The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2949 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I opted for casual to work, some black slacks with a TdF in Yorkshire tee shirt and a black jacket. It was supposed to be a nice day so I wore some flat shoes with the intention of going for a walk at lunch. I even made myself a tuna and salad roll to take with me. I took the girls to school in the minibus thing promising to remember to collect them at half past three. Trish had the cheek to say she’d send me a reminder at three o’clock to make sure I did remember.

After dropping them off, I parked at the university remembering my parking pass and went to my office. Diane was already there and asked if I’d had a good weekend. I considered that apart from tiredness I had. As I entered my office she went off to make the tea.

She told me briefly what she’d done and I told her that Trish had won the school’s cup and Danni had been selected for the squad to play Germany. “Oh wow, talk about trumping me and that’s the Brain who played for the school?”

“Yes, Danni had originally planned the strategy but was then called to a training session at Reading with the England squad so she taught Trish a few tricks who put them to good use in implementing the plan her sister had formed. The Parker’s were a bit rough and one of their team looked decidedly boyish, especially when she and I use the term advisedly took Trish out, Trish grabbed at her jersey and pulled her boobs off.”

“Pulled her what?”

“Trish was effectively knocked off the ball and as she fell she grabbed out, caught the front of the defender’s shirt and her breast padding fell out.”

Diane’s jaw fell open and then she roared with laughter. “So she wasn’t a girl?”

“The referee wasn’t impressed but we let it pass when she was substituted by a more obvious female. We scored from the free kick so it backfired on them anyway.”

“I can’t believe they’d try playing a boy as a girl.”

“Cheating is so rampant these days from cycling to athletics and even in examinations. We had one a few years ago while I was invigilating.”

“What happened?”

“They’d substituted a calculator with a smart phone but they were caught and disqualified. They were dismissed from their course—the university has a zero tolerance of cheating.”

She nodded, “You remembered you’re invigilating this morning?”

“Yes at ten. I’ve brought my laptop so I can deal with some emails. I’ve also got a scanner thing which tells me if anyone is using a mobile or similar device.”

“Are you expecting to catch some more then?”

“No because I shall tell them I’m using it. I shall also ask them to switch off their phones and leave them in pockets or bags.”

“It’s first years, isn’t it?”

“Yes, the final years’ papers are being marked, the second years were the other week, so it’s the babies turn this week.”

She squinted at my tee shirt, “Le Tour?”

“Yes, the Tour de France was in Yorkshire a couple of years ago, bought myself this shirt as a reminder.”

“What you rode in it?”

“No, it’s a men’s race and I’ll never be good enough for the women’s standard let alone the men. I just went to watch and bloody Cavendish fell off and broke his shoulder on the first stage.”

“Oh, who’s he?”

“Mark Cavendish, the most successful men’s rider this country has ever produced.”

“Oh, that Mark Cavendish,” she said quickly dodging out of the door before I could throw something at her. I’m going to have to get a soft foam ball just for that purpose.

At ten I was addressing the assembled throng to switch off their mobile phones and any other devices, except pacemakers and hearing aids. “What?” shouted some wag—there’s always one. I also showed them my tracking device which would discover any illegal use of electronic aids. Then it was three hours of misery—for me—those seats are so bloody hard, I had to get up and walk around every so often as my bum was hurting. Quite how the students manage, I’m not sure though I spotted two of the girls had brought cushions to sit on—they deserve distinctions for that alone. Wish I’d thought of it.

Debbie relieved my other invigilator and she nodded as she took their place, then she sat and sewed while I dealt with some emails. Afterwards, I discovered she was hemming a skirt using the method I’d shown her. I felt quite pleased with that and told her that I’d see her on Friday if she wished—she did.

I’d hardly seen her for a few days and she told me she’d been busy and had a new boyfriend who knew about her history and wasn’t bothered by it, so she had hopes they’d stay together. I wished them well and left to go for my lunch time walk.

Grabbing my lunch, the roll and bottle of water, plus my sunglasses and binoculars and set off towards the local park, if nothing else I’d get some fresh air and boost my vitamin D levels in the sunshine. It was quite warm in the sunshine and I sat in the park listening to chiffchaffs competing with herring gulls for their audience. Of course being black, the tee shirt soaked up the heat and by the time I walked back to the office I was feeling three parts roasted.

“Debbie’s got herself a boyfriend,” I said to the bum that was sticking up at the back of the desk.

“What?” said Diane standing up then sitting down with the papers she’d picked up from the floor.

“I said, Debbie has got herself a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh,” I said feeling taken aback, “why didn’t you say?”

“You told me you didn’t do gossip.”

“That isn’t gossip, she told me herself, if you’d told me—that would have been gossip.”

“Doesn’t that mean your telling me is also gossip?”

“No, I’m a professor, so I’m educating you.”

“Ha—one law for the rich and another for the poor.”

“Exactly, it’s worked for two thousand years or more, so why change it?”

“That’s okay if you’re mega rich like Donald Trump...”

“But that’s only in money, you have more functioning brain cells, I’m sure.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“Look at it this way: if he makes a million dollars he’d hardly notice it but you would. He’s got so much he could buy nearly anything he wants...”

“Except the presidency.”

“That’s to be seen, if he subsequently wins it, he will have bought it by funding his own campaign.”

“He won’t win it will he?”

“How do I know? The way it’s going anything could happen, a bit like Brexit winning the referendum.”

“He’s backing that,” said Diane.

“Who is?”

“Trump, or whatever his name is.”

“What’s t got to do with him?”

“I suspect someone asked him.”

“Yeah well, loads of opinions and very little knowledge—sounds like Trump or me on a bad day...”

She sat there and laughed—she’ll have to go.