The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2941 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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“How can you not be a role model? Not just to new women but to those young women who want to be scientists or film makers—you’re a huge success in every sense, attractive, clever, teacher extraordinaire, outstanding film maker and presenter, mother to millions and my boss—probably the best one I’ve ever had.”

I don’t know about the rest, but blushing is something I really am good at and was colouring up like a giant tomato.

“So do I tell her or not?”

“Are you ashamed of your past?”

“No, nor especially proud of it either. It happened, good and bad and I feel it no longer has much relevance to who I am now.”

“From the bits you’ve told me which I won’t share with anyone, I think you should be proud—you survived abuse at home and school. Your passive resistance, growing your hair long, being successful as an actress who was convincing enough to make the critic in the local paper think you were a girl acting with boys. I saw your Lady Macbeth and it was good, better than I could have done and I was older and theoretically more experienced than you. No one who saw that play could see anyone but a quite pretty young woman acting most of the others off the stage.”

“You saw me?”

“I’ve told you, we used to watch you walking about with your lezzy girlfriend and at one time we began to wonder if you were actually her butch girlfriend who was pretending somewhat unsuccessfully to be a boy. We saw you wearing the girls’ uniform but going into the boys’ school which none of us could understand. You confused a whole school, did you know that?”

“I think my own confusion was probably greater than all of yours put together. No, I wasn’t confused, I knew I was female, it was proving it and getting something done about it that confused me. I didn’t know where to start.”

“Being a woman is tough enough, being a transgender woman is ten times harder, yet you have made it very successfully and I hope Debbie will too.”

“So should I tell her?”

“I think as you’re the one to cope with the consequences, you have to be the one to make the decision. I’m not copping out, I’m trying to be completely honest about it. If you think she needs to know, I’ll tell her if you want or point her in the direction of the bits on the internet when it was newsworthy. Personally, I don’t think it ever should have been considered as such unless the individual wanted publicity, which I presume most don’t.”

“No, we just want to fade into the background and be left in peace.”

“So to do that meant saving children, fighting crime, raising the dead, becoming a professor and making nature documentaries all while adopting a zillion kids and marrying a banking heir?”

“Yeah—duh.” We’re all our own worst enemy because we know our weaknesses and go for them like a terrier with a rat.

“I’m astonished you have time to come to work, with all those children and being a bank director but you do and you cover other people’s workload while continuing to do your own with rarely a complaint. You really are a bloody angel, aren’t you?”

I was back to my speciality—blushing.

“What about Debbie? Do I tell her?”

“If you want, assuming she doesn’t already know?”

“What d’you mean? You told her?”

“Certainly not—why d’you think she got sent here?”

“Because things were getting hot at Sussex and we were short staffed.”

“But why here?”

“Because of me,” my eyes began to fill with tears and I felt incredibly stupid.

“Because one of the most renowned ecologists in the country had survived the same problems, if anyone could help her, it was going to be you and her old professor knew that.”

“So why did she act as if she didn’t know?”

“Because she didn’t want to intrude. If you were a married woman with loads of kids, why should she disturb your relative peace and quiet, she could learn from you as both a great teacher and a woman. When you start to teach her about homemaking skills, she knows you’re a woman because men rarely do it and if they do, they make their nests more utilitarian as a rule. You see the odd one where a man has decorated and done the soft furnishings like a woman would, but mostly they don’t bother.”

“Where is she?”

Looking at the clock, Diane, said, “Just finishing her tutorials.”

“Better call her in.”

“Okay, want me to stick around?”

“If you could, I’d appreciate it.”

“Tuna baguettes all round then?”

“Here, let me pay, “ I handed her a ten pound note.

She smiled and left to call Debbie in and go and get the lunches. I ran into the toilet and had the squits. Why was I so nervous?

Debbie arrived with Diane. “We eat first and then you can have your confab?” So saying, Diane went off to make some teas and I went to the loo again. We ate and while the conversation was light, the atmosphere was tense. It got worse as we finished eating and I had to run to the loo and be sick—waste of a good tuna roll.

I withdrew to my office and then asked Debbie to enter. She sat down and I noticed tears forming. “You’re going to sack me, aren’t you?”

“Is that what you think?”

She nodded tears running down her face.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because of what I am.”

“Debbie, I’ve already told you, you can’t be sacked for being transsexual—that would be discrimination and it’s illegal.”

“But you’re going to, aren’t you...?”

“If that were the case I’d have to sack myself.”

“What?”

“For once being transsexual.” I’ve said it and I’ve got pretty warm but not caught fire—yet at least.

“You’re female.”

“I am now, but not always so. I came here as a rather mixed up person who was working up to transitioning and was on hormones but it took my sister in law to propel me into womanhood—for which I’ll always be grateful.”

“I know about your transition—I saw it on telly, with your boyfriend. You were so beautiful and I was doing biology A-level and it said you were a biologist and I thought if you could do it, then so could I. I’ll never be as beautiful as you or as clever, nor have my own children, but I try my hardest.”

“I know, girl, you’ll make it all right and I can’t believe you won’t attract some fellah who will want to spend the rest of his life with you and perhaps you could adopt children after that.” I paused adding, “I can’t believe you knew all along yet treated me like a natural woman.”

“I see you as one, and Julie told me you breastfed two of your children as babies plus helped with one of your nieces; that just confirmed it.”

“I’m AIS.”

“Hence the very female shape—that explains it. See you are as close to being a cis-gendered female as is possible. I knew you were something special when I saw you on telly that day—I walked about in a trance for days afterwards, but I knew what to do after that. You also own my house, don’t you?”

I looked at the floor and nodded.

“That’s why the rent is so reasonable, isn’t it?”

“That’s what I charge for that house, Maureen does the letting for me. The house actually belongs to Cate, or will do one day, it was her parent’s house.”

“I promise to look after it.”

“Thank you.”

We chatted for a while longer and Diane interrupted with fresh teas, then it was time to go home—I felt shattered, so how she felt I hate to think.