The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2877 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I emerged from the lecture theatre completely drained. My teaching as performance art tends to draw a larger crowd once they know I’m doing it, so instead of three hundred there were probably closer to four hundred with people sat on the steps and standing at the back. It astonishes me that someone who has no interest in studying biology or ecology should want to come and watch me teach in case I do something off the wall—okay, so I showed clips of Dracula films and then went on to discuss vampirism as a form of parasitism. People think mainly in terms of the Central or South American vampire bats when vampirism is mentioned but if we include all forms of blood suckers, there are a whole pile of insects such as mosquitoes and fleas, plus ticks and flukes and leeches. Many of them carry endoparasites which can cause systemic diseases ranging from rabies to sleeping sickness and malaria and of course the Zika virus.

It was quite a noisy event but I think they enjoyed themselves, especially when I told them that it has been suggested that vampire bats indulge in reciprocal altruism by disgorging blood to other individuals in a colony. Because they’re obviously difficult to mark and observe, it isn’t known if these are family members or just known individuals and if there is any actual reciprocity. Can’t see it catching on with mossies.

Back in my office I was recovering with a cuppa to deal with the trauma of multiple student contact when my phone peeped. A simple text appeared, ‘Found him.’ I sincerely hoped he meant Tom rather than O’Connor, replying, ‘Please ask him to phone me.’

A little later my mobile rang. “I’m sorry I caused ye any anxiety but I jest haed tae get awa’.”

“As long as you're safe now, it’s okay. When are you coming home?”

“Whit’s happening wi’ O’Connor?”

“He’s disappeared with the police and MI5 wanting to ask him some questions, not to mention HMRC about undeclared income.”

“James mentioned that he’d been captured by him and that ye’d rescued him. Is it no meant tae be thae ither way roond?”

“You know me, Daddy, fully emancipated.”

“Aye, I dae ken ye very weel.”

Why was I blushing? “And just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Eactly whit I said, I ken ye very weel an’ love every inch o’ ye. It’s been sae hard bein’ awa’ frae everyone, but I didnae want him coming tae thae hoose looking f’ me and frichtening thae rest o’ ye.”

“Don’t worry, the children would have protected you.”

“Och ye scunner.”

“We miss you, Daddy, so let me know when you’re coming home.”

“Aye, I wull.”

He rang off and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. However my life saving cuppa had gone cold and I felt in need of some resuscitation so collected the still full mug and went out into reception and Diane’s office. Some large man was standing talking to her and gesticulating violently. This is a university not the social security office. I took the cup back to my office and went out empty handed to see what was going on.

“I’m sorry but Professor Watts is a very busy person and is committed the rest of the day.”

“But I need to speak to her.”

“Is there a problem, Diane?”

“This gentleman has been referred here by the Vice Chancellor’s secretary.”

“Oh okay, how can we help?”

“This man O’Connor he bring my boy into this country to study. I get call to send money to O’Connor, my boy due to arrive three days later, he never show.”

“Let me get this straight, you paid Mr O’Connor money to get your son a place at the university.”

“Yes, I just said that.”

“I’m just making sure I understand all the facts. Where was he coming from?” The man looked Middle Eastern.

“Kabul.”

“Kabul, Afghanistan?”

“Yes, is there another?”

“I don’t know, I teach biology not geography.”

“So where is my son?”

“I’m sorry I don’t know, nor do I know where Mr O’Connor is. Could you leave your details with Diane and I’ll make some enquiries for you.”

“How long will that take?”

“I don’t know, but please leave details of where you were expecting to meet him and when and how much you paid O’Connor.”

“Why d’you need how much I paid?”

“Please just indulge me.”

“You have ideas of where he might be?”

“Not off hand, but I have friends who may be able to find him.”

“No police.”

Mr um...”

“Nah, I’m going, you’re all the same, get our money and abandon us.”

“I can assure you I am nothing like Mr O’Connor, in fact I’m looking for him myself as he owes me a few things.”

Despite my assurances the man left very quickly. “What were you planning on doing apart from collecting evidence?”

“It would have given the plod something concrete to go on and a potential witness in a prosecution.”

“These people never agree to that.”

“They won’t if you don’t ask them. Ask wossername, O’Connor’s secretary why she sent him to us.”

“Already done that. boss lady, he apparently told her to, claimed you were an associate in the business.” She watched my expression turn from helpful to homicidal. “Calm down, boss, I’ve put her right.”

“So is that why Big Ears and Noddy were here earlier, I wonder?”

“I should think so—nasty piece of work, isn’t he?”

“Two can play at that, I think we put out the word that he be dealt with, with extreme prejudice.”

“What’s that when it’s at home?”

“How do I know, but it’s what they say in all these thrillers, especially American ones.”

“Doesn’t it mean shoot on sight?”

“Does it? Well I never...” I went back to my office and got my cup and made my own cup of tea. Nobody makes it like we do ourselves—it was nectar—no it wasn’t nectar is sugar solution with a few proteins, my tea is sugar free.

It was now after two and I was feeling peckish, but it was only when I thought about it, that I realised I’d not had any lunch. I had a Braeburn apple in my bag and a couple of my Lotus biscuits and I managed an hour of paperwork before dashing off to collect a car load of disgruntled schoolgirls.

“Okay, what’s the problem?” I enquired once they were all seated in the Jag.

“Sister Vagina was on the warpath again,” said Livvie.

“Trish, I hope you weren’t responsible for this...”

“That’s so unfair, Mummy, just because the old bat knows nothing about evolution or the Bible for that matter...”

“What happened?”

“I just told her in biology that I’d complained to professor Dawkins about her attitude to natural selection based upon genetic mutation and environmental forces...”

Some days I honestly wonder if it’s worth getting out of bed.