I can't believe this is happening again."

It has been two weeks since Bethany's funeral. Halloween is coming up an the end of the week. Still not sure what I'm gonna go as though I have been leaning towards going as a gladiator like those guys from the movie Gladiator. I think it would be cool. Something manly that's for sure. I haven't worn a stich of women's clothing in two weeks aside from the rather annoying sport bra to help compress my stupid breasts.

Doc Brown finally got back to us on the problem. It seems his hunch on it being from soy products was correct. So now I'm supposed to take these low dosage estrogen pills every two days. Strangely enough the pharmacists was surprised and asked if the viagra was for my father. That was funny in a few ways. One I just about killed myself laughing and tripped over a chair. Second mom blushed so badly that her face was red for a good 10 minutes. The pharmacist was of course all apologetic about it.

So the low dosage estrogen stuff is suppose to help clear my system of the other estrogen which caused my chest to develop. The bad thing is that I still will have to eventually get surgery of some type to get the bit removed that had developed. I really do have breasts and was close to producing milk or something as they glands have already developed.

He explained that the solvent that I had applied a few weeks ago had temporarily made the tissue around my breasts immune to any testosterone. Hence the rather rapid development since there was enough estrogen that got absorbed to do a really good job. The small developments elsewhere could be a result of the higher than normal for boy estrogen levels. So my hips and butt are a little fatter while my waist is slimmer. The 4 days of wearing a corset didn't help either. My skin is a bit softer feeling but nothing like a girls. I hate it though since if I even look at a slightly sharp object I get a tiny cut or scrape.

My arms and legs are still hair free thanks in no small part to Emily. Barb loves that but really hates my face. I have let my beard grow for the last two weeks so that nobody can mistake me as a girl again. Belle is stuck in my closet for good and I want to keep it that way.

"Belle don't you think it's time to get rid of that ridiculous junk on your face. 2 weeks of mourning someone who isn't even a part of your family is a bit much don't you think?"

"Barb how many times do I have to say it to you my name is .." I started

"Don't you dare try to tell me that crap again!" okay she is pissed. Great just what I needed this morning! It has been this way every day for the last two weeks. I still have to use the unisex washrooms and nobody wants to call me Bill except Sammie and her friends. The teachers have reluctantly just referred to me as Thorne without any gender attachments. I can't blame them really. I know in the mirror I still look too much like a girl in boys clothes with blonde fuzz about 1/4 in long on my face.

Outside of school things are pretty much the same. Nathan is still away from the station and they are playing mostly reruns with basic news coverage from some unknown people. Mrs. Peters his wife has called once asking if Belle would like to visit. I turned it down as it brought up a bad memory and with the estrogen in my system I balled my eyes out.

Samantha has had her arm cast removed and is using a splint soft cast thing instead. Her leg cast was changed to one less uh. Okay lets try that again. Instead of covering her whole leg it just covers from the knee down. She has to wear some special girdle thingy to keep her hip in place but she can use crutches. I really like that as pushing around her wheelchair got old fast. Dad is treating me a bit differently than before. Not as he used to but more gently. Mom is going to the same therapist as I am.

Yeah that is so not fun. Spending hours telling someone why you are not a girl and would prefer to remain a guy. He then asks me what is wrong with being a girl. It goes round and round. It helps me get out my frustrations. He claims I'm in denial of my female side. I tell him to go to hell. We ...have communication issues. Mom isn't speaking to me that much. I seem to make her burst into tears every once and awhile. Dad says to give it time.

There is one rather annoying thing that has cropped up. My closet used to have only 1 dress and 1 skirt for girly clothes. Now.. well.. It started last week. A Ups Guy showed up at our doorstep with a package for Belle Throne. I had to sign it as he had a picture of me as Belle so not much choice there. The package was a large box about 3 feet by 3 feet square. Inside was a crap load of girls clothing. Skirts, dress, tops, jeans, pants, and shoes by the ying yang. There was a package the next day with makeup, perfume, a full jewerly box with earings, necklaces, and various other things I can't identify. The dresses all came with matching purses. There is also some 4 coats one being fur all long except the fur its only goes to my waist.

Pretty much anything a girl needs. That wasn't all though. On thursday a interior decorator came by with a truck and redid my room. How they got a housekey is beyond me but when I came home my bedroom was totally redone as a girls from top to bottom. All the clothes that I had packaged back up in their boxes were now spread around my room. My boys clothing was shoved off to one side in the closet. Most of my new white dresser is packed with girls clothing with my few boys underwear and stuff in the bottom most drawer.

Dad came home early and found them. They showed him a piece of paper with authorization to do exactly what they did all signed, and after a fax and phone call, apparently legal. We do not know who has done this but I strongly suspect that its that Mrs. Stinker bitch. At the moment I'm trying to ignore it as best I can and I know we cant afford to fix my room at the moment either. I have packaged up the worst of the junk and shoved it in the basement. The barbie dolls and playhouse along with all the stuffed animals were just too much. Samantha is drooling over my new wardrobe and can't wait to be rid of her casts so she can try some of it on.

In there there is also now three uniforms for St. Marys though I have no idea why since I stopped going to that darn class. There is also 3 of the St. Marys gym uniforms which consist of a white tennis style shirt with slightly puffed sleeves and a short white skirt that actually is a short. Something called a skort apparently. It looks like one of those tennis skirts you see on television. Not not the white plain things that even golfers wear, though I do find that very nice to look at. These are more like a soft pleat thing. There is also unfortunately some unitard things. Pink Unitards with black leggings or black unitard with pink leggings. The least girly one is yellow with white leggings.

Its the yellow one I have in my gym bag for gym. I still have to take gym class with the girls and today we are to start gymnastics hence the unitard. We can't afford to get a more boyish one for me. The ah dresses apparently cleaned us out for a few months of ready spending money. I have been thinking about trying for a part time job somewhere but haven't decided yet.

Barb is following me to the morning gym class as we actually share this one. Hence the uncomfortable conversation.

"Belle at least let me take care of it you look awful with that fuzz on your face. The other girls are starting to talk about it." Fine let them I don't care a wink.

"Whatever." I replied. I tried being sweet, angry, guilt trips (though I'm not really good at those)nothing has worked yet. Barb is firmly convinced I'm meant to be a girl and that's it. I dread ever inviting her over to my house. Still she is trying to be a friend. I want more though she has grown on me. It's hard though she doesn't see me as the guy I am. She sees me as Belle. I hope I can get her to change that by being strong and determined to NOT be Belle.

Thankfully the walk to the gym interrupts her. I try to not think about how I look. I find myself doing that 20 times a day for some reason. Usually I catch myself doing something feminine like walking with my hips. I can't seem to walk any other way right now even though I try to not sway as much as possible. I know I used to walk with my shoulders but I can't seem to do that without tripping. Upon entering the gym Belle splits off to the girls changeroom while I head to the office to change there. Ms. Brandy is waiting for me. She looks at my face as I approach and shakes her head but she lets me pass to get changed. The unitard is similar to a leotard I supposed but the legs are part of it instead of separate they go down to the ankles. Its snug to say the least and after fighting with it I remove the sport bra only to have my breasts bounce around like they are happy to be free of confinement.

The unitard is kinda painful to drag over my breasts as they have gotten sensitive lately. It's annoying to say the least. After a few held back cusswords I get the thing over my shoulders. I can feel that my back is open to below where a bra would sit in the back but otherwise it seems to fit. I don't really care for the color at all and wonder if I can get Mrs. Anne in home ec to teach me how to dye it something manly like blue. I did not realize it but the stupid thing had small built in padding to prevent erm nipples from showing through as it was really tight. This did make them look round instead of pointy but it also meant, combined with my smaller waist and slightly wider hips that from the neck down I looked like a girl. The smooth crotch line didn't help. I don't know why but junior and his two cousins were squished up into me.

When I walked out Ms. Brandy put her hand to her face while a few of the girls giggled at me. It's not my fault I look like this.

"That is so not right." some girl exclaimed. I couldn't see who as they all started to close on me. Before I knew what was going on someone had started to brush my hair back and put it into a high pony tail. That didn't bother me. It was when I felt something being put on either side of my face, my beard had not quite grown back and was mostly on either side of my face, when I felt the ripping sensation.

I put my arms and hands up and felt my now smooth face. Yep I got waxed again. I just gave up and let them finish which didn't take long as two more were applied to my spotted mustache area and one under the chin. A rip later and they were done. I shied away from the mascara and lipstick though as I managed to break free. I should have been upset but a part of me wasn't. I was never all that fond of shaving anyways to tell the truth.

"Yes! Belle is back girls!" I just know that was Barb. She and I are going to so have words later.