I’d been seeing this girl for a few months now, and everything was going well. We had fun; it was too early to be serious. She had come to pick a friend up at work one day and while waiting I’d shown her round the office and introduced her to my work mates. Things developed from there. She worked in IT and was a little nerdy, with a librarian kind of frumpy look mixed with a penchant for pastel colours. Lots of cardies, glasses on a chain, etc. Her looks would never have led you to believe that she was really mischievous, but mischief appears to have been her raison d’etre. I didn’t know it at the time, but Claire was more than a match for me!
I really liked her look, and I’d try and keep her kissing and cuddling on the sofa for as long as possible before going to bed, I didn’t want her to take off her soft cardigans. She seemed to like my protracted ‘foreplay’ as well.

Anyway, today was my birthday, and boy had this girl mischief in her eyes. I’m going to make sure you remember this birthday for a long time. I smiled, that was nice of her. She laughed.
We were having the party in my house, and people started to show up. I’m good at parties, so I’d organized a lot of people. There were friends, work mates, etc. A lot of red wine was being drunk and we were all having fun. They were going to have me blow out the candles, wish me Happy Birthday, etc. And just before that the idea was that I should open my presents.
5 minutes and then Nigel opens his pressies announced Claire. She’d turned the music down so as everybody could hear her. And with that she gave me a wicked smile and passed me a piece of paper. Still enjoying myself I looked at it and started to read, she had disappeared off to the kitchen. It read:
My dearest cardigansissy, boy are you in a bit of a predicament! I’m an IT girl, remember? And a curious one at that. I always check my men out; I don’t want to end up with a weirdo. Relax; your kind of weird suits me just fine, but I really think you’d be better being a bit less secretive about it. So, mischievous as I am, I’m going to play with you a little tonight. As you can tell I’ve hacked your flickr account, what you don’t know is that I’ve done the same for your gmail, facebook and twitter accounts. And I found all those compromising photos of you. I can let the world know who you really are in a few clicks. Tempting as that is I think you’ll manage your coming out a little better if we do this gradually. So as I think so much of you, I’m giving you two presents in the next few minutes. Neither are presents normally given to men. When I give you the first one I will announce that you’ve being going on about it forever. When you receive it you will enthusiastically confirm this, or I will lead your guests to your cardie wardrobe (yes, I found that too!). You will agree to every suggestion I make, or I will not hesitate to blow your cover. When I give you the second pressie you will skip with joy and question "but I thought there were no places left?" Happy Birthday Sissy. Love Claire.

How could it be, I’d been careful. Obviously not enough for someone who knows what they’re doing. I headed to find her, to try and persuade her not to do this. She met me and before I opened my mouth she said, not negotiable, then announced, "OK everybody, Nigel’s pressies". She beamed. She loved this. People started giving me presents, mostly booze and small stuff.
And then she did it, she handed me the present. I knew it would be a cardigan. I knew it would be a woman’s cardigan. I didn’t know how extreme she’d go. With butterflies in my stomach I started to open it, as slowly as possible. A bit of green, a green cardigan, with cables. Survivable I thought, checking out the neckline, damn, crew-neck, not so good. I said thank you and tried to leave it to one side, but Claire was fired up, “take it out of the bag, hold it up”. I did so. ‘God this guy she said, he’s been at me for ages to get him this cardie’, and she looked me straight in the eyes, ‘Nigel, where did the enthusiasm go?’ So I said “yes, I have been debating buying it for myself for quite a while”. “That’s more like it sweetie, but put it on and give us a twirl”. And I knew there was no negotiating. I went to pull it on over my head, but she told me not to be so lazy, and to unbutton it properly. I tried to do this quickly, but it took time, new cardies are like that until they’ve been buttoned and unbuttoned a few times. All this time, everybody looking at me, me feeling embarrassed. ‘Here’, and Claire came over and did the top button and said nice and loudly “don’t worry about the other buttons tonight. OK, now everybody, cameras ready, Nigel, let’s see that twirl” Too many cameras and smartphones appeared. Half of the people seemed to feel uncomfortable with the situation, with the other half enjoying it immensely. And I was obliged to do more than the one twirl. “Now sweetie, that first dance, with that song you chose, and then I’ll give you your second pressie”. And to my horror I heard ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA and was dragged onto the floor. More smartphones, now also in video mode. As we were dancing she looked at me, and not in a loud voice, but neither in a quiet one, she said, “Oh Sissy, you look so pretty.” The dance ended after what seemed like an eternity. “Encore, Encore” I heard. No. But yes, Claire had really set me up, so we danced it again. And again she said “Encore, Encore”. This time she just teased me with the idea.

Everybody quieted down and she said OK, here’s your second present, and she passed me an envelope. I opened it. “Read it out loud sweetie”. “Dear Claire, We hereby confirm that we have a reserved Nigel a place on Yarn Girls It’s Nice to Knit course.” I stopped. “Go on sweetie, read all of it, and louder so that we can all hear”. “We remind you that the course is primarily intended for women, and that the yarns and garments are chosen with this in mind.” Much giggling. “We have not forgotten that Nigel indicated his interest in our other needlework courses and we should soon have openings in our Yarn Girls Easy Embroidery and Cosy Crochet courses. As we have kept Nigel waiting so long we would like to recompense him so we are giving him, at no charge, a space on our new course Yarn Girls Cute Cross Stitch. We hope his sewing activities are still going as well as ever and that he could finish that difficult skirt that he was hemming up the last time we talked. Yours, Pearl Pearson.
Claire came over and gave me a big kiss. “Aren’t you glad that that space finally opened up sweetie?” “Yes, I confirmed” surprising myself with how loud I said it. And then Claire loudly “and for all of you wondering he did finish that skirt. My sweetie is too humble to say so, but he’s pretty talented, so the next time you need something hemmed, or anything else that needs a needle and thread, just call us. Seamstresses charge a lot these days, Nigel does it for fun”. Everybody looked, kind of doubtful. She looked at me and said, “they don’t believe me honey, tell them!” I don’t know if I gave up or if it just started to become a reality. Maybe I just wanted her to have her way. “Yes, I said” fiddling with a button on my new cardie. “I find sewing calms me, so if you need hems, or buttons or something that needs taking in, please don’t even think about going to another seamstress, you’d be doing me a favour. Claire smiled, but a sweeter not so mischievous one. “Thankyou sissy. Really sissy, thankyou for accepting it. That was more than I hoped for sissy. I’m going to have fun with you sissy. I really like that you’re a sissy. My sissy seamstress. Sissy’s going to get some business cards, I promise.” And she kissed me again.

The night went on, some people ignored my embarrassment, some people wanted to know more about my sewing, or how long I'd wanted to knit. I had to imagine how it would be, not having the experience, but maintained that I had always been curious about needlework. Michelle said she’d bring a couple of skirts over on Monday and wondered if I could have them ready for Wednesday. Claire replied yes for me! She made me dance every time an embarrassing song came on. She encouraged everybody to comment on my new cardie. She did let me unbutton it for periods, and then would tell me, always in front of someone, to do the top button up.

Finally, everyone went home. Claire pulled me to the sofa, kissed me, and asked me how my night had been, I replied that obviously it had been very embarrassing. She asked if I’d liked my pressies, and I admitted I loved the cardigan, but that that invented letter was something else. “Well yes”, she said, “I had Pearl invent your interest in the courses, but the courses themselves are very real and you are going to a knitting class twice a week and also a cross-stitch class twice a week.” “No way”. I said. “Yes way sissy. You’ve no way out or I blow your cover completely. And guess what, your work wardrobe is going to get a lot more girlie, as of Monday. And there’s nothing you can do sissy, so just enjoy it” And she laughed, and she kissed me again, and started repeating sissy, sissy, sissy, sissy. “You do know you’re a sissy, don’t you Nigel? Nigel?”. “Yes, I know”. “What do you know Nigel?” “I know that I’m a sissy”. “Are you sure Nigel?”. “Yes, I’m sure”. “What are you sure of Nigel? “I’m sure I’m a sissy” “OK, Nigel, but no fighting it when Monday morning comes around, you will have to remember you’re a sissy, you’ll have to get rid of your men’s clothes. I’m not going to put you in a dress, not yet, but I will want you to wear only ladieswear. We went to bed. “Goodnight my pretty sissy”. "Goodnight Claire".