the last second I stalled my arm before it could unwrap from around my knees and I settled for shoving my face hard into my arm to rub my eyes dry.
It would work better if I had longer sleeves but I’ll work with what I have!

======

On the drive home, sitting alone huddled up in the back seat, with the sound of mum and Sarah happily talking away.. I had a silent mini-breakdown.

My arms were shivering.
My eyes wouldn't stay dry and I couldn't stop the tremble of my lower lip.

I felt utterly pathetic.

I'm an ADULT!
I shouldn't be getting worked up like this over stupid jealousy at stupid Sarah when it doesn't even make SENSE!

What do I care if she’s popular and pretty!
What do I care if she’s famous and mum loves her so much!
What.. Why…

Why do I care..

WHY DO I CARE!

My fingers twitched a little and I ended up pinching my thigh hard through my leggings.
The pain gave me something to focus on.
It almost felt good to have something I KNOW I have control over.

It hurt, but I could stop this hurt!
Not like the rest of it..
My fingers let go and I moved my hand down a little to pinch myself again, harder.

It felt good.

The rest of the drive to mums place was a blur to me.
I was lost in my own little world of the sharp pain followed by a soothing release.

The jolt of mum’s car coming to a stop in the driveway woke me up slightly.

I sighed and went to follow them both out of the car.
They were still talking, not that I could focus enough to understand what they were going on about, but they were both smiling still..

My hand scrunched up a little and I forced my nails to dig into the palm of my hand.
It hurt, not in the same way as the pinching had, but the moment of relief and the knowledge that I was in full control of the pain felt good all the same.

When mum popped the trunk I grabbed a few bags with one hand and left the other one free to dig my nails in again.

It felt so good to be in control.
I shouldn't, but I couldn't stop it now!

..I think I have a problem..