The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2953 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I was up to my armpits in paperwork when Andy Bond arrived in a jacket with open necked shirt. In comparison I was wearing a DK skirt suit in maroon with a three quarter sleeved, grey silk cowl neck blouse. I wore some two inch heeled, black Mary Jane shoes. I opted for comfort in the foot department as I wasn’t really dressing to impress, but as a man he was unlikely to recognise designer clothing when he saw it anyway. I however, felt up to dealing with anything from Royalty to runaway trains. My makeup and hair were done to a minimalist perfection, hopefully enhancing my appearance rather than making me look overdressed. Finally, I opted for Coco perfume, which is lighter than my favourite No 5. I hasten to add it’s named after Coco Chanel not Coco the clown.

Andy waited patiently while I gave instructions to Diane and told her we’d be an hour or so, then decided it would be two hours. Andy gave me a funny look and once out of Diane’s hearing told him I’d treat him to lunch. “I’ll have to refuse, Cathy, it could be seen as bribery.”

“I’m not entirely sure about all this, you know. They did check with the Department that he was one of their inspectors and due to be at the school that day?”

“I think so.”

“Please stop the car and check that they did so.” As we hadn’t left the car park he didn’t have too much trouble to stop.

He called on his mobile after switching off the engine. “Hi it’s Andy, I’m taking lady Cameron to meet that guy she detained yesterday at the school—St Claire’s. Could I speak to the officer in charge? Okay I’ll hold.” He held his mobile to his chest and looked at me, “They’re just finding her.” A voice sounded over his phone so he put it back to his ear. “Lady Cameron has asked that we did ascertain that the inspector chap was just that and registered with the Department, she also wanted to know if he should have been at the school that day.” He put the phone on loud speaker and the woman’s voice said, “He’s a registered schools inspector, apparently no one asked if he should have been at St Claire’s. I’ll try and get hold of them again and see where he should have been, I’ll ring you back as soon as.”

“Okay.” He looked at me and shrugged.

“If it was anywhere else but St Claire’s I’m going to ask that you arrest him.”

“You won’t have to ask,” he said tersely but I was smirking. He started up the car and put his phone in a holder on his dashboard. If he put it on loudspeaker he could use it while driving and I could operate it for him anyway.

It was at least ten minutes before the inspector got back to him. “He’s definitely registered but he should have been in Havant yesterday, they don’t know what he was doing at St Claire’s and it has happened before on three occasions he went to the wrong school.”

“I feel I ought to caution him, ma’am and ask him to attend for interview again.”

“Drop the nutty professor off and go and bring him in, I’d like another talk with him.”

“The nutty professor could hear all that, Inspector.” I said into the phone.

“Sorry, no offense meant, it just slipped out.”

“None taken, thank you for being so thorough.”

“Yeah, at your suggestion.”

“That doesn’t worry me if you do it properly the second time and if he is the St Claire’s stalker, gets charged with it.”

“Don’t worry, if he is, we’ll have him.”

“I sincerely hope so, but I might take a few precautions myself.”

“I hope that won’t involve violence.”

“So do I, I grazed my knees yesterday and they still hurt.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine in a day or so.”

Andy turned the car round and dropped me off back at the university. Diane of course looked at her watch and I just said, “Running slow again is it?” She glared at me then smiled. Well, you can’t let them take the initiative.

I did let her make me a fresh cuppa and dived back into my paperwork.

“So what happened to the two hours?”

“I thought of something the police hadn’t and so they were taking him back in for questioning.”

“I thought the police were professionals?”

“They are, but I’m a professor of science, so they let me ask silly questions because they hadn’t apparently.”

“Like what?”

“Should he have been at my daughter’s school?”

“I take it he shouldn’t?”

“Apparently not, no.”

“Is he very old?”

“About mid-forties.”

“Oh, so it isn’t dementia.”

“I can’t rule that out but I have some doubts.”

“So he’s a pervert then, is he?”

I shrugged, “Possibly. Unfortunately, I don’t have his name or I’d ask James to do some poking around.”

“I thought he had friends in the police?”

“Okay, I’ll call him.” I waited and she showed no intention to move so I prodded her and asked, “Haven’t you got a cauldron to stir or other work to do?” She stood up, saluted—like a Nazi—and flounced out. I couldn’t call James for a few minutes I was laughing too much.

“Who is he?” asked my regular accomplice in dubious activities.

“I wasn’t given his name but I’m sure you’ll be able to find out as I forcibly detained him.”

“Cathy, you promised me you’d renounce violence—except to rescue private investigators.”

“Oh, I misunderstood that agreement, James; I thought I renounced it only when considering rescuing private investigators.”

“I thought that was only lawyers and estate agents.”

“Mighta been. So go and investigate, I’m not paying you for passing the time of day with me.”

“Very good, your ladyship, I’ll drag my knuckles to the bone pursuing every enquiry that is open to us and some that aren’t.”

“I hate to think what they must be thinking at Cheltenham, listening into this.”

“They’ll have to get a bit cleverer to listen to my calls, they’re triple encrypted.”

“Gosh, just like your grammar.”

“My grandma died years ago so leave her out of it unless you offer to pay her while the investigation is going on.”

“If she’s dead, I’m not paying her.”

“Well it was worth a try, it would work in Greece.”

“Which is why they’re borrowing from the EU—to pay for all those payroll corpses.”

“So should we leave then? Sounds like you think so.”

“No I’m not, I’m a remainer—there may be loads of Spanish practises that need sorting, but that will be easier from inside than out in the wilderness.”

“Ah, your man is one Joshua Dell.”

“I thought he was American and played the violin.”

“Cathy, get a hearing check I said Dell as in delta echo lima lima.”

“What?” I said hearing him perfectly.

“Go and ask Si to do a credit check and repossess his house or something.”

“I don’t know his address.”

“Waverley Grove, Southsea—now go and play and leave us professionals alone.” I was tempted to say something frightfully rude but decided against it because knowing him he’d turn it against me. Instead, I sent a text to Simon saying I wanted to check out the man from yesterday and he told me to use James for quickness. That’s good, it means he’ll pay the bill. Now can you see why I’m a professor?